“Giving Examples, Explaining and

Other Writing Tips”

Common problems in students’ writing:

1. Overusing the same simple vocabulary

2. Not doing what the topic asks/ not following directions

3. Not turning in neat and attractive papers

4. Too many short and simple sentences

and (drum roll, please) ….

5. not explaining or giving enough examples in body paragraphs

Today we are going to

discuss all 5 of these problems, …..

…. with special attention on:

explaining and giving detailsin your body paragraphs

When you write something, do you ever stop to think about what other people will think about it?

Rule #1:

Your essay should be neat and easy to read

Fact: The human eye is drawn to beauty…..

People like to look at pretty things!

businesses know this …..

fashion designers know this ….

movie producers know this ….

Others who read you paper also like to look at beauty.

Think about your handwriting.

Is it messy?

Is your handwriting so tiny that no one can read it?

(so tiny that no one can read it?)

Do people need special equipment to read your handwriting? !

Is it too light to read easily?

2 people go for a job interview. Which one “looks” like a better worker? Which man do you think is more likely to get the job?

2 students turn in an assignment. Which paper looks better?

Which one looks like the student worked harder?

bad appearance = (often) bad content

good appearance =(often) good content

Neat writing is important!

• the handwriting is not too small

• the handwriting is dark

• the handwriting is easy-to-read

… so your handwriting should be neat!

Rule #2:

Try not to use the same easy words over and over again

Q: When you shop, what kinds of clothes do you usually buy?

White? Black? Grey? Tan?

No, you probably like colorful things ……

Which room is more interesting? This one? Or this one?

When you use the same vocabulary again and again, your writing is kind of like this picture ……

Why not use a lot of different colors (vocabulary) to make it more interesting?

You can make your writing more colorful by using new and different vocabulary

There’s often more than 1 way to express ideas:

tell / say/ express / speak / scream / whisper / ask

Problem: Are your sentences too “salty” (do you repeat the same easy words again and again?)

I like to go to Al Ain Mall because it’s near my home. My favorite restaurant is Hatim because I like the food there. I shop at Paris Gallery because it has all my favorite perfumes. I also like to go there because of the games area and the cinema has good movies.

Solution: use synonyms

I like to go to Al Ain Mall because it’s near my home. My favorite restaurant is Hatim since I like the food there. I shop at Paris Gallery as it has all my favorite perfumes. Another reason I like to go there is for the games area, and the cinema has good movies.

What are some other ways to say these words?

and

alsoin additionmoreover

furthermore

so

thereforeas a result

consequently

but

yethowever

on the other handin contrast

later

after thatnextthen

later onafterwards

in conclusion

in summaryin briefin short

to sum upall in all

Your fingerprints are unique

Your eyes are unique

That means YOU are unique, so your writing should be, too.

Using new and different vocabulary makes your writing unique.

Different is good!

Rule #3:

Make sure you do what the topic is asks you to do

When you go to a restaurant ….

Q: What will you do if the waitress brings you the wrong order?

Are you going to eat it, or are you going to send it back to get what you really wanted?

“Enjoy your fish.”

“Fish? I ordered PIZZA! I want PIZZA!”

Q: When you go the salon to get your hair done for a party or special occasion, how will you feel if they style your hair like this?

Of course, you expect to get exactly what you asked for. Anything less is unacceptable!

You would surely agree that following directions and doing things correctly is important.

Teachers, just like you, should receive exactly what they ask you for on your assignments.

Rule #4:

Don’t use a lot of short, simple sentences

Do your essays have only simple 4-5 word “baby” sentences?

My name is Mariam. I live in Al Ain. I have a big family. We live in Zakher. My major is Business.I enjoy shopping.

Problem: Are your sentences like chopped onions (too short?)

My name is Noof. I’m from Sharjah. I have 10 brothers and sisters. We have a big villa. I like computers. My major is I.T.

Solution: combine some of your sentences

My name is Noof, and I’m from Sharjah. I have 10 brothers and sisters, so we have a big villa. Because I like computers, my major is I.T.

A good essay is “spicy ”

• it has simple sentences

• it has compound sentences

• it has complex sentences

Spice it up by using connectors

My name is Mariam, and I live in Al Ain. Because I have a big family, we have a large villa in Zakher. I want to have my own company, so my major is Business. On the weekends, I spend time with my family. In addition, I enjoy shopping with friends.

Remember, people like to eat food that is spicy

people like food that has flavor

food without spices and flavor is boring!

You also should use “spices” and “flavor” in your writing

simple

compound

complex

Here are some “spices” you can add to your writing:

moreover until yet in contrast because however

although therefore if

as a result before so

Rule # 5:

Give lots of details and examples

Q: Have you ever bought a large bag of chips and opened it to find that ….

….. it’s only about half full?

how does this make you feel?

Or imagine that you go to a restaurant, and here’s the “meal” that they serve you:

salad main dish

You’re still hungry?Have some bread!

I think you’ll agree that this is not enough food.

It’s a little bit of food, but not nearly enough to be a complete meal.

