001

TableofContents

FROMTHEPAGESOFCANDIDE

TitlePage

CopyrightPage

VOLTAIRE

THEWORLDOFVOLTAIREANDCANDIDE

Introduction

I-HowCandidewasbroughtupinamagnificentcastle;andhowhewasdriven...

II-WhathappenedtoCandideamongtheBulgarians

III - How Candide escaped from the Bulgarians, and what happened to himafterwards

IV-HowCandidefoundhisoldMasterPanglossagain,andwhathappenedtothem

V-ATempest,aShipwreck,anEarthquake,andwhatelsehappenedtoDr....

VI-HowthePortuguesemadeasuperbauto-da-fétopreventanyfuture...

VII-HowtheOldWomantookcareofCandide,andhowhefoundtheObjectof...

VIII-TheHistoryofCunégonde

IX-WhathappenedtoCunégonde,Candide,theGrandInquisitor,andtheJew

X-InwhatdistressCandide,Cunégonde,andtheOldWomanarrivedatCadiz;...

XI-TheHistoryoftheOldWoman

XII-TheAdventuresoftheOldWoman(continued)

XIII - How Candide was obliged to leave the fair Cunégonde and the OldWoman

XIV-HowCandideandCacambowerereceivedbytheJesuitsinParaguay

XV-HowCandidekilledtheBrotherofhisdearCunégonde

XVI-WhathappenedtoourtwoTravellerswithtwoGirls,twoMonkeys,andthe...

XVII-CandideandhisValetarriveintheCountryofElDorado.Whattheysawthere

XVIII-WhattheysawintheCountryofElDorado

XIX-WhathappenedtothematSurinam,andhowCandidegottoknowMartin

XX-WhathappenedtoCandideandMartinatsea

XXI-CandideandMartindrawneartothecoastofFrance.Theyreasonwith...

XXII-WhathappenedtoCandideandMartininFrance

XXIII-CandideandMartintouchupontheEnglishCoast;whattheyseethere

XXIV-AboutPacquetteandFriarGiroflée

XXV-CandideandMartinpayavisittoSignorPococuranté,anobleVenetian

XXVI-CandideandMartinsupwithsixstrangers;andwhotheywere

XXVII-Candide’sVoyagetoConstantinople

XXVIII-WhathappenedtoCandide,Cunégonde,Pangloss,Martin,etc.

XXIX - InwhatmannerCandide foundMissCunégondeand theOldWomanagain

XXX-Conclusion

ENDNOTES

INSPIREDBYCANDIDE

COMMENTS&QUESTIONS

FORFURTHERREADING

FROMTHEPAGESOFCANDIDEInthisbestofallpossibleworldsthebaron’scastlewasthemostmagnificentofallcastles,andmyladythebestofallpossiblebaronesses.(page12)

Candidewasstruckwithamazementandreallycouldnotconceivehowhecametobeahero.(page15)

“Ifthisisthebestofallpossibleworlds,whataretheotherslike?”(page29)

“Amodestwomanmaybeonceviolated,buthervirtueisgreatlystrengthenedasaresult.”(page33)

“Inthedifferentcountriesinwhichithasbeenmyfatetowander,andthemanyinnswhereIhavebeenaservant,Ihaveobservedaprodigiousnumberofpeoplewhoheldtheirexistenceinabhorrence,andyetIneverknewmorethantwelvewhovoluntarilyputanendtotheirmisery.”(page50)

“NeverwhileIliveshallIlosetheremembranceofthathorribledayonwhichIsawmyfatherandbrotherbarbarouslybutcheredbeforemyeyes,andmysisterravished.”(page59)

“Inthiscountryitisnecessary,nowandthen,toputoneadmiraltodeathinordertoinspiretheotherstofight.”(page100)

“Ourlabourkeepsusfromthreegreatevils—boredom,vice,andwant.”(page129)

“Wemustcultivateourgarden.”(page130)

DR.PANGLOSSSURVEYSTHEWORLD.

PublishedbyBarnes&NobleBooks122FifthAvenue

NewYork,NY10011

www.barnesandnoble.com/classics

CandidewasfirstpublishedinFrenchin1759.HenryMorley’stranslationwasfirstpublishedin1922.

Publishedin2003byBarnes&NobleClassicswithnewIntroduction,Notes,Biography,Chronology,InspiredBy,Comments&Questions,

andForFurtherReading.

Introduction,Notes,andForFurtherReading

Copyright©2003byGitaMay.

NoteonVoltaire,TheWorldofVoltaireandCandide,InspiredbyCandide,andComments&Questions

Copyright@2003byBarnes&Noble,Inc.

Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproducedortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans,electronicormechanical,includingphotocopy,recording,oranyinformationstorageandretrievalsystem,

withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofthepublisher.

Barnes&NobleClassicsandtheBarnes&NobleClassicscolophonaretrademarksofBarnes&Noble,Inc.

Candide

ISBN-13:978-1-59308-028-0ISBN-10:1-59308-028-X

eISBN:97-8-141-14318-9

LCControlNumber2003102532

Producedandpublishedinconjunctionwith:FineCreativeMedia,Inc.

322EighthAvenueNewYork,NY10001

MichaelJ.Fine,PresidentandPublisher

PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmericaQM10

VOLTAIREFrançois-MarieArouet (pen name “Voltaire”)was born inParis onNovember21, 1694, into a middle-class family. His formal education took place at theJesuitCollegeLouis-le-Grand,wherehestudiedLatinandGreekliteratureanddrama.Despitehisfather’swishthathepursueacareerinthelaw,hechosetodevote himself to writing. After completing his education, François beganmoving in radical political circles and became infamous in Paris as a brilliantand sarcasticwit. For allegedly penning two libelous poems about the Frenchregent,thedukeofOrleans,hewasimprisonedintheBastille;duringaneleven-monthdetentionhe completedhis first dramatic tragedy,Oedipe,whichwasacriticalsuccess,andaroundthissametimeadoptedthepenname“Voltaire.”

Whenthreatenedwithimprisonmentforasecondtime,VoltaireinsteadchoseexiletoEngland,wherehelivedfortwoandahalfyears.HecarefullystudiedEnglish societyandwasparticularly impressedby theconstitutionalmonarchyand the religious freedom the English enjoyed, which he praised in LettersConcerningtheEnglishNation(1733).WhenthisworkwaspublishedinFrenchthefollowingyearasLettresphilosophiques,itwasinterpretedascriticaloftheFrenchgovernmentandcausedagreatstir.VoltaireleftParisandspentthenextfifteenyearsattheestateofhismistress,MadameduChâtelet.Duringthistime,he published Elements de la philosophie de Newton (Elements of Newton’sPhilosophy;1738),wasappointedtheroyalhistoriographerofFrance,andwaselected to the prestigious French Academy. During the early 1750s he wasassociated with the court of Frederick the Great in Prussia; while there hepublished the historical workLe siècle de Louis XIV (The Age of Louis XIV;1751).

Twogreateventsofthemid-1750shaveaprofoundeffectonVoltaire.TensofthousandsofpeoplewerekilledinagreatearthquakeinLisbonin1755,andin1756thedevastatingSevenYearsWarbegan.Influencedinpartbytheseevents,VoltairecametorejectthephilosophyofGermanphilosopherGottfriedWilhelmLeibniz, which was based on the concept of a rational and well-regulateduniverse. In 1759 Voltaire retreated to Ferney, an estate near the France-Switzerlandborder,wherehewrotephilosophicalpoems,letters,andnarratives,including thephilosophical taleCandide (1759), inwhich he spoofed the ideathatoursisthe“bestofallpossibleworlds.”

Voltairewas an adamant critic of religious intolerance and persecution. Thememorable closing line ofCandide, “Let us cultivate our garden,” has beeninterpretedtomeanthatthepropercourseofactionforhumankindistoperformpractical, usefulwork.Voltaire died in 1778 at the age of eighty-four, leavingbehindabodyofworkthatepitomizestheEnlightenment.

THEWORLDOFVOLTAIREANDCANDIDE

1694 VoltaireisbornFrançois-MarieArouetinParisonNovember21.

1704 FrançoisenrollsattheCollegeLouis-le-Grand,aJesuitinstitution,wherehestudiesclassicalliteratureanddrama.

1711 AfterleavingLouis-le-Grand,Françoispursueswritingasacareer,despitehisfather’swishesthathestudylaw.

1714 Tothedismayofhisfather,FrançoismeetswithmembersandexplorestheideologyoftheradicalSocietyoftheTemple;hewritessatiricalpoems.

1715 KingLouisXIVdies.Hisgreatgrandson,LouisXV,ascendstothethrone,butbecauseheisonlyfiveyearsold,thedukeofOrleansassumestheregencyuntilhisdeathin1723.TheroyalcourtleavestheconfinedenvironmentofVersaillestotakeupresidenceinthemoreliberalatmosphereofParis,oneoftheeventsthatmarksthebeginningoftheEnlightenmentinFrance.

1717-1718

BeginninginMay,FrançoisisimprisonedintheBastilleforelevenmonthsafterthedukeofOrleanswronglyaccuseshimofwritingtwolibelouspoemsabouttheFrenchgovernment.Inprison,hewriteshisfirstdramatictragedy,Oedipe(hisversionoftheOedipusmyth)andLaHenriade,anepicpoemaboutHenryIVofFrance.

1718 ThetheatricalsuccessofOedipewinsFrançoisapensionfromtheregent.

1719 Francois-MarieArouetassumesthepennameVoltaire.

1723 ThefirsteditionofLaHenriadeispublished.Uponthe

deathofthedukeofOrleans,LouisXVaccedestothethrone.However,FranceisruledbythedukeofBourbonandCardinaldeFleury,whorevampFrance’seconomicpolicies.

1725 InSeptemberVoltaireattendsLouisXV’smarriage,atwhichthreeofhisplaysareperformed.

1726 VoltaireissenttotheBastilleforthesecondtimeforchallengingthechevalierdeRohantoaduel.Aftertwoweeks,heisofferedexileasanalternativeandemigratestoEngland,wherehespendsthenexttwoandahalfyearslearningEnglishandstudyingthephilosophiesofphilosopherJohnLockeandmathematicianandphysicistIsaacNewton.HealsoattendsproductionsoftheplaysofWilliamShakespeare.

1728 ThesecondeditionofLaHenriadeispublished.

1729 VoltairegainstherighttoreturntoParis.

1730 Indignantattheclergy’srefusaltoproperlyburythebodyoffamedactressAdrienneLecouvreur,Voltairewritesaprotestpoem,TheDeathofMademoiselleLecouvreur.HistragedyBrutusreceivesaccoladesfollowingitsopeningperformance.

1731 Voltairepublishesthefirstofhishistoricalworks,CharlesXII,alifeoftheSwedishmonarch,whichremainstodayaclassicofbiography.

1732 Voltaire’sheroictragedyZaire,ataleofdoomedlove,isasuccess.

1733 VoltairebeginshislongaffairwithMadameduChâtelet.LettersConcerningtheEnglishNationispublishedinEnglish.Thebook,whichpraisestheEnglishmonarchyandthecountry’sreligioustolerance,isinterpretedascriticaloftheFrenchchurchandstate.

1734 LettersConcerningtheEnglishNationispublishedinFrenchasLettresphilosophiques.ItisbannedinFrance,andVoltaireseeksrefugeatCireyintheprovinceofChampagne,whereforthenextfifteenyearshelivesattheestateofMadameduChâtelet.

1735 AlthoughgrantedtherighttoreturntoParis,VoltairechoosestoremainatCirey,returningtothecityonly

occasionally.Hespendstimeconductingphysicalandchemicalexperimentsandwriting.HebeginsacorrespondencewithCrown

PrinceFrederickofPrussia(laterFredericktheGreat),withwhomhewillhavearockyrelationship.

