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SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters Effective Communication Skills When Your Telepathic Superpower is Broken! Southern Proposal Accents Conference Robin Davis, AF.APMP Robin Davis Consulting 1

Effective Communication Skills When Your Telepathic ... · Barbra Streisand in . Funny Girl, 1968 Photo credit: Columbia/Courtesy Neal Peters Collection . SPAC 2012 . ... •Essential

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SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Effective Communication Skills When Your Telepathic Superpower is Broken!

Southern Proposal Accents Conference

Robin Davis, AF.APMP Robin Davis Consulting

1

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 2

To provide you with communication strategies that will improve your interpersonal effectiveness.

Session Goal

Reference:

Messages: The Communication Skills Book Matthew McKay, Ph.D., Martha Davis, Ph.D., and Patrick Fanning

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 3

1. Listening 2. Self-Disclosure 3. Partnering 4. Influencing 5. Acting strategically

Communication strategies

Barbra Streisand in Funny Girl, 1968 Photo credit: Columbia/Courtesy Neal Peters Collection

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Listening

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 5

• A commitment and a compliment • Based on the intention to:

• Understand someone • Enjoy someone • Learn something • Give help or solace

• Essential for making and keeping relationships

Listening is…..

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 6

Blocks to listening Block Definition

Comparing Assessing how you measure up

Mind reading Trying to figure out what the speaker is really thinking or feeling

Judging Tuning out if somebody says something you think is wrong or stupid

Advising Start giving advice without really hearing the person’s feelings

Sparring Focused on finding things to disagree with or debate about

Being right Can’t listen to criticism, can’t be corrected, can’t take suggestions

Placating You want to be nice – you want people to like you so you agree with everything

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 7

Taking action

Active Listening • Paraphrasing • Clarifying • Giving feedback

Listening with Empathy • What is the need • What danger are they experiencing • What are they asking for

Listening with Openness • Hear the whole statement first • Don’t take it personally • Find the truth • Investigate their point of view

Listening with Awareness • Fact check with what you know • Observe congruence

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 8

1. Maintain good eye contact 2. Lean slightly forward 3. Actively move away from

distractions 4. Be committed to

understanding what is said, even if your are angry or upset

Quick tips to being a total listener

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Self-Disclosure

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 10

• Self-disclosure is communicating information about yourself to another person

• You tell people about yourself by what you say and do and what you don’t say and do

• Must be appropriate and effective

“Bring yourself to work”

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 11

We formed a band, man

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 12

• Increased self-knowledge • Improved communication • More energy

Rewards of self-disclosure

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Partnering

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Define the relationship • Find common ground - get involved on a social level • Determine how you are going to work together • Establish clear expectations around roles

16

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 17

Communicate your value • Document and share what you do

• Process flows, SOPs, methodology • Roles and responsibilities

• Exploit your affiliation with APMP • Don’t do it because I said so, do it because the “worldwide

authority for professionals dedicated to the process of winning business” said so

• Find a mentor or two – get involved • Accreditation – proof that you’re a professional

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Be a thought partner • You are the proposal SME – share your

stories • Problem solve • You know a little bit about everything • You have built relationships across the

company

18

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Be prepared • Take initiative – be proactive

• Knowledgebase, templates, guidelines • Lessons learned have been applied • Know the last pick-up time of all the local Fedex

offices

19

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Deliver on your promises • Be honest • Be inclusive • Be on-time • Be consistent

20

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Influencing

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Strategies that don’t work • Blaming, criticizing, or complaining • Threats • Belittling • Pouting or withdrawing

22

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Strategies that DO work • Positive reinforcement

• Praise • Trading • Building in rewards • Verbal and nonverbal appreciation

23

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Strategies that DO work (continued)

• Negative consequences

• Stop the rewards • Identify natural

consequences • Design self-care strategies

24

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Develop a plan 1. Make a direct request 2. Give praise 3. Describe a trade 4. Build in rewards 5. Give verbal and non-verbal

appreciation 6. Identify consequences

25

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Think and Act Strategically

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 27

Know the goals • Relate what you do to the big picture

• Company’s short- and long-term goals • Annual sales goal • Expectations of the proposal department • How you are personally measured

Company

Sales Proposal Personal

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 28

Report out and up • Progress to the goals • Market intelligence

• Where/who proposals are coming from • What is being asked for that you don’t do today • What trends are emerging in RFP questions • Who do you keep losing to and why

• Leverage technology

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 29

Know the market landscape • SWOT analysis • Competitive analysis

The healthiest competition occurs when average people win by putting in above average effort.

Colin Powell

Competition is not only the basis of protection for the consumer, but is the incentive to progress.

Herbert Hoover

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 31

1. Listening 2. Self-Disclosure 3. Partnering 4. Influencing 5. Thinking and acting strategically

We covered…..

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters 32

• Expressing • Body language • Paralanguage • Metamessages • Hidden agendas • Clarifying language • Assertiveness • Fair fighting • Validation strategies • Negotiation • Conflict management

We didn’t cover….

IT’S IN THE BOOK!

Messages: The Communication Skills Book Matthew McKay, Ph.D., Martha Davis, Ph.D., and Patrick Fanning

SPAC 2012 Sponsored by Georgia, Florida, and Carolinas APMP Chapters

Thanks for having me!

Robin Davis, AF.APMP Robin Davis Consulting

615.712.6298 [email protected]