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Courage-ous Parenting!!!
Herky CutlerFebruary 28, 2011
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Herky Cutler
• B. ED., M.A., CCDP• President/Foothills Youth &
Family Services – Pincher Creek, AB
• Organizational and Educational Consultant
• Professional Speaker• Trainer/Facilitator• Entertainer
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Workshop Assumptions
There is no such thing as a Generation Gap!
Lack of self-esteem is at the core of any dysfunctional behavior!
The best way to be a good parent is to be a good role
model!
Workshop Objectives
To de-bunk the Generation Gap myth!
To establish self esteem as the core of parenting issues
To explore current parenting issues
To apply the Circle of Courage Model to parenting adolescents
Is There A Generation Gap??? What was one of your best
experiences as an adolescent?
What was one of your worst?
What were your feelings during those times?
Now think about your teenage children or adolescents that you work with or children of the parents you work with.
What are their best and worst experiences so far in their lives?
What feelings do they have associated with these?
Is There A Generation Gap???
Context• Gangs• Drugs and alcohol• Violence• Peer pressure• School/career pressure• Bullying• Dysfunctional families• Class valedictorian• Star athlete• Early pregnancy
Feelings• Aggressive• Frustrated• Horrified• Hurt• Anxious• Angry• Sad• Satisfied• Determined• Regretful
Parenting Issues
• Anger• Dealing with guilt• Blended families• Dysfunctional families• Communication skills• Enabling• Power struggles• Time
• High/low expectations• Follow through• United parenting• Motivation• Peer pressure• Setting limits• Tough love• Money
Self Esteem
Anger
Guilt
Pow
er
stru
ggle
sMoney
problems
Enabling
The Circle of Courage
The Circle of Courage
The Circle of Courage
The Circle of Courage
The Circle of Courage
The Circle of Courage
Belonging
Normal
1.Attached2.Loving3.Friendly4.Intimate5.Gregarious6.Cooperative7.Trusting
Distorted
1.Gang Loyalty2.Craves affection 3. Craves acceptance4.Promiscuous5.Clinging6.Cult-vulnerable7.Overly dependent
Absent
1.Unattached2.Guarded3.Rejected4.Lonely5.Aloof6.Isolated7.Distrustful
Generosity
Normal
1.Altruistic2.Caring3.Sharing4.Loyal5.Empathic6.Pro-social7.Supportive
Distorted
1.Noblesse Oblige2.Over-involved3.Plays martyr4.Co-dependency5.Over-involvement6.Servitude7.Bondage
Absent
1.Selfish2.Affectionless3.Narcissistic4.Disloyal5.Hardened6.Anti Social7.Exploitative
Independence
Normal
1.Autonomous2.Confident3.Assertive4.Responsible5.Inner control6.Self discipline7.Leadership
Distorted
1.Dictatorial2.Reckless/Macho3.Bullies others4.Sexual prowess5.Manipulative6.Rebellious7.Defies authority
Absent
1.Submissive2.Lacks confidence3.Inferiority4.Irresponsible5.Helplessness6.Undisciplined7.Easily led
Mastery
Normal
1.Achiever2.Successful3.Creative4.Problem solver5.Motivated6.Persistent7.Competent
Distorted
1.Overachiever2.Arrogant3.Risk seeker4.Cheater5.Workaholic6.Perseverative7.Delinquent skill
Absent
1.Non-achiever2.Failure orientated3.Avoids risks4.Fears challenges5.Unmotivated6.Gives up easily7.Inadequate
Belonging
Normal
1.Attached2.Loving3.Friendly4.Intimate5.Gregarious6.Cooperative7.Trusting
Distorted
1.Gang Loyalty2.Craves affection 3. Craves acceptance4.Promiscuous5.Clinging6.Cult-vulnerable7.Overly dependent
Absent
1.Unattached2.Guarded3.Rejected4.Lonely5.Aloof6.Isolated7.Distrustful
Generosity
Normal
1.Altruistic2.Caring3.Sharing4.Loyal5.Empathic6.Pro-social7.Supportive
Distorted
1.Noblesse Oblige2.Over-involved3.Plays martyr4.Co-dependency5.Over-involvement6.Servitude7.Bondage
Absent
1.Selfish2.Affectionless3.Narcissistic4.Disloyal5.Hardened6.Anti Social7.Exploitative
Independence
Normal
1.Autonomous2.Confident3.Assertive4.Responsible5.Inner control6.Self discipline7.Leadership
Distorted
1.Dictatorial2.Reckless/Macho3.Bullies others4.Sexual prowess5.Manipulative6.Rebellious7.Defies authority
Absent
1.Submissive2.Lacks confidence3.Inferiority4.Irresponsible5.Helplessness6.Undisciplined7.Easily led
Mastery
Normal
1.Achiever2.Successful3.Creative4.Problem solver5.Motivated6.Persistent7.Competent
Distorted
1.Overachiever2.Arrogant3.Risk seeker4.Cheater5.Workaholic6.Perseverative7.Delinquent skill
Absent
1.Non-achiever2.Failure orientated3.Avoids risks4.Fears challenges5.Unmotivated6.Gives up easily7.Inadequate
Action!!!
• Create a profile (N=7, D=5, A=16)• Verify profile (1 or 2 other opinions)• These are “points of intervention”• Getting the child to “normal” is the goal• Brainstorming solutions for each component• Take action!!!• Self esteem is the key!• Be Courage-ous!!!