1738 ElementsdelaphilosophiedeNewton(ElementsofNewton’sPhilosophy)ispublished.

1745 ThroughtheinfluenceofMadamedePompadour,LouisXV’smistress,VoltaireisappointedtheroyalhistoriographerofFrance.

1746 HeiselectedtotheprestigiousFrenchAcademy.

1747 Voltaire’sphilosophicaltaleZadigispublished.

1749 MadameduChateletdies.UpontheinvitationofFredericktheGreat,VoltairemovesbrieflytoPotsdam.

1750 AtFrederick’srequest,VoltairegoestoBerlintoserveasphilosopher-poetattheroyalcourt.Hewillstayforthreeyears.

1751 WhileattheGermancourt,VoltairepublishesthehistoricalworkLesiècledeLouisXIV(TheAgeofLouisXIV),whichadvocatesforsocialandmoralprogress.

1752 VoltairepublishesMicromégas,afantastictraveloguethatreflectsNewton’scosmologyandLocke’sempiricism,andattemptstofusescienceandmoralphilosophy.

1753 VoltaireleavesBerlinafteranargumentwithFrederick(thetwowilllaterreconcileandresumeacorrespondence).UnabletoreturntoFrance,VoltairestaysinvarioustownsontheborderuntilDecember1754,whenhemovestoGeneva.

1755 Voltairepurchasesavilla,LesDélices,outsideGeneva,andmakesithishome.AfteradevastatingearthquakekillstensofthousandsinLisbon,Voltairerejectstheconceptofarationalandwell-regulateduniverse,asadvocatedbytheGermanphilosopherGottfriedWilhelmLeibniz.

1756 TheSevenYearsWarbeginsandwilllastuntil1763.ItisfoughtinEurope,withNorthAmerica,andIndia,byFrance,Austria,Russia,

Saxony,Sweden,andeventuallySpainoneside,andPrussia,GreatBritain,and

Hanoverontheother.ThiscomplexwarisbasedoncolonialrivalrybetweenFranceandEngland,andastruggleforpowerinGermanybetweenAustriaandPrussia.AlongwiththeLisbonearthquake,itdeeplyaffectsVoltaire’soutlook.VoltairepublishesPoèmesurledésastredeLisbonne(PoemontheDisasterofLisbon),inwhichhesignalshisrejectionofLeibniz’sapproach.

1757 Afteritsseventhvolumeispublished,theEncyclopédie—co-editedbyDenisDiderottoprovideasurveyofhumanknowledgefromthestandpointoftheEnlightenment(Voltairewasacontributor)—isbannedinFrance.

1759 Voltairebuysanestate,Ferney,neartheFrance-Switzerlandborder.ItwillbecometheintellectualcapitalofwesternEurope,andVoltairewillspendhislastyearstherewritingnarratives,plays,andpersonalletters.Themostnotableofthenarratives,publishedthisyear,isthephilosophicaltaleCandide—anattackontheevilsofreligiousfanaticism,war,colonialism,andslavery.

1764 TheDictionnairephilosophique—acompendiumofVoltaire’sthoughtsonavarietyofsubjects—ispublished.

1774 LouisXVdies,andLouisXVItakesthethrone.

1778 VoltairereturnstoParis,whereheiswelcomedbythepublic.OnMay30hediesthereatageeighty-four.HisbodyinitiallyisburiedonthegroundsofanabbeyinChampagne.

1791 Voltaire’sremainsarebroughtbacktoParisandburiedinthePantheon.

1787-1799

ThephilosophyofthethinkersoftheEnlightenment,includingVoltaire—expressedinthemotto“Liberty,Fraternity,Equality”—inspirestheFrenchRevolution.ThesubsequentreignofNapoleonBonapartepreservesmanyofthefreedomswonduringtheRevolution,includingreligioustolerationandtheabolitionof

serfdom.TheCivilCode,alsoknownastheNapoleonicCode,isestablished;itremainsasthebasisforthesystemofcivillawinmodernFrance.

INTRODUCTIONVoltairewouldprobablyhavebeenbothpleasantlysurprisedaswellasbemusedbytheexceptionalandenduringpopularityofCandide,whichheviewedasoneof hisminorworks, unworthy to viewith his tragedies, historical essays, andepicandphilosophicalpoems,onwhichhestakedhisposthumousreputation.

OnNovember21,1694,ontheleftbankoftheSeine,intheheartofParis,asickly infantnamedFrançois-MarieArouetwasbornandnotexpected to live.Contrarytothisinauspiciousbeginning,hewouldfooleveryone(somethinghelaterexcelledatdoing)andtakehisfinalleaveoflifeonlyinhiseighty-fourthyear. By then he had become themost illustrious author of his age under hischosen pen name of Voltaire; this name he adorned with the article de, acommonpracticeamongwritersofbourgeoisoriginwitharistocraticaspirations,beforeandevenaftertheFrenchRevolution,asBeaumarchaisandBalzaccouldattest.

The father of young Arouet, François Arouet, was an ambitious and highlyrespectedlawyerwhoseancestorshadbeenmerchantdrapersandwhoin1683hadmarriedMarie-Marguerited’Aumard(alsospelledDaumard),amemberoftheminorprovincialmobility.UnlikeRousseauorDiderot,Voltaire evidencedno sentimental attachment to his family and little curiosity about his roots,childhood,andearlyformativeyears.Ifhetooklittleinterestinhisancestry,itwas probably because he deemed it of no special historical or culturalsignificance.Asforhisimmediatefamilymembers,hebarelyknewhismother,whodiedwhenhewasten,andheneverseemedtohavefeltanostalgicurgetoromanticizeher;andhedidnotgetalongwithhisstrict,quick-temperedfather,who in turn would strongly disapprove of his son’s iconoclastic writings andhighly controversial reputation. Voltaire was the least introspective of authorsandstilladheredtotheclassicalnotionthatpublicself-revelationisnotonlyinbadtaste,itsmacksoftheobscene;inPascal’swords,“theselfishateful.”Therefurthermore was a secretive facet to his complex nature, and he had his ownreasons for not dwelling on or divulging details of his private life and familyrelationships.

At the age of ten youngArouet was placed at the renowned Jesuit CollegeLouis-le-Grand,intheLatinQuarter,wherehereceivedasolideducationintheclassics, where his knowledgeable and supportive masters nurtured his

precociousinterestandtalentindramaandpoetry,andwhereheformedlifelongfriendshipswithsomeofhisclassmates.

Having completed his studies in 1711, the seventeen-year-old Arouetadamantlyrefusedtoobeyhisfather’sstern injunctiontogoto lawschool, forby now he was intent on becoming a man of letters.While still at Louis-le-Grand,hehadbeenintroducedtoagroupofEpicureanlibertines,orfreethinkerswho subsequently congregated at the Temple of the Knights of Malta andthereforebecameknownas theSocietyof theTemple.Herubbedelbowswithyoung aristocrats chafing under the austere and oppressively religiosity of thecourt of the aging LouisXIV,whowould die in 1715, and his successor, thenotoriousPhilippeII,dukeofOrleans,regentofFranceuntil1723.Thisperiodwas marked in elite and sophisticated circles by a disdainful disregard fortraditional values and a hedonistic love of life and of beauty in all its forms,especiallyintheartsandletters.

Young Arouet thrived in this pleasure-loving milieu, increasingly assertinghimself as anaspiringdramatist, andauthorof light and satiricalverses, awitespeciallygiftedwithsharp,ironicrepartees,andaskepticinreligiousmatters.In1718hehadhisfirstgreatsuccesswithhistragedyOedipe,hisversionoftheOedipusmythmadefamousbySophoclesandalsotreatedbyPierreCorneille,thegreatseventeenth-centuryFrenchdramatist.Thetriumphofhisplayinducedhimin1719toleavehisbourgeoisoriginsbehindonceandforallbyadoptingthemoreeuphoniousandaristocraticpenname“deVoltaire.”

Meanwhile,hehadalreadygottena ratherbitter tasteofOldRegime justicewhen,astheauthorofsatiricalversesdirectedagainsttheregent,hewasforcedtospendelevenmonthsintheinfamousBastilleprison,fromMay1717toApril1718.Thenin1726anincidentoccurredthatwouldmarktheturningpointinhislifeandcareer.Voltairequarreledwith thechevalierdeRohan,scionofoneofthemostpowerfulFrenchfamilies,whohadhislackeysbeathimupforblatantlyassuminganaristocraticname;theyoungwriterfailedtogathersupportamonghisaristocraticfriendsinhisdesperateattemptstofindredressinaduelwiththechevalier, who persistently refused to honor a mere commoner with thisdistinction.InsteadhewasoncemorehustledofftotheBastille,butafteratwo-weekstaywasofferedthealternativeofgoingintoexile.HeoptedforEngland.

Voltaire’s stay in England, from May 1726 to November 1728, profoundlytransformed and enriched his intellectual and aesthetic outlook, as theLettres

philosophiques(1734),oneofhismostoriginalandstrikingworks,(anEnglishversion titled Letters Concerning the English Nation had appeared in 1733)amply testifies.Hevividlyandmostsympatheticallyevokes life ineighteenth-century England, primarily in order to contrast it favorablywith French laws,customs, traditions, science, philosophy, and even literature. He humorouslydescribes the apparently bizarre mores of the Quakers, primarily in order tounderscore religious intolerances in France. Also featured are such powerfulpolitical institutions as the English Parliament, with its House of Commons;EnglishempiricistphilosophyandscienceasembodiedbyFrancisBacon,JohnLocke, and IsaacNewton;andEnglish tragedyandcomedy,with the focusonWilliamShakespeare as a newkind of genius, untrammeled by classical rulesand conventions. From a sharp-tongued wit, a gifted poet, and a dramatist,Voltairehadmadehimselfover intoaphilosophewhosoonwouldbecometheundisputed leader of theEnlightenmentmovement.The bookonEnglandwaspromptlycondemnedandpubliclyburnedinFrance,anditsauthorhadtoseekrefugeneartheeasternborder,intheprovinceofChampagne,atCirey,wherehesettledinthechâteauofMadameduChâtelet,aremarkablewomanwhowasabrilliantintellectualandascientistinherownright.

VoltairelivedinCireyforfifteenhappyandproductiveyears,from1734until1749,when the premature death ofMadameduChâtelet left himdisconsolateandatlonglastopentotherepeatedoffersofhospitalityofFredricktheGreatofPrussia,along-timeadmirerandcorrespondentofthephilosophe,whohadbeenurginghimtobecomehispermanentguestathiscourtatPotsdam.

While at CireyVoltaire deepened his knowledge ofNewtonianmathematicsand physics, which in 1738 would result in Eléments de la philosophie deNewton (Elements of Newton’s Philosophy), a distinguishedwork of scientificpopularization.HealsoponderedthephilosophyofLeibnizattheinstigationofMadame duChâtelet, and he embarked upon his great cultural histories,mostnotablyLe siècle deLouisXIV (TheAgeofLouisXIV), published in 1751, inwhich he pointedly extols the glorious scientific, artistic, and literaryachievementsofFranceduring theglorious reignof the so-calledSunKingattheexpenseofLouisXV.

During his stay in England and at Cirey Voltaire’s outlook on life wasessentiallyoptimistic. In the twenty-fifthand lastofhisLettresphilosophiqueshe sternly took Pascal to task for his pessimistic depiction of the humancondition, describing him as a “sublime misanthrope” ; and in his poem Le

Mondain(TheWorldlyOne),publishedin1736,hesharplyridiculedthemythofprimitive happiness and innocence during the so-called Golden Age, asembodied in the biblical story of Adam and Eve. Conversely, he extolled theEpicureandelightsofcomfortandluxurybroughtaboutbymoderncivilization.Inspiteofhiscontroversialreputation,hegarneredsuchhighofficialhonorsasbeingelectedtotheFrenchAcademyin1746.Hewasstillconvincedthat,onthewhole, Newton’s eminently rational laws permitted human beings toaccommodatethemselvesandseektheirhappinesswithinthisorderlyuniverse,setinmotionbyasupremelypowerfulbutalsobenevolentbeing.Andasadeist,he generally also subscribed to Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz’s theory that Godwould not create a universe other than the best of all possible universes, asexpoundedinhisTheodicy(1710).

