27
Chapter 4 Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Embed Size (px)

Citation preview

Page 1: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Chapter 4Chapter 4

Revising and Proofreading Business Messages

Ch. 4-1

Page 2: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Revising and Proofreading

• Revising: Improving content and sentence structure. May involve adding, cutting, recasting.

• Proofreading: Correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation,

format, and mechanics.

Ch. 4-2

Page 3: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Concise Wording

Instead of this:We are of the opinion thatPlease feel free toIn addition to the aboveAt this point in timeDespite the fact that

Try this:We thinkPleaseAlsoNowAlthough

Ch. 4-3

Revise your messages to eliminate wordiness.

Page 4: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Wordy Prepositional Phrases

Instead of this:We don’t as a general rule cash personal cheques.

Students in very few instances receive parking tickets.

She calls meetings on a monthly basis.

Try this:We don’t generally cash personal cheques.

Students seldom receive parking tickets.

She calls monthly meetings.

Ch. 4-4

Page 5: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Long Lead-Ins

Instead of this:This memo is to inform you that all employees meet today.

I am writing this letter to say thanks to everyone who voted.

Try this:All employees meet today.

Thanks to everyone who voted.

Ch. 4-5

Page 6: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Outdated Expressions

Outdated:

as per your request

pursuant to your request

attached hereunto

under separate cover

Modern:

at your request

at your request

attached

separately

Ch. 4-6

Page 7: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Needless Adverbs

Instead of this:The manager is actually quite pleased with your proposal because the plan is definitely workable.

Try this:The manager is pleased with your proposal because the plan is workable.

Ch. 4-7

To sound more credible and to streamline your writing, omit adverbs such as definitely, quite, really, actually, and so forth.

Page 8: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Fillers

Instead of this:There are two employees who should be promoted.

It was Lisa and Jeff who were singled out.

Try this:Two employees should be

promoted.Lisa and Jeff were singled out.

Ch. 4-8

Revise sentences to avoid fillers such as there and it when used merely to take up space.

Page 9: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Try Your Skill

Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in, wordy prepositional phrase, outdated expression, needless adverb, filler, and/or other forms of wordiness. This e-mail message is to inform you that in all probability we will actually finish in two weeks. We will probably finish in two weeks.

Ch. 4-9

Page 10: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Try Your SkillRevise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in, wordy prepositional phrase, outdated expression, needless adverb, filler, and/or other forms of wordiness.

There are many brokers who are quite certain that these stocks are completely safe. Many brokers are certain that these stocks are safe.

Ch. 4-10

Page 11: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Try Your SkillRevise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in, wordy prepositional phrase, outdated expression, needless adverb, filler, and/or other forms of wordiness.

Pursuant to your request, there are two contracts that are attached hereto. As you requested, two contracts are attached.

Ch. 4-11

Page 12: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Try Your Skill

Revise the following sentence to avoid a long lead-in, wordy prepositional phrase, outdated expression, needless adverb, filler, and/or other forms of wordiness.

All employees are hereby informed that as a general rule computers may not be used for personal activities. Generally, employees may not use computers for personal activities.

Ch. 4-12

Page 13: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Redundant Words

advance warningclose proximityexactly identicalfilled to capacityfinal outcome

necessary requisitenew beginningpast historyrefer backthought and consideration

Ch. 4-13

Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What words could be omitted in these expressions?

Page 14: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Jargon

Computer jargon:queue

export

bandwidth

Alternative language:list of documents waiting to be

printedtransfer data from one program

to anotherInternet capacity

Ch. 4-14

Avoid technical terms and special terminology that readers would not recognize.

Is jargon ever permissible?

Page 15: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Slang

cluelessturkeychill/chill outsweetpeeps

unaware, naïvefoolRelaxnicefriends

Ch. 4-15

Avoid slang (informal expressions with arbitrary or extravagantly changed meanings).

Page 16: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Clichés

Last but not least, you should keep your nose to the grindstone.

We had reached the end of our rope.

Finally, you should work diligently.

We could go no farther.

Ch. 4-16

Avoid clichés (overused expressions). Substitute more precise words.

Page 17: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Try Your Skill

Revise the following sentence to avoid slang, clichés, and redundancies. Last but not least, the accountant referred back to an exactly identical case.

Finally, the accountant referred to an identical case.

Ch. 4-17

Page 18: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Try Your Skill

Revise the following sentence to avoid slang, clichés, and redundancies. With a little advance warning, we could have sold out before our stocks tanked.

With warning, we could have sold out before our stocks hit bottom.

Ch. 4-18

Page 19: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Try Your Skill

Revise the following sentence to avoid slang, clichés, and redundancies. Ms. Miller, who shoots straight from the hip, demanded final completion by January 1.

Ms. Miller, who is straightforward, demanded completion by January 1.

Ch. 4-19

Page 20: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Precise Verbs

Revise your writing to include precise verbs instead of general, lackluster, all-purpose ones.

Market researchers said that profits would improve. Market researchers forecasted improved profits.

Market researchers promised improved profits.Market researchers predicted improved profits.

Ch. 4-20

Page 21: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Precise Verbs

Revise verbs that have been converted to nouns.The manager came to the realization that telecommuting made sense.The manager realized that telecommuting made sense.

An application must be made by the job seeker.The job seeker must apply.

TIP: Look for words ending in tion or ment. Could they be more efficiently and forcefully converted to verbs?

Ch. 4-21

Page 22: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Try Your SkillRevise the following sentence using more precise verbs. The seller said she would contact you.

The seller will e-mail [telephone or fax] you.We must give encouragement to our team.

We must encourage our team. Have you made an application for employment?

Have you applied for employment?A duty of the general manager is the calculation of monthly sales.

The general manager calculates monthly sales.

Ch. 4-22

Page 23: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Concrete NounsRevise your writing to include specific, concrete nouns instead of general, abstract ones.

The man asked for a raise.Jeff Jones asked for a 10 percent salary increase.

An employee presented a proposal.Kelly Keeler, production manager, presented a plan to stagger hours.

Ch. 4-23

Page 24: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Vivid Adjectives

Revise your writing to include descriptive, dynamic adjectives instead of overworked, all-purpose ones.

The report was good.The report was persuasive (or detailed, original, thorough, painstaking, complete, comprehensive).

The report was bad.(Possible revisions?)

Ch. 4-24

Page 25: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

Proofreading

Spelling

Grammar

Punctuation

Names and numbers

Format

Ch. 4-25

Page 26: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

How to Proofread Complex Documents

• Allow adequate time.• Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.• Be prepared to find errors.• Read once for meaning and once for

grammar/mechanics.• Reduce your reading speed.

Ch. 4-26

Page 27: Chapter 4 Revising and Proofreading Business Messages Ch. 4-1

How to Proofread Complex Documents

• Have one person read aloud the original while someone else checks the printout.

• Recheck the spelling of names and difficult words

• Verify capitalization• Fine-tune punctuation.

Ch. 4-27

For documents that must be perfect: