Eng102 AppropriateLang Shifts Critiques BH SP15

8/9/2019 Eng102 AppropriateLang Shifts Critiques BH SP15

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Rubric/peer review

Final copy

Prewrite Plan

Rough draft


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“The writer who breedsmore words than he

needs, is making achore for the reader

who reads.” -Dr. Seuss


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Eliminate redundancies

Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitation center working as a registered physical therapist.

Daniel works at a private rehabilitationcenter as a registered physical therapist.

Sylvia very hurriedly scribbled her name,address, and phone number on a greasy

napkin. Sylvia scribbled her name, address, and

phone number on a greasy napkin.


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Avoid unnecessary repetition of words

Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient.

Our fifth patient, in room six, is mentally ill.

The best teachers help each studentbecome a better student bothacademically and emotionally.

The best teachers help each student growboth academically and emotionally.


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Cut empty or inflated phrases

Along the lines of...like

As a matter of fact...in fact

At all times...always

At the present time...now, currently Because of the fact that...because

Due to the fact that...because

For the reason that...because In order to...to

In the final analysis...finally


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Simplify the structure especially by avoidingbe verbs and there is, are, was, were

Investigators were involved in studying theeffect of classical music on unborn babies.

Investigators studied the effect of classicalmusic on unborn babies.

All too often, athletes with marginal academic skills have been recruited by our coaches.

All too often, our coaches have recruitedathletes with marginal academic skills.


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Reduce clauses to phrases and phrases tosingle words

We took a side trip to Monticello, which wasthe home of Thomas Jefferson.

We took a side trip to Monticello, the homeof Thomas Jefferson.


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Stay away from jargon

We outsourced the work to an outfit in Ohiobecause we didn’t have the bandwidth to tackleit in-house.

We hired a company in Ohio because we hadtoo few employees to do the work.

The CEO should dialogue with investors about partnering with clients to purchase land ineconomically deprived zones.

The CEO should talk with investors aboutworking with clients to buy land in poorneighborhoods.


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Avoid pretentious language

Taylor’s employment of multihued means ofexpression draws back the curtains andlets slip the nostalgic vantage point from

which she observes American society aswell as her lack of comprehension ofeconomic realities.

Taylor’s use of colorful language reveals that she has a nostalgic view of American society and does not understandeconomic realities.


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Avoid most euphemisms› Nice-sounding words or phrases substituted for

words thought to sound harsh or ugly Adult entertainment

Preowned automobile

Economically deprived Negative savings

Strategic withdrawal

Correctional facility

Revenue enhancers

Chemical dependency

Avoid doublespeak› Deliberately evasive or deceptive language

›

Downsizing = firing employees


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Avoid sexist language› Chairman

› Fireman› Mailman› Mankind› weatherman

When a student writes a paper, he must proofreadcarefully.When a student writes a paper, he/she must

proofread carefully. Rather than use too many he/she his/her, use

pluralWhen students write their papers, they must

proofread carefully. Best to rewrite sentence to avoid problem

completely


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Revise language that may offend groups ofpeople

North Dakota takes its name from the Indianword meaning “friend” or “ally.”

North Dakota takes its name from the Lakotaword meaning “friend” or “ally.”


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Select words with appropriateconnotations

When American soldiers returned home afterWorld War II, many women abandoned

their jobs in favor of marriage.When American soldiers returned home after

World War II, many women left their jobs in

favor of marriage.


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Prefer specific concrete nouns

Thing, area, aspect, factor, individual, etc.

The senator spoke about the challenges ofthe future: the environment and world

peace.

The senator spoke about the challenges ofthe future: pollution, dwindling resources,

and terrorism.


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Do not misuse words

These days the training required for a balletdancer is all-absorbent.

These days the training required for a ballet

dancer is all-absorbing.