Voltaire’sstayatthecourtofFrederickII,from1750until1753,turnedouttobe an unmitigated disaster. Frederickwas basically an autocrat, in spite of hismuch-publicized image as an enlightened “philosopher king.” Voltaire’sirrepressiblewit and bold irreverencewere bound to displease and eventuallyangerhisroyalhost,andeventuallyVoltairehadtoleavePrussiahurriedlyandunderhumiliatingcircumstances.Aftersomehesitationastowheretofindasaferefuge, he settled down in Geneva in December 1759. when he moved to apropertyheacquiredatnearbyFerney,whichwouldbehis retreat for thenextnineteenyears,untilshortlybeforehisdeathinParis,onMay30,1778.

Voltaire’s early optimism underwent a profound change under the impact ofeventsinhispersonallifeaswellasinreactiontothosenaturalandman-madecatastrophesthatmadehimkeenlyawareofhumansufferingandmisery,nottomention the multiple dangers that constantly threaten our very existence, letalone our well-being and chances of achieving happiness. His owndisappointments—notably the unexpected loss of Madame du Châtelet, theunrelenting hostility of the court of Louis XV, the disenchantment withFrederick, and theprecariousnessofhispersonal situation—werecompoundedby his intense and immediate empathy; he spontaneously identified with allvictimsofcalamities,war,injustice,prejudice,andintolerance.

The news of the terrible Lisbon earthquake of November 1, 1755, whichclaimed tens of thousands of lives, overwhelmedhimwith dreadful images ofwomen and children buried under the rubble, and inspired his eloquentlyanguishedPoèmesurledésastredeLisbonne(PoemontheDisasterofLisbon),publishedin1756,inwhichheclearlysignalshisrejectionofLeibniz’sconcept

ofarationalandwell-regulateduniverse.TheprotractedanddevastatingSevenYearsWar(1756-1763),whichbeganwhenFrederickinvadedSaxonyandsoonexpandedthelingeringhostilitiesbetweenFranceandEnglandintoaEuropeanconflagration,alsodeeplyaffectedVoltaire’soutlookonthehumancondition.

Voltairebeganwritingphilosophicalcontes(tales)relativelylateinhiscareerandalmost as anafterthought, forhe subscribed to theneoclassical canonandhierarchyofliterarygenresaccordingtowhichtragedyinverseandepicpoetrygaveanauthorhismost reliablepassport toposterityand immortality.Novels,shortstories,andconteswerelookeduponsuspiciouslyasupstartgenreswithnocredibleaestheticorevenmoralpedigree.

Voltaire beganwith the traditional short story or novella, and transformed itinto the conte philosophique, or philosophical tale, a fast-moving and highlyentertaining story combining multiple adventures and voyages with anunderlyingphilosophicalandmoral theme,written inapithystylerepletewithhumor, satire, irony, and sly sexual innuendoes. Indeed, ridicule would beVoltaire’s most effective weapon against his main targets: fanaticism,intolerance,war,andcruelty.

One of Voltaire’s early philosophical tales is Zadig, subtitled La Destinée(Destiny),whichappearedin1747.ItissetinthekindofwhimsicallyimaginaryandexoticOrientalsettingdeartoeighteenth-centuryauthorsfromMontesquieutoDiderot. The uncannily wise, resourceful, and resilient Zadig, whose namederives from the Arabic sadik (“just”), undergoes a number of trials andtribulations, and when faced with disconcerting instances of injustice andsuffering, and with the unpredictability and apparent randomness of life ingeneral,anxiouslyquestionsandevenobjectstothenotionofaworldregulatedby a benevolent Providence. But Zadig eventually overcomes adversity andreluctantlysubmitstothereassuringbeliefthatProvidenceworksinmysteriousandunfathomablewaysfortheultimatelygreatergoodofhumanity.

While still in Prussia, Voltaire published Micromégas in 1752. PartiallyinspiredbySwift’sGulliver’sTravels (1726)andbyCyranodeBergerac’s twofantastic romances about visits to the moon and sun—Autre Monde: ou, LesEstatsetempiresdelalune(1657)andLesEstatsetempiresdusoleil(1662)—itis a science-fiction story of fantastic, humorous interplanetary travel thatstrongly reflects Newton’s cosmology and Locke’s empiricism, and thatpointedly resorts to fictional and comic devices in order to fuse science and

moral philosophy. In a universe of multiple planets inhabited by creatures ofvarious gigantic dimensions, the remarkable scientific knowledge of theminuscule earthlings is duly acknowledged, but at the same time their basicignoranceinmattersofultimatehumanvalues,maskedbyhubrisandpedantry,is pointedly ridiculed and excori ated, especially when viewed from theperspective of two extraterrestrial visitors, Micromégas, the giant originatingfromSirius, and his smaller but still huge traveling companion,whomhe hadpickedupontheplanetSaturninthecourseofhiscelestialperegrinations.

Candide,theheroofthephilosophicaltalebythatname,cameintotheworldin January 1759unacknowledgedby his creator.Theworkwas proposed as atranslation“fromtheGermanofDoctorRalph,with theadditionsfound in theDoctor’spocketwhenhediedatMinden,intheYearofOurLord1759.”ItwascustomaryforVoltairetodenythepaternityofhismostpotentiallycontroversialwritingsbymischievouslyattributingthemtoimaginaryorevenrealpersonstomaintain a near total silence about the circumstances and composition of hisworksofprosefiction.

Voltairewas hardly an introspective author, and in this, as in somanyotherrespects, he stands at the opposite pole from Jean Jacques Rousseau, whoinsisted,infullknowledgeofthedangersinvolved,onpubliclyproclaimingtheauthorshipofallhiswritingsandwhoinbothhisConfessions(1781,1788)andcorrespondence provides much detailed information on their genesis,publication,andimmediatepublicresponse,aswellasofficialreaction.

AnotherexplanationforVoltaire’sreticenceabouthisphilosophicaltalesishisunderstandable if mistaken belief that these were relatively inconsequentialproductionsbelongingtothemuchdecriedandmalignedgenreofthenovel,andthat theywould not farewellwith future readers, especiallywhen consideredalongside his far more ambitious and serious works—his tragedies, epic andphilosophicalpoems,andhistoricalessays.WhateverVoltaire’sownmotivesorthinking about Candide may have been, there is a persistent but erroneouslegendthathedashedoffbydictationthethirtychaptersofthetaleinthreedays.ItisofcoursefarmorelikelythathewroteCandideoveraten-monthperiodin1758andcompletedthemanuscript,withfinalrevisionsandadditions,inthefallofthatyear.

TheslenderbookfirstcameoffthepressesofthebrothersCramer,publishersin Geneva, in January 1759. It was promptly disseminated and repeatedly

republished inParis andelsewhere.Even though itwas swiftlycondemnedbybothFrenchandSwissauthorities,andcopieswereseized inprintingshops inParis and Geneva, it sold briskly under the counters. No official effort tosuppressCandide couldprevent it frombecomingoneof themost sensationalforbiddenbest-sellersofpre-RevolutionaryFranceandindeedEurope.Withinayear,therewereatleastthreeEnglishtranslationsandoneeditioninItalian.

In 1758 the sixty-four-year-old Voltaire had personally experienced anunusually vast range of human situations and emotions, and he had becomekeenlyawareof theexistenceofevil,unhappiness,and injustice in thisworld.Hehadalsocometotherealizationthattherewerenosatisfactorytheologicalorphilosophical explanations to justify or account for the horrors that sopersistentlydoghumankind.

Hehadacquiredanenormousintellectualandmulticulturalframeofreferencethanks to his unquenchable intellectual curiosity, through his omnivorousreading, and especially through his extensive research for his historicalworksand philosophical essays.Hewas now at the height of his powers and in fullpossessionofhiscraftasawriterwhooverthedecadeshadtirelesslypracticed,perfected, and mastered all the literary genres and rhetorical techniques anddevices.

The reasons forCandide’s immediate and enduring successwith readers aremany.Itisasupremelywroughttragicomedythatslylyandirresistiblyinducesus to laugh at and simultaneously reflect upon the most dreadful events thatbefall humankind. It appeals to us today because, nearly 250 years after itspublication, it has lost noneof its relevanceor satirical sting. It is particularlymodern and pertinent because its dark cosmic vision is essentially in keepingwith our own awareness of what separates our need for order, clarity, andrationalityfromthebrutalrealityofachaoticworld.

ThefiercelyrelentlessattackCandideunleashesagainst theevilsofreligiousfanaticism,war, colonialism, slavery,andmassatrocities ismore relevant thanever.Thenaive,youngheroofthetaleobstinatelyseekspersonalhappinessinaworldbeleagueredbyallkindsofcatastropheswroughtbytheblind,unleashedforces of nature—such as earthquakes and epidemic diseases—as well as byviolent,destructivehumanpassions.

Thetaleopenswithakindofidyllthatrevisitsinaparodicandrococomodethemes originally brought to life in the Garden of Eden. The castle in

Westphalia,which belongs to the proud baron ofThunder-ten-tronckh, and itsincongruousinhabitantsareforthegentleandinnocentCandideaparadisefromwhich he is suddenly and brutally expelled when he is caught kissingCunégonde, the baron’s daughter, a pleasingly plump, wholesome, and docileyoungwoman.

A gentle, honest, and appealingly naive young man, reputed to be theillegitimate offspring of the sister of the baron Thunder-ten-tronckh and anhonorable noblemanwhom she refused tomarry because of his insufficientlyancientlineage,Candideistheeagerandwide-eyeddiscipleofhispedantictutorPangloss, who relentlessly lectures to him on “metaphysico-theologo-cosmolonigology,” a comic formula of Voltaire’s invention meant to ridiculeLeibniz’sphilosophicaloptimism.

Throughout thedreadful catastrophes thatwill befallCandide,Pangloss, andtheir companions inmisery, Pangloss will obstinately and blindly stick to hisunshakablebeliefthat“thisisthebestofallpossibleworlds.”

Upon being summarily kicked out of the baron’s castle, Candide isimmediatelyplungedintoanincomprehensibleandunpredictableworldruledbyoverwhelmingly powerful and evil forces, both natural and human. ForciblyimpressedintothearmyofthekingoftheBulgars,hewitnessesallthehorrorsof war in a fierce battle between the Bulgars and the Abares from which hebarelyescapeswithhis life.While thekingsof the twoopposingarmieswerehaving solemn “Te Deums” sung, each of his own camp, Candide fled this“heroicbutchery”thatleftbehindnotonlyheapsofdeadanddyingsoldiersonthebattlefield,butalsosurroundingvillagesinashes,theirinhabitantssavagelymassacred. Candide is befriended by James the Anabaptist, and alsounexpectedlymeetsDr.Pangloss,bynowreducedtothepitifulstateofabeggargrosslydisfiguredbysyphilis.ThismotleygroupstartsforLisbon,andtheirshipiswreckedinaterriblestormoffthecoastofPortugal.Jamesisdrowned,whileCandideandPanglossbarelymanage to reach the shoreofPortugal just as anearthquake shakes its capital, crushing 30,000 inhabitants under the ruins andengulfingwhatisleftofthecityintheflamesandashesofterriblefires.

Inordertopunishthosejudgedwickedenoughtohavecausedthisdisasterandtopreventotherearthquakesfromoccurring,therulersofLisbontreatthepeopletothespectacleofasplendidauto-da-fé.WhilePanglossishanged,Candideiswhippedtowithinaninchofhislife.Acharitableoldwomantakescareofhim

and leadshim toCunégonde; thedamsel hadbarely survivedbeing raped andstabbedinherfather’scastle,andhassincebecomethemistressofDonIssachar,who is a Jew, and theGrand Inquisitor, both ofwhomCandide finds himselfobligedtokillasthreateningrivalswhentheydiscoverhiminacompromisingsituationwiththeyoungwoman.Asaresult,thelovers,accompaniedbytheoldwoman,fleetoCadiz,wheretheyembarkforParaguay.Duringthelengthyseavoyage,theoldwoman,whohappenstobethedaughterofPopeUrbanXandthePrincessofPalestrina,relatesherownsadstory,filledwithmultiplebloodyadventures and calamities in the course of which she was raped, sold intoslavery, strickenwith the plague, had one of her buttocks cut off,was sent toRussiawhereshefelltothelotofaboyardwhogavehertwentylashesperday,andendedupbecomingaservantofDonIssacharandassignedtoCunégonde.

After the ship lands in Buenos Aires, our passengers are the guests of theGovernor, who promptly develops a mad and jealous infatuation withCunégonde.Oncemore,Candidehastoleavebehindhisbelovedandfleeforhislife, this time in the company of Cacambo, a recently acquired valet, partSpanishandpartSouthAmericanIndian,whohadhimselfacquireda richandvariegated experience of life. Arriving in Paraguay, Candide meets theCommandant of the Jesuits,who turns out to beCunégonde’s brother; he hasalsosomehowsurvivedthemassacreinhisfather’scastleandhassincebecomea Jesuit priest and a colonel in the King of Spain’s troops. However, uponlearningofCandide’s intentionofmarryinghissister,hebecomesenragedanddrawshissword,andintheensuingviolentfightCandidehastostabhiminself-defense.

BelievinghehaskilledCunégonde’sbrother,Candide(withCacambointow)promptlytakestotheroadagain,rescuestwoyounggirlsamorouslypursuedbymonkeys,andiscapturedbytheOreillons,atribeofcannibalisticIndianswithaspecial likingforJesuitflesh; thetwoarefreedwhentheresourcefulCacambopersuadestheIndiansthathismaster,farfrombeingaJesuit,hasjustkilledone.Pursuing their journey, Candide and Cacambo painfully reach the isolatedcountry of El Dorado, surrounded by nearly impassable mountains andprecipices, and find themselves in a utopian society that, as an enlightenedmonarchy,offersitssubjectstheabundantfruitsofitsnaturalriches,aswellaspeace,prosperity,liberty,tolerance,andjustice.Aftertwomonthsinthishappyretreat,Candidebecomesrestlessanddecidestoresumehistravelsandhisquestfor his beloved Cunégonde. He and Cacambo set out with a hundred sheep,

plentiful provision, and huge amounts of gold, diamond, and other preciousstones. However, after a hundred days of strenuous travel, only two sheepsurvive.InSurinam,aDutchcolony,theyencounteranAfricanslavemissinghisleftlegandrighthand,theresultofthebarbarictreatmenthehasincurredwhileworkinginthesugarmillsofhismaster.“ItisatthiscostthatyoueatsugarinEurope,”ishissadcomment.

Trying in vain to rejoin Cunégonde, the too-trusting Candide is promptlyswindled out of most of his possessions. In order to have a better chance atrescuingCunégonde,Candidesendsthemoreworldy-wiseCacambotoBuenosAiresandheplanstoawaittheminVenice.HesetssailforBordeauxinthehopeofreachinghisdestinationbywayofParis,afterhavingselectedasatravelingcompanionanimpoverishedscholarnamedMartin,whohasalsobeenthevictimofmanymisfortunesandwho,asaManichaeist,isthepessimisticcounterpartofPangloss.InParis,Candideisintroducedintohighsociety,withitsfinesuppers,slanderousgossip,andgamblingatcards.Arrestedasasuspiciousforeigner,hebuyshisfreedomwithsomeofhisdiamondsfromElDoradoandisshippedofftoPortsmouth,England,wherehewitnessesthesummaryexecutionofAdmiralByng. From Portsmouth, Candide proceeds to Venice, where he encountersPaquette,Cunégonde’smaid,andCacambo,whoinformshimthatCunegondeisinConstantinople.InVenice,heistheguestofSenatorPococuranté,awealthyVenetian nobleman whose social privileges and riches have made him acomplete disbeliever in the ultimate value of all cultural and literaryachievements.

IntheVenetiangalleythatcarriesCandidetoConstantinople,wherehehopesto reunite with his beloved Cunégonde, Candide unexpectedly finds PanglossandCunégonde’sbrotheramongthegalleyslaves.HeisinformedthatPanglosssurvivedhishanginginLisbonbecauseofabungledknotandthatCunégonde’sbrother survivedhiswound,whichhadnotbeen fatal after all.WhenCandideandhiscompanionsarrive inConstantinople, theybuyCunégondeand theoldwoman from their masters. By then, however, Cunégonde has lost her goodlooks, but Candide feels he cannot go back on his word, while her brotherobstinatelypersistsinhisobjections,whichcanonlybeovercomebyhavinghimsentbacktocompletehisstintasagalleyslave.

Upon arriving in Constantinople, Candide purchases a little farm, but afterhavingsurvivedsomanydisastersthelittlegroupcannotatfirsteasilysettleintoacalm,uneventfulexistence.Panglossstilltriestolecturehiserstwhiledisciple,

but the latter interrupts the learned doctor with the simple, pragmatic, andultimately hopeful observation that “we must cultivate our garden.” In otherwords,lifeismadebearablebyusefulactivityratherthanbyidletheorizing.

TosummarizetheplotofCandideisofcoursetoleaveoutwhatmakesitoneof the great masterpieces of satirical and comical literature. It is a fast-pacedadventure story and travelogue, an unsentimental love story, a fantasy repletewithhistory.Comiceffectsaregenerallyachievedbythestaccatorhythmofthenarration, by the jarring contrast between the dramatic content and the coollydispassionatestyle,andbytheabsenceofanypsychologicaldepthforthemajorcharactersofthetale,whichmakesthemlikemarionettes,manipulatedatwillbytheircreator.

While it is a ferocious attack on philosophical optimism,Candide is not apessimistic work, for it proclaims the human capacity to survive the worstcalamitiesandtoendureandevenprosper inaworldrepletewithwar,cruelty,misery,persecution,andreligiousintolerance.

Gita May is Professor of French at Columbia University. She haspublished extensively on the French Enlightenment, eighteenth-centuryaesthetics, Diderot and Rousseau, literature and the arts, the novel andautobiography.therevolutionaryandpost-revolutionaryera,andwomeninliterature,history,andthearts.SheistheauthorofDiderotetBaudelaire,critiques d’art (1957, second ed. 1967), De Jean-Jacques Rousseau àMadame Roland (1964), Madame Roland and the Age of Revolution(winnerof theVanAmringeDistinguishedBookAward;1970),Stendhaland the Age of Napoleon (1977), extensive monographs on Julie deLespinasse (1991), Elisabeth Vigée Le Brun (1994), Germaine de Staël(1995), George Sand (1994), RebeccaWest (1996), and Anita Brookner(1997), andnumerousarticles, contributions to collectionsof essays, andbook reviews and review articles. She was honored by the AmericanSociety for Eighteenth-Century Studies as one of the Society’s “GreatTeachers.”

I

HowCandidewasbroughtupinamagnificentcastle;andhowhewasdrivenoutofit

InthecountryofWestphalia,ainthecastleofthemostnoblebaronofThunder-ten-tronckh, lived a youth whom nature had endowed with a most sweetdisposition.His facewas the true indexofhismind.Hehada solid judgmentjoinedtothemostunaffectedsimplicity;andhence,Ipresume,hehadhisnameofCandide.Theoldservantsofthehousesuspectedhimtohavebeenthesonofthe baron’s sister by a very good sort of a gentleman of the neighbourhood,whomthatyoungladyrefusedtomarry,becausehecouldproducenomorethanseventy-onequarteringsƗinhisarms,therestofthegenealogicaltreebelongingtothefamilyhavingbeenlostthroughtheinjuriesoftime.

ThebaronwasoneofthemostpowerfullordsinWestphalia,forhiscastlehadnotonlyagate,butevenwindows,andhisgreathallwashungwithtapestry.Heused to hunt with hismastiffs and spaniels instead of greyhounds; his groomserved him for huntsman, and the parson of the parish officiated as his grandalmoner.Hewascalled“MyLord”byallhispeople,andeveryone laughedathisstories.

MyLadyBaronessweighedthreehundredandfiftypounds,andconsequentlywas a personof no small consideration; and shedid thehonours of thehousewithadignitythatcommandeduniversalrespect.Herdaughter,Cunégonde,wasaboutseventeenyearsofage, fresh-coloured,comely,plumpandamiable.Thebaron’ssonseemedtobeayouthineveryrespectworthyofhisfather.Pangloss,ǂ the tutor, was the oracle of the family, and little Candide listened to hisinstructionswithallthesimplicitynaturaltohisageanddisposition.

Master Pangloss taught the metaphysico-theologo-cosmolonigology. b Hecouldproveadmirablythatthereisnoeffectwithoutacause,andinthisbestofallpossibleworldsthebaron’scastlewasthemostmagnificentofallcastles,andmyladythebestofallpossiblebaronesses.

“It isdemonstrable,” saidhe,“that thingscannotbeotherwise than theyare;for as all things have been created for some end, they must necessarily becreatedforthebestend.Observe,forinstance,thenoseisformedforspectacles;

therefore we wear spectacles. The legs are visibly designed for stockings;accordinglywewearstockings.Stonesweremadetobehewnandtoconstructcastles;thereforemylordhasamagnificentcastle;forthegreatestbaronintheprovinceoughttobethebestlodged.Swinewereintendedtobeeaten;thereforeweeatporkallyearround.Andtheywhoassertthateverythingisright,donotexpressthemselvescorrectly;theyshouldsaythateverythingisbest.”1

Candide listened attentively, and believed implicitly; for he thought MissCunégondeexcessivelyhandsomethoughheneverhadthecouragetotellherso.He concluded that after the happiness of beingBaron ofThunder-ten-tronckh,the nextwas that of beingMissCunégonde, the next that of seeing her everyday, and the last that of hearing the doctrine ofMaster Pangloss, the greatestphilosopherofthewholeprovince,andconsequentlyofthewholeworld.

OnedaywhenMissCunégondewenttotakeawalkinthelittleneighbouringwoods, which was called a park, she saw through the bushes the sage Dr.Pangloss giving a lecture in experimental philosophy to her mother’schambermaid, a little brown wench, very pretty and very tractable. As MissCunégondehadanaturaldispositiontowardthesciences,sheobservedwiththeutmost attention the experiments which were repeated before her eyes; sheperfectlywell understood the force of the doctor’s reasoning upon causes andeffects. She returned home greatly flurried, quite pensive and filled with thedesireofknowledge, imagining thatshemightbeasufficingreasonforyoungCandide,andheforher.

OnherwaybackshehappenedtomeetCandide.Sheblushed;heblushedalso.She wished him a good morning in a flattering tone; he returned the salutewithoutknowingwhathesaid.Thenextday.astheywererisingfromthedinnertable, Cunégonde and Candide slipped behind a screen; Miss dropped herhandkerchief;theyoungmanpickeditup.Sheinnocentlytookholdofhishand,andheasinnocentlykissedherswithawarmth,asensibility,agrace—allveryparticular: their lipsmet; theireyes sparkled; theirknees trembled; theirhandsstrayed.Thebaronchancedtocomeby;hetooknoteofthecauseandeffect,andwithout hesitation saluted Candide with some notable kicks on the rear, anddrove him out of the castle. Miss Cunégonde, the tender, the lovely MissCunégonde, fainted away, and, as soon as she came to herself, the baronessboxed her ears. Thus a general consternation was spread over this mostmagnificentandmostagreeableofallpossiblecastles.

