Essay Revision Tutorial

IntroductionThesisBody ParagraphsStructureAnalysisConclusion

The Introduction

The purpose of an introduction is simple: it is to introduce.

However, it is not to introduce a topic. It is to introduce your essay.

That is, the purpose of the introduction is to introduce what you have to say about the topic, not to introduce the topic itself.

The Introduction

Your intro must be precise (strictly stated, defined, or fixed).

The reader needs to know where you are headed so you must provide “definitions” of the terms used.

When you refer to: The Middle Ages…The Roman Empire…The Renaissance… establish what terms mean or your argument and conclusion will not be precise

If the reader (me) has to guess at what you mean or are trying to argue… not a good way to start an essay.

The Introduction

For Example

Many of you began your essay with the “fall of the Roman Empire and beginning of the Middle Ages” (FYI: Middle Ages NOT Medieval Ages!).

1.What do you mean by “fall”?2.How do you define "Roman Empire" and when/where do you place the event? 3.What and when were the “Middle Ages”4.Why are they deemed “middle”?

Turn the vague phrase into something specific!

The Introduction Student Example in need of Revision

Note: The following is the lead into the partition NOT the full introduction and is usually 2-3 sentences for a 5 paragraph essay.

From 500 CE to 1500 CE, there was much chaos and confusion. The recent fall of the Roman Empire sparked a great number of changes that eventually caused mass decentralization and a loss of order and stability.

Why does this need revising?

Revision ProcessIdentify the unexamined phrase(s):

500 CE to 1500, Chaos and Confusion

Roman EmpireMiddle Ages

Consider: Who or What? Why significant? When/Time and place? How this applies will lead to your position on the topic.

Revision: The collapse of the Western Roman Empire in 479 CE created chaos and confusion for individuals accustomed to the political, social, and economic infrastructure Rome had provided. By 500 CE, loss of order and stability had drastically altered western society and in effect obliterated Roman culture and tradition. Thus, the years bridging the Roman Empire and Renaissance (500-1450) are labeled “Middle Ages” and deemed “Dark Ages” by generations to follow.

Read the 1st draft again. See the difference?

Introduction Continued

The partition: establishes three major sub-topics you plan to discuss and follows your lead sentences

Example:

This turmoil led to the establishment of the feudal and manorial systems, which lent some order to the crumbling western society. But the most important institution established into power at this time was the Catholic Church. By uniting people and establishing order in society, the Church was able to control religion, politics and the economy by the High Middle Ages.

 

Position on the topic: Church was an imposition

Remember the format!

Opposition First (this is where you recognize that the opposing argument has a valid point)Your main argument 2nd

Thesis Statement:Although the Church preserved many aspects of Greco-Roman culture and created order, it used this advantage to impose and gain power throughout Western Europe eventually resulting in the desertion of Christian ideals and demise of the Catholic Church.  

Introduction Continued: The Thesis Statement

Revised Introduction

The collapse of the Western Roman Empire in 479 CE created chaos and confusion for individuals accustomed to the political, social, and economic infrastructure Rome had provided. By 500 CE, loss of order and stability had drastically altered western society and in effect obliterated Roman culture and tradition. Thus, the years bridging the Roman Empire and Renaissance (500-1450) are labeled “Middle Ages” and deemed “Dark Ages” by generations to follow. This turmoil led to the establishment of the feudal and manorial systems, which lent some order to the crumbling western society. But the most important institution established into power at this time was the Catholic Church. By uniting people and establishing order in society, the Church was able to control religion, politics and the economy by the High Middle Ages. Although the Church preserved many aspects of Greco-Roman culture and created order, the Church used this advantage to impose and gain power throughout Western Europe eventually resulting in the desertion of Christian ideals and demise of the Catholic Church.

Home WorkRewrite your introductionRevise your thesis (more tips here)

Due Monday! Bring essay first draft!!

Body Paragraphs 1st Body Paragraph is your counterargument (opposition) In this paragraph you should be addressing the 1st half of your

thesis statement: Although the Church preserved many aspects of Greco-Roman culture and created order,

Here you are presenting a specific piece of supporting evidence: preservation of many aspects of Roman Culture

The structure pretty much mirrors your intro:

1. Make your statement about preservation of many aspects of Roman Culture.

2. Explain it (“definitions”): what do you mean by “many aspects”, “Roman Culture”?

3. Connect back to your thesis with evidence

4. Transition into body paragraph 2 (your position on the topic)

1st Body Paragraph Breakdown ChartRemember to answer the precision questions first:

When/Time and place? Who or What? Why significant? How this applies to your position on the topic.

When: Early Middle Ages (500-800)What: Catholic ChurchWhy significant: preservation of Greco-Roman

CultureOnce you have completed your “definitions” and

answered the questions you can begin writing your paragraph.

1st Paragraph (counter argument) Topic Sentence

Pull the information together and begin with a precise statement on the topic. This is your topic sentence.

Example: The educational advancement that occurred in the High Middle Ages (900-1200) would not have been possible without the efforts of the Catholic Church.

Precise? Why/How?

Next you have to offer a relevant explanation for your topic sentence.

1st Body Paragraph ContinuedYou will need to give examples of educational

advancements and Church efforts.

Follow with connection to your argument.