Chapter 8

Marriage Relationships

Chapter Outline

• Motivations for and Functions of Marriage• Marriage as a Commitment• Marriage as a Rite of Passage• Changes after Marriage• Diversity in Marriage • Success in Marriage

True or False?

• Economic security is the greatest expected benefit of marriage in the United States.

Answer: False

• Although marriage does not ensure it, companionship is the greatest expected benefit of marriage in the United States.

True or False?

• About a third of states now offer covenant marriages and a third of people getting married in these states elect the covenant alternative.

Answer: False

• Louisiana, Arizona and Arkansas offer covenant marriages. Fewer than 3% of couples that marry in Louisiana have chosen to take on the extra restrictions of marriage by covenant.

Individual Motivations for Marriage

• Love• Personal Fulfillment• Companionship• Parenthood• Economic Security

Societal Functions of Marriage

• The primary function of marriage is to bind a male and female together who will reproduce, raise their young and socialize them to be productive members of society.

• Additional functions:– regulate sexual behavior – stabilize adult personalities by providing a

companion

Marriage as a Commitment

• Person-to-Person– Individuals commit themselves to someone

whom they love, with whom they feel a sense of equality, and who they feel is the best of the alternative persons available to them.

• Family-to-Family– Marriage involves commitments to the

family members of the spouse.

Marriage as a Commitment

• Couple-to-State– Spouses become legally committed to

each other according to the laws of the state in which they reside.

– They cannot arbitrarily decide to terminate their own marital agreement.

Covenant Marriage

• In Louisiana couples can choose a standard marriage contract, or a covenant marriage contract.

• A “covenant marriage” permits divorce only under conditions of fault (abuse, adultery, or imprisonment on a felony) or after a marital separation of more than two years.

• Fewer than 3% of couples that marry in Louisiana have chosen a covenant marriage.

What’s Your Opinion?

• Why do you feel that Covenant Marriage is an idea that has not caught on?

Weddings

• The wedding is a rite of passage that is both religious and civil.

• While love is a private experience, marriage is a public experience in the United States.

• It is not unusual for couples to have weddings that are neither religious nor traditional.

Wedding Day

• A private moment of a couple on their wedding day.

• Pg. 229

Weddings: College Student Perceptions

1. Women prepare more.

2. The wedding is for the bride’s family.

3. The bride wants the wedding documented.

4. The bride prefers a formal wedding.

5. Both parents should be invited if they are still married.

6. Racial background affects perception of who should pay for the wedding.

Honeymoons

• The honeymoon has personal and social functions:– The personal function is to provide a period

of recuperation from the demands of preparing for and being in a wedding ceremony and reception.

– The social function is to provide a time for the couple to be alone to solidify the change in their identity to a married couple.

Legal Changes after Marriage

• Unless the partners have signed a prenuptial agreement, after the wedding, each spouse becomes part owner of what the other earns in income and accumulates in property.

Personal Changes after Marriage

• The married person begins adopting values and behaviors consistent with the married role including: – Changes in how money is spent.– Discovering that one’s mate is different

from one’s date.– A loss of freedom.

Changes after Marriage

• Parents, In-laws, and Friendship Changes– Parents are likely to be more accepting of

the partner following the wedding.– Less time will be spent with friends

because of the new role demands as a spouse.

Sexual Changes after Marriage

• The number of sexual partners will decrease.• The frequency with which they have sex with

each other will decrease.

Interactional Changes after Marriage

• Over time, men change from being patriarchal to collaborating with their wives.

• Women change from deferring to their husbands’ authority to challenging that authority.

• There is less focus on each other and less sex.

Muslim American Families

• 9/ll resulted in an increased awareness that Muslim families are part of American demographics.

• 5-8 million adults in the U.S. and 1.3 billion worldwide self-identify with the Islamic religion.

• The three largest American Muslim groups in the U.S. are African Americans, Arabs, and South Asians.

Muslim American Families

• Islamic tradition emphasizes:– Close family ties with the nuclear and

extended family.– Social activities with family members.– Respect for the authority of the elderly and

parents.

A Muslim American Family

• This Muslim family lives in the United Sates.

