Days of Deepening Friendship

Other books by Vinita Hampton Wright

Nonfiction

The Soul Tells a Story: Engaging Creativity with Spirituality in the Writing Life

A Catalogue of Angels: The Heavenly, the Fallen, and the Holy Ones Among Us

The St. Thérèse of Lisieux Prayer Book

Simple Acts of Moving Forward: 60 Suggestions for Getting Unstuck

Fiction

Grace at Bender Springs

Velma Still Cooks in Leeway

The Winter Seeking

Dwelling Places

i_2811_DaysDeepFriend.indd 2 10/16/08 3:15:37 PM

Vinita Hampton

Wright

For the Woman Who Wants Authentic Life with God

Days of Deepening Friendship


© 2009 Vinita Hampton WrightAll rights reserved

Scripture quotations contained herein are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1993 and 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations without chapter and verse reference are not direct quotes but paraphrases by the author.

Cover design by Kathryn Seckman KirschInterior design by Maggie HongAuthor photo by Jim Wright

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataWright, Vinita Hampton, 1958– Days of deepening friendship : for the woman who wants authentic life with God / Vinita Hampton Wright. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references (p. ). ISBN-13: 978-0-8294-2811-7 ISBN-10: 0-8294-2811-9 1. Catholic women—Religious life. 2. Spiritual life--Catholic Church. 3. Friendship—Religious aspects—Catholic Church. I. Title. BX2353.W75 2009 248.8’43—dc22 2008039971

Printed in the United States of America08 09 10 11 12 Versa 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1


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For every womanwhose hunger for love

refuses to die


vii

Contents

What can this book do for you? 1Why friendship, and why now? 6

part one BeginningWhat has awakened your spiritual desire? 161 How have you managed your life so far? 202 What do you expect from this encounter? 263 Where have you come from? 324 Who, and what, comes with you? 395

part two HesitationHow do you approach God of the universe? 526 What do you bring to this friendship? 587 Why is it hard to come to God? 688 What happens if you fall apart? 759 What would it take to say yes to love? 8110


viii Contents

part three AwarenessWhat is your history with God? 8811 How can Jesus help your God-awareness? 9412 How do you live in the space you’re given? 10013 How will you react to the realities of time? 10914 What are your harmful attachments? 11815

part four ResistanceWhat is holding you back? 12616 Are you ready to be honest? 13217 What does it mean to be converted? 13918 How do you get in your own way? 14619 How will forgiveness change you? 15320

part five ConversationWhat has prayer been for you? 16221 How do you bring your whole self to prayer? 16822 Where is the Holy Spirit in this conversation? 17523 Is prayer a request or a response? 18224 What does it mean to pray with others? 18925

part six AttentionHow do you truly wake up? 19826 How do spiritual traditions aid attentiveness? 20427 What is significant about God as parent? 20928 What brings you desolation? 21629 30 What brings you consolation? 22330


Contents ix

part seven EngagementWhy are your gifts important? 23231 What can Jesus teach you about engagement? 24132 How does the Holy Spirit engage with you? 24933 How do you choose a way and follow it? 25834 How do joy and gratitude nourish your friendship? 26335

part eight LoveHow does listening express love? 27436 Why does your wisdom matter? 28037 What difference does imagination make? 28838 How do you nurture God? 29439 Why is passion important? 30040

How to use this book with small groups 309Acknowledgments 311Notes 313About the Author 317


132

chapter 17

Are you ready to be honest?

O Lord, you have searched me and known me.

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from far away.

You search out my path and my lying down,

and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

O Lord, you know it completely.

Psalm 139:1–4

We’ve heard about John the Baptist, a wild kind of prophet who lived in the wilderness of Palestine. John ate locusts

and wild honey and wore a camel’s hair shirt. He told good people they needed to repent, to prepare them for the arrival of his cousin Jesus from Nazareth. He also told King Herod he needed to repent, since his illegal wife was already married to his brother. That’s why the wife schemed with her daughter to


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134 Resistance

your soul is sending you signals that something is wrong but even good friends tell you not to worry so much and to give yourself a break, you will understand that something bigger is at stake. Spiritual awareness brings with it choices that sometimes only you will know about—those interior decisions that truly shape who you are.