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Use Standard Idioms› Speech forms that follow no easily specified

rulesNEVER ALWAYS

Angry at (a person) Angry with (a person)

Agree to (an idea) Agree with (an idea)

Different than Different from

Off of Off

Plan on doing Plan to do

think on Think of; think about

Try and; sure and Try to; sure to


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Do not rely heavily on clichés› Cool as a

› Beat around

› Blind as a

›

Crystal› Dead as a

› Light as a

› Like a bull

› Nutty as a› Playing with

Use figures of speech with care› Similes & metaphors


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How are the rules for wordy sentences,appropriate language, and exact words

broken?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo


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Intentionally break all the rules for wordysentences, appropriate language, andfinding exact words by rewriting the lyrics

to a song.


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I wasn't born for diggin deep holesI'm not made for pavin long roadsI aint cut out to climb high line poles

But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer

I'm not the type to work in a bankI'm no good at slappin on paintDon't have a knack for makin motorscrank, no

But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer

So hand me one moreThat's what I'm here forI'm built for having a ballI love the nightlife

I love my budlightI like 'em cold and tall

I aint much for mowin thick grassI'm too slow for workin' too fastI don't do windows so honey don't ask

But I'm pretty good at drinkin' beer

A go getter maybe I'm not

I'm not known for doin' a lotBut I do my best work when the weather'I'm pretty good at drinkin' beer

So hand me one moreThat's what I'm here for

I'm built for having a ballI love the nightlifeI love my budlightI like 'em cold and tall

I wasn't born for diggin deep holes

I'm not made for pavin long roadsI aint cut out to climb high line polesBut I'm pretty good at drinkin beerI'm pretty good at drinkin beer

m no a an or car ng or g y


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The intention of my conceptionwasn’t for the purpose ofagricultural or luminescent

engineering. However, I'm aprofessional fermented yeastbeverage consumer.

I wouldn't’t be categorized forbeing a finical officer or adding

gratuitous cosmetic pigment.Don’t have a future with internalcombustion blocks. However, I'ma professional fermented yeastbeverage consumer.

Ill accept an encore, that’s whyI'm in attendance, physiologicallybuilt for have ball. With theindirect connection with a G-typemain-sequence star, I’d enjoy mylow calorie Budweiser, I prefer

them altitudinous and brisk.

m no a an or car ng or g yconcentrated landscapes, I have a badcase of chronic fatigue syndrome, I’m nota contractor so honey don’t ask. However,I'm a professional fermented yeastbeverage consumer.

A go getter maybe I'm notI’ve been known using excuses But I do my best work when the sun isaligned with my location. I'm a professionalfermented yeast beverage consumer.

Ill accept an encore, that’s why I'm inattendance, physiologically built for haveball. With the indirect connection with a G-type main-sequence star, I’d enjoy my lowcalorie Budweiser, I prefer themaltitudinous and brisk.

The intention of my conception wasn’t forthe purpose of agricultural advancementor to have a career with PENDOT, and not

a fan of high altitude atmosphericallyconditions.


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OriginalI wasn't born for diggin deep holesI'm not made for pavin long roads

I aint cut out to climb high line polesBut I'm pretty good at drinkin beer

RewriteThe intention of my conception wasn’t for thepurpose of agricultural or luminescentengineering. However, I'm a professionalfermented yeast beverage consumer.


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These distract or confuse readers

Point of view

Verb tense

Mood or voice

Indirect to direct questions/quotations(statements to questions)


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First person emphasizes writer

Good for informal letters and writing basedon personal experience

Second person emphasizes reader Good for giving advice or explaining how to

do something

Third person emphasizes subject Best for formal academic and professional

writing


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Our class practiced rescuing a victimtrapped in a wrecked car. We learnedto dismantle the car with the essential

tools. You were graded on your speedand your skill in freeing the victim.

Our class practiced rescuing a victimtrapped in a wrecked car. We learnedto dismantle the car with the essentialtools. You were graded on your speedand your skill in freeing the victim.