• In the center, holding the baby, is the grandfather, and to his left, is the grandmother.

• Their sons and daughters-in-law flank them on either side.

• The children on the grass and standing in the back are those of the younger married couples.

• Pg. 235

Core Values of Muslim American Families

Courtship “Dating” in the sense of being alone with a partner to explore romance and sex is prohibited.

Mate Choice

Offspring are taught early to think only of marriage to a person who shares their religion/culture and to defer to their parents and kin whose experience qualifies them as a guide for mate choice.

Core Values of Muslim American Families

Love Love is expected to follow, not precede marriage.

Sexual behavior

Holding hands, kissing and intercourse are strictly forbidden before marriage.

Marriage The ceremony involves two male witnesses for the bridegroom, a guardian for the bride and a payment by the husband of a dowry for a marriage to be valid.

Core Values of Muslim American Families

Gender roles Equality between husbands and wives is emphasized.

Rearing children

Children are highly valued, loved, and indulged.

Elderly Children are expected to respect, be kind and dutiful toward their parents.

Core Values of Muslim American Families

Alcohol Muslims are prohibited from consuming alcohol or alcohol products.

Birth Control

Not generally accepted, Possible to limit the number of children by coitus interruptus.

Abortion Only to save the life of the mother.

Divorce While spouses are expected to stay together unless doing so becomes intolerable, either spouse may request divorce.

Military Families

• About 60% of military personnel are married and/or have children.

• Military families are unique in several ways:1. Traditional Sex Roles.

– Typically, the husband is deployed and the wife takes care of the family in his absence.

2. Loss of Control- Deployment– Military families have little control over their

lives and the threat of death or injury is always present.

Military Families

3. Infidelity – The context of separation from each other for

months at a time increases the vulnerability of both spouses to other partners.

4. Separation from Extended Family/Close Friends5. Resilient Military Families.

– Most military families are amazingly resilient.

Insert Video

• 10. Effect of War on Marriage (Run Time: 3:32)

African-American Marriages

• African-American families may be described in terms of their strengths:– strong kinship bonds– favorable attitudes toward their elderly– adaptable roles– strong achievement orientations– strong religious values– a love of children

Interracial Marriage

• Less than 5% of marriages in the United States are interracial.

• Segregation in religion, housing, and education are factors in the low percentage of Black/white marriages.

• Black-white spouses are more likely to have been married before, to be age-discrepant, to live far from their families of orientation, to have been reared in racially tolerant homes, and to have educations beyond high school.

Interracial Marriage

• College students tend to be open to interracial dating.

• Pg. 239

Interreligious Marriages

• If both spouses are devout in their religious beliefs, they may expect problems in the relationship.

• Less problematic is the relationship in which one spouse is devout but the partner is not.

• If neither spouse in an interfaith marriage is devout, problems regarding religious differences may be minimal or nonexistent.

Cross-National Marriages

• Since American students take classes with foreign students, there is the opportunity for romance between the groups, which may lead to marriage.

• Cultural differences do not necessarily cause stress in cross-national marriage, and degree of cultural difference is not related to degree of stress.

• Much of the stress is related to society’s intolerance of cross-national marriages.

Age-Discrepant Relationships

Five themes:

1. They are happy.

2. They lack social approval and support.

3. They are not without problems.

4. Women perceive benefits from involvement with older partners.

5. Friends of the couple are joint friends.

Age Discrepant Relationships

• This wife is 20 years younger than her husband. They had 20 years together before her husband died.

• Pg. 242

Characteristics of Successful Marriages

1. Commitment

2. Common interests

3. Communication

4. Religiosity

5. Trust

Characteristics of Successful Marriages

6. Not Materialistic

7. Role Models

8. Sexual Desire

9. Equitable relationships

10. Absence of negative attributions

A Successful Marriage

This couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

• Pg. 244

Marital Satisfaction

INSERT VIDEO

• 8. Effect of Holding Hands (Run Time: 2:08)

Definition of a Successful Marriage

• Marital success is measured in terms of marital stability and marital happiness.

• Couples defined marital happiness as feeling respected and cherished.

• They regarded their marriage as a work in progress that needed continued attention.