Level 1 Writing teachers very often see body paragraphs like this.

Students don’t give enough details or examples; the paragraphs are incomplete

When you go to a restaurant, you expect a complete dinner.

When you buy chips, you expect a full package.

Teachers , like you, want the complete package. When you write an essay, give lots of details and examples.

Problem: Are your paragraphs empty like a desert (with too few details?)

My bedroom is my favorite room. It is pink and. It’s quiet. I like to sit in there with my sister. I can do what I want there.

Solution: add details

My bedroom is my favorite room. The walls are pink, and the carpet is white. My bed has a pink cover with lots of white pillows. The curtains are also pink. There’s a large window, so I can see our garden. Some family pictures are on the walls. Beside my bed there’s a table with a lamp. Also, I have a desk and large wardrobe. This room is quiet, so I can study or read there. My sister likes to sit with me in my bedroom, and we can do what we want.

Now your desert is a garden!

Useful words for explaining and giving examples:

because since

furthermoremoreoverin addition

for examplefor instance

Look at the following sentences from Writing Project #1, about how a person looks and acts.

Have they been explained? Are there examples?

My mother is important in my life.

My sister is very beautiful.

My best friend Reem is a good person.

What about these statements. Have they been explained?

My mother is important in my life because she always listens to my problems and advises me.

My sister is very beautiful. She has long, thick, black hair, amazing green eyes, and a perfect smile.

My best friend Reem is a good person. For example, she always helps her younger sisters and brothers with their homework.

When you explain, you also answer questions, such as:

Who?What?

When?Where?

Why?How?

There was one scary day in my life that I cannot forget.

What happened? --- an earthquakeWho was there? --- my friends and IWhere was this? --- in Mexico City, in a hotelWhen was this? --- July 10, 2001 at 3 a.m.Why was I scared? --- windows were shaking; walls were movingHow did we act? --- we were afraid, but we tried to stay calm; we stood in the doorway

When you describe something with lots of details and examples, the person who reads your paper can “see” a picture in his head.

Listen to 2 paragraphs about a wedding. Which paragraph has the best details and examples?

Which wedding can you “see” more in your mind?

Paragraph 1

My sister’s wedding was a lot of fun. It was in 2003 at the Hilton in Al Ain. My whole family was there. There was a nice dinner. Everyone was happy. Later there was music, so some people danced. I took a lot of pictures of my sister’s special day. We will miss her in our home, but I think she will be happy in her new life.

Paragraph 2

My sister’s wedding was a lot of fun. It was in September 2013 at the Palm Atlantis Hotel in Jumeirah Beach in Dubai. The party hall was a light blue room with a large, beautiful dark blue and pink carpet. The room was decorated with hundreds of pink and purple flowers. There were also lots of pink and purple balloons. The tables all had white cloths on them, and there were silver candles on top of each table. Musicians played Arabic and Indian music up on the front stage. Everyone was happy, and they danced to Bollywood songs. My whole family was there --- even my cousins who live in Bahrain and Oman. The women especially were all wearing long, beautiful gowns of different colors, and they had on lots of jewelry. There was a huge buffet of Indian food, so we ate dishes like chicken biryani, beef, lamb, and fish tikka. Then, there was a large white cake that had pink flowers all over it. Guests ate the cake with tea and coffee. Later on, many of the guests came and gave my sister presents wrapped with pretty paper and colorful ribbons.

Rule #6:

Make sure you organize your information in the correct place

Q: What do a doctor, a mechanic, and a teacher all have in common?

A: Hmmm, let’s see ……

“I’m a mechanic …..

so I look for certain things in certain places.”

“If I want to check the engine, I don’t look inside of the car!”

“If I want to check the oil, I don’t look at the tires!”

“

I’m a doctor, and when I check someone’s blood

pressure …

I don’t look at his feet!”

Doctors, like mechanics, look for certain things in certain places

“I look for the heart in the chest, not on top of the head!”

So do teachers …

“I’m looking for an introduction with a main idea in it.”

“To find the details, I look at the body paragraphs.”

“When I look at a conclusion, I expect to find a restatement of the main idea.”

If your essay is organized,then everything is in the right place

} introduction

body {

} conclusion

1-2 general sentences

specific main idea

topic sentence

detail sentences

restatement of main idea

1-2 general closing comments

Introduction

Body

Conclusion

Other Kinds of Writing Problems

stringy sentences

Problem: Are your sentences like spaghetti (too long and stringy?)

On the weekend I like to spend time with my family, and we go to the desert or sometimes I go with my friend Mariam to the shopping mall because it’s fun there, and my favorite mall is Dubai Mall because it has a huge cinema, aquarium, Burj Khalifa and lots of other stores.

Solution: add some punctuation

On the weekend I like to spend time with my

family, and we go to the desert. Sometimes I go with my friend Mariam to the shopping mall

because it’s fun there. My favorite mall is Dubai Mall because it has a huge cinema, aquarium, Burj

Khalifa and lots of other stores.