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When writing about literature, use presenttense (especially fiction)

The scarlet letter is a punishment sternly

placed on Hester’s breast by thecommunity, and yet it was a fancifuland imaginative product of Hester’sown needlework.

The scarlet letter is a punishment sternly placed on Hester’s breast by thecommunity, and yet it is a fanciful andimaginative product of Hester’s own

needlework.


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Three moods in English Indicative is used for facts, opinions,

questions Imperative is used for orders or advice Subjunctive is used to express wishes or

conditions contrary to factNo - The counselor advised us to spread out

our core requirements over two or three semesters. Also, pay attention to pre-

requisites for elective courses.Yes - The counselor advised us to spread outour core requirements over two or three

semesters. She also suggested that we payattention to pre-requisites for elective

courses.


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No - Each student completes a self-assessment. The self-assessment isthen given to the teacher and a copy

is exchanged with a classmate.Yes - Each student completes a self-

assessment, gives it to the teacher,and exchanges a copy with aclassmate.


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Indirect question: We asked whether wecould visit Miriam

Direct question: Can we visit Miriam?

1. I wonder whether Karla knew of the theftand, if so, whether she reported it to the police.

2. I wonder whether Karla knew of the theftand, if so, did she report it to the police?

1. I wonder whether Karla knew of the theftand, if so, whether she reported it to the

police.


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1. The patient said she had beenexperiencing heart palpitations and couldthe doctor please run as many tests as possible to find out what’s wrong.

2. The patient said she had beenexperiencing heart palpitations andasked me to run as many tests as possibleto find out what was wrong.

2. The patient said she had beenexperiencing heart palpitations andasked me to run as many tests as possibleto find out what was wrong.


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Give an incorrect example of eachshift rule. Then, correct the example.


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Builds upon a summary

a formalized, critical reading of a passagethat includes a personal response

purpose is to turn a critical reading of apassage into a systematic evaluation to

deepen a reader’s understanding of thatpassage


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must determine what an author says

how well the points are made

what assumptions underlie the argument

what issues are overlooked, and whatimplication can be drawn from such ananalysis, statement and explanation ofpersonal assumptions

(opinions/responses)


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Begin by posing two broad questions about

readings:

To what extent does the author succeed in

his/her purpose?

To what extent do you agree with the

author?


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identify author’s thesis

identify the selection’s content andstructure

identify the author’s purpose.

author’s purpose – to inform, persuade,and/or entertain


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Reason an author writes something

To inform

To persuade

To entertain


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Is the information accurate?

Is the information significant? What canthe reader gain from this information? Howis knowledge advanced by thepublication of this material? Is the

information of importance to you or toothers in a particular audience? Why orwhy not?


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Does the author fairly interpret the factual

information? Could you offer a contraryexplanation for the same facts? Doesmore information need to be gatheredbefore firm conclusions can be drawn?

Why?


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What is the author’s assertion or thesis

statement? Is the author’s argument valid? Does the

author use clearly defined key terms?Does the author use information fairly? Has

the author argued logically and notfallaciously?

Watch out for faulty thinking and logicalfallacies


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Which elements of the work seemedeffective/ineffective? Why? Offer anoverall assessment, elaborating onpersonal views.› Did I care for the portrayal of a certain

character?

› Did that character seem overly sentimentalor heroic?

› Did his adversaries seem too villainous orstupid?


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› Did his adversaries seem too villainous orstupid?

› Were the situations believable?

› Was the action interesting or merelyformulaic?

› Was the theme developed subtly orpowerfully, or did the work come across as

preachy or shrill?› Did the action at the end of the work follow

plausibly from what had come before?

› Was the language fresh and incisive or stale

and predictable?


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To what extent do you agree with the author?

your assessment of the presentation may notcoincide with personal views:› you may agree with the author but feel the

presentation is superficial

respond to author’s main assertions(arguments)

identify points of agreement and

disagreement identify assumptions

Elaborate upon your opinion….WHY do youagree or disagree?


