Fielding, Tom Thumb (1730)

8/8/2019 Fielding, Tom Thumb (1730)

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TOM THUMB.A

TRAGEDY.

As it is Acted at the

THEATRE

IN THE

HAY-MARKET.

Written by Scriblerus Secundus.

- Tragicus plerumque dolet Sermone pedestri.

I Horace,Ars Poetica, 95: 'Tragedy often grieves in the lan!;Uage of prose.' Removed slightly trom theoriginal COfllcxt('et Tragicus ple rumque dolet Se rmone pedestri ITclephusetPeleus'): 'so, too, in TragedyTclcphus and Peleus ollen grieve in the lan!;Uage of prose' (Loeb). Quoted also in the preface of TrTrag,below, p. SiS.


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I

379

PREFACE.

A P ~ c t u c e .is b . . : ~ ( ) m e almost as necessary to a Play, as a Prologue: It is aWord ot Adnce to the Reader, as the other to the Spectator: And as theHusim:ss of a Prolugu..: is to commend the Play, so that of the Preface is to( :omplimen t the l\(:torS.

:\ Preface n:quires a Style entirely different from all other Writings; ASry h.: fix \\ hich I t:an tind no .Name in either the Sublime of LOllginus, or thePmfund uf SCribierus: \\hkh 1 shall thereiore venture to call theSup.:rnatural, alter the t:debratcd Author of Hurlothrumbo: 2 who, tho' no\\ riler of Pn:laces, is a vcry gn:at Master ufthcir Style.

,\ s ClltlFOl1 in Luriul/ suffers none to enter his Boat till stripped of everylhillg; li1l:Y han: about them/ so should no ~ W o r d by any means enter into aP r c f ~ l c c till srrippcd of all its lucas. Mr. Lock complains of confused Ideas in\ \ ( ) r d ~ , ' \\hit:h is mtirdy ;lmcnded by suffering them to give none at all: Thism a ~ bc done by adding, diminishing, or t:hanging a Letter, as instead of/',11',1 ph,rJ/,diti. \\Titing P,If


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Tom Thumb.\::; tor the iirst Objection which they make, and the last which I answer, viz.

to the Subject, to this I shall only say, that it is in the Choice of my Subject Ihave placed my chief Merit.

It is with great Concern th at I have observed several ofour (the Grubstreet)Tragical Writers, to Celebrate in their Immortal Lines the Actions of Heroesrecorded in Histori ans and Poets, such as Homer or Virgil, Livy or Plutarch,the Pl'Opagation of whose Works is so apparently against the Interest of ourSociety; when the Romances, Novels, and Histories, vulgo call'd Story-Books,of our own People, furnish such abundant and pro per Themes for their Pens,such are Tum Tralll, Hickalhrdi, &c. 1

'\nd here 1congratulate my Cotcmporary Writers, for their having enlargedthc Sphcre of Tragcdy: The ancient Tragedy seems to have had only twoFfkcts un an i\udiencl:, viz. It either awakened Terror and Compassion, orc


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1

Tom ThumbLet hOllie-bred Subjects , ~ r , / C i ' the lIIudem ,\.JuSt',"Ilid Grub-Streetjfolll lit?( Sell lit?( Heroes rhuse:Her Story-Books [lil/llorhdize ill Faille,Hickathrift,Jack the Giant-Killer, ami Tom Tram.:Vu Venus stuil/'d III Sign-Pust Painter shitle;!Yo Roman Ilao in u Scribler's Line:The /llOm;t' fUUS Dr,lgofllO the Sign bdurlgs,[11111 Grub-Street's Heroes best adorn her Songs.To-Aight our Bard, Spectators, would be true11) Farce, to Tragedy, Tom Thumb, and You. 1Mayall the Hissillg Audience be struck Dumb;Loug live the .Hull who cries, Long live Tom Thumb.

ParoJjing th.: p r o l u ~ u l , . " of T h o m s o n ~ s ,""VpilMlisba: 'To-mglll, {Jur home-spun AUJJwr WGult! be trut', IAtHIJt"{', IfJ I iU!UJ'(, JUsUHT. ,mdy(JU..'

EPILOGUE.

Sent by an Unknown Hand.

