GOD ATTACHMENT

Dr. Tim Clinton & Dr. Joshua Straub

MADE FOR RELATIONSHIPS

The Sacred Romance -- “Lover of our Soul”

Love and Marriage -- Genesis 2:18-25; SOS;

Matt.19; I Cor. 7; I Cor. 13; Eph.5:21 ff; I

Peter 3:1-10

The Family -- Deut. 6:6-9, Psalm 127; I Tim. 5:8

Attachments vs. Attachments vs. Close RelationshipsClose Relationships

The Big FiveThe Big FiveSeeks closeness in times of trouble

Safe HavenExplorationSeparation Anxiety/AngerLoss Grief

Core BeliefsRelationship Rules

Self Other

•Am I worthy? •Am I capable?•Am I willing?

•Are you trustworthy?•Are accessible?•Are you capable?•Are you willing?

Relationship RulesSecure AttachmentSecure Attachment

Self Dimension•I’m worthy of love•I’m capable of getting the love I needOther Dimension•Others are willing and able to love me•I can count on you to be there for me

Avoidant AttachmentAvoidant AttachmentSelf Dimension•I’m worthy of love (false pride)•I’m capable of getting love I want and need (false sense of mastery)Other Dimension•Others are incompetent•Others are untrustworthy

Ambivalent AttachmentAmbivalent AttachmentSelf Dimension•I am not worthy of love (I feel flawed)•I’m not able to get the love I need without being angry or clingyOther Dimension•Capable but unwilling (bc my flaws)•May abandon me (bc my flaws)

Disorganized AttachmentDisorganized AttachmentSelf Dimension•I’m not worthy of love•I’m unable to get the love I needOther Dimension•Others are unwilling•Others are unable•Others are abusive; I deserve it

Attachment and Feelings

Secure AttachmentFull rangeGood controlSelf-soothesShares feelingsOK with others’ feelings

Avoidant AttachmentRestricted affectFocus is on control Uses things to self sootheKeeps feelings buried Doesn’t share feelings

Ambivalent AttachmentFull rangePoor controlCan’t self sootheShares feelings too muchOverwhelmed by others’ feelings

Disorganized AttachmentFull range, but few positive feelingsPoor controlCan’t self-sootheCan’t really share with othersOverwhelmed by others’ feelingsDissociates

Attachment and IntimacySecure Attachment

Comfortable with closenessShares feelings and dreamsWilling to commitBalances closeness and distanceParticipates in non-sexual touch

Avoidant Attachment

Not comfortable with closenessWithholds feelings and dreamsDifficulty with commitmentDistances

Ambivalent AttachmentDesires closeness, but never seems to have enoughWants to merge with otherPreoccupied with abandonmentClings and criticizes

Disorganized AttachmentDesires closeness, but fears and avoids itWants to merge, then wants to distanceTerrified of abandonmentSabotages closenessAttracted to people who victimize

Attachments vs. Attachments vs. Close RelationshipsClose Relationships

The Big Five as it relates to The Big Five as it relates to GodGod

Seeks closeness in times of trouble

Safe HavenExplorationSeparation Anxiety/AngerLoss Grief

God Attachment

-Research shows people seek God for a safe haven and secure base during times of stress.

Most researched area of attachment theory in the context of religion

In times of emotional distress or loss, it has been found that people:

-turn to prayer rather than the church -grieving persons tend to increase their faith and

religious devotion-soldiers pray more frequently in combat -times of death and divorce -fears associated with serious illness -emotional crises-relationship problems-other negative events

God Attachment

As substitute attachment figure (Kirkpatrick, 1992)

Provides “felt security” (Sroufe, 1977)

More similar to parent-child relationship but moderate and consistent link to romantic attachment (Kirkpatrick, 1992, 1999; Rowatt & Kirkpatrick, 2002)

Measured on two dimensions: Anxiety and Avoidance

(Beck & McDonald, 2004)

Assessing Attachment with a Loving God

THE ATTACHMENT TO GOD INVENTORY(Beck and McDonald, 2004)

The Experiences in Close Relationships scale

(Brennan et al. 1998)-Avoidance of Intimacy-Anxiety about Abandonment

God Attachment Results

Increased Avoidance

A reluctance to communicate

Avoidance of emotionality

Obsessive self-reliance

Increased anxiety of abandonment

Preoccupation and worry

Angry protest

Increased jealousy

Resentment

Concerns that they are lovable

Fears of abandonment in love relationship with God

Attachment style impacts how God is viewed Secure: He is there, I can count on Him. He will

accepts me, in spite of my flaws Avoidant: He isn’t there for me when I need Him. I

will have to go at life alone. I don’t really need Him. Ambivalent: I’m too flawed; God is sure to reject

me. I probably committed the unpardonable sin Disorganized: I’m flawed, beyond repair. God will

strike me down if I turn toward Him. He will surely reject or punish me.

Christian Attachment Therapy

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Attachment and Spirituality

Assessing Attachment with GodCompensation Hypotheses-God may serve as a compensatory attachment figure for individuals displaying insecure attachment patterns (Kirkpatrick & Shaver, 1997, 1998).

--avoidant attachment types had higher incidents of sudden conversions. These results indicate that God may serve the role of a substitute attachment figure (emotional compensation), compensating for the distant, unresponsive care-giving style they experienced in infancy and childhood. This hypothesis is based upon Ainsworth’s (1985) findings that those with insecure attachment styles seek substitute objects of attachment.

Assessing Attachment with GodCorrespondence Hypotheses

-proposes that individuals with secure attachment styles are more likely to sustain a future belief and relationship with God because a foundation has been established throughout childhood. This hypothesis is based on Bowlby’s (1969) idea that relationship permanence and stability stem from stable working models of attachment (Kirkpatrick & Shaver, 1997, 1998).

Thoughts on Hypotheses

According to this hypothesis--the explanation to the root of

religiousness in securely attached individuals may be derived “from

without”, or socialization processes, whereas the religiousness of the

insecurely attached individual may be derived “from within”, or

emotional regulation (Granqvist & Hagekull).

Thoughts on Hypotheses

The connection between attachment insecurity and sudden religious conversion

may be considered the most robust and corroborated finding from the research on

attachment and religion…This interpretation is in line with ambivalents’ observed tendency to desperately seek

care and easily fall in love, and may be a continuation of the inconsistency in

parental caregiving that has been shown to be characteristic of parents in

ambivalent dyads

Factual

Emotional

Volitional

Three Kinds of Religious Doubt

Warmth and security—responsiveness and attunement

Regulation so child is not overwhelmed Relatedness and engagement Back and forth emotional signaling and

gesturing Problem solving Using ideas in meaningful and functional

way Thinking and reasoning

Qualities of Sensitive, Growth Promoting Relationships

Breaking Free

Step I: Remember Your Story – Narrative Recall

Step II: Recognize Your Pain and Need for Healing – “Can’t heal what you don’t feel”

Step III: Reframe the Meaning of Your StoryStep IV: Repair Your Story – ‘forgiveness,

grace and acceptance’Step V: Reconnect – deepening emotional

strands of safety, trust and intimacy; able to accept influence from others.