Crucial Conversations
2017 Employee Engagement & Development
Department of Human Resources
Crucial Conversations
Best Practice Strategies for
Resolving Issues in the Workplace
January 26, 2017
Agenda
• Welcome & Introductions
• Warm-up Activity
• Crucial/Difficult Conversation Overview
• Preparing for the Conversation
• Steps for a Successful Outcome
– Small Group Activity – Various Scenarios
• Closing the Conversation
• Some Additional Strategies
Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 1
Warm-up Activity
• What types of issues/situations may lead to
difficult conversations in the workplace?
• From your perspective, what factors make these
conversations difficult?
What Makes a Conversation
Crucial/Difficult?
• Conversations we find hard to talk about with
another person:
– Emotions are high
– Stakes are high and
– There are opposing opinions involved
• We may be concerned about:
– The uncertainty of the outcome
– Impact on the relationship
– Power dynamics
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Why Is It Important To Have These
Conversations?
Managed Conflict Unmanaged Conflict
Strengthens relationships and
promotes teamwork
Encourages open communication
and co-operative problem solving
Increases productivity
Deals with real issues and
concentrates on win-win solutions
Makes allies and diffuses anger
Airs all sides of an issue in a
positive, supportive environment
Focuses towards results
Damages relationships and
discourages co-operation
Results in defensiveness and
hidden agendas
Wastes time and resources
Focuses on fault-finding and
blaming
Creates enemies and hard feelings
Is frustrating, stress producing and
energy draining
Is often loud, hostile and chaotic
Why Is It Important To Have These
Conversations?
• Provides an opportunity for all parties to have a
better understanding of each other's
perspectives/interests.
• Helps to identify opportunities for enhancing the
working relationship.
• When an issue is ignored or left unresolved:
– it can have a negative effect on not only the parties
involved but others within the department/institution.
– often results in increased stress, anxiety, lower
morale, decreased job satisfaction and strained
working relationships.
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What Do We Typically Do When
Confronted With These Situations?
• Avoid them
• Face them and handle them poorly
• Face them and handle them well Our goal for
today’s
session
Ingredients of Difficult
Conversations
Differing
Perceptions
Assumptions
About Intent
Feelings Blame
Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 4
Why Do These Conversations
Tend To Fail?
• We are not prepared.
• Emotions take over.
• Body language sends negative signals.
Preparing For The Conversation
We Have to Talk…
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Don’t Rush
• Do not engage in a conversation with your
colleague when you are angry.
• Being angry impacts your ability to use rational,
problem-solving skills.
• Take the time to cool down, reflect on the
situation at hand and identify actions for moving
forward.
Analyze the Situation
• Determine the issue(s) from your perspective
and the other person's perspective.
• Determine your and the other person’s interests
(needs, fears, wants, concerns about the issue).
• Determine whether or not this is a conversation
worth having.
– Is there a more effective way to address the issue?
– Should you just let it go because the issue is not
important enough? Or the risks are greater than any
possible gain?
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Questions to Consider
• What do you hope to achieve by having this
conversation?
• What assumptions are you making about the
person’s intentions/behaviours?
• What is your perception of the situation?
• How would the other person interpret the
situation?
• What are your needs and fears related to the
situation and the conversation?
• What are the needs of the other person?
Questions to Consider
• Have you contributed to the situation? If yes,
how?
• What might be some examples of options to
explore to solve the situation at hand?
• What “buttons” of yours are being pushed?
• Does your attitude towards the conversation
influence your perception of it? If so, how?
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Work on Yourself
• In order for the conversation to be effective, you
will need to stay in charge of:
– Yourself
– Your purpose
– Your emotional energy
• Identify strategies for keeping a calm and
centered state throughout the conversation.
Steps For A Successful
Outcome
We Need to Talk
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Four Steps
Inquiry
Acknowledgement
Advocacy
Problem Solve
Step 1 – Opening & Inquiry
• Make it safe to talk.
– Embrace a mutual purpose
– Offer mutual respect
• Describe the purpose (mutual understanding,
problem solving).
• Talk about the need to work together to
determine how to move forward.
• Focus on contribution not blame.
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How do I Begin the Conversation?
Examples:
• I have something I would like to discuss with you
that I think will help us work together more
effectively.
• I think we have different perceptions about….. I
would like to hear your thoughts on this.
• I would like to talk about……… I think we may
have different ideas about how to……..
Step 1 - Inquiry
• Share your facts and tell your story.
– What you observed the other person say/do (actions)
– How that felt (impact)
– The assumptions about intentions (label them as
assumptions)
Example:
“I felt attacked when you criticized my project in the team
meeting. Because you did not share them with me before, I
I assumed you wanted to humiliate me in front of the
group.”
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Step 1 – Inquiry
• Invite the other person to share their
perspective.
• Pretend that you don’t know anything and try to
learn as much as possible about the other
person’s perspective, interests, point of view.
• Don’t only focus on the words said.
– Watch for body language
– Listen for unspoken energy - What does he/she really
want?, What is he/she not saying?
Step 1 – Inquiry
• Focus on areas of common ground without
loosing sight of differences/opposing interests.
• Don’t interrupt, listen actively.
• Respond, not defend.
• Don’t take things personally – be prepared for
an emotional reaction/push back.
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Use Positive, Non-Blaming
Communication
• State your position using “I” statements
• Avoid “you” statements- they sound accusatory
and blaming.
“ You just keep on rumbling on an on” versus “I am not
understanding you. Help me to hear what I am missing”
• Use tentative language.
“ It looks to me….”, It appears to me”….
• Avoid “why” questions.
“Why did you say that?”
Key
Techniques
Use Active
Listening Techniques
• Ask open-ended questions to encourage further
discussion and explanation.
– Tell me more…, Help me understand…
• Paraphrase to ensure the accuracy of the
message heard (clarity).
• Use non-verbal encouragers.
– nod of the head or positive facial expressions
• Use verbal minimal responses.
– “Uh-huh”
• Summarize the conversation.
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Small Group Activity
• As a group draft the following
