Cultivate Life

7/30/2019 Cultivate Life

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Cultivate Life! magazine

is published every week

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Editors: Greg Willson ofNo Limits for Me and Peter Shepherd ofTrans4mind

CONTENTS:

Heart to Heart Coaching:

Coach Doris Jeanette, replies to: I am always tired and

lethargic. I am just frustrated with my life and I just wish I

wasn't born.

Features:Brian Tracy, Sharpening Your Conversation Skills

Jon Rhodes, How to Stay Calm In Any Situation

Cultivate Life Weekly Writers:

Guy Finley, Step Up and Away from Punishing Feelings

Chuck Gallozzi, Thinking about Thinking about Thinking

Beca Lewis, Programmed For Joy

Steve Wickham,Becoming Invisible

Cultivate Health:

Jeff Beals, Healthy Living Is a Prerequisite for Success

Veronica, Kid Characteristics That Make Us Healthy Later

in Life

Cultivate Truth:

Karen Wright, Truth or Consequences?

Joan Angarano, Discerning Truth

Cultivate Life Extras:

Leo Babauta, The Art of Handling Criticism Gracefully

Roberta Chinsky Matuson, How to Confront Without

Conflict

Miles Murphy, If You Don't Know Where You're Going...Stephanie Marston, Slow Down You Move Too Fast

Keith Varnum, 10 Reasons to Know Where You Come

From!

Barnabas Tiburtius, Object of Our Devotion

Cultivate Life Partworks:

A Course In Miracles, Lesson 41 plus Commentary by

Allen Watson
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Heart to Heart Coaching:Coach Doris Jeanette, replies to: I am always tired and lethargic. Iam just frustrated with my life and I just wish I wasn't born.

I am going to answer two questions from two men from Australia. Oftenmen do not admit to being depressed so thank you for admitting thetruth of your life experience. You both reveal the pain of beingdepressed and feeling helplessness.

Questioner 1Philosophy: I have researched all religions and New Age Groups forthe past 40 years and I have ended up not knowing who or what tobelieve any more, so I don't believe in anything at present.

Hopes and aspirations: Self-Realisation and to Know The Truth.

Question: My question is, is it possible to know the Truth of who weare and are we conscious after death? I have also been suffering fromDepression and Anxiety for years, I suffer from low testosterone, I amchanging my depression medication and with the process I am goingthru emotional upheavals and extreme desire for sex. I am justfrustrated with my life and I just wish I wasn't born.

Questioner 2Philosophy: I honestly believe that I can do anything that I set my mindto. (Just have a problem doing it)

Hopes and aspirations: I just want to be a motivated person

Question: I feel like I'm in a shell sort of. I just sit there and think aboutthings I want to do but I am unable to get moving. My mind is veryactive and I take Prozac daily. I am diagnosed with depression andanxiety. I just can't seem to make the initial move towards productivity.I need to (I think) make even the smallest move to get started, but Ican't seem to lift a finger. I am always tired and lethargic. I hate thisabout myself. My wife deserves better than that. I have read countlessmotivational sites and nothing seems to work. Can you help me toeven make the smallest moves towards something (anything)productive? Thank you for your reply!

Answer:Damned if you do. Damned if you don't. This is the curse of the humancondition when you are trapped in your past learning history and do notknow how to get out of it. You are in a lose-lose situation called learnedhelplessness.

The famous psychologist, Harry Harlow called it the "pit of despair."Few know that he suffered from severe depression and received shock

treatments. After his hospitalization, he conducted research where hecreated the "pit of despair," in his famous rhesus monkeys.

In this state, no matter what you do, your ego, your brain, yourthoughts attack you. Mean. Nasty. Hateful thoughts and damagingmental judgments constantly come at you.

As a result, unhealthy, mental energy is created.

The nasty thoughts are composed of unpleasant energy, which oftensettle around your head. Of course, these thought forms can take holdanywhere in your body and energy field. They are perceptible; they canbe seen and felt by people who are sensitive and intuitive.

These thought forms are real; they have substance, weight anddensity. Even color, smell and form. Well-trained and skilled Chineseacupuncturists have smelled this energy for centuries. You too, candevelop your ability to sense and smell nasty thought energy.

Your thought forms are constantly hurting you and attacking you. So ofcourse, this dense energy weights you down. How could you move

when this nasty energy is between you and the real world? As long asthis gray energy has the upper hand you are truly stuck in learnedhelplessness.

Currently, your thought forms do have the upper hand because you areweaker than they are. This is a fact. A physical fact. It is also a fact thatthis nasty energy breaks the heart and paralyzes all forwardmovements of life until you unlearn your helplessness.


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Traditional psychologists and psychiatrists call this state depression.However depression is not anything strange or bizarre. Mental illnessis a myth. Read Thomas Szasz's book, which was first published in1961, "The Myth of Mental Illness." I like his quote, "If you talk to God,you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia".

The physical reality that you are experiencing is not a disease orillness. You think you cannot move. Therefore, you do not move. You

think you are worthless and helpless. As a result you are stuck insticky, dark, molasses energy.

As a holistic psychologist, with 35 years of clinical experience, I alsoknow you feel safer when you do not move. Please read the columnabout OCD, anxiety and depression. It explains that once you moveout of the depressed state, you are then face to face with your nastythoughts forms. This of course, makes you highly anxious.

Since you do not have the skills to deal with anxiety, you go back into adepressed state. This means you must first learn how to reduce your

anxiety if you want to overcome depression.

"I am changing my depression medication and in the process I amgoing thru emotional upheavals and extreme desire for sex. I amjust frustrated with my life and I just wish I wasn't born."

To add more obstacles to your ability to move out from under theseheavy thought forms, you add medication. Depression medication isnotorious for shutting off your sexual energy. I know from successfullyteaching others how to get out of the depressed state, that your strong,potent sexual energy is part of the cure.

Your physical, sexual energy is essential. It provides the voltageneeded so you can become stronger than your nasty thought forms.Therefore, when you take medication you put yourself in a double lose-lose. You are already depressing your sexual and emotional energy inthe first place. Now the drug is helping you depress your juicy energy.Is this the help you need?

Why not enjoy your sexual feelings and encourage this energy? Solosex is healthy and good for you. What about your lovely wife? Youcould learn to become a better lover so you can enjoy sex with her.The research on depression consistently finds that physical activitiesare the only thing that helps. Sex is an excellent choice.

I also know that feeling your real emotions will give you the extraenergy you need to become stronger than your nasty thought forms. I

cannot help but comment about a Japanese movie I saw, "I'd RatherBe a Shellfish." http://www.phillycinefest.org/film-details.cfm?id=8605 Ilove Japanese movies because they are so full of emotion.

This is a very sad movie. From what I understand, it is based on acommon theme and popular story in Japan. Watching it can help youcry from your guts, solar plexus and heart. Crying from authentic,emotional hurt is very different from crying due to thought based self-pity.

To learn the difference between your nasty thoughts that depress you

and your authentic feelings with create vital energy study and workwith the "Opening the Heart" audio. http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

You need to use the current Japanese disaster, as well as sad movies,to help you feel your authentic feelings and emotions. When you feelyour authentic emotions, you will notice a shift out of your thoughtforms into reality. Feelings quickly move you out of depressed energyinto a healthier, flowing energy.

With your goal of "Self-Realization and to Know The Truth" in mind, letus continue.

All power is within. This is the truth. It is universal law.

However, when you are depressed, you do not have access to yourpower. It is not available to you. And I assure you there are no quick,spiritual, angels, therapists, psychologists or gurus who can give youpower. They do not have your power. You have your power.
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.htmlhttp://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.htmlhttp://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.htmlhttp://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.htmlhttp://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.htmlhttp://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.htmlhttp://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.htmlhttp://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.htmlhttp://www.phillycinefest.org/film-details.cfm?id=8605http://www.phillycinefest.org/film-details.cfm?id=8605


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The wise holistic psychologist will teach you how to find,recognize, access and use your power.

Look for teachers who are wise. Do not seek treatments, gurus, herbsor drugs. Seek someone to teach you how to find and access your ownpower. Going to an acupuncturist is great because he or her can getyour energy moving. I use this method as needed. I bless allacupuncturists who help people.

However, if you do not also learn how to move your own energy,treatments are limited. You must learn to manage your own energy ifyou want to be whole and healthy. Wise teachers show you how tohook up with your power source. They also teach you how to use yourpower wisely and responsibly.

Think of a volcano. It has plenty of power inside. You have the samehuge amount of power inside of you. However, it is worthless until youfind it, access it and learn how to use it. Currently, you are conditionedinto a place where you do not even see your power. As a matter of fact,you do not believe you have any power.