Keep in mind that, not only do we as individuals resist move-ment toward God, but the whole of human society does as well. Rather than deal with wrongdoing, let’s cover it up. Rather than ask the hard questions, let’s hire better spin doctors. Rather than tell people what they don’t want to know, tell them that every-thing’s fine. Rather than demand that people change in order to heal and repair, tell them they’re okay—in fact, they’re wonder-ful and shouldn’t let anything bother them, or they should take a pill so that things don’t bother them so much. This social pres-sure to gloss over sin and its effects makes it difficult for a person to tell the truth even in private.

John the Baptist was not the first prophet to tell people the bad news they desperately needed to hear. Open the writings of any Old Testament prophet, such as Jeremiah or Ezekiel, and prepare to be shocked at the severity of their message. Don’t be surprised at the reactions they received—derision, dismissal, persecution, imprisonment. Centuries later, Jesus lamented over Jerusalem as the city that killed its prophets. He could have been gazing over any American city today, or any human establish-ment anywhere.

What does it cost you to tell the truth? Does your marriage limp along while both of you keep on doing the same old things in the same ineffective ways? If you told the truth, there would




136 Resistance

The Baptist is waiting for you, too. He wants to look into your eyes and say, “Things aren’t going so well, are they?” You will find no condemnation in that face; he is deeply sad that you’re in trouble. He’s glad, though, to see your honesty come forth. He knows that healing will follow.

I waited a long time

and traveled many miles,

just to be told what I dreaded to hear:

You were wrong.

Darkness lives in you.

Your wound is ghastly.

After that,

I sat by a river for days.

The heat shimmered down,

and the insects sang,

and my tears dried up.

Then I got really mad—

at the waste, I mean, at how long

it took me to make the trip

and see the truth and follow it

out of that valley.

The first thing I had to do

was buy new shoes.




138 Resistance

Why do you think people tried to shush the blind man? Have others ever tried to silence your cries for help? If so, what did they do, and what do you think their motives were?

If Jesus were to ask you, “What do you want me to do for you,” what would you say?

Reflect on how it feels to you to acknowledge that all is not well. Talk with God about your reaction.


Christianity/Inspiration $13.95 U.S.

ISBN-10: 0-8294-2811-9ISBN-13: 978-0-8294-2811-7

V H

W

For the Woman Who Wants Authentic Life with God

Days of Deepening Friendship

Be your true self—and get ready for a dynamic friendship with the Divine.

It’s time for women of faith to quit apologizing—for who they are or who they’ve been, for what they feel and know, and for their

powerful ability to connect with spiritual reality. When a woman is free to be herself and to express to God—without fear—her loves, dreams, pains, and passions, she can embark upon a friendship that is stunning in its wisdom and delightful in its daily unfolding.

Using Scripture, meditations, stories, and written exercises, Days of Deepening Friendship encourages women to radically rethink their approach to friendship with God and to explore the deeper regions of this very special relationship. � roughout forty brief chapters, author and spirituality-workshop leader Vinita Hampton Wright taps the proven wisdom of Ignatian spirituality by employing prayer, imagination, action, and refl ection, making the book an ideal spiritual workshop for women.

Days of Deepening Friendship will free any woman to fl ing wide open the door to the Divine and become friends with the God who has loved her all along for who she really is.

V H W leads workshops around the country on the creative-spiritual process. She is the author of many books, including Simple Acts of Moving Forward, � e Soul Tells a Story, � e St. � érèse of Lisieux Prayer Book, and the novel Dwelling Places. She and her husband, Jim, live in Chicago.

Days of D

eepening FriendshipW

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