Spoken by Miss JO N ES .

T OM Thumb, twice Dead, is a third Time Reviv d,1And, by your Favour, may be J1et iong-Iiv 'd.But, more [fea r the snarling Critick's Brow,Than Grizzle's Dagger, or the Throat ofCow!Well then-Toup ees, 2 I warrant you supposeI'll be exceeding witty on the Beaus;But aith! I come with quite a difI'rent View,To shew there are Tom Thumbs, as well as you.Place me upon the awful Bet/ch, and tryIfanyJudge can sleep more sound than I.Or let me 0 'er a Pulpit-Cushion peep,See who can set you in a sounder Sleep.Tom Thumb can fie! the Pulse, can give the Pill;No Doctor's Feather shall more surely hiPI' /I be a Courtier, give me but a Place;A Title makes me equal with his Grace:Lace but my Coat, where is a prettier Spark?I'll be aJustice-giveme but a Clerk.A Poet too-when I have leartlt to read,Andplunder both the Living and the Dead:Any of these, Tom Thumb with Ease can be,For J\t1{l11Y such, are nothing more than He.

I I.e. as :VlissJones rises to play him again for the epilogue. 'This would be, however, second revival, andnot a third,' says Hillhouse, correctly enough. But whether the epilogue should count lor Tom as a thirdappearance amung the living or a secund "'' 'ppearanee, the point seems obvious. (Morrissey bafflingly readsthis line to mClln revivals of the play itself, counting in productions postdating the epilogue to make thenumber add up to three.)

1 Or toupels: sec above. p. 25 n. 3.J i.c. prescribing pen: cf, the jeathcr'd Dart' in the hands of tbe charioteercd physician chiefs, 'weU-fam'd

for Slaughter', in Pasqllin (v. i).


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Tum ThumbBut.}i" the Ladies, they, J krwlP, despise

The littte Things ollIlY illlmof Size.Their m i g h ~ v Souls are all olthem too largeTo tuke so small a Heroc to their Charge. Dramatis Person::e.T'd.:e Pity, Ladies, on a young Begitmer;Failh! J tIlily prove, ift lime, a thumping Sinner.Lei your kind Smiles our Author's Cause deftlld;He/ears no Foes, while B e a u ~ y is his Friend.

MEN.King Arthur, Mr. Mullart.Tom Thumb, Miss Jones.Lord Grizzle, Mr.Jones.Mr. Noodle, Mr. Reynolds.Mr. Doodle, Mr. Marshall.I Physician, Mr. Hallam.2 Physician, Mr. Dove.

WOMEN.Queen Dollalolla, Mrs. Mullart.Princess Huncamunca, Mrs. Jones.Cleora, Mrs. Smith.Mustacha, Mrs. Clark.

Courtiers, Slaves, Bailiffi, &c.

SCENE The Court oJ King Arthur.


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TOM THUMB.

ACT I. SCENE I. SCENE The Palace.

lVIr. Doodle, Mr. Noodle. l

SDOODLE.

LIRE, such a Day as this was never seen!The Sun himself, on this auspicious Day,

Shines like a Beau in a new Birth-Da y Suit:All Nature , 0 my Noodle! grins for Joy.2

Nood. This Day, 0 Mr. Doodle! is a DayIndeed, a Day we never saw before.The mighty Thomas Thumb victorious comes;Millions of Giants crowd his Chariot Wheels,Who bite their Chains, and frown and foam like Mad-Dogs.tIe rides, regardless of their ugly Looks.So some Cock-Sparro w in a Farme r's Yard,Hops at the Head of an huge Flock of Turkeys.

Dood. When Goody Thumb first brought this Thomas forth,1 Traditional simpleton names, in theatrical circulation from rhe 17th century and trequently attached to

characters of court or rank. Doodle is the Alderman in Ravenscroft's The Loudun C.,kold, (1682), still verypopular on stage, and the fairground d roll. had comic parts like Sir Anthony Noodle ('a foolish Courtier'), inJane Shore, or Alderman Doodle, in Semiramis: see Rosenfeld, The Thealre of Londorl Pairs in liIe 1811,CmllJry, pp. 2+, 29. William Rufus Ql


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Tom ThumbTho.: G t ' l l l l l ~ of our Land triumphant reign'd;'} 'hen, then, 0 Arthur!did thy Gellius reign.

Nuod. They tell me, it is whisper'd in the BooksOf all ou r Sages, That this mighty Hero(i l \ . 'via/iII's Art begot) has not a Bone\\ithin his Skin, but is a Lump of Gristle. I

Dllod. Wou'dfjrtllllr's Subjects were such Gristle, all!He thcn might break the Bones of ev 'ry Foe.Xuod. But hark! these Trumpets speak the King's Approach.

Dood. He comcs most luckily for my Petition!Le t LIS retire a little.

SCENE II.King, Queen, Lurd Grizzle, Doodle, Noodle.

A.ing. Le[ nothing but a Face of Joy appear; Th e i \hn who frowns this Day, shall lose his Head, That he may haye no Etce to frown again. :-imilc, DoUa/olla:-Ha! what wrinkled Sorrow Sib, like somc /vlotlta Demdikc,l on thy Brow? \\'h..:nce flow those Tears fast down thy blubber'd Cheeks, ] ,ik..: a swoln Gutter, gushing through the Streets? Q l ' ~ O l . Excess of Joy, my Lord, I've heard Folks say,

Gives Ttars, as often as Excess of Grief. A.ing. Ifit be so, let all Men cry for Joy,

'Till 111} whol..: Court be drowned wilh their Tears; '\ay, 'till they overflow my utmost Land, :\nd i e a \ < . ~ me nothing but the Sea to rule.

Duoi/. i\ly Li..:ge! I've a Petit ion-A:ing. Petition me no Petitions, Sir, to-day; L..:t mher Hours be set apart lor Bus'ness. Tv-Jay it is our Pleasure to be drunk, And t l ~ i s our Qu.:cn shall be as drunk as Us.

QU"


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Tom Tlllt1JzbFro\\ n'd grimly 0\;1' the Land, like Lambs lool..now.() TiIl/lI/iI. wh;lt du w.: to thy Valour ow.:!Til\: P r i l l \ . : ' : ~ s l1UII({/I/IUlh'a is thy Prize.

f jUffl l . Hal B e :,till,my Soul!'fILU/Ilb. Oh , happy, happ} Hearing!

\\'imess, y.: Stars! cou'd Thumb have ever set:\ Bound ro his Ambition-it had beenTh e Princess 11111l(l l f l luflm, in whose ArmsErernity would seem bu t half an Hour.

Qj.1'C/I. Consider, Sir, reward your Soldier's lVlerit,But givc noll1ullccWIW/cu to Tom Thumb.

Killg. 7;,111 Thumb! Odzooks, my wide extended Realm1:\..110\\& not a Name so glorious as Tum Thumb.?\; Ol ,1 /e:"'''lJiler, ill his highest Pride,Could boast of I\ler its gre'up/lOnisIJ".\ Itn\. \\ dllnown 1 . opening Act 11 of Rowe' 1illllL'r1ane (1702); anthoh;gizcd. in Tiit.:suuras DranUJlit:us)

Tom Thumb 39 ISCENE IV.

Lurd Grizzle, Solu.s.See how the cringing Coxcombs fawn upon himP

Th e Sun-shine of a Court can, in a Day, Ripen the vilest Insect to an Eagle: And ev'ry little Wretch, who bu t an Hour Before had scorn'd, and trod him under Feet, Shall lift hisEyes aloft, to gaze at distance, An d flatter what they scorn'd.

I I SCENE V. Enter Q].teen, to Lord Grizzle.Queen. Well met, my Lord.I You are the Ma n I sought. Have you no t heard (What ev'ry Corner of the Court resounds) That little Thumb will be a great Ma n made. I Griz. I heard it, I confess-for who, alas! Can always stop his Ears-but would my Teeth, By grinding Knives, had first been se t on Edge. Queen. Would I had heard at the still Noon of Night,2Th e dreadful Cry of Fire in ev'ry Street!Odsbobs! I could almost destroy my self, To think I should a Grand-mother be made II By such a RascaL-Sure, the King forgets, When in a Pudding, by his Mother put, Th e Bastard, by a Tinker, on a Stile Was drop'd. good Lord Grizzle!can I bear To see him, from a Pudding, mount the Throne?

I C f Air II of Charles Johnson's Village Opera ('729): 'Sec the cringing Coxcombs come! 2 .'\n expression familiar from Dryden's D"" Sebastian (IV. i. +3) and lairly common thereafter, as e.g. in Garth's Dispensary (I 7 L ~ ) , eanto V, p. 57 (but at dead o'night' in earlier edns.),John Stunny's Lore andDtIIJ' (1722), IV, p. 35, and others; it was also anthologized in the Thesaurus Dram'l/IClIs (1724), ii. 146. I 3 As iI happens in the first part of the chapbook story: see Timlla$ Redivivus, pp. 8-


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393TUIIl ThumbCn';.. Oh Horror! Horror! Horror! cease my Queen,

Th} \'oice, like twenty Screech-Owls, wracks my Brain. QUt'L 'fI. Then rouze thy Spirit-we may yet prevent

'I ' h i ~ hated i\.latch.-CIl:::'. We will.-:"wt Fate, itsel(

Should it conspire with Thomas Thul/lb, should cause it.l'lI s\\ im through Seas; I'll ride upon the Clouds;I'll Jig the Earth; I'll blowou t ev'ry Fire;I'll rave; I'll rant; I'll rush; I'll rise; I'll roar IFierce as the Man whom smiling Dolphins bore,Fwm the Prosaick to Pocrick Shore. I'll H.:ar the Scoundrel into twenty Pieces.

QUt"CII. Oh, no! pre\ent the J\-Iatch, but hurt him not;For, tho' I \\uuld not have him have my Daughter,Ye!, can we kill the Man who kill'd the Giants?C r i . ~ . I tell you, Madam, it was all a Trick,

I Ie made the Giants first, and then he kill'd them;:\ s }"o\-hunrers bring Fuxes to a \Vood,:\nd then with Houn ds they drive them out again.

/Juan. How! Have you seen no Giants? Are there notNow, in the Yard, ten thousand proper Giants?

Cri:::.. Indeed, I cannot positively tell,But firmly do believe there is not One.

ill/col. Hence! from my Sight! thou Tray or, hie away;By all my Stars! tholl enviest Tom Thumb.(1,), Sirrah! go; hie away! hie!-thou art:\ Setting-Dog-and like one I use thee.

Crtz. !\ladam, I go.IIJ11l Thumb shall feel the Vengeance you have rais'd.

So when two Dogs are fighting in the Streets,\\'irh a third Dog, one of the two Dogs meets,With angry Teeth, he bites him to the Bone,And this Dog smarts for what that Dog had done. [Exit.

I .\ p...>Liehe pamJ) of EJ"ard Y u u n ~ ' s i l l lp"riwlIPdugi.. -1 Nuv"' i,yrick, published 7 Apr, 1730 (LolldoTl/:" clling PUSi). tn (JIll' pan uf du; poem Young, JJJ.pling Pliny's story of the boy Arion and the dolphin whon':-.llICS him. (Eputlcs, ix, .n), ha.s t h ~ dolphin smiling-'How smiles.jrivlI's Friend' CStrain the Fifth', st. vi,1'. {h)--whiLh docs not happen in Pliny, Fielding put, Grizzle's rant together from two other passages inI'tJllllg', puc'm: 'She IFreedomIpours the ThouglH, and forms the Style, I She makes the blood and spiritsbod; I I fed ha WII'.! and rouse, aud risc, and rave lI n Tluban Song . .. CStrain the Third' , st. Y, p. 28); and'Fha Trade! I first, uJlw bor.JSJ flO Store, I fVlw Olve TIII:( Nvughl, thus Stldtchjrvm Shore, I The Shoreof Prose,U'ih'l"{' ThUll hilS! i'umba'tJ '/lni (,The Close', ~ t . i, p, 57). Sec also Fielding's note in TrTrag, I. Y(u), below.

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Tom ThumbSCENE VI.