II

WhathappenedtoCandideamongtheBulgarians2

Candide, driven out of this earthly paradise, wandered a long time withoutknowing where he went; sometimes he raised his eyes, all wet with tears,towards heaven, and sometimes he cast a melancholy look towards themagnificentcastle,wherethefairestofyoungbaronesseslived.Helaidhimselfdowntosleepinafurrow,heart-broken,andsupperless.Thesnowfellingreatflakes and in the morning, when he awoke, he was almost frozen to death;however,hedraggedhimselftothenexttown,whichwascalledWalds-berghoff-trarbk-dikdorff,without a penny in his pocket, and half deadwith hunger andfatigue.Hetookuphisstandatthedoorofaninn.Hehadnotbeenlongthere,before twomendressed inbluec fixed their eyes steadfastlyuponhim. “Faith,comrade,”saidoneofthemtotheother,“thereisawell-madeyoungfellow,andof the right size”;uponwhich theyapproachedCandide, andwith thegreatestcivility and politeness invited him to dine with them. “Gentlemen,” repliedCandide,withamostengagingmodesty,“youdomemuchhonour;butIreallydon’thaveenoughmoneytopaymyshare.”“Money,sir,”saidoneofthebluestohim,“youngpersonsofyourappearanceandmeritneverpayanything;why,arenotyoufivefeetfiveinchestall?”“Yes,gentlemen,thatisreallymysize,”repliedhe,withalowbow.“Comethen,sir,sitdownwithus;wewillnotonlypayyourbill,butwewillneverallowsuchacleveryoungfellowasyoutobeshortonmoney.Mankindwereborn toassistoneanother.”“Youareperfectlyright, gentlemen,” said Candide, “this is precisely the doctrine of MasterPangloss ; and I am convinced that everything is for the best.” His generouscompanionsnextbeggedhimtoacceptafewcrowns,whichhereadilycompliedwith, at the same time offering them an I.O.U. for the payment, which theyrefused,andthensatdownatthetabletogether.“Haveyounotagreataffectionfor———?”“Oyes; Ihaveagreat affection for the lovelyMissCunégonde.”“Maybeso,”repliedoneoftheblues;“butthatisnotthequestion.WeareaskingyouwhetheryouhavenotagreataffectionfortheKingoftheBulgarians?”“FortheKingof theBulgarians?”saidCandide.“Oh,Lord!notatall;why,Ineversawhiminmylife.”“Isitpossible!Oh,heisamostcharmingking.Come,wemust drink his health.” “With allmy heart, gentlemen,” saysCandide, and hedrinks his glass. “Thatwill do!” cry the blues; “you are now the support, the

defender, the hero of the Bulgarians; your fortune is made; your future isassured.” So saying, they handcuff him, and carry him away to the regiment.Thereheismadetowheelabouttotheright,totheleft,todrawhisrammer,toreturnhisrammer, topresent, tofire, tomarch;andtheygivehimthirtyblowswithacane.Thenextdayheperformshisexercisealittlebetter,andtheygivehimbut twenty.Thedayafterhe comesoffwith ten, and is lookeduponas ayoungfellowofsurprisinggeniusbyallhiscomrades.

Candide was struck with amazement and really could not conceive how hecame tobe ahero.One fine springmorninghe took it intohishead to take awalk, and hemarched straight forward, conceiving it to be a privilege of thehumanspecies,aswellasofanimalsingeneral, tomakeuseoftheir legshowand when they pleased. He had not gone above two leagues when he wasovertakenbyfourotherheroes,sixfeethigh,whoboundhimneckandheelsandcarriedhimtoadungeon.Atthecourt-martial,hewasaskedwhichhepreferred:tobefloggedthirty-sixtimesbythewholeregiment,ortohavehisbrainsblownoutwith a dozenmusket balls. In vain did he remonstratewith them, that thehumanwillisfree,andthathechoseneither.Theypressedhimtomakeachoice,and he determined, in virtue of that divine gift called free-will, to be floggedthirty-six times. He had gone through two floggings, and the regiment beingcomposedof2,000men,thatmadeforhimexactly4,000strokes,whichlaybareallhismusclesandnervesfromthenapeofhisnecktohisrump.Astheywerepreparingtomakehimsetoutthethirdtimeouryounghero,unabletosupportitany longer, begged as a favour they would be so obliging as to shoot himthrough thehead.The favourbeinggranted,abandagewas tiedoverhiseyes,andhewasmade tokneeldown.At thatvery instant theKingof theBulgars,happeningtopassby,madeastopandenquiredintothedelinquent’scrime,andbeingaprinceofgreatgenius,hefound,fromwhatheheardofCandide,thathewasayoungmetaphysician,entirelyignorantoftheworld;andtherefore,outofhisgreatclemency,hecondescendedtopardonhim,forwhichhisnamewillbecelebrated in every journal and in every age. A skilful surgeon cured theflagellatedCandide in threeweeks,bymeansofemollientunguentsprescribedbyDioscorides.dHis soreswerenowskinnedover, andhewasable tomarch,whentheKingoftheBulgariansgavebattletotheKingoftheAbares.3

III

HowCandideescapedfromtheBulgarians,andwhathappenedtohimafterwards

Never was anything so gallant, so well accoutred, so brilliant, and so finelydisposedasthetwoarmies.Thetrumpets,fifes,oboes,drumsandcannonmadesuchharmonyasneverwasheard inhell itself.The entertainmentbeganby adischargeof thecannon,which in the twinklingofaneye lay flatabout6,000menoneachside.Themusketballssweptaway,outofthebestofallpossibleworlds, nine or ten thousand scoundrels that infected its surface. The bayonetwas next the sufficient reasone of the deaths of several thousands more. Thewholemightamountto30,000souls.Candidetrembledlikeaphilosopher,andconcealedhimselfaswellashecouldduringthisheroicbutchery.

Atlength,whilethetwokingswerecausing“TeDeum”Ɨtobesungineachoftheircamps,Candidedecidedtogoandreasonsomewhereelseuponcausesandeffects.Afterpassingoverheapsofdeadordyingmen,thefirstplacehecametowasaneighbouringvillageintheAbarianterritorieswhichhadbeenburnttothegroundbytheBulgarians,inaccordancewiththelawsofwar.Herelayanumberof old men covered with wounds, who beheld their wives dying with theirthroats cut, and hugging their children to their breasts, all stainedwith blood.Thereseveralyoungvirginswhosebodieshadbeenrippedopen,aftertheyhadsatisfiedthenaturalnecessitiesoftheBulgarianheroes,breathedtheirlast;whileothers,halfburntintheflames,beggedtobedespatchedoutoftheworld.Thegroundaboutthemwascoveredwiththebrains,armsandlegsofdeadmen.

Candidemadehastetoanothervillage,whichbelongedtotheBulgarians,andtherehefoundthattheheroicAbareshadenactedthesametragedy.Fromthere,continuingtowalkoverpalpitatinglimbs,orthroughruinedbuildings,atlengthhe arrived beyond the theatre ofwar,with a little provision in his budget andMiss Cunégonde’s image in his heart. When he arrived in Holland, hisprovisionsranout;buthavingheardthattheinhabitantsofthatcountrywereallrichandChristians,hemadehimselfsureofbeingtreatedbytheminthesamemannerasatthebaron’scastle,beforehehadbeendrivenfromtherethroughthepowerofMissCunégonde’sbrighteyes.

Heaskedcharityof severalgrave-lookingpeople,whooneandall answered

him, that if he continued to beg, they would have him sent to the house ofcorrection,wherehewouldbetaughttoearnhisbread.

Henextaddressedhimselftoapersonfwhowasjustcomefromharanguinganumerous assembly for a whole hour on the subject of charity. The orator,squintingathimunderhisbroad-brimmedhat,askedhimsternlywhatbroughthim there, and whether he was for the good cause? “Sir,” said Candide in asubmissive manner, “I conceive there can be no effect without a cause;everything is necessarily concatenated and arranged for the best. It wasnecessarythatIshouldbebanishedfromthepresenceofMissCunégonde;thatIshouldafterwardsbeflogged;anditisnecessarythatIshouldbegformybread,tillIamabletogetit:allthiscouldnothavebeenotherwise.”“Harkye,friend,”said the orator, “do you think the Pope is Antichrist?” “Truly, I never heardanything about it,” said Candide; “but whether he is or not I am in want ofsomething to eat.” “Thou deservest not to eat or to drink,” replied the orator,“wretch,monsterthatyouare!Awaywithyou!Outofmysight,nevercomenearmeagainaslongasyoulive.”Theorator’swifehappenedtoputherheadoutofthewindowat that instant,when,seeingamanwhodoubtedwhetherthePopewas Antichrist, she emptied on his head a chamber-pot full of——Goodheavens!towhatexcessdoesreligiouszealtransportthefemalekind.

Amanwhohadneverbeen christened, anhonestAnabaptistgnamed James,was witness to the cruel and ignominious treatment inflicted on one of hisbrethren,toarational,two-footed,unfledgedbeing.hMovedwithpity,hecarriedCandidetohisownhouse,washedhim,gavehimmeatanddrink,andpresentedhimwithtwoflorins,atthesametimeproposingtoinstructhiminhisowntradeofweavingPersiansilks,whicharemanufactured inHolland.Candide,movedbysomuchgoodness, threwhimselfathis feet,crying:“NowIamconvincedthatmymasterPanglosstoldmetruthwhenhesaidthateverythingwasforthebest in this world; for I am infinitely more touched by your extraordinarygenerositythanwiththeinhumanityofthatgentlemanintheblackcoat,andhiswife.”Thenextday,asCandidewaswalkingout,hemetabeggarallcoveredwith scabs, his eyeswere sunk in his head, the end of his nose eaten off, hismouthdrawnononeside,histeethasblackasacloak,snufflingandcoughingmostviolently,andeverytimeheattemptedtospit,outdroppedatooth.

IV

HowCandidefoundhisoldMasterPanglossagain,andwhathappenedtothem

Candide,dividedbetweencompassionandhorror,butgivingwaytotheformer,bestowed on this shocking figure the two florinswhich the honestAnabaptistJameshad just beforegiven tohim.The spectre looked at himvery earnestly,shed tears and threw his arms about his neck. Candide started back aghast.“Alas!”saidtheonewretchtotheother,“don’tyouknowyourdearPangloss?”“Whatareyousaying?Is ityou,mydearmaster—youIbeholdinthispiteousplight?Whatdreadfulmisfortunehasbefallenyou?Whathasmadeyou leavethemostmagnificent and delightful of all castles?What has become ofMissCunégonde,themirrorofyoungladies,andNature’smasterpiece?”“Oh,Lord!”criedPangloss,“IamsoweakIcannotstand”;uponwhichCandideinstantlyledhim to the Anabaptist’s stable, and found him something to eat. As soon asPangloss had refreshed himself a little Candide began to repeat his inquiriesconcerning Miss Cunégonde. “She is dead,” replied the other. “Dead!” criedCandide, and immediately fainted. His friend recovered him by the help of alittlebadvinegar,whichhefoundbychance in thestable.Candideopenedhiseyes, and again repeated: “Dead! Is Miss Cunégonde dead? Ah, what hasbecomeofthebestofworldsnow?Buthowdidshedie?Wasitforgriefuponseeingherfatherkickmeoutofhismagnificentcastle?”“No,”repliedPangloss.“HerbodywasrippedopenbytheBulgariansoldiersaftertheyhadravishedherasmuchasitwaspossiblefordamseltoberavished.Theysmashedherfather’shead for attempting to defend her;my lady hermotherwas cut in pieces;mypoorpupilwasservedjustinthesamemannerashissister;andasforthecastletheyhavenotleftonestoneuponanother.Theyhavedestroyedalltheducksandthesheep,thebarnsandthetrees;wehavehadourrevenge,fortheAbareshavedone the very same thing in a neighbouring barony, which belonged to aBulgarianlord.”

Athearing this,Candide fainted a second time, but, having come tohimselfagain,hesaidallthatwasappropriatetotheoccasion.Heaskedaboutthecauseandeffect,aswellasaboutthesufficingreason,thathadreducedPanglosstosomiserableacondition.“Alas,”repliedthetutor,“itwaslove;love,thecomfortofthehuman species; love, thepreserver of theuniverse, the soul of all sensible

beings; love, tender love!” “Alas,” replied Candide, “I have had someknowledgeoflovemyself,thissovereignofhearts,thissoulofsouls;yetitnevercost me more than a kiss and twenty kicks in the rear. But how could thisbeautifulcauseproduceinyousohideousaneffect?”

Pangloss replied as follows: “Oh, my dear Candide, you must rememberPacquette, that prettywenchwhowaitedonournoblebaroness; inher arms Itastedthepleasuresofparadise,whichproducedthesehell-tormentswithwhichyouseemedevoured.Shewasinfectedwithdisease,iandperhapsissincedeadof it.She received thispresentofa learnedcordelier,who traced itback to itssource.Hewasindebtedforittoanoldcountess,whocaughtitfromacaptainofcavalry,whocaughtitfromamarchioness,whocaughtitfromapage,thepagereceiveditfromaJesuit,whoduringhisnoviciategotitdirectlyfromoneofthefellow adventurers of Christopher Columbus. For my part, I shall give it tonobody.Iamadyingman.”