"Can you help me to even make the smallest moves towardssomething (anything) productive? "

A skillful teacher will show how to become stronger than your thoughtsforms. I have offered you several effective ways to become stronger.You can feel your body feelings and your emotional feelings. You canlearn the skills needed to deal with your anxiety so you can stay out ofthe depressed state once you climb out of the pit of despair.

Here is one more suggestion taken from my educational audio,"Depression: How to Unlearn Learned Helplessness and Break Free."It is the ACE. ACE stands for Active Conscious Effort.

At any point in time you can make an ACE to do something physical.Do anything that feels physically safe for you to do. Wash the dishes,wash your clothes, make love with yourself, your wife, just move.

This is the small movement of energy that will begin to move you out ofthe pit of despair.

Action Steps:

Get to Know Your Depressed State. Feel it, sense it,understand it, take responsibility for it, own it and vow to moveout of it. For a complete understanding of how depression is

created and how it can be unlearned, study the educationalaudio, "Depression: How to Unlearn Learned Helplessness andBreak Free." http://www.drjeanette.com/depressionaudio.html

Learn the skills needed to deal with anxiety and fear. Youwill not be successful getting rid of depression until you knowhow to reduce your anxiety and face your nasty thought forms.You need to have a relaxation response that you can use whenyou need it to deconditon your past learning history of learnedhelplessness. A good place to start is the educational audio,"Anxiety: How to Relax and Calm Your Nerves." http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyaudio.html

Readers of Cultivate Life! can get both "Depression: How toUnlearn Learned Helplessness and Break Free," and "Anxiety:How to Relax and Calm Your Nerves" audio for the price of one.When you place your order mention you read Cultivate Life! andI will send you both.

Form a healthy relationship with a wise teacher. Findsomeone you can trust and learn how to tap into your inner

power. Learn to use your natural talents to access your energy,which is stronger than thought forms.

Use the ACE. Be physically active everyday. Get up and move.Engage in physical work, get a physical job, and keep activeuntil you are bone tired. Then let go and relax.

If you live in a country where the currency is especially low, pleaseemail me through the contact information at http://www.drjeanette.com
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Let me know you live in India or African and I will give you a deeperdiscount.

Doris Jeanette is a licensed psychologist in PA, USA. She is director ofthe Center for New Psychology where she mentors and trainsprofessionals who are interested in learning how to help people shiftout of depression and deal with anxiety by learning how to master theirown energy. Sign up for her free newsletter, "The Vibrant Moment" to

learn more about holistic psychology and how it can empower you andyour clients. http://www.drjeanette.com/privatehumanenergy.html

Sharpening Your Conversation Skillsby Brian Tracy

There are three aims and purposes of conversation. The firstis the plain enjoyment and pleasure of self-expression andinteraction with other people. One of the most enjoyablethings we ever do is to spend time with people we like andwhose company we find stimulating. This potential pleasure

is the driving force behind all of our social activit ies. We liketo get together with people with whom we have a lot incommon and just share ideas, letting the conversation gowhere it will.

The second aim or purpose of conversation is to get to knowthe other person better. In sales, and in all kinds ofbusiness, you require prolonged exposure to another personin order to get a feel for how he or she thinks, feels andreacts. This can't be accomplished in a short meeting.

The third aim of conversation is to build trust and credibilitybetween the two people. This is perhaps the most importantthing we do as we proceed through life and it is only possiblewith the kind of continuous conversation that reveals us toeach other. In our personal relationships, there is nosubst i tute for extended periods of conversat ion in thedevelopment of friendships and more intimate relationships.People who get along very well together have almostinvariably spent a lot of time just talking about varioussubjects as they come up.

One of the very best ways to learn about another person is tospend unbroken time in their company. I've found that a two-or three-hour car t r ip is one of the most reveal ingexperiences you will ever have with another human being.People who have gotten along well for many years, workingor socializing together in brief stints, will often find that anextended car trip brings out elements of their personalit iesthat they did not know existed.
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Before you enter into any serious business or personalrelationship with anyone, you should spend several hourswith them experiencing the ebb and flow of sustainedconversation. It 's amazing what you will learn.

Many people think that the art of good conversation is tospeak in an interesting and arresting fashion, to be noted foryour humor, ability to tell stories and your general knowledge

of a variety of subjects. Many people feel that, if they want tobe better at conversation, they must become more articulate,outgoing and expressive. They must become better talkers.

Nothing could be further from the truth. As you've heardmany times before, we come into this world with two earsand one mouth and we should use them in that sameproportion. In conversation, this simply means that youshould listen twice as much as you talk if you want to get areputation for being an enjoyable person with whom toconverse.

The art of good conversation centers very much on yourability to ask questions and to listen attentively to theanswers. You can lace the conversation with your insights,ideas, and opinions, but you perfect the art and skill ofconversation by perfecting the art and skill of asking good,well-worded questions that direct the conversation and giveother people an opportunity to express themselves.

As k op en -e nd ed qu es ti ons tha t can no t be an swe red wi th a

simple yes or no. Open-ended questions encourage thespeaker to expand on his thoughts and comments. And onequestion will lead to another. You can ask open-endedquestions almost endlessly, drawing out of the other personeverything that he or she has to say on a particular subject.

In order to be an excellent conversationalist, you must resistthe urge to dominate the discussion. The very bestconversationalists seem to be low-key, easy-going, cheerful,and genuinely interested in the other person. They seem to

be quite content to listen when other people are talking andthey make their own contributions to the dialogue rathershort and to the point.

In fact, good conversation has an easy ebb and flow, like thetide coming in and going out. Whether it is between twopeople or among several, the conversation should shift backand forth, with each person getting an opportunity to talk.

Conversation in this sense is like a ball that is tossed fromperson to person, with no one holding on to it for very long.

If you feel that you have been talking for too long, youshould stop and ask a question of someone in the group. Youwill be tossing the conversational ball and giving thatindividual an opportunity to converse.

Listening is the most important of all skills for successfulconversation. Many people are very poor listeners. Sinceeveryone enjoys talking, it takes a real effort to practice thefundamentals of excellent listening and to make them ahabit.

Here are the four major rules for active listening in aconversation. They will work for you whether you areconversing with a sales prospect, a business associate, yourmanager or a friend or member of your family. They arepowerful, practical and proven techniques to increase yourinfluence with other people dramatically. The first key toeffective listening is for you to listen attentively, without

interruptions. When you pay close attention to anotherperson, you convey to that person that you very much valuewhat he or she has to say. This is very flattering to yourconversation partners, and they will respond warmly to yourattentiveness.

The major reason why most people are poor listeners is thatthey are busy preparing a reply while the other person is stillspeaking. In fact, they are not even listening closely to whatthe other person is saying. They are very much like boxers


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waiting for the other person to let their guard down so theycan jump in with a quick verbal punch and take over theconversation.

But this is not for you. Effective listening requires that youlean slightly forward, face the other person directly, andhang on every word. Listen as though there were nothingelse in the world more fascinating to you than what the other

person is saying. The very best listeners seem to havedeveloped the knack of making the person who is speakingfeel as if he or she were the only person in the world. Goodconversationalists can even do this in the middle of acrowded room.

In addition to listening without interrupting, you should alsonod, smile and agree with what the person is saying. Beactive rather than passive. Indicate that you are totallyengaged in the conversation. Make eye contact as the otherperson talks. Relax your body and, if you are standing, allowyour weight to roll forward onto the balls of your feet. Onlyyou will know that you have done this, but the overallimpression you will give is that your whole energy is nowforward and focused on what the speaker is saying. Thesecond key to effective listening is to pause before replying.

A sho rt pa us e, of th ree to fi ve se con ds , is a ve ry cla ssy th ingto do in a conversation. When you pause, you accomplishthree goals simultaneously.

First, you avoid running the risk of interrupting if the other

person is just catching his or her breath before continuing.Second, you show the other person that you are givingcareful consideration to his or her words by not jumping inwith your own comments at the earliest opportunity. The thirdbenefit of pausing is that you will actually hear the otherperson better. His or her words will soak into a deeper levelof your mind and you will understand what he or she issaying with greater clarity. By pausing, you mark yourself asa brill iant conversationalist.

The third key to effective listening is to question forclarification. Never assume that you understand what theperson is saying or trying to say. Instead, ask, What do youmean, exactly? This is the most powerful question I 've everlearned for controlling a conversation. It is almost impossiblenot to answer. When you ask, What do you mean? the otherperson cannot stop himself or herself from answering moreextensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended

questions and keep the conversation rolling along. The fourthkey to effective listening is to paraphrase the speaker'swords in your own words. After you've nodded and smiled,you can then say, Let me see if I've got this right. Whatyou're saying is . . .