Queen, Sola.And whither shall I go?-Alack-a-day! I love Tom Thumb--but must not tell him so' For what's a Woman, when her Virtue's g o n ~ ? A Coat without its Lace; Wig out of Buckle; A Stocking with a Hole in't . -I can't live Without my Virtue, or without Tom Thumb. Then let me weigh them in two equal Scales, In this Scale put my Virtue, that, Tom Thumb. Alas! Tom Thumb is heavier than my Virtue. But hold!-Perhaps I may be left a Widow: This Match prevented, then Tom Thumb is mine, In that dear Hope, I will forget my Pain.

So when some Wench to Tothill-Bridewell's sent 1With beating Hemp, and Flogging, she's content; ,She hopes, in Time, to ease her prese nt Pain;At length is free, and walks the Streets again. [Exit.

" The Gatehouse or Tothill-Fields prison at the west end of Tothill Street, for confiI)ement of pettyc r l f f i l ~ a l s wlthm the W e s ~ m m s t e r jurisdiction. Flogging and hemp-beating were the usual punishments ofr,rostltutes: see plate 4 of Hogarth's Harlot's Progress (1732), where the scene is the London Bridewell atHeet Street. Smce 1729 the Westminste r Sessions chaired by Sir John Gonson, and fuelled by the Societyfor the Reformation of Manners, had kept up a well-publicized campaign to clear the streets of disorderlypersons and houses (see below, p. 641 n. 3).


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395VlIlThumbACT II. SCENE 1.

SCENE TIle Street.Bailiif, Follower.

li.II!t}I C:):"11:: ?n, 11.1Y tru,sty Follower, 1 inu,r'J .1() ev ry kmJ of Danger; cudgell d oft;O(tl : l l in Blankets toss'doft Pump'd upon:\\ hos.: Vinue in a Horse- Pond hath been try'd."Sunu here by mc.-This way must Noodle pass.

Foil. \VcrI.' he an 1lalf-pay Officer, a Bully,:\ Highway-man, or Prize-fighter, I'd nab him.iJ(/iI. This Day discharge thy Duty, md at Night

.\ double ,\lug of Beer and Beer shall glad thee.)Then ill an .'\le-lllluse may'st thou sit at Ease,.\nd quite t(JI'get the Labours of the Day.So \\caried Oxell to their Stalls retire,. nd l'I:;;[ from all [he Bu rthens of the Plough.

full. No more, no more, 0 Bailiffl ev'ry Wordinspires my Soul with Virru e.--D! 1 longTo llIcd the Encmy in the Street-and nab him;To lay arresting ('lands upon his Back,\n d Jrag [lim trembling to the Spungi ng-House.

T r ~ I \ \ . > ' > l y \ l ' r ~ I O J l of Ant.)H YS :,p\.:('ch to Vcrnidiu"t In Dryden's 0 I Tru,,: j )uLnplwn o,ffJ1(.Hwl (I i 10), pp, Hr '::2.

" \kjlung' prohal)iy J l11i;\tun' of strong and ~ m " d i bi:t.'('s. SCi: the poem to tht.' hrcwt..r and newly chosenl.'Ii'Ll \L.I\lH' 01 Loudon Humphry PJr...oBti in tht. Gm/}-,)'trd:l ]tHtfl1l.d (29 O\.'t. 1730)) on the inspirationali : f l \ . ' d ~ o(-y;.uttlU,'" ItLiJt l..'()mbiuJ.lions {.lit.- ; d O H l . ' ~ J.k J.nJ beer! mild or stale, etc,) on Grub-Street 'J.uthors:"it' Ikl'f ~ m d t}.;cr c\'.lh rhe : - . t u d ~ U l l : - ' h..:aJ, I In TrJg;ie buskins Lhcy majestic trcad .. . If bordcd bOLb, andIh:iliu.:r :-om.ill nor Siron!!:, I T h ~ y froth in EpigrJm, or some in Song.' In one eopy of the third editionli1"dk'.lIl! . i b ! ; j [ ~ S .\.5.:;Jur). the lIr" h,er ' iscorrcc"cJ to 'bread' i".11 ll'lthccntury hand; but that wouldHl.l.i-.;.;:-. lllUS ofhn,,\id uut of iLJ JnJ hy L h ~ cVlth:ncc of he POCfl1\ "bt.:cr and beer} d o c ~ ~ e m to hiolve been ant.:,\prC:-':-OlnT\ \\ ith und..::rswou m c a n i n ~ .