“OsagePangloss,”criedCandide,“whatastrangegenealogyisthis.Isnotthedevil at the root of it?” “Not at all,” replied the great man; “it was a thingunavoidable,anecessary ingredient in thebestofworlds; for ifColumbushadnotcaught inan island inAmerica thisdisease,which isevidentlyopposite tothegreatendofnature,weshouldhavehadneitherchocolatenorcochineal.jItisalsotobeobservedthat,eventothepresenttime,inthiscontinentofours,

THEBULGARSLEAVINGTHUNDER-TEN-TRONCKHCASTLE

this malady. like our religious controversies, has been confined to us. TheTurks,theIndians,thePersians,theChinese,theSiamese,andtheJapaneseareentirelyunacquaintedwithit;butthereisasufficingreasonforthemtoknowitin a few centuries. In themeantime it is creating prodigious havoc amongus,especially in those armies composed of well-disciplined hirelings, k whodetermine the fateofnations; forwemaysafelyaffirm that,whenanarmyof30,000menfightsanotherequal innumber, thereareabout20,000of themsodiseasedoneachside.”

“Verysurprisingindeed,”saidCandide,“butyoumustgetcured.”“Lordhelpme! how can I?” cried Pangloss. “My dear friend, I have not a penny in theworld;andyouknowonecannotbebledorhaveanenemawithoutafee.”

ThislastspeechhaditseffectonCandide.HeflewtothecharitableAnabaptistJames.He flung himself at his feet, and gave him so striking a picture of themiserable situation of his friend, that the good man, without any furtherhesitation, agreed to takeDr. Pangloss into his house and to pay for his cure.DuringthecourseofthecurePanglosslostonlyoneeyeandoneear.Sincehishandwritingwasgoodandheunderstoodaccountstolerablywell,theAnabaptistmade him his bookkeeper. At the end of twomonths, being obliged to go toLisbonaboutsomemercantileaffairs,hetookthetwophilosopherswithhiminthesameship.Panglossduringthecourseofthevoyageexplainedtohimhoweverything was so constituted that it could not be better. James did not quiteagreewith him on this point. “Mankind,” said he, “must in some things havedeviatedfromtheiroriginal innocence; for theywerenotbornwolves,andyettheyworryoneanotherlikethosebeastsofprey.Godnevergavethemtwenty-four pounders nor bayonets, and yet they havemade cannon and bayonets todestroyoneanother.Tothis listImightaddnotonlybankruptcies,but thelawwhichseizesontheeffectsofbankrupts,onlytocheatthecreditors.”4“Allthiswas indispensably necessary,” replied the one-eyed doctor; “for privatemisfortunesarepublicbenefits;sothatthemoreprivatemisfortunestherearethegreater is thegeneralgood.”Whilehewasarguingin thismanner theskywasovercast,thewindsblewfromthefourquartersofthecompass,andtheshipwasassailedbyamostterribletempestwithinsightoftheportofLisbon.

V

ATempest,aShipwreck,anEarthquake,andwhatelsehappenedtoDr.Pangloss,Candide,andJamesthe

AnabaptistOne-half of the passengers, weakened and half-dead with the inconceivableanxietyandsicknesswhich therollingofavesselatseaoccasions throughthewhole human frame, were incapable of noticing the danger that surroundedthem.Theotherhalfmadeloudoutcries,orfelltotheirprayers.Thesailswereripped to shreds, and themastswere toppled.Thevesselwasaperfectwreck.Everyonewasbusilyemployed,butnobodycouldbeeitherheardorobeyed.TheAnabaptist, being upon deck, lent a helping hand as well as the rest, when abrutishsailorstruckhimandknockedhimtothedeck;butfromtheviolenceoftheblowthesailorhimselftumbledheadfirstoverboard,andfelluponapieceofthe brokenmast,which he immediately grasped.Honest James, forgetting theinjury he had just received from him, flew to his assistance, and with greatdifficultyhauledhim inagain,but in theattemptwas,bya sudden jerkof theship,thrownoverboardhimself,insightoftheveryfellowwhomhehadriskedhislifetosave,andwhotooknottheleastnoticeofhiminthisdistress.Candide,who saw everything that had happened, and saw his benefactor one momentrising above water and the next swallowed up by the merciless waves, waspreparingtojumpinafterhim,butwaspreventedbythephilosopherPangloss,whodemonstratedtohimthatthecoastofLisbonhadbeenmadeonpurposeforthe Anabaptist to be drowned there. While he was proving his argument àpriori,l the ship foundered, and the whole crew perished, except Pangloss,Candide, and the sailorwhohad caused thedrowningof thegoodAnabaptist.Thevillainswamashore,butPanglossandCandidegottolanduponaplank.

Assoonastheyhadrecoveredthemselvesfromtheirsurpriseandfatigue,theywalkedtowardsLisbon.Withwhatlittlemoneytheyhadlefttheyhopedtosavethemselvesfromstarvingafterhavingescapeddrowning.

Scarcelyhadtheyfinishedlamentingthelossoftheirbenefactorandsetfootinthecity,whentheyfelttheearthtrembleundertheirfeet,andthesea,swellingandfoamingintheharbour,dashinpiecesthevesselsthatwereanchored.Largesheets of flame and cinders covered the streets and public places. The houses

tottered, andwere tumbled, even to their foundations,whichwere themselvesdestroyed; and thirty thousand inhabitants of both sexes, young and old,wereburiedbeneath theruins.5The sailor,whistlingand swearing, cried: “Damn it,there’s something tobegothere!”“Whatcanbe the ‘sufficient reason’of thisphenomenon?” said Pangloss. “It is certainly the Day of Judgment,” saidCandide. The sailor, defying death in the pursuit of plunder, rushed into themidstof the ruin,wherehe found somemoney,withwhichhegotdrunk, andafter he had slept off the alcohol, he purchased the favours of the first good-naturedwenchthatcamehisway,amidsttheruinsofdemolishedhousesandthegroansofhalf-buriedandexpiringpersons.Panglosspulledhimby thesleeve:“Friend,” said he, “this is not right; you trespass against theuniversal reason,and your behavior is untimely.” “Bloody Hell!” answered the other, “I am asailorandbornatBatavia,andhavetrampledfourtimesuponthecrucifixinasmanyvoyagestoJapan;6getoutofherewithyouruniversalreason.”

In themeantime,Candide,who had beenwounded by some pieces of stonethatfellfromthehouses,laystretchedinthestreet,almostcoveredwithrubbish.“ForGod’ssake,”saidhetoPangloss,“getmealittlewineandoil;Iamdying.”“This earthquake is nothing new,” replied Pangloss; “the city of Lima inAmericaexperiencedthesamelastyear:mthesamecause,thesameeffect;thereiscertainlya trainofsulphurall thewayundergroundfromLima toLisbon.“n”Nothingmoreprobable,”saidCandide;”butfortheloveofGodalittleoilandwine.” “Probable!” replied the philosopher. ”I maintain that the thing isdemonstrable.”Candide fainted, andPangloss fetched him somewater from aneighbouringspring.

The next day, in searching among the ruins, they found a little food, withwhichrestoredtheirexhaustedstrength.Afterthistheyassistedtheinhabitantsinhelping the distressed andwounded. Somewhom they had humanely assistedgave them as good a dinner as could be expected under such terriblecircumstances. The meal, indeed, was mournful, and the company moistenedtheir bread with their tears; but Pangloss endeavoured to comfort them byaffirmingthatthingscouldnotbeotherwisethantheywere:“for,”saidhe,“allthisisfortheverybestend,forifthereisavolcanooatLisbon,itcouldbeinnootherspot;foritisimpossiblebutthingsshouldbeastheyare,foreverythingisforthebest.”

Bythesideofthepreceptorsatalittlemandressedinblack,whowasoneof

the familiars of the Inquisition.7 This person, taking him up with greatcomplaisance,said:“Possibly,mygoodsir,youdonotbelieveinoriginalsin;forif everything is best, there could have been no such thing as the fall orpunishmentofmen.”p

“I humbly ask your excellency’s pardon,” answered Pangloss, still morepolitely;“forthefallofman,andtheconsequentcurse,necessarilyenteredintothesystemofthebestofworlds.”“Thatisasmuchastosay,sir,”rejoinedthefamiliar,“youdonotbelieveinfree-will.”8“Yourexcellencywillbesogoodastoexcuseme,”saidPangloss;“free-willisconsistentwithabsolutenecessity;foritwasnecessaryweshouldbefree,forinthatthewill—”

PanglosswasinthemidstofhispropositionwhentheInquisitorbeckonedtohisattendanttohelphimtoaglassofportwine.

VI

HowthePortuguesemadeasuperbauto-da-fé9topreventanyfutureEarthquakes,andhowCandidewaspublicly

whippedAfter the earthquake,whichhaddestroyed three-fourths of the city ofLisbon,thesagesofthatcountrycouldthinkofnomeansmoreeffectualtopreservethekingdomfromutterruinthantoentertainthepeoplewithanauto-da-fé,ithavingbeendecidedbytheUniversityofCoimbrathatburningafewpeoplealivebyaslow fire, and with great ceremony, is an infallible secret for preventingearthquakes.

In consequence, they had rounded up a Biscayner for marrying hisgodmother,10 and two Portuguesewhowhile eating a chicken had set aside apiece of bacon used for seasoning;11 after dinner, they came and secured Dr.PanglossandhispupilCandide,theoneforspeakinghismind,andtheotherforseemingtoapprovewhathesaid.Theyweretakenseparatelytoextremelycoolapartmentswheretheywereneverbotheredbytheglareofthesun.qEightdaysafterwardstheywereeachdressedinasan-benito,randtheirheadswereadornedwithpapermitres.sThemitreandsan-benitowornbyCandidewerepaintedwithupside-down flames and with devils that had neither tails nor claws; but Dr.Pangloss’s devils had both tails and claws, and his flames were upright.12 Inthesecostumes theymarched inprocession, andheardaverypathetic sermon,which was followed by an anthem accompanied by bagpipes. Candide wasfloggedtothecadenceoftheanthem;theBiscaynerandthetwomenwhowouldnoteatbaconwereburnt;andPanglosswashanged,thoughhangingswerenotacommon custom at these solemnities. The same day there was anotherearthquake,whichcausedmostdreadfulhavoc.t

Candide,amazed, terrified,confounded,astonished,allbloodyand tremblingfromheadtofoot,saidtohimself:“Ifthisisthebestofallpossibleworlds,whataretheotherslike?IfIhadonlybeenwhipped,Icouldhaveputupwithit,asIdidamong theBulgarians;butohmydearPangloss!mybelovedmaster! thougreatestofphilosophers!thateverIshouldlivetoseetheehanged,fornoreasonIcansee!OmydearAnabaptist,thoubestofmen,thatitshouldbeyourfateto

bedrownedintheharbour!OMissCunégonde,youmirrorofyoungladies!thatitshouldbeyourfatetoberippedopen!”

Hewasmakingthebestofhiswayfromtheplacewherehehadbeenpreachedto, whipped, absolved, and received benediction, when an old womanapproachedhimandsaid:“Takecourage,child,andfollowme.”

VII

HowtheOldWomantookcareofCandide,andhowhefoundtheObjectofhisLove

Candidefollowedtheoldwoman,thoughwithouttakingcourage,toadecayedhouse,whereshegavehima jarofointment forhis sores, showedhimaveryneat bedwith a suit of clotheshangingupby it, and set some food anddrinkbeforehim.“There,”shesaid,“eat,drink,andsleep;andmayourBlessedLadyofAtocha,uandthegreatSt.AnthonyofPadua,vandtheillustriousSt.JamesofCompostellaw take you under their protection. I will be back to-morrow.”Candide,struckwithamazementatwhathehadseen,atwhathehadsuffered,and still more with the charity of the old woman, would have shown hisacknowledgmentbykissingherhand.“Itisnotmyhandyououghttokiss,”saidtheoldwoman;“Iwillbebackto-morrow.Rubyourbackwiththeointment,eat,andtakeyourrest.”