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identify the article title and author provide background information that

answers one or more of the followingquestions:› Why is the subject of current interest?

› How or why is the subject of the passagecontroversial?

› What is the author’s background? › Under what circumstances was the passage

written?

include a specific thesis statement


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summarizes the authors main points andpurpose for writing

is brief, complete, objective, and avoidsplagiarism


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essay objectively assesses the validity of theauthor’s presentation by commenting on the

author’s success in achieving his/herpurpose by reviewing 3 or 4 specific points


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The specific points are based upon thefollowing criteria:

› Is the information accurate?

› Is the information significant?

› Has the author clearly defined terms?

› Has the author used and interpreted

information fairly? Has the author arguedlogically?


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Essay responds to the author’s views

Essay discusses reasons for agreementand/or disagreement

Questions to answer include:

› With which views do you agree? Why?› With which views do you disagree? Why?


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states conclusions about the overall validityof the article

assesses author’s success at achieving aims mentions personal reactions to author’s

views

restates the thesis by mentioning theweaknesses/strengths of passage


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16. While reflecting on Cuomo’s article, there is

some evidence to support his argument, but hislack of elaboration on some of the main pointsand his biased opinion harms the strength of thevalidity of the argument.

17. Although profanity does effect players’aggression and behavior, different variablessuch as past exposure to video games, amount

of video games played per day, and theprotagonist or antagonist use of profanity canhelp the effect of profanity in video games.


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1. The following will summarize the article, evaluate the

article, and have a personal response on the article.

2. In the article, “The Death Penalty Debate,” Patricia Smithwrites about capital punishment and the controversialreason some might oppose to it while others concur thatthe death penalty is the just thing to do.

3. In Sean Gregory’s “Should This Kid Be Making $225, 047A year for Playing College Football?” his writing delves intomany different subjects on the current state of collegeathletics like the people who are benefiting the most from

unpaid student athletes, Johnny Manziel, and somereasons on why student athletes are not currently paid.


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4. The issue of elderly driving will be analyzed by

looking at a brief summary of Anderson’s article, acritique of Anderson’s article, and my personalstance and opinions on this controversial issue.

5. High unemployment of college graduates andoutstanding student loan debts are reasons forsome to reconsider their future plans and find outwhich educational route is best for them.

6. This paper will demonstrate the economic andenvironmental benefits of hunting on the local andnational levels.


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7. Abortions is wrong, Kerby Anderson has

many points to back this statement.

8. In the article “Why I’m Against Gun

Control,” Peter Tucci covers important topicson the controversy of gun control and whyhe is not a supporter.

9. Euthanasia should be a given right,especially to those who are terminally ill andlive their lives so close to the edge of death.


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10. Lowering the drinking age would cause

more harm to not only the young adults, but tothe whole society.

11. If public schools around the world want toteach evolution, then it is only fair to supportersof divine creation to teach creationismalongside evolution without bringing up religion.

12. The passage will include a brief summary,an assessment of Kinsley’s performance, and apersonal response from the writer.


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13. Londono has very important facts, but the

whole article is very biased which I disagreewith since my family has had some militarybackground.

14. When reflecting on Tara Parker-Pope’sarticle, I found that there are many good pointsand research that she refers to while avoidingbias, which is often difficult to do on such acontroversial topic.

15. When referring to Pavoine’s article, there isstrong evidence to support these topics.


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Anderson’s factual, clearly defined,unbiased information about the war ondrugs coincides with my views regardingmass legalization.


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Read the essays What components must be included

in a critique?

Rank essays from best to worst Write order on board


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Read an article in the textbook and write acritique based upon the previously outlinedcriteria. 3 – 4 pages

› 100 points


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Critique rough drafts

Documents

Eng102 AppropriateLang Shifts Critiques BH SP15