Tom ThumbBail. There, when I have him, I will spunge upon him.o glorious Thought! By the Sun, Moon, and Stars,

I will enjoy it, tho' it be in Though tF Yes, yes, my Follower, I will enjoy it. So Lovers, in Imagination strong, Enjoy their absent Mistresses in Thought , And hug t heir Pillows, as I now do thee: And as they squeeze its Feathers out-so I Would from his Pockets squeeze the Money out. Foil. Alas! too just your Simile, I fear, For Courtiers often nothing are but Feathers.

Bail. Oh, my good Follower! when I reflect On the big Hopes I once had entertain'd, To see the Law, as some devouring Wolf, Eat up the Land,-'till, like a Garrison, Its whole Provision's gone.-Lawyers were forc'd, For want of Food, to feed on one another But Oh! fall'n Hope. The Law will be reduc'd Again to Reason, whence it first arose. 3 But Hal our Prey approaches-let us retire.

I( i.e. 'squeeze the Money out', as he defines it in thcspeech following. Spunging(or sponging) house, were

kept prIVately by bailiffs or other sheriIT'sollicers.--olien being simply their own h o u s e ~ partly converted tolock-ups-for the custody of arrested debtors pending arraignment, and were notorious for theirextortionate practices and endless charges: a 'Hellish Habitation' according to one detailed account bvcomparison even to the best of which Newgate Prison was 'absolut:lya Paradise' (An AfCurale Descriptk,1l ,if'Newg"", p. 15, 18-27). Nearer the time ofFie!ding's play, the agitation for debt law rdonn in 1729 (notedbelow) had brought this unregulated practice into more immediate public view as a matter of currentaccount: 'Great numbers have been sent to the Spunging-House kept at the Prisongate [ofthe Fleet] by oneCorbel, the Warden's Tipstalr, who there endeavour'd to squeeze out of them all the Money they can procure

. each Prisoner expecting to be better or worse treated, as he spends more or less' (Tile ArbitraryPun""",,,,[s and Cruel Tortures Inflicted"n Prisoners}"r Debt (. 729), p. t7), See also Amelia, p. 308 and n.I From Bajazet's speech in Rowe's Taliler/am, (1702), II. ii (p. 22): 'Oh, Glorious Thought! By Hcav'n!I will enJoy it, I Tho' butin Fancy.' See the coy citation Fielding supplies in TrTrag II. i. a, below.I 3 Presumably by the debt law r


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397um ThumbSCENE II.

Tom Thumb, Noodle, Bailiff, Follower.Thumb. Trust me, my Noodle, I am wond'rous sick;

For tho' I love the genrle HUllcamullca,I' d at the Thought of Marriage, I grow pale;For Oh!-but swear thou'lt keep it ever secret,I will unfold a Tale will make thee stare.

Nood. I swear by lovely H u n f a m u n f l ~ 's Charms.Thumb. Then know-My Grand-mamma hath often sa id

T01/l Thumb, beware of .Marriage. ' -Nood. Sir, I blushTo think a Warrior great in Arms as you,Should be affrighted by his Grand-mamma.Can an old Woman's empty Dreams deter'rhe blooming Hero from the Virgin's Arms?'1 'h ink of the Joy which will your Soul alarm,When in her fond Embraces clasp'd you lie,\\hilc on her panting Breast dissolv'd in Bliss,

.tou pour out all Tom Thumb in ev'ry Kiss.Thumb. Oh, Noodle! thou hast tir'd my eager Soul;2

Spight of my Grandmother , she shall be mine;I'll hug, caress, I'll cat her up wit h Love.Whol..: Days, and Nights, and Years shall be too shorrFor (Jur Enjoyment; ev'ry Sun shall riseBlushing, to see us in our Bed together.

Nom/. Oh, Sir! this Purpose of your Soul pursue. Boil. Oh, Sir! 1have an Action against you. SOIi,f. At whos..: Suit is it? Bail. At your Taylor's, Sir.

