Chapter Five--Listening

We spend more time listening than talking, reading, or writing.

50% of our waking time is listening; if you aren’t a good listener you are a poor communicator at least half the time.

The Listening Process: Hearing is physiological and listening is

psychological and cognitive. It is active and complex.

Steps in the listening process Attending: being fully present in the moment; you

don’t impose ideas and attend to the other fully. You have dual perspective: trying to see the other person’s point-of-view.

Physically receiving messages: being active and ready to listen. This declines through age, fatigue, etc. Women tend to listen for details and relationship level meaning, men for content.

Selecting and organizing material: we select based on abilities, our expectations, and culture. We also select stimuli that is loud, unusual, or stands out. We may overlook people who are quiet. We predict what people will do: it helps us figure out how to respond to others, make sense of situations and people.

Steps in the listening process Understanding Communication: interpreting

and making sense of messages. We don’t have to always agree with the other person but we should attempt to see their point-of-view and perspective.

Responding: we should communicate attention and interest. We should respond throughout the interaction. On the relationship level it shows that we care.

Remembering: we tend to remember less than half a message right after we hear it!

Personal Listening Preferences People-oriented listeners: listen with

relationships and other people’s feelings in mind.

Action-oriented listeners: focus on tasks and stay on track.

Content-oriented listeners: critical listeners who evaluate what they hear.

Time-oriented listeners: concerned with speakers who are to the point and have no patience for people who wander off topic.

Obstacles to Active Listening

External obstacles: message overload (too much information), message complexity (technical words, jargon, detailed information), and noise (we get distracted from an outside source), technology, multitasking.

Internal obstacles: Prejudgment: we think we know what people are going to say or

we think the person has nothing important to say. Don’t assume you know what someone is going to say; it creates misunderstanding!

Reacting to emotionally loaded language: we should think critically and not react based on one or two words.

Lack of effort: we might be just tired or overworked. Failure to adapt to the right listening style: we listen for

different reasons; sometimes for information, for support, for pleasure. We need to know what style to use for the right situation.

Listening Apprehension: the uneasiness associated with a listening opportunity.

Forms of Nonlistening

Pseudolistening: someone just pretends to listen and gives fake feedback. That person often gets caught.

Monopolizing: the person shifts the topic back to themselves and diverts the attention from the speaker to topics that interest them.

Selective listener: this person focuses only on specific parts of a message; they reject communication that makes them uneasy or is critical of them.

Defensive listener: they perceive personal attacks when none is intended. Can be in all situations or just specific situations.

Ambushing: close listening for attack purposes. Literal listening: listen only for content and ignore

relationships, feelings, and emotions.

Types of Listening

Informational Listening: be mindful, ask questions, control external or internal obstacles, use techniques to remember the information, and organize what you listen to.

Critical Listening (what is the speaker’s main point; use nonverbal cues).

Empathic listening: be attentive be careful of expressing judgments, be honest with your feelings, do not discount the other person’s feelings, understand the other person’s point-of-view, give positive feedback and express support.

Appreciate listening: listen for full enjoyment.

Payoffs of Effective Listening

Helps your career:

Effective listeners discover the values, needs, expectations, and goals of those with whom they work: we get a better understanding of what motivates them; we know if their values and expectations are similar to us or not.

Better management-employee relationships develop: they take each others’ concerns into consideration. Sometimes all employees want is to be heard, even if they don’t get what they want.

Better decisions are made in emergency situations: airline example.

We learn from others’ experience: we experience many of the same problems that they do. We learn from others’ success and avoid their mistakes.

The Importance of Effective Listening in Organizations

Listening to Customers: the best run companies are those that listen objectively to customer ideas and information. It can tell you about the competition and increase customer sales and satisfaction.

Listening to Employees: helps employees feel wanted and helps morale; can correct problems within the company. Makes employees feel wanted and that their ideas count.

Listening to Supervisors: can help your relationship with your boss and know his or her expectations. Ask questions and paraphrase to make sure you understand. Use praise appropriately and don’t criticize.

Listening to co-workers: listening creates community within the workplace. We also need to know how to adapt the right listening style for the situation. Show others you are listening. Concentrate on information gathering and sharing rather than persuasion.

Signs of Poor Listening

Breaking the Chain of Command: if others go over your head this may be a sign you are a poor listener.

Learning about events too late: if events occur without your knowledge this is a sign you aren’t listening.

Always putting out fires: good management is spotting problems before they reach the crisis stage.

Information must be repeated: repetition is viewed as a waste of company time.

Tasks given to others: supervisors may be saying they do not trust your listening skills.

Increase in written communication: if you receive more written information than oral this may be a sign people think you aren’t a good listener.

Bad Listening Habits

Someone assumes the topic will be boring: try to find something in the message that will be useful to you.

Someone criticizes the speaker’s delivery: concentrate on mannerisms, delivery, tone, accent. They feel justified in not listening.

They interrupt to disagree with the speaker or mentally argue with the speaker’s ideas: they mentally plan a rebuttal.

Listens only for facts: they may be a literal listener. Takes detailed notes: trying to write down everything someone says will

make you a poor listener. Only pretends to listen: they are a pseudo-listener. They tolerate or create distractions: for example they talk to their

neighbor while someone is talking. They avoid listening to difficult material: they tune out when things get

complicated or technical. They react emotionally to some messages by tuning out the speaker. A

good listener may not care for certain words but will not tune the person out.

Daydreaming during long presentations. We can take in more words than someone can speak. Gives us time for our minds to wander.

Improving your listening

Listen for facts as well as feelings. Identify the speaker’s main points. Take brief notes. Summarize and repeat main points and

words. Relate information to current policies

and procedures. Avoid prejudice.

Improving listening skills

The sensing stage: chose and organize material with our perceptions. We pay attention based on needs, interests, or personal perceptions and bias.

Interpreting stage: assign meaning and decode the message. In this stage we try to interpret the actions of others.

Evaluating stage: assign a value judgment to the speaker: are they credible, competent? What does their message really mean? Listeners sometimes make evaluations or assumptions without having all the facts.

Responding stage: communicated verbally and nonverbally.

Memory stage: Most of us only remember 10 to 25 percent of a presentation. Speakers need to remember this when conducting a presentation!