By paraphrasing the speaker's words, you demonstrate in nouncertain terms that you are genuinely paying attention andmaking every effort to understand his or her thoughts orfeelings. And the wonderful thing is, when you practiceeffective listening, other people will begin to find youfascinating. They will want to be around you. They will feelrelaxed and happy in your presence.

The reason why l istening is such a powerful tool indeveloping the art and skill of conversation is becauselistening builds trust. The more you listen to another person,the more he or she trusts you and believes in you.

Listening also builds self-esteem. When you listen attentivelyto another person, his or her self-esteem will naturally

increase. Final ly, l istening builds self-discipl ine in thelistener. Because your mind can process words at 500-600words per minute, and we can only talk at about 150 wordsper minute, it takes a real effort to keep your attentionfocused on another person's words. If you do not practiceself-discipline in conversation, your mind will wander in ahundred different directions. The more you work at payingclose attention to what the other person is saying, the moreself-disciplined you will become. In other words, by learning


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to listen well, you actually develop your own character andyour own personality.

The final key to becoming a great conversationalist is topractice the friendship factor. The friendship factor is basedon the three Cs of caring, courtesy and consideration.

You've heard it said that, People don't care how much you

know until they know how much you care. Caring is thecatalyst in all good relationships. The people you like thebest and who like you the best are the ones with whom youhave the most caring relationships. Whenever you showanother person that you genuinely care about him or her, youcome across better as a conversationalist and as a friend.The second C in the friendship factor is courtesy. It is amagic quality of politeness that causes people to want to bearound you. All good conversationalists make other peoplefeel calm and comfortable in their presence. They never door say anything that could hurt of offend the other person inany way. They are continually diplomatic and they keep theirconcerns and irritations to themselves. They always remainwarm and friendly on the outside. The third C in thefriendship factor is consideration. One of the major sourcesof positive emotions is the feeling that we are respected andconsidered highly by other people. Whenever you treatanother person as an important and worthwhile human being,you trigger this consideration factor. You show that you notonly value the conversation, but you value the speaker aswell.

Becoming a good conversationalist is based on learning andpracticing the Golden Rule. This simply says that you treatother people the way you would like them to treat you. Justas you would like other people to ask you questions aboutyourself and to listen attentively to you when you talk, otherswould like the same courtesy extended to them. Remember,the purpose of conversation is not to dominate, control, or beright. The purpose of conversation is to enjoy yourself and to

make sure that others enjoy themselves when they are withyou. ###

About Brian TracyBrian Tracy is a leading authority on personal and businesssuccess. As Chairman and CEO of Brian Tracy International,he is a best-selling author of books and audio and video

learning programs.Copyright Brian Tracy International. All Rights Reserved.http://www.briantracy.com/
http://www.briantracy.com/http://www.briantracy.com/


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How to Stay Calm In Any Situationby Jon Rhodes

It is often said that how we react when under pressure is thetrue measure of character. It is all so easy to be calm andefficient when things are going the way we want them to.However it is not always so easy when things are goingagainst us.

We sometimes find ourselves getting 'rattled' by things goingwrong, which causes us to make more mistakes, causingeven more things to go wrong, causing more mistakes, andso on. We can quickly get into a cycle of mistakes and anger,which feels very unpleasant indeed. This can also have animpact on how successful our lives are.

When we experience these unpleasant feelings, we don't likethem. Naturally we try and avoid them in the future. Thisstops many people from perusing their dreams, and tryingnew things, and breaking out of their comfort zones. We heara lot about the fear of failure stopping people from followingtheir dreams. However it is also true that the fear of stressand pressure can also inhibit us.

The most successful entrepreneurs, sportsmen and women,polit icians etc. are so successful not because they areparticularly any more intelligent than the rest of us, butbecause they can remain calm in almost any given situation.They can carry on calmly and methodically pursuing their

goals no matter what is happening around them. The goodnews is that this is a skill that anyone can be improved byfollowing few simple rules.

People who remain calm in any situation usually accept thatthings will never go according to plan. They know and expectthat things will go wrong whenever they do anything. Thisacceptance can help us to 'let go', and simply deal withwhatever challenge is put in front of us.

They also see what others may call 'problems' more aschallenges. Because it is inevitable that things will go wrong,the challenge is to put them right, and a calm mind is farmore capable of achieving this.

You can help your mind to remain calm by focusing on yourbreathing. I once heard a Chinese saying that basically saidthat it is impossible to feel stressed when breathing slowly

and deeply. I was very skeptical about this until I tried it formyself. Several years ago, when I was about to talk in frontof a very large group of people for a hypnotherapycon fe rence , I became qu i te ne rvous and pan icky . Iremembered this saying, so started to put it into practice.

I focused on my breathing, making sure I was breathingslowly, deeply, and evenly. Almost immediately I calmeddown, and felt completely fine. I now do this in any situationwhere I am beginning to feel 'rattled' or stressed, and Iswear it works every time. You really must try it - it'samazing how well this incredibly simple technique works.Remember - it is impossible to feel stressed when breathingslowly and deepl y.

Al so by lo oki ng af te r yo ur he al th mo re, you wi l l bec om e acalmer person generally. Eating a better balanced diet withplenty of fresh fruit and vegetables will definitely help. Alsosome regular exercise will also aid you. Our body's aredesigned to do some physical work, and most of us don't getenough. If this is the case, we can feel quite frustrated

without even knowing it. Regular exercise can help releasepent up energy and aggression, helping us to feel far morecalm the rest of the time.

When in a stressful situation, it is sometimes advisable toleave the 'challenge' for some time, whilst you clam down.Do something pleasurable to take your mind off it. When youreturn, you usually find it much easier to spot a solution.


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People who regularly part icipate in meditat ion or self hypnosis are also much more able to deal with stress. Manyof us don't spend hardly any time in the day properly relaxingand 'winding down'. Meditation and self hypnosis can giveyou that valuable 'time out', and can also help remind youwhat it feels like to be relaxed. Look at being able to relax asbeing a skill that can be improved with practice.

From now on, consider yourself as one of those people whocan remain calm in stressful situations. Be proud of beingthis person. People really admire this quality, and it willdefinitely help you lead a happier and more successful life.## #

Jon Rhodes is a clinical hypnotherapist, musician, andauthor from Lancashire England. He is owner and operator ofH y p n o B u s t e r s < a h r e f = " h t t p : / /www.HypnoBusters.com/">hypnosis, one of the leadingclinical hypnotherapy websites on the internet.

Step Up and Away from Punishing Feelingsby Guy Finley

No one really wants to talk about it, but the truth is there is akind of evil spell hanging over each of us, and our world aswell. In fact, part of this global spell is our denial of itsexistence. It is called suffering. Everyone does it -- believingthat their suffering somehow benefits them. That's how the

spell works. Why else would anyone punish himself withunhappy feelings unless he had been tricked into somehowperceiving self-hurt as self-help?

Let's examine one of these instances. First of all, to be angryis to suffer. It doesn't help anyone to get angry. Anger hurtswhoever is angry. It burns. Anger ruins relationships, causesheartache and regret, and devastates health. And yet, inspite of all of these facts, when we are angry it feels right.Somehow, in some unseen way, anger proves to whoever isexperiencing its heated feelings that he or she is right eventhough, in the eyes of reality, nothing could be further fromthe truth. The same scenario holds true of worry, anxiety,resentment, doubt, guilt or any dark feeling. How canso mething so wrong seem so right? Here is the answer. All ofthese negative emotions feel like they are in your bestinterest because, at the time of their intrusion into your life,they temporarily fill you with a powerful false sense of self.However, this sense of self born out of fierce but lyingfeelings can only exist without your conscious consent orawareness of its being there. Why? Because this negative

self 's interests are not in your best interest. This conjured-uptemporary identity is nothing but a self-of-suffering. No onechooses to lose.

This lesson may seem diff icult at f irst, but with yourpersistent wish to understand it, you will one day wonderhow you were ever tricked into feeling bad about anything.The Truth wants you to know that it is never in your bestinterest to suffer, no matter how inwardly convincing it mayfeel to you that you will be betraying yourself or someone
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else if you don't. The only way that any suffering feeling canprove to you that you need it is to hypnotize you with a floodof itself. Step back from yourself. Learn instead to listen tothe quiet stream of higher insight that runs softly throughyour true nature. It sees through sorrow. Let it show you thatsuffering proves nothing. If you want to receive some specialhelp for helping yourself escape yourself, always rememberto ask yourself this key question: "If I am doing what I want

to do, then how come it hurts me to do it?" The Truthguarantees you will stop doing what you don't want to doonce you know what you have been doing against yourself.