Y'our Taylor put this Warrant in my Hands,~ H O n l J " : ~ Bill, ' K ~ J U ~ i . : it WJ'i :wid it \\\)uitJ rcdUl:": tht.: Number or at least the Pr.H ticc of Altornies' (Thel'OIi:,(,d SI;Ii


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399om Thumbbe:;IS IOllg as his BOdy.-lfyou had fallen in Love with a Grenadier, I shouldnol h,,\e \ \ o n d ~ n ; d at it. If you had fallen in Love 'with Something; but to fallin l.llV': with Nothing!

111I1It. Cease, my \Ilusladla, on your Duty cease.Th..: Z:phyr, whcn in tlm\T) Vales it plays,I;, nUL so soft, so ~ w e e t as Thummy's Breath.'rhl' Dove is not so gentle to its Nlatc.

,Husl. The Dove is every bit as proper for a Husband. Alas! Madam, there'snot a Beau about the Court that looks so little like a Man. He is a perfectButt..:rHy, a Thint; without Substance, and almost without Shadow too.

Iluflf. This Rudeness is unseasonable; desist,Or I shall think this Railing comes from Love.TiJIII Thumh 's a Creature of that charming Form,'I hal no one can abuse, unless they love him.

elC. Madam, the King.

SCENE IV.King, Huncamunea.

KIIiK. Let all but HUIIWtfl l lUW leave the Room.[Ex. Cleora, and Mustacha.

Daughter, f have of late observ'd some GriefUnusual in your Countenance, your EyesThat, lik..: two open Windows, us'd to shewThe lovely Beauty of the Room within,Have now two Blinds before them-What is the Cause?Say, have you not enough of Meat or Drink?\\'c 'n ' giv'l1 strict Order s not to have you stinted.

/JIIIIC. Alas! my Lord, a tender Maid may wantWhat she can neither Eat nor Drink

KIIIg. What's that?fiullc. Oh! Spare my Blushes, but I mean a Husband./\. Ilig. If that be all, I have provided one,

. Husban d grcat in Arms, whose Warlike SwordStreams with the ) ellow Blood ofslaughter'd Giants. 2

, From SUllm', speech 111 Act Jof I.e


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Tum Thumb Tom Thumb 40IDuod. [retums.1 Here is the Bottle, and here is the Glass.

lliJUlld them both l o g e t h e r ~ K'llg. Give them me. [fills the Glass.

Drink it all o n ~ it will do you no harm.

SCENE VI.King, I-luncamunca, Doodle, Physicians.

I PhI'S. \Vc here attend your J\lajesty's Command.All/g. Of what Distemper did Tom Thumb demise?J Ph),s. He died, may it please your .\lajesty, of a Distemper which

Pureldlsus calls the DiupJwrmanc. Hippocrates the CalefUmell. Galen theR.:gon He was taken with a Dizziness in his Head, for which I bled him, andput on Four B l i " t c r s ~ h c then had the Gripes, wherefore I thought it properto apply a Glister, a Purge, and a Vomit.

2 Phys. Doctor, you mistake the Case; the Distemper was not thef)Up/iUrJltiWC, as you vainly imagine; it was the P e r i p i l u s i s ~ a n d tho' I approvevcr) much of all that you d i d ~ l e t me tell you, you did not do hal fenough) (Ill know he complained of a Pain in his Arm, I would immediately have cutoff his .lnn, and have laid open his Head, to which I would have applied someli,dllsirk Plaister; after that 1 would have prol:eeded to my Catharticks,Em,tjcks. and Diuretid;s.

J Ph),s. In [he Peripifusis indeed these Metho ds are not only wholesomebutnecessary: but in the Diaphorlllane otherwise.