Candide, in spite of his sufferings, ate and slept. The nextmorning the oldwoman brought him breakfast, examined his back, and rubbed it herself withanotherointment.Shereturnedatthepropertimeandbroughthimlunch,andatnightshevisitedhimagainwithsupper.Thenextdaysherepeatedtheroutine.“Whoareyou?”saidCandidetoher.“WhatGodhasinspiredyouwithsomuchgoodness?How can I repay you for this charitable assistance?”The good oldwoman kept a profound silence. In the evening she returned, but without hissupper.“Comealongwithme,”saidshe,“butdonotspeakaword.”She tookhim under her arm, and walked with him about a quarter of a mile into thecountry,tilltheycametoalonelyhousesurroundedwithmoatsandgardens.Theoldwoman knocked at a little door, whichwas immediately opened, and shetook him up a pair of back-stairs into a small but richly furnished apartment.Thereshemadehimsitdownonabrocadedsofa;sheclosedthedoor,andlefthim.Candidethoughthewasinatrance;helookeduponhiswholelifeuptothispointasafrightfuldream,andthepresentmomentaveryagreeableone.

Theoldwomansoonreturned,supporting,withgreatdifficulty,ayounglady,whoappearedscarcelyabletostand.Shewasofamajesticmeinandstature,herdresswas rich and glitteringwith diamonds, and her facewas coveredwith aveil. “Take off that veil,” said the old woman to Candide. The young man

approached,andwithatremblinghandtookoffherveil.Whatahappymoment!Whatsurprise!HethoughthebeheldMissCunégonde.Hedidbeholdher:itwassheherself!Hisstrengthfailedhim,hecouldnotutteraword,hefellatherfeet.Cunégonde fainted upon the sofa. The oldwoman revived themwith alcohol;theyrecovered;theybegantospeak.Atfirsttheycouldexpressthemselvesonlyinbrokenaccents;theirquestionsandanswerswerealternatelyinterruptedwithsighs,tears,andexclamations.Theoldwomanwarnedthemtomakelessnoise,and after this prudent admonition, left them together. “Good heavens!” criedCandide,“isityou?IsitMissCunégondeIseebeforeme,alive?DoIfindyouagaininPortugal?Thenyouhavenotbeenravished?TheydidnotripyouopenasthephilosopherPanglossinformedme?”“Indeed,buttheydid,”repliedMissCunégonde; “but these two accidents do not always provemortal.” “Butwereyourfatherandmotherkilled?”“Alas!”answeredshe,“it isbut tootrue!”andshewept. “And your brother?” “Andmy brother also.” “Andwhy are you inPortugal?AndhowdidyouknowIwashere?Andbywhat strangeadventuredidyoucontrive tohavemebrought in to thishouse?Andhow—”“Iwill tellyouall,”repliedthelady;“butfirstyoumusttellmeabouteverythingthathashappenedtoyousincetheinnocentkissyougaveme,andtherudekickingyoureceivedbecauseofit.”

Candide,withthegreatestsubmission,preparedtoobeythecommandsofhisfairmistress,andthoughhewasstillwraptinamazement,thoughhisvoicewaslow and tremulous, though his back pained him, yet he gave her a mostingeniousaccountofeverythingthathadhappenedtohimsincethemomentoftheirseparation.Cunégonde,withhereyesliftedtoheaven,shedtearswhenherelatedthedeathofthegoodAnabaptistJames,andofPangloss;afterwhichsherelated her adventures to Candide, who lost not one syllable she uttered, andseemedtodevourherwithhiseyesallthetimeshewasspeaking.13

VIII

TheHistoryofCunégondeIwas inbedand fastasleepwhenheavenchose to send theBulgarians toourdelightful castle of Thunder-ten-tronckh, where they murdered my father andbrother, and cut my mother in pieces. A tall Bulgarian soldier, six feet high,seeingthatIhadfaintedatthissight,attemptedtoravishme.AtthatIrecoveredmy senses. I cried, I struggled, I bit, I scratched, I would have torn the tallBulgarian’seyesout,notknowingthatwhathadhappenedatmyfather’scastlewasacustomarything.Thebrutalsoldier,enragedatmyresistance,gavemeacutintheleftgroinwithhisknife,themarkofwhichIstillcarry.“nities.”“Ilongto see it,“ said Candide, with all imaginable simplicity. ”You shall,” saidCunégonde;”butletmeproceed.”“Pleasedo,”repliedCandide.

She continued: “A Bulgarian captain came in, and saw me covered in myblood, and the soldier still as busy as if noonehadbeenpresent.Theofficer,enragedatthefellow’slackofrespecttohim,killedhimwithonestrokeofhissabre.Thiscaptaintookcareofme,hadmecured,andcarriedmeasaprisonerofwartohisquarters.Iwashedwhatlittlelinenheownedandpreparedhisfood.He was very fond of me, that was certain; neither can I deny that he washandsome,andhadawhitesoftskin;buthewasverystupid,andknewnothingofphilosophy.ItwasevidentthathehadnotbeeneducatedunderDr.Pangloss.Afterthreemonths,havinglostallhismoney,andbeingtiredofme,hesoldmeto a Jew named Don Issachar, who traded in Holland and Portugal, and waspassionately fondofwomen.This Jew showedmegreat kindness, inhopes togainmyfavours;but thisgothimnowherewithme.Amodestwomanmaybeonceviolated,buthervirtueisgreatlystrengthenedasaresult.Inordertokeepmehidden, hebroughtme to this country house younow see. I have hithertobelieved that nothing could equal the beauty of the castle of Thunder-ten-tronckh,butIfoundIwasmistaken.

“The Grand Inquisitor saw me one day at mass, ogled me all the time ofservice,andwhenitwasoversenttoletmeknowhewantedtospeakwithmeaboutsomeprivatebusiness.Iwastakentohispalace,whereItoldhimallmystory.Hepointedout that itwasbeneathapersonofmybirth tobelong toanIsraelite.Asuggestionwas thenmade toDon Issachar, thathe should turnmeover tohis lordship.DonIssachar,being thecourtbankerandamanofcredit,

didnotwanttogoalongwithit.Hislordshipthreatenedhimwithanauto-da-fé;inshort,myJewwasfrightenedintoabargain,anditwasagreedbetweenthemthat thehouse andmyself shouldbelong to bothof them; that the Jew shouldhaveMonday,Wednesday, and the Sabbath to himself, and the Inquisitor theotherfourdaysoftheweek.Thisagreementhasexistedalmostsixmonths,butnot without several quarrels about whether the space from Saturday night toSundaymorningbelongedtotheoldorthenewlaw.Formypart,Ihavesofarwithstoodthemboth,andtrulyIbelievethatthisistheveryreasonwhytheyarebothsofondofme.

“Finally,toavertfurtherearthquakes,andtointimidateDonIssachar,myLordInquisitorchosetocelebrateanauto-da-fé.Hedidmethehonourofinvitingmeto the ceremony. I had a very good seat; and refreshments of all kinds wereofferedtheladiesbetweenmassandtheexecution.Iwasdreadfullyshockedatthe burning of the two Jews and the honest Biscayner who married hisgodmother;buthowgreatwasmysurprise,myconsternationandconcern,whenIbeheldafiguresolikePangloss,dressedinasan-benitoandmitre!Irubbedmyeyes,Ilookedathimattentively.IsawhimhangedandIfainted.ScarcelyhadIrecoveredmysenseswhenIsawyou,starknaked:thiswasthepeakofhorror,griefanddespair.Imustconfess toyoufora truth, thatyourskinisfarwhiterandmoredelicatethanthatoftheBulgariancaptain.Thisspectacleworkedmeup to a pitch of distraction. I screamed out, and would have said, ‘Hold,barbarians!’ but my voice failed me; and indeed my cries would have beenuseless. After you had been severely whipped, ‘How is it possible,’ I said tomyself,‘thatthelovelyCandideandthesagePanglossshouldbeinLisbon,theonetoreceiveahundredlashes,andtheothertobehanged,byorderofmyLordInquisitor,whosemistress Iam?’Panglossdeceivedmemostcruelly insayingthateverythingisfittestandbest.

“Thus agitated and perplexed, now distracted and lost, now half-dead withgrief, I revolved in my mind the murder of my father, mother, and brother,committedbeforemyeyes;theinsolenceofthevillainousBulgariansoldier;thewoundhegaveme in thegroin;my servitude;mybeing a cookwench tomyBulgarian captain;my subjection to thedirty Jewandmycruel Inquisitor; thehangingofDoctorPangloss;theMisererexsungwhileyouwerebeingwhipped;andparticularlythekissIgaveyoubehindthescreenthelastdayIeversawyou.IreturnedthankstoGodforhavingbroughtyoubacktomeaftersomanytrials.I charged the old woman who attends me to bring you here as soon as was

convenient. She has punctually followed my orders, and I now enjoy theinexpressiblesatisfactionofseeingyou,hearingyou,andspeakingtoyou.Butyoumustcertainlybehalfdeadwithhunger;Imyselfamveryhungry;andsoletussitdowntosupper.”

Upon this the two lovers immediately placed themselves at table, and afterhaving eaten, they returned to themagnificent sofa alreadymentioned, wheretheywerewhenSignorDon Issachar,oneof themastersof thehouse,enteredunexpectedly. Itwas theSabbath-day, andhe came to enjoyhis privilege, andsighforthhispassionatthefeetofthefairCunégonde.

IX

WhathappenedtoCunégonde,Candide,theGrandInquisitor,andtheJew

This same Issacharwas themost choleric littleHebrew that had ever been inIsrael since the captivity of Babylon.y “What’s this,” said he, “you Galileanwretch?TheInquisitorwasnotenoughforyou,butthisrascalmustcomeinfora sharewithme!” Inuttering thesewordshedrewouta long swordwhichhealways carried about with him, and, supposing his adversary defenseless, heattacked him furiously; but our honestWestphalian had received a handsomeswordfromtheoldwomanwithhissuitofclothes.Candidedrewhissword,andthough he was the most gentle, sweet-tempered young man breathing, hewhipped it into the Israelite, and laid him sprawling on the floor at the fairCunegonde’sfeet.

“Holy Virgin!” cried she, “what will become of us? A man killed in myapartment! If the police come we are done for.” “Had not Pangloss beenhanged,”repliedCandide,“hewouldhavegivenusmostexcellentadviceinthisemergency, for hewas a profoundphilosopher.But sincehe is not here let usconsulttheoldwoman.”Shewasveryunderstanding,andwasbeginningtogiveheradvice,whenanotherdooropenedsuddenly.Itwasnowoneo’clockinthemorning,andofcoursethebeginningofSunday,which,byagreement,belongedtomyLord Inquisitor. Entering, he discovered thewhippedCandide,with hisdrawn sword in his hand, a dead body stretched on the floor, Cunégondefrightenedoutofherwits,andtheoldwomangivingadvice.

At that verymoment thought came intoCandide’s head. “If this holyman,”thoughthe,“shouldcallforassistance,Ishallmost

THERETURNOFDONISSACHAR

undoubtedly be condemned to be burned, and Miss Cunégonde may perhapsmeetwithnobettertreatment.Besideshewasthecauseofmybeingsocruellywhipped;heismyrival;andasIhavenowbeguntodipmyhandsinblood,Iwillkillaway,forthereisnotimetohesitate.”Thiswholetrainofreasoningwasclearandinstantaneous;sothat,withoutgivingtimetotheInquisitortorecoverfrom his surprise, Candide stabbed him, and laid him by the side of the Jew.”Here’s another fine piece ofwork!” criedCunégonde. ”Now there can be nohopeforus;we’llbeexcommunicated;ourlasthourhascome!Buthowcouldyou, who are of so mild a temper, kill a Jew and Inquisitor in two minutes’time?”“Beautifulmiss,”answeredCandide,”whenamanisinlove,isjealous,andhasbeenwhippedbytheInquisition,heisnolongerhimself.”

Theoldwomanthenputinherword.“TherewerethreeAndalusianhorsesinthestable,”saidshe,“withtheirbridlesandsaddles.LetthebraveCandidegetthem ready; madame has a parcel of gold coins and jewels. Let’s mount thehorsesimmediately,thoughIhaveonlyonebuttocktositon.LetussetoutforCadiz; it is the finest weather in the world, and there is great pleasure intravellinginthecoolofthenight.”

Candide, without any further hesitation, saddles the three horses; and MissCunégonde,theoldwomanandhesetout,andtravelthirtymileswithoutastop.Whiletheyweremakingthebestoftheirway,theHolyBrotherhoodzenteredthehouse.MyLordtheInquisitorwasburiedinamagnificentmanner;andMasterIssachar’sbodywasthrownuponadunghill.

Candide,Cunégonde, and the oldwoman had by this time reached the littletown of Avecina, in the midst of the mountains of Sierra Morena, and wereengagedinthefollowingconversationinaninnwheretheywerestaying.

X

InwhatdistressCandide,Cunégonde,andtheOldWomanarrivedatCadiz;andoftheirEmbarkation

“Whocoulditbethathasrobbedmeofmygoldcoinsandjewels?”exclaimedMissCunégonde,allbathedintears.“Howwillwelive?whatwillwedo?wherewill I find Inquisitors and Jewswhocangivememore?”“Alas!” said theoldwoman,“IhaveashrewdsuspicionofareverendFatherCordelier,whosharedthesameinnwithuslastnightatBadajoz.GodforbidIshouldcondemnanyonewrongfully,buthecameintoourroomtwice,andhesetoffinthemorninglongbeforeus.”

“Alas!”saidCandide,“Panglosshasoftenprovedtomethatthegoodsofthisworld are common to all men, and that every one has an equal right to theenjoyment of them;aa but according to these principles, the Cordelier shouldhaveleftusenoughtocarryustotheendofourjourney.Haveyounothingatallleft,mydearMissCunégonde?”“Notasous,”abrepliedshe.“Whatcanwedo,then?”saidCandide.“Selloneofthehorses,”repliedtheoldwoman.“IwillridebehindMissCunégonde,thoughIhaveonlyonebuttocktorideon;andweshallreachCadiz,neverfear.”

In the same inn there was a Benedictine friar, who bought the horse verycheap.Candide,Cunégonde,andtheoldwoman,afterpassingthroughLucina,Chellas,andLetrixa,arrivedfinallyatCadiz.Afleetwasthengettingready,andtroopswereassembling, inorder to reasonwith theJesuit fathersofParaguay,whowereaccusedof

Duringtheirvoyagetheyamusedthemselveswithmanyprofoundreasoningson poor Pangloss’s philosophy. “We are now going into another world, andsurely itmustbe there thateverything isbest; for Imustconfess thatwehavehad some reason to complain of what passes in ours, in regard to both ourphysical and moral states. Though I have a sincere love for you,” said MissCunégonde,“IstillshudderatthethoughtofwhatIhaveseenandexperienced.”“Allwillbewell,”repliedCandide.“Theseaofthisnewworldisalreadybetterthan our European seas; it is smoother, and the winds blow more regularly.”“Godgrantit,”saidCunégonde.“ButIhavemetwithsuchterribletreatmentinthis that I have almost lost all hopes of a better.” “What murmurings and

complainings indeed!” cried the oldwoman. “If you had suffered halfwhat Ihavedone theremightbesomereason for it.”MissCunégondecouldscarcelyrefrainlaughingatthegoodoldwoman,andthoughtitdrollenoughtopretendto a greater share ofmisfortune than herself. “Alas! you poor old thing,” saidshe,“unlessyouhavebeenravishedbytwoBulgarians,hadreceivedtwodeepwoundsinyourbody,hadseentwoofyourowncastlesdemolished,hadlosttwofathers and twomothers, and seen both of them barbarouslymurdered beforeyoureyes,andtosumupall,hadtwoloverswhippedatanauto-da-fé,Icannotsee how you could be more unfortunate than I. Add to this, though born abaroness,andbearingseventy-twoquarterings, Ihavebeen reduced toacook-wench.”“Miss,”replied theoldwoman,“youdonotknowmybirthandrank;but if Iwere to show you everything, youwould not talk in thismanner, butwould suspend your judgment.” This speech inspired a great curiosity inCandideandCunégonde,andtheoldwomancontinuedasfollows.

XI

TheHistoryoftheOldWomanIhavenotalwaysbeenbleary-eyed;mynosedidnotalwaystouchmychin;norwasIalwaysaservant.YoumustknowthatIamthedaughterofPopeUrbanXandofthePrincessofPalestrina.15UntiltheageoffourteenIwasbroughtupinacastlesosplendid thatall thecastlesofyourGermanbaronswouldnothaveserveditasastable,andoneofmyrobeswouldhaveboughthalftheprovinceofWestphalia. I grew up, and improved in beauty, wit, and every gracefulaccomplishment; and in the midst of pleasures, dignities and the highestexpectations.Iwasalreadyinspiringyoungmentolove.Mybreastbegantotakeitsrightform:andsuchabreast—white,firm,andformedlikethatofVenusofMedicis.My eyebrowswere as black as jet; and as formy eyes, they dartedflames,andeclipsedthelustreofthestars,asIwastoldbythepoetsofourpartoftheworld.Mymaids,whentheydressedandundressedme,usedtofallintoanecstasywhetherviewingmefrominfrontorbehind;andallthemenlongedtobeintheirplaces.

I was engaged to a sovereign prince of Massa Carara. Such a prince! ashandsome as myself, sweet-tempered, agreeable, witty, and in love with memadly.Ilovedhimtoo,asonelovesforthefirsttime,withdevotionapproachingidolatry. The wedding preparations were made with surprising splendour andmagnificence; there were feasts, carousals, and burlettas; all Italy composedsonnetsinmypraise,thoughnotoneofthemwastolerable.Iwasonthepointofreaching thesummitofbliss,whenanoldmarquise,whohadbeenmistress totheprincemyhusband,invitedhimtodrinkacupofchocolate.Inlessthantwohoursafterhereturnedfromthevisit,hediedof themost terribleconvulsions.Butthisisameretrifle.Mymother,distractedtothehighestdegree,andyetlessafflictedthanI,determinedtoescapeforsometimefromthefunereal

THETOILETOFTHEPOPE’SDAUGHTER

atmosphere. As she had a very fine estate in the neighbourhood ofGaieta, acweembarkedonboardagalley,whichwasgildedlikethehighaltarofStPeter’satRome.Atsea,wewereraidedbyapirateshipfromSalé.adOurmendefendedthemselves like true pope’s soldiers ; they flung themselves upon their knees,laid down their weapons, and begged the corsair to give them absolution inarticulomortis.ae

TheMoorspresentlystrippedusasnakedasmonkeys.Mymother,mymaidsofhonour, andmyselfwere all treated in the samemanner. It is amazinghowquick thesegentry are at undressingpeople.Butwhat surprisedmemostwas,thattheythrusttheirfingersintoeverypartofourbodiesthattheirfingerscouldinanywayreach.Ithoughtitaverystrangekindofceremony;forthatishowwearegenerallyapttojudgeofthingswhenwehavenotseentheworld.Ilearntafterwards that it was to discover if we had no diamonds concealed. Thispractice has been long-standing among those civilised nations that scour theseas.IwasinformedthatthereligiousKnightsofMaltaneverfailtomakethissearchwheneveranyMoorsofeithersexfallintotheirhands.Itisoneofthoseinternationallawsfromwhichtheyneverdeviate.

Ineednot tellyouhowgreatahardship itwas forayoungprincessandhermothertobemadeslavesandcarriedtoMorocco.Youmayeasilyimaginethatwemusthavesufferedonboardthepirateship.Mymotherwasstillextremelyhandsome, our maids of honour, and even our common waiting-women hadmorecharmsthanweretobefoundinallAfrica.Astomyself,Iwasenchanting;Iwas beauty itself, and then I hadmy innocence.But alas! I did not retain itlong; this precious flower,whichwas reserved for the lovely prince ofMassaCarara,waspluckedby thecaptainof theMoorishvessel,whowasahideousnegro, and thought he did me infinite honour. Indeed, both the Princess ofPalestrina and myself must have been very strong indeed to undergo all thehardshipsandviolenceswe suffered till our arrival atMorocco.But Iwillnotdetain you any longer with such common things; they are hardly worthmentioning.

Upon our arrival atMoroccowe found that kingdom bathed in blood. Fiftysons of the EmperorMuley Ishmaelaf were each at the head of a party. Thisproducedfiftycivilwarsofblacksagainstblacks,ofbrownsagainstbrowns,andofmulattoes againstmulattoes. In short, thewhole empirewas one continuedsceneofcar-cases.

Nosoonerwerewe landed thanapartyofblacks,of a factionhostile tomycaptain,cametorobhimofhisbooty.Afterthemoneyandjewelswewerethemostvaluable thingshehad.IwaswitnessonthisoccasiontosuchabattleasyouneverseeinyourcoldEuropeanclimates.Thenorthernnationsdonothavethehotblood,northatraginglustforwomenthatissocommoninAfrica.Thenatives ofEurope seem to have their veins filledwithmilk only; but fire andvitrolcirculateinthoseoftheinhabitantsofMountAtlasandtheneighbouringprovinces. They foughtwith the fury of the lions, tigers and serpents of theircountry, todecidewhoshouldhaveus.AMoorseizedmymotherby therightarm,whilemycaptain’slieutenantheldherbytheleft;anotherMoorlaidholdofherbytherightleg,andoneofourcorsairsheldherbytheother.Inthismannerwerealmosteveryoneofourwomendraggedbetweenfoursoldiers.Mycaptainkeptmeconcealedbehindhim,andwithhisscymetarcutdowneveryonewhoopposedhim;atlengthIsawallourItalianwomenandmymothermangledandtorn topiecesby themonsterswhowerefightingover them.Thecaptives,mycompanions, theMoors who took us, the soldiers, the sailors, the blacks, thewhites, the mulattoes, and lastly, my captain himself, were all slain, and Iremainedalone,half-deaduponaheapofdeadbodies.Similarbarbaroussceneswere occurring every day over thewhole country,which is an extent of threehundred leagues, and yet they never missed the five stated times of prayerdecreedbytheirprophetMahomet.

I untangled myself with great difficulty from this vast heap of slaughteredbodies, and crawled to a large orange tree that stood on the bank of aneighbouring rivulet, where I fell down exhausted with fatigue, andoverwhelmedwithhorror,despairandhunger.Mysensesbeingoverpowered,Ifellasleep,orratherseemedtobeinatrance.ThusIlayinastateofweaknessand insensibility, between life and death, when I felt myself touched bysomethingthatmovedupanddownuponmybody.Thisbroughtmetomyself;Iopened my eyes, and saw an attractive, fair-faced man, who sighed, andmuttered these words between his teeth: “O che sciagura d’essere senzacoglioni!”ag

XII

TheAdventuresoftheOldWoman(continued)Astonishedanddelighted tohearmynative language, andno less surprisedattheyoungman’swords,Itoldhimthattherewerefargreatermisfortunesintheworldthanwhathecomplainedof.Andtoconvincehimofit,Igavehimashorthistoryofthehorribledisastersthathadhappenedtome;and,assoonasIhadfinished, I faintedagain.Hecarriedme inhis arms toaneighbouringcottage,wherehehadmeputtobed,gavemesomethingtoeat,waitedonmewiththegreatest attention, comfortedme, caressedme, toldme that he had never seenanything so perfectly beautiful as myself, and that he had never so muchregrettedthelossofwhatnoonecouldrestoretohim.“IwasbornatNaples,”hesaid,“wheretheycastratetwoorthreethousandchildreneveryyear;severaldieoftheoperation;someacquirevoicesfarbeyondthemosttunefulofyourladies;and others are sent to govern states and empires.ahMy operationwas a greatsuccess,andIwasoneofthesingersinthePrincessofPalestrina’schapel.”“Inmymother’s chapel!” I exclaimed. “ThePrincess of Palestrina, yourmother!”cried he, bursting into a flood of tears. “You must be the beautiful youngprincesswhom I raised till shewas six years old, andwho at that tender agepromisedtobeasfairasyouarenow?”“Iamthesame,”Ireplied:“mymotherliesaboutahundredyardsfromhere,cutinpieces,andburiedunderaheapofdeadbodies.”