Here are five powerful ways to snap the spell of suffering. Asyou read over each one, think about how you can use itsinsight the next time you are about to be washed by anyflood of painful thoughts or feelings. Welcome their higherinfluence into your life.

Suffering doesn't prove that you are responsible. What itdoes p rov e is tha t you hav e aban done d t rue se l f -responsibility, or you wouldn't trea t yourself so badly.

Suffering doesn't prove that you are important. What it doesprove is that you would rather feel like a "someone" who ismiserable than be a "no one" who i s free and quietly happy.

Suffering doesn't prove that you are all alone in life. What itdoes prove is that you prefer the company of unfriendlythoughts and feelings whose very nature is to isolate you

from everything good.

Suffering doesn't prove that someone else is wrong. What itdoes prove is that you will go to any lengths, including self-destruction, to prove that you are right.

Suffering over your suffering doesn't prove that you want tostop suffering. What it does prove is you are afraid of theend of suffering because you think the end of it means theend of you. It does not.

You do not have to accept any inner-condit ion thatcompromises your happiness. It is never right to feel wrongno matter how right you may think you are to be feeling thatway. Feeling one way and thinking another is what it meansto live in conflict. Self-conflict is really the only sufferingthere is; therefore, self-unity is the only real solution thatcan snap the spell of self-suffering.

Here is an exercise to help you take the first step up andaway from self-punishing feelings. This exercise is called: IsThis What I Really Want?

The next time you catch yourself starting to feel bad aboutanything, immediately stop everything you are doing for amoment and, as simply and as honestly as you can, askyourself: Is this what I really want? Try to see the whole self-picture as it is unfolding. You will discover that your thoughtsare convinced that you must proceed in their direction ofguilt, worry, revenge, or fear but you are the one who isfeeling bad. These self-betraying thoughts are like a friendwho invites you out to a pleasant evening at the fights andthen you find yourself in the ring as the main event! I repeat,you do not have to accept any condition that compromisesyour happiness.

You can and must inwardly say to any conflicting thoughts orfeelings that, "You are not what I want!" The clearer thiswhole picture becomes to you -- that suffering is stupid andmust never be justified -- the stronger your right self-

assertion for self-unity will become. A whole life is a happyone. Choose to have a happy life by choosing what youreally want. ###

Excerpted from The Secret of Letting Go, by Guy Finley,Llewellyn Publication, 2009.


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About Guy FinleyBest-selling Letting Go author Guy Finleys encouragingand accessible message is one of the true bright lights in ourworld today. His ideas cut straight to the heart of our mostimportant personal and socia l issues re la t ionships,success, addiction, stress, peace, happiness, freedom andlead the way to a higher life.Guy is the acclaimed author of The Secret of Letting Go an d

more than 37 other books and audio progr ams that have soldover a million copies in 16 languages worldwide.For more information about Guy Finley and his life-changingwork, visit www.guyfinley.org.

Thinking about Thinking about Thinkingby Chuck Gallozzi

We all think about a lot of things, but most of it is driftwood,so to speak. Thoughts drift in and out of our minds with littleconscious input or direction from us. Yet, at times, we dotake control and consciously direct our thoughts. But do youever think about thinking? Thinking about thinking is called

metathinking. So, when we think about metathinking, we arethinking about thinking about thinking!

What does someone think about when theyre thinking aboutthinking? Well typical questions could include, What are thevarious styles and types of thinking and how do they affectthe outcome? Are some types more effective than others, ormore appropriate in different circumstances? What are thebarriers to effective thinking?

Thinking about thinking, or metathinking, is similar to braingymnastics or neurobics (mental exercises). That is, it sgood for us. Besides, as the seventeenth century Frenchphilosopher and mathematician, Rene Descartes, taught, Itis not enough to have a good mind; the main thing is to use itwell. And if we want to use it well, dont we have to thinkabout thinking?

Examples of Types of Thinking

1. Positive Thinking

Positive thinkers look at the bright side of life. It is notwishful or Pollyannaish thinking, but pragmatic. Positivethinkers understand that anything can be seen as good orbad. It all depends on how we choose to view it. How doesendless complaining, blaming, crit icizing, or worrying help? Itdoesnt. On the contrary, it merely leads to disease,depression, and failure. But those who choose to focus onthe positive are happy, healthy, and successful. Positivethinking makes sense because it works.
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Recently an acquaintance and I were discussing steps wecould take to improve our lives. He told me that he often getsangry with his 8-year-old son, and he wants to do somethingabout it.

I replied, What a wonderful opportunity! Admit to your sonthat you sometimes unfairly criticize him. Tell him when youdo so; he must feel hurt and upset. Tell him you are sorry

and ask him to forgive you. And after he does, explain thatyou are not perfect, and some day in the future, you may slipup and unfairly criticize him again. But when you do so, youwant him to hold out his hand, palm facing you, as a signalto STOP. And when he does that, you promise to immediatelystop and apologize.

My acquaintances problem is a wonderful opportunitybecause if he carries out the above steps, he will beteaching his son that we can confess our mistakes andapologize. He will also be teaching him how to forgive others

and accept their apologies. And by explaining that his soncan signal him to stop, he has empowered his son, who nolonger needs to worry about future outbursts. In fact, his sonmay even look forward to being unjustly criticized, just so hecan practice his new power (STOP daddy!). All of this willdraw father and son closer together, creat ing greaterintimacy. So my acquaintances problem turned out to be abeautiful gift.

The purpose of this true story is to demonstr ate how positivethinkers behave. You see, positive thinkers find a solution toevery problem, but negative thinkers find a problem withevery solution.

2. Optimal ThinkingPositive thinkers ask, How can I get MORE from life?Optimal thinkers ask, How can I get the MOST from life.Positive thinkers ask, How can I get BETTER results?Optimal thinkers ask, How can I get THE BEST result? Tolearn more about Optimal Thinking, read, Optimal Thinking:

How to Be Your Best Self by Rosalene Glickman, 2002, andvisit this web site: http://bit. ly/gPQGAs

3. Analytical or Scientific ThinkingThe purpose of analytical thinking is to make good decisions .When dealing with a problem, possible causes of the problemare studied, and then facts are gathered and analyzed withthe hope of arriving at a solution. For example, if farmers in

a particular region find that their yield has dropped by 30%,a horticulturist will f irst try to determine the possiblecause(s) of the problem. Was the poor harvest due to inferiorsoil, drought, pollution, or insects? If insects were the cause,research on how to eliminate the threat would be conducted,and this could lead to a decision to spray the crops with apesticide.4. Systems ThinkingThis type of thinking was developed by MIT professor JayFor res te r . In i t , t he re l a t i ons h ip s o f the ob jec t o f

investigation are compared to the relationships of all otherobjects in the system. For instance, in the above example,analysts studied the relationships of crops, insects, andpesticides. But they did not study the relationships of insectsto insects, and pesticides to environment. And their limitedinvestigation led them to believe the solution was to spraythe crops with pesticide.

However, systems thinking does a much more completesurvey. Not only does it study, in this case, the relationshipof insects to crops, but insects to everything else as well.For instance, an insect that was believed to be the primarycause of crop destruction also eats other insects as well.

An d th e ins ect s i t fe ed s on do MO RE cro p da ma ge tha n itdoes. So, if the crops are sprayed, more, not less damage,will result because the pesticide kills the insect that feeds onthe more destructive ones.

5. Innovative or Creative ThinkingWhile analytical thinking examines many possibilit ies, itzeroes in on one solution, but innovative thinking does the
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opposite. It starts with one possibility and explodes it into ahuge number of possibilit ies. Brainstorming is a typicalexample.

Ar e you in ma na ge me nt an d wo ul d you li ke to cr ea te a wo rkenvironment in which innovative thinking will f lourish? GoranEkvall, professor emeritus of organisational psychology atthe University of Lund, Sweden has come up with this list of

the nine characteristics of a workplace that encouragesinnovative thinking.

a) Challenging. A challenging environment is not boring, butst imulat ing; theres lots of problems (opportunit ies) tograpple with and dig ones teeth into.

b) Unrestrained. Workers are not shackled with reams ofrules and regulations that monitor their every activity. Theyare free to work in their own style as long as they get the jobdone.

c) Relaxed. In a high pressure environment, workers areunder stress and do not have time to think things through.Stress and creative thinking are incompatible.

d) Receptive. New ideas and fresh ways of looking at thingsare welcome by both management and peers.

e) Open. Workers trust one another and feel safe speakingtheir minds and offering different points of view. They count

on each other for professional and personal support.

f) Playful. Workers are not only relaxed, but having fun.They dont hesitate to joke and laugh. They are energized.

g) Harmonious. Workers get along with one another. Theycooperate and feel like members of a team. They accept theirdifferences and willingly compromise when necessary.

h) Lively. Workers freely debate the pros and cons of allissues. They argue not for the sake of argument, but for thepurpose of resolving issues for the benefit of all.

i) Tolerant. The organizat ion tolerates uncertainty andambiguity in the workplace. Workers are willing to go out ona limb and share their ideas with management and peers.They are not afraid of taking a risk, which we all must do

when trying something new.

6. Critical ThinkingWhile analytical thinking is associated with science, crit icalthink ing is often linked to phil osophy (espec iall y logi c) andeducation. It consists of asking questions, defining problems,examining evidence, analyzing assumptions and biases,considering other possibi l i t ies, and staying away fromemotional reasoning and oversimplif ication. It deals withg a t h e r i n g , a n a l y z i n g , e v a l u a t i n g , a n d s y n t h e s i z i n ginformation. A special feature of critical thinking is that itevaluates itself while it is taking place.

7. Magical ThinkingWhile people of faith may adhere to beliefs without evidence,magical thinkers go so far as to rigidly hold on to a beliefeven in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.Since magical thinking can be part and parcel of religion, Iwill give an example of a young Mormon mother who threwher two small children into Februarys freezing waters of theColumbia River near Pasco and Kennewick Washington. I m

not trying to attack Mormonism in particular or religion ingeneral, but il lustrating how magical thinking can lead todisastrous results.

Returning to the young mother, why did she murder her twochildren? She believed she was living in sin and if shereared her children, they too may become sinners, so allthree would be condemned to the outer darkness (eternalpunishment). Because the Mormon faith teaches that childrenthat die before the age of accountability (the age at which


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someone has the ability to know right from wrong) willautomatically go to the Celestial Kingdom (the highest ofthree heavenly kingdoms). So, she murdered her children tosend them to heaven.

The problem with magical thinking is those who accept itabrogate their mind and allow someone else to do theirthinking for them.

Barriers to Successful Thinking

1. Uncreative. When we stop at the first answer or solutionthat comes to mind, we are limiting our vision. We need toget into the habit of asking, What else can be done? Whatother possibilit ies exist? Heres an opportunity for you totest your creativity. Can you solve this puzzle?

Michael has to get three animals across a small river. Hisraft can only hold one animal and himself at a time. Thethree animals are: a fox, a chicken, and a worm.

If Michael leaves the fox and chicken alone (on either side ofthe river), the fox will eat the chicken.

If Michael leaves the chicken and the worm alone, thechicken will eat the worm.

The problem: How can Michael get the three animals acrossthe river, making sure all of them remain safe?

Ar e you st um pe d? St uc k in con ven ti on al th ink in g an d un ab leto solve the puzzle? If so, the answer appears at the end ofthis article.

2. Perfectionism. Stop trying to be perfect; its futile, younever will be. So, why try? Give it a shot: voice your opinion,trust yourself and share your ideas.

3. Confirmation Bias. This is the habit of always looking forevidence that supports your beliefs and discarding whateverdoesnt fit. It prevents you from seeing reality. The best wayto overcome it is by looking for evidence for contrary beliefs.This will expand your view, bringing it closer to reality.

4. Need to be Right. Which is more important the truth oryour feelings? Those who have an obsessive need to always

be right cant handle the truth. If their belief contradicts thetruth, they simply deny it. Dont you agree with Edward deBono who said that It is better to have enough ideas forsome of them to be wrong, than to be always right by havingno ideas at all.

5. The Village Venus Effect. Villagers of an isolatedvillage come to believe that the most beautiful girl in theworld is the most beaut iful gir l in their vi l lage. Sherepresents the standard by which all other women are

jud ge d. Si mi lar ly, th ink er s be li ev e the ide as in th ei r mi nd(village) are the best there are. Such a narrow view preventsone from seeing and benefit ing from the bigger picture, or asRoman poet Horace (65~8 BC) wrote, Men cease to thinkwhen they think they know it all.

6. Generalizing. When we believe everyone from a particularcountry, religion, race, or political party think alike, we aregeneralizing. It is a form of sloppy or lazy thinking. After all,it takes time and effort to gather the facts, and generalizinghelps us avoid the drudgery of research.

7. Believing without Questioning. Too often we believewhat we have read or heard without questioning the validity.Buddha cautioned his followers to question everything hetaught them. If you accept things blindly, they are not yourthoughts, but the thoughts of another. But when you questionand mull over what you learn, it becomes YOUR thoughts,beliefs, and opinions. Better to follow a knowledgeable YOUthen a questionable other person.


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8. Gullibility. Of course we should have an open mind, butnot so open that any fool can walk in and ped dl esuperstit ion, conspiracy theories , and bizarre beliefs withoutsupporting evidence. Make your mind a treasure chest, not agarbage dump.

9. False Claims of Causality. Did you ever hear that allhero in users star ted out as mar i juana smokers? The

implication is that marijuana leads to heroin use. But guesswhat? After long hours of research, I have discovered allheroin users ate food before they started to take drugs.Therefore, food is a cause of drug addiction! No, that doesntmake sense. So, beware of false claims that link one thing toanother. Often, the links are merely coincidences.

Tips and Caveats1. When youre finding it diff icult to solve a personalproblem, pretend the problem isnt yours, but your friends.

A n d i m a g i n e y o u r s e l f g i v i n g a d v i c e t o y o u r f r i e n d .

Al te rna ti ve ly, im ag ine th at a fr ien d, pr of es so r, or fa mo ustherapist is giving you advice. What would they tell you?

2. There are two ways to slide easily thro ugh life: to believeeverything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us fromthinking. (Alfred Korzybs ki, 1879~1950) Another way to slidethrough life is to follow tradition without questioning it.

3. Remember, You cannot plough a field by turning it overin your mind. (Gordon B. Hinckley, 1910~2008). Neither can

you accomplish much in life by merely mulling over yourthoughts; youve got to put them to use by taking action.

4. Dont confuse thinking with feeling. When you say, I thinkIll have another beer, youre not thinking; youre feeling likeanother beer. If you were thinking, you may say, I think Illstop. I had enough already.

If the subject of thinking has sparked your interest, why notturn to the worlds leading expert on the subject, Edward DeBono. Youll f ind many of hi s books here : http://bit. ly/hjOljX

Answer to Puzzle1. Take the Chicken across.2. Take the Worm across and take the Chi cken back.

3. Take the Fox across.4. Take the Chicken across. ###

Chuck Gallozzi lived, studied, and worked in Japan for 15years, immersing himself in the wisdom of the Far East andgraduating with B.A. and M.A. degrees in Asian Studies. Heis a Canadian writer, Certified NLP Practitioner, Founder andLeader of the Positive Thinkers Group in Toronto, speaker,seminar leader, and coach. Chuck is a catalyst for change,dedicated to bringing out the best in others, and he can be

found on the web at:h t t p : / / w w w . p e r s o n a l - d e v e l o p m e n t . c o m / c h u c k - g a l l o z z i -articles.htm
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Programmed For Joyby Beca Lewis

Most of the time I stand on my feet, or at least my head ispointing up. Once in a while, using a nifty piece of gymequipment, I stand on my shoulders, and my head is pointingdown.

Every time I do this I am amazed at how heavy I am, andhow little time I can stand the feeling of gravity pulling at me.Yet, when I stand the normal way I dont feel gravity at all. Iam used to the influence of gravity pulling me down.

For about a week we couldnt get on the Internet on one ofour computers at our home offic e. I call ed the provider andthey could nt fix it. They said there was somet hing wrongwith our wireless card, but when we visited our daughter inCalifornia my computer worked fine. Having eliminated thatpossibility, I tried the company again. No, they said. It was

still something wrong with your computer.

However, that time I had a different perception. I knew itwasnt true. It was then that I noticed something that neitherthe technician nor I had noticed before. The computer wasconnecting to a router that wasnt the one in our home office.

It turned out our downstairs neighbor had just gotten his ownrouter, which confused our computer. I switched to thecorrect router and immediately we connected.

A fe w we ek s lat er we we re wa tc hi ng a pr er ec or de d sh ow onthe DVR and our TV started acting crazy. The program wouldswitch off, switch on, or rewind without our doing anything.Del fiddled with the remote until it appeared to work, but assoon as we got settled in, the wild things would begin again.

We tried switching batteries, restarting the TV, yet nothingworked. Finally I called our service.

Ar e you ah ea d of me he re in th is st or y? Yes , you ar ecorr ect. Our downstair s neigh bor had gotte n a DVR, and ourremot es were progr ammed exact ly the same. He wascontrolling our TV.

Al l i t to ok wa s a si mp le rep rog ra mm ing of ou r rem ot e to beback in control.

Al l th ree of th es e st ori es ar e sy mb ol s of th e sam e qu es ti on ;what, and whom, is influencing and affecting our lives and inwhat manner?

Habitually going about our daily living we dont realize howmuch of each moment we are pulled into the rhythm ofother s. We fall into their pattern of behavi or, beli efs andthoughts.

We accep t what they say to be true. We con nect to lifetheir way. Its only when things dont work, or get too bad,

that we may step outside of that rhythm and say whatswrong here, and then try to stop it.

Others easily disrupt our connection to Truth. Yet it is ourconnect ion to completeness, order, omnipresent Love,unlimited supply, and intel l igent act ivi ty of Mind thatdelivers to each of us the life of wealth that has alreadybeen provided.

Being pulled down by the influence of others, or connecting

through their router, or letting our lives be directed throughtheir remote is at the least not necessary, and at the most,imperative to stop.

Instead of waiting until things dont work perhaps we couldpause each day and check out our connection.


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Check now.Ar e yo u con ne ct ed to th e fi ni te l imi ted wo rldv iew or to theInfinite? In case youre not sure, heres an easy test.

Ar e yo u th ink ing an d fe el ing th ou gh ts tha t ar e br ing ing yo uan d others happiness and joy? Great, your connection is tothe Infinite. If not, then choose to make that switch now.

Dont put up with a downward influence and inadequateconnection anymore. Choose Infinite joy: you are alreadyprogrammed to receive it, so receive it now. ## #

About Beca LewisAs an au th or an d gu ide Beca Lewis is dedicated to bringingUniversal Spiritual Principles and Laws into clear focus, toshif t material percept ion to spir i tual percept ion, whichfo l low ing the law wha t you perce ive to be rea l i t ymagnifies, adjusts lives with practical and measurable

results.

Beca developed an easy system to do this called The Shiftand has been sharing how to use this system to expandlives, and bring people back to the Truth of themselves forover 40 years.

Beca and her husband Del Piper are constantly working todevelop new ways to support and reach out to others. Muchof what they have been developed can be found for free at

their membership site Perception U.com. They also foundedThe Womens Council with the intent of strengthening theconnection to yourself, to others, and to the Divine.

Sign up for Becas free Shift Ezine and Ecourses here:http://budurl.com/lwyr

Becoming Invisibleby Steve Wickham

Busy people sometimes feel bereft of themselves; sliced anddiced between people, ro les and the dut ies o f l i fe .Sensations of being squashed or pulled from pillar to post -that's their lot. Their greatest enemy is the void-of-space.They take their responsibi l i t ies seriously, perhaps too

sincerely. But if they don't, who will? Who will take overthese great works that are their lives, foisted of criticalaccountabilit ies?

GOD APPRECIATES, ESPECIALLY, THE DILIGENTRegardless of the desire, capacity or will to become invisible- even for a short time - there's something within the diligentthat pushes them on. It's a thing beyond their self-sense. Weknow it as love. Each weary and embattled step is joinedwith notice of resilience. How can we give up when we knowwe've stil l got a waft in the tank?

God appreciates the person going the extra mile, and thenanother, before a fourth is endured, for there are many whoquit without guilt halfway through the second. But, sooner orlater fatigue is catching up with the diligent person, unlesstheir diligence carries them off to the wisdom of self-sustainability in the sight of God's will. Fatigue always hasits say in matters of excess work.

REDUCING ACCESSIBILITY

Wisdom dictates we become sharp learners - not perfect byany means, but able to observe and conform to a new truthas it becomes known. One of the gifts of wisdom, when itcomes to dealing in this busy world, is having the restraint toreduce our accessibility; that is, to know when to becomeinvisible. Even for minutes. It involves skills of extraction asmuch as it does awareness - when to go. Each one of us hasto have our covert moments. Times beckon when we seek theshelter of the God of our friendly understanding. ThisPresence of God can only be enjoyed in seclusion and
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silence, though a practiced silence in noisy places ispossible, for we venture to the centre of the unsullied soul.This is about withdrawing from the coveting of the world,because there are times when it 's only the world that insistson our being there, and there are others. Some of thesetimes, the world couldn't care less if we left briefly.

THE SAFETY OF INVISIBILITYThink about the necessity of escaping for moments or whole

days and, occasionally, weeks. It proffers so much for thosewho depend on us. The safety of invisibility - becoming, for atime, undetectable - is the provision and revival of God. ###

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practit ioner (BSc,FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualif ied, unordained Christianmin is te r (GradD ipB ib&Min ) . H is b logs a re a t : h t t p : / /e p i t e m n e i n - e p i t o m i c . b l o g s p o t . c o m / a n d h t t p : / /tribework.blogspot.com/

Healthy Living Is a Prerequisite for Successby Jeff Beals

Nearly 300 years ago, a Brit ish physician, preacher andintellectual by the name of Thomas Fuller said, "Health is notvalued til l sickness comes."

Such sage historical wisdom stil l holds true today. Thosewho hope to achieve the highest heights in the 21st Century

economy need to take care of something as simple aspersonal health. Making a commitment to healthy living is aprerequisite for success. But it 's not only physical health thatmatters.

Those who enjoy long-term success real ize that theirpersonal lives must be in order. That means you should carefor your mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and financialhealth as much as the health of your career.

It is very difficult to be successful at work when your

personal life is a mess. If your marriage is dysfunctional, it'shard to focus on high-level career achievement. If you lack aset of core beliefs, you may not be able to create philosophyof life that guides you to some great achievement. If you areba rely keeping your financial head above water, you don'thave the f inancia l ab i l i ty to take on ent repreneur ia lendeavors. Whatever the prob lem, you wi l l be moresuccessful in all facets of life if you take care of things athome.

A go od att i tud e do es wo nd er s for you r su cc es s. Thi nkpositive thoughts and constantly reinforce yourself in yourown mind. As Norman Vincent Peale taught us in his famousbook, The Power of Positive Thinking, you can causesuccessful outcomes by forcing yourself to be optimistic.

Af ter yo u ad op t a po si ti ve at ti tu de , th er e ar e se ver al ot he rthings you can do that will make you a healthier person.
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If you have a faith, I recommend you practice it. Believing inand answering to a higher power has an amazing affect oncareer success. Prayer, meditation or whatever you chooseto call it, purges the toxins from your mind and gives youstrength and confidence.

Af te r fai th co me s fa mi ly. No ma tt er ho w am bi ti ou s you ar e,your family should be one of your highest priorities. Dowhatever it takes to protect your familial relationships. If

things ever get really tough, you want to be able to dependon those who share your blood. Stick up for your familymembers and look out for their interests. In the long run youwill be far richer if family comes before career.

Close friends are almost as important as family. A long-timefriend who truly understands you is worth his or her weight ingold. Put the important people in your life on a pedestal andmake them your priority. If you go out of your way to putpeople first, you will have more business opportunities than

you can handle.

Because family and friends are so important, you shouldadopt an attitude of acceptance. Let them be who they areand enjoy them in spite of all their flaws and weaknesses.Forgive them any time they wrong you. Bite your tongue,when you feel like saying something hurtful to a friend orfamily member. These relationships are so important, that it'sfoolish to put them at risk over some temporary passion.

While relationship-building contributes to career success, so

does physical health. You don't have to be an obsessive gymrat, but being in shape and consuming the right nutritiongives you more energy and stamina.

Keep your home life organized. Make sure your house isgenerally clean and tidy. Have a good system for organizingyour bills and other important papers. Develop systems androutines for the simple, daily things. If you run a tight ship athome, you will have time for important things. After all, it's

awfull y hard to conquer the world if you're constant lymisplacing your car keys.

Hobbies and recreation are also parts of a healthy life.Having enjoyable stimulation outside work recharges yourbattery and contributes to creative thinking. Just don't go toohog wild with your hobbies. Some people get so deeplyinvolved in hobbies that they hurt their job performance anddrain their bank accounts.

Speaking of bank accounts, personal f inancial discipline ispart of a healthy lifestyle. Just as you need to get your bodyin shape, you need to shape up your financial condition aswell. A long time ago, philosopher Ralph Waldo Emersonsaid, "Few people have any next, they live from hand tomouth without a plan, and are always at the end of theirline."

There has always been a portion of the population that has

chosen to live on the edge of the financial abyss, recklesslyspen d ing a l l t hey have , inv es t i ng l i t t le o r no th ing .Unfortunately, that portion of the population has beengrowing rapidly, and it 's becoming quite a problem.

Living a financially reckless life will eventually catch up withyou and hurt your career. If you have no savings, you haveno "go-to-hell-money," the power to walk away from a job ora client when you're not happy. A lot of financial debt canprevent you from taking some lower paying job that mightactually make you happier. For every minute you spend

worrying and fretting about how you will make ends meet,you are taking away time from your grander goals.