l ) . H ' ~ h . ' d ! ' . u s (14tH? -154- I), t h ~ S w i s ~ mcJicJI practitioner woo famously opposed the venerable theories(It 1111'1'0elJte, (;th4th century BC) and his sueee"or and commentator Galen (2nd century AD). One4,'Ol1h:mporary medical hisLUriJu (J. Frcind) mOCKed ~ t h t : obscure jargon and nonsense of that illiterateEnthusiast, P,";I,e/,U" (TIt, HlSw,)' 4Phy,idc. pt. I (!72S), p. 2). Th e iargonish words here are invented orrncaningks:-.. "DiJphormane' st"cms tu be a fooling cotnhiruuion of he Latin medical JiapJlOres:'s, meaning a~ A t . ' J t ' , \\lith m . U J u f ( , ' ~ 'p,mr' or 'drip'. CatccunJl.:n J or 'catechumen' belongs to religion (i.e. one recclvinginstnll.:tion in Christ ian docrrine), but ill transferred sense can mean any initiate" \\lith rhe joke perhaps thenbling a nlcJiclllcartlt:r as C,.Hb(; ot'tlcath. and the dim Physiciall here confusing the word itsdfwith a sounda l i ~ \ . . : Jish:mper, like filtaicpsis. As for 'Regon" c[ the Greek verb i r c g n u m i ~ (PTJYVlJjJ-t), meaning ~ b u r s t JSLHHh.:r! '11eripilusis' ill the !.l)l.!cch i { l n O w i l l g ~ yet another made-up word, would mean something like t ; : \ ~ t . " c d i n g h J i r i n c ~ s ' (i.e. frum p i j , ) s u s ~ wilh the intensifier p ~ > r p r e f i x e d ) ~ : l ~ to which the First Physician veryprojh:r1) ,,(}llllllCllb later, 'I never he.rd uf such a Distemper before' (II. ix). 'Trahisick' in the same speet:h\\HuM b..: from J .atin tr:lju:rt, meaning ~ t o draw out 1 Fielding in any case is amusing himself by puttingridieulou, trace meanings into this fal.c ).q;on, thuugh the traces do not all read quite clearly; and with wordsI i", rhis thae mllst surdy be some limit 011 the editorial duty to explain an .uthor, There is amedical disputein part] of he chapbook story, aher To m falls into the close-stool: 'The Doctor thought to let him Blood.bUI ,omc did him oppose, I Then uthers said 'twas for his Good, thus a Dispute arose, I Until a grave"'pcncllc'


14/15

Tom 1humbTh e burning Uri_legroom to the blushing Bride.And if I guess aright, Tom Thumb this NightShall give a Being to a n e ~ TOI/I Thumb.

ThullIb. it ,hall be my Endeavour so to do.llall . 0 tic upon you, Sir, .'tOll make me blush.T/llIwb. t is the Virgin's sign, and suits you weil

l kIW\ \ not where, nor how, nor what I am,I'm su transported, I have lost my self

111111t. Forbid it, all the Star s; for you'r e so small,That \Vere you lost, you'd find your self no more.So the unhappy Sempstress, once, th ey say,[ leI' Ne edle in a Pottle, lost, of Hay.In vain she look'd, and look'd, and made her Moan;Fur ah! the 0.'eedle was for ever gone.

A/lig. 1,Ol1g may ye live, and love, and propagate,'Till th..: whole Lm d be peopled with Tom Thulllbs.Su \\hen th..: ClIi::ihlr


15/15

I

Tom Thumb.\nu in J ;\loment, guess, oh! guess the rest,.'\nu in Moment SWJllow'd up Tom Thumb.

Killg. Horrible indeed!Gri':... Swallowed she h im Jlive?Nuot/. ,-\Jive, alive, Lor d Grizzle; so the Boys

Of Fishmongers do swallow Gudgeons down.Cri;::,. Curse on the Cow that took my Vengeance from me. [Aside.Kwg. Shut up again the Prisons, bid my Treasurer

Nor give three Farthings o u t ~ h a n g all the Culprits, Guilty or not-no mattcr.-Ravish Virgins, Go bid the School-masters whip all their Boys; Let Lawyas, Parsons, and Physicians loose, To rob, impose on, and to kill the World.

Ghost of Tom Thumb rises.GhllSl. TU1I/ Thumb 1am-but am not eke alive.

\1y Body's in the Cow, my Ghost is here.Gri:;,. Thanks, 0 ye Stars, my Vengeance is restor'd,

Nor shJit thou fly me-fiJf I'll kill thy Ghost. [Kills the Ghost.111111(.0 barbarous Deed!-l will revenge him so. (Kills Griz.Doud, Ha! Grizzle kill'd-thcn Murthcre ss beware, [Kills Hunc.QU

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Fielding, Tom Thumb (1730)