It sounds so elementary, but it's worth a reminder. Live abalanced and healthful life in order to reach the top.

That said, let's end with one disclaimer: don't be obsessive-compulsive in your quest for a healthy lifestyle, because ascomedian Redd Foxx said, "Health nuts are going to feelstupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." ###


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Je f f B ea ls i s a n a w a rd - w in n i n g a u t h o r , w h o h e lp sprofessionals do more business and have a greater impacton the world through effective sales, marketing and personalbranding techniques. As a professional speaker, he deliversenergetic and humorous keynote speeches and workshops toaudiences worldwide. You can learn more and follow his"Business Motivation Blog" at http://www.JeffBeals.com

Kid Characteristics That Make Us Healthy Later in Lifeby Veronica

It has long been accepted that children with a happychildhood grow up to be happier adults, but now a new studyhas revea led tha t spec i f i c charac t e r is t i cs ev iden t inchildhood are likely to cause positive or negative emotionsand influence biological and behavioral responses to stress.In turn, this may determine whether kids grow up to be

healt hy adult s or not. The study, which look ed at 569individuals, age 7 to mid-30s, to see if certain personalitytraits influenced later health, found that children who wereable to stay focused on a task and react less negatively tosituations at age 7 reported better general health and feweril lnesses 30 years later.

Trained observers rated the 7-year-olds on 15 differentbehaviors and the behaviors were then assigned to 3different personality attributes: attention, distress-proneness,and behavior inhibit ion (the tendency toward shyness, actingwithdra wn and having d i f f icu l ty communic at ing) . Todetermine adult health, the subjects rated their own healthand reported whether they had any of the following illnesses:heart disease, diabetes, cancer, asthma, arthritis, stroke,bleed ing ulcer, tuber culos is or hepat itis . They found that forall the participants, superior attention spans and having amore positive outlook in childhood most affected their laterhealth.

In terest ing ly, these ef fects were greater for women,

suggesting that women may be more sensitive to interactionsamong emotion, behavior and biology and, therefore, bemore predisposed to certain health risks, such as heartdisease. No differences in these effects were found acrossrace or ethni city. Of the sampl e, 76% repor ted good orexcellent health and 18 percent reported illnesses. Theresearchers found that this longitudinal study provides evenmore evidence that behavior and emotions generally linkedto certain temperaments play a crucial role in long-termhealth, and fortunately, early childhood characteristics can
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be sha ped and gu i ded by so c ia l , fam i l y and peer interactions. Interventions can focus on changing particularways of responding and behaviors that frequently go alongwith particular traits in order to prevent the development ofsome diseases. ###

Veronica is a holistic nutrit ionist and midwife with a passion

for health issues and tips unique to the 2 sexes, FHMweb iswhere youll f ind the most intriguing studies along with postsabout any and all things pertaining to female and malehealth. Particularly interesting is the ever-growing healthconcern of infertility; here Ill take the time to post tidbitsabout natural ways to enhance your fertil ity and overallhealth.http://www.fmhweb.com

Truth or Consequences?by Karen Wright

Have you stopped listening to and reading the daily newsyet? Have you stopped allowing pundits and crit ics and in-the-know commentators you don't know from fil l ing your headwith their truths and their fears? Democrats, Republicans,Te a - P a r t i e r s , l i b e r a l s , m o d e r a t e s , t r a d i t i o n a l i s t s ,

conservatives, fundamentalists, Wall Street analysts, evenTV celebrities, for God sake - everyone has an opinion andan agenda.

I used to believe that listening to those well-rehearsed,educated mouths would help me make sense of this worldand give me a chance to make informed decisions. But, allthe emotional squabbling and contradictory proclamationssimply left me feeling even more ignorant and fearful ofmaking any decision regarding my life and future.

It's like witnessing a car wreck. At first you're shocked, thencap t iv ate d, f in a l l y s ic ken ed. In an age of un l imi tedcommunication avenues and free speech (in most of theworld), we're saturated with biased opinions and starving fortruth.

Somewhere, probably everywhere, in our up-bringing wewere taught that others knew far more than we did. We wereintimidated into deferring to the loudest voice. We stoppedoffering our own views after having them bashed and

dismissed with conceited distain.

Yet, truth lies within each of us - in a voice so faint that it'soften unheard among the ear-shattering barrage of non-stopquarreling. It takes no courage or personal honor to hop onsomeone else's bandwagon. Heck, we all want to belong tosomething. But, beware the spiritual cost of turning yourmind over to anyone else. They have their own reasons forbelieving as they do - are they your reasons?
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When those around you throw their hats into a ring of faith,philosophy or belief, it can be hard to hold out if you remainunmov ed. Friend ship s migh t end. Reject ion is a realpossibility. You will either sell your integrity in order tobelong, or pay the price of telling yourself the truth about thebasis of your relationships. In the long run, which toll canyour soul sustain?

O u r w o r l d d o e s n ' t e n c o u r a g e u s t o t h i n k o r a c tindependently. It rewards and supports conformity. Safety innumbers, and all that. But, the seed of Truth (with a big T,not the ephemeral litt le truth of circumstances) was plantedwithin your heart and soul. It has never changedno matterthe circumstances.

* Truth is Truth always.* Violence leads to violence.* Anger comes from fear.* Worldly power is a sham.

* No one is worth more than another.* The loudest, most degreed voice, knows no more than anyof us of what really matters.* Thinking and acting like we always have will guarantee afuture that looks like our past.

An d ev en my wo rds an d op ini ons sh ou ld be sc rut ini zed byyour own spiritual wisdom. You'll know Truth when you hearit. Even a kitten knows the difference between Truth andpretense. Intellect does not make a person wise. Wisdom is

not learned, it is a gift from our Creator. But, a gift thatrequires dedication in realizing. Like a diamond in the dirt,we need to recognize it, cherish it, and dedic ate ourselves tohearing its message.

A me ss ag e of Trut h, gi ve n the ch an ce , wi l l ou t- ri ng an yboastful proclamation of ego-birthed judgments. Like nightand day. Listen closely - it's calling to you in a languageclear to your soul. ###

K a r e n W r i g h t i s a u t h o r o f T h e S e q u o i a S e e d :Remembering the Truth of Who You Are , a great read fora n yo n e w h o i s se e k in g u n d e rs t a n d in g o r g u id a n ce ,inspiration or clarity in his or her life. Waking Up, the freebi-monthly ezine, was created to help you activate yournatural motivation to move beyond mere existence and toreally LIVE your dreams.
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Discerning Truthby Joan Angarano

There is a vast amount of information throughout the Internetclaiming to be the TRUTH about Reality, Life - its meaningand purpose. Understanding al l of this information isdaunting enough, but we also must decipher the truth withinit .

The dictionary states that TRUTH: "... Can have a variety ofmeanings,..from the state of being the case, being in accordwith a particular fact or reality.... The term has no singledefinit ion about which philosophers and scholars agree."

An d so , du rin g th es e cha ng ing ti me s, ho w do es on e na vi ga tethrough and to the truth of things? Who do we believe whentruth is not black or white, but a perception formulated from aparticular frame of reference?

The Mayans, an ancient civilization, and their calendar havehad as many interpretations as interpreters; Jesus Christ isseen as everything from the Savior, a great prophet, to neverhaving really existed. These are just a few of the biggerdisparit ies on the road to TRUTH. There is just so muchinformation to navigate through!

Having been a seeker of TRUTH for all of my Life, I wouldoften get frustrated when I would read something thatsounded true to me only to read something else that

countered the f i rs t . When each of them held equalintellectual merit in my curious mind perspective, yet werevery different in original platform, in their TRUTH, I wouldfind myself sitting back in contemplation of which one wastrue.

It was here that I began to understand that the TRUTH is nota black/white dynamic, but an ever-changing concept basedon a particular frame of reference. In order for me to

understand the TRUTH of what I was reading, I would haveto know the frame of reference in which it was written.College later proved that to be true to me, when in a scienceclass, my professor's first words on the first day were, "Allstudies and subsequent scientif ic theories come from anoriginal bias". Funny, it's one of the few things I rememberfrom college, and the only thing I recall from that class.

So how DO we navigate the massive amounts of information,each proclaiming to kn ow and be the TRUTH?

Discernment is the answer. For the TRUTH is not a fixed orfinite reality frame but instead is based on experience and apercept ion of that experience. Each one of us mustdetermine what is truth for ourselves, something society andeducation does not teach us how to do. And yet, it is thesolution to navigating through the mountains of thought andtheory claiming to know and be the truth.

Discernment partners sensation with thinking, creating amore complete vehicle for gleaning the truth from thetheories and philosophies and studies we are inundated witheach day. It begins to connect each one of us to the truth ofour beingness, that place inside where we not only know ourunique truth of all things, but where we can connect to the

Ab sol ut e Trut h of Di vi ne Mi nd - Go d or th e So ur ce of al lthings.

The hope of the World and Her people relies on each one of

us moving out from under the cloak of established truth - thatwhich someone else tells us is true - and into the power ofdiscerning what is true for ourselves. It is the only way tochange the world for ourselves and everyone else living onthis planet today.

The truth keeps changing based on the many facets of Lifeand our perceptions of them. But, until each one of usarrives at the Absolute Truth - that we are all children from


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the same Source - God, each one of us lives in less than wedeserve. ###

Joan Angarano is the creative director and founder ofLifestreams Healing, an online educat ion and supportcompany. Lifestreams Healing specializes in Soul Navigation,Life Counseling, Meditation, Mastermind Groups, and Audio

Downloads.http://www.lifestreamshealing.com

The Art of Handling Criticism Gracefullyby Leo Babauta

Conventional people are roused to fury by departure fromconvention, largely because they regard such departure as acriticism of themselves.~Bertrand Russell

If youre going to do anything interesting in the world,crit icism is an unavoidable fact.

Youll be crit icized, because youll make mistakes, becausesome will be jealous, because people have opinions aboutanything interesting, because people want to help you,because some want to drag down those doing anythingdifferent.

The trick to navigating the icebergs of crit icism is to figureout which are helpful, and steer clear of those that arent.

An d abo ve all , do it wi th gr ace .

Criticism on Zen HabitsOnce Zen Habits started to take off I had 26K subscribersat the end of my first year in 2007 I received all kinds ofcriticism. Many of them were from new readers, who weremost ly incr ed ib ly posi t ive and enco urag ing, but whosometimes would leave scathing comments on a post.

I learned a tactic that worked extremely well. If a commentwas mean, Id take a minute to calm myself down, and thenask, Does this person have a point (despite their rudetone)?

Then I would respond and thank the commenter for hiscr i t ic ism . I d acknowledge the ir po in t w i thout be ingdefensive. Id respond with my reasoning, if I felt I had apoint, or if the critic was right I would agree and let them
http://www.lifestreamshealing.com/http://www.lifestreamshealing.com/


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know I was going to change things. Either way, I was gratefulfor their crit icism.

This had a startling effect: the commenter would oftenrespond very positively. Thanking the commenter andacknowledging their point is disarming. People who leaverude comments dont expect you to listen to them, much lessbe grateful and empathetic. I had many of my critics become

friends after doing that Ive never seen a tactic havebetter results.

Id also get criticism from other sites. My usual response hasbeen to ask myself (again, after calming down), Does thisperson have a point? If they do, Ill see what I can do tochange. If not, I l l move on.

Ive learned that criticism is a fact of the game. I canrespond with anger, or let it stop me from doing things, or Ican let it help me. Or accept that its there and move on. I

choose the last two.

How Not To Handle CriticismCriticism can bring you down if you let it. People getdiscouraged when faced with criticism, and just give up. Thatcan be understandable, but why let the words of someonehaving a bad day (or month) stop you from doing somethinggreat? What would have happened if Shakespeare hadstopped writ ing the first t ime an audience member j eered oneof his lines? Or if Gandhi had given up just because the Brits

werent happy with his ways?

Often people will instead respond to crit icism with anger.Theyll lash out, attack, become defensive and aggressive.

If you havent read this now-infamous comment thread for areview of an indie book, I highly recommend it. The review isfine, but the comments left by the author of the book are

simply incredible. Shes a train wreck that you cant lookaway from.

This is how no t to respond to criticism. It was the worst wayto react. If youre angry, you do not tell people to fuck off.You do not attack them, blame them for your mistakes, denythat you made any mistakes, and feed fuel to the fire bycompounding your mistakes with more mistakes. It would be

so much better just to stay silent.

Do Amazing ThingsDont let criticism stop you from doing anything. If someonetells you that your writ ing sucks, keep doing it. Make itbetter. Study people who do it well and rip them off, thenmake it your own and let your voice infuse what you do. Begreat by being honest, by seeking the truth and telling thattruth when no one else will.

Create amazing things. Contribute to the world, make the

version of the world you want to see.

Go out and do something different. Dont do things justbecause everyone else does it. Heres a secret:

If you find yourself swimming along with all the other fishes,swim the other way. They dont know where theyre goingeither.

Do something amazing, and share it with the world. Criticism

can be necessary, but often it is just dragging down thepeople trying to do amazing things. Dont let it stop you.

How to Handle It GracefullyCalm yourself down before responding. Always. Respondingto a critic in anger is never, ever, ever a good idea. In case Ididnt make that clear: dont ever ever ever respond in anger.
http://booksandpals.blogspot.com/2011/03/greek-seaman-jacqueline-howett.htmlhttp://booksandpals.blogspot.com/2011/03/greek-seaman-jacqueline-howett.htmlhttp://zenhabits.net/how-to-find-your-amazing-work/http://zenhabits.net/how-to-find-your-amazing-work/http://zenhabits.net/how-to-find-your-amazing-work/http://booksandpals.blogspot.com/2011/03/greek-seaman-jacqueline-howett.htmlhttp://booksandpals.blogspot.com/2011/03/greek-seaman-jacqueline-howett.html


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As k yo ur sel f wh y the cr i ti ci sm wa s ma de. Is th e pe rso n tr yi ngto help, to make things better, to help you avoid makingmistakes, to suggest positive improvements? Is the person

ju st in a cr an ky rud e mo od , ha vi ng a ba d da y? Is th e pe rs onju st me an , or jea lo us? Is th ere go od rea so n fo r th e crit ic is m?

Regardless of the motivation, ask yourself if there is validityin the criticism. Sometimes there really is, but instead of

letting that get you down, let it help you improve. Admit thatyoure not perfect at what you do (though you are perfect),and that not everything you do is exactly right, and that youwant to improve. I, for one, certainly make mistakes all thetime and have a lot I can improve.

Thank the person offering the crit icism. Sometimes theyrecoming from a place of wanting to help you. That takescourage, and is a very generous thing. Be grateful for that.Even when theyre not trying to be helpful, theyve taken thetime to respond to you and trust me, getting a response is

better than absolute silence. Provoking a reaction meansyouve done something interesting and for that, youshould be thankful. Either way, thanking the crit ic will helplead to a positive exchange.

Respond rationally and calmly. Instead of being defensive,be honest. Share your reasons, acknowledge the otherpersons points if theres any validity, and come to a rationalconclusion rather than jealously guarding your way of doingthings.

Or stay silent. If you cant respond with grace, th en just dontrespond. Silence is a much better response than anger ordefensiveness or quitt ing.Carry on. Youve responded gracefully, now get back to doingyour amazing things. ###

About Leo Babauta:Leo is a best-selling author and creator of one of the mostpopular blogs in the world, Zen Habits. Hes considered anexpert in productivity and motivation, and has applied theprinciples in his own life: quitt ing smoking, becoming arunner and marathoner, losing 40 lbs., becoming an earlyriser, eliminating his debt, quitt ing his day job and becomingan ent repreneur, s tar t ing severa l successfu l websi tes

(including zenhabits.net , writetodone.com, mnmlist.com an dothers). You can follow Leo on Twitter.
http://zenhabits.net/perfect/http://twitter.com/zen_habitshttp://twitter.com/zen_habitshttp://mnmlist.com/http://mnmlist.com/http://writetodone.com/http://writetodone.com/http://zenhabits.net/http://zenhabits.net/http://zenhabits.net/perfect/http://zenhabits.net/perfect/


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How to Confront Without Conflictby Roberta Chinsky Matuson

Most people are reluctant to address problems they arehaving with an employee, co-worker or even their boss. Yet,pretending everything is fine certainly won't improve thesituation. Here is just one example of why this isn't in thebest interest of the employee or yourself.

Just today, I spoke with a client who was describing anemployee who wasn't quite working out like he had hoped.He shared with me how this employee was refusing to takeon projects that were well within the scope of her jobdescription and how unpleasant she was making life foreveryone. Yet, instead of confronting this employee, he isgoing to wait for her to find another position within thecompany so he can be rid of her.

I suggested a different approach. Why not simply tell this

employee that she has gone as far as she is going to go inhis workgroup and that it is time for her to move on? This iscertainly in her best interest as well as his, and more thanlikely will take less time than waiting for her to bid adieu. Hethought my idea was brill iant!

Whenever we think about conflict, we tend to think of it in anegative connotation. Yet conflict can be good. Here's why.Conflict fuels innovation. It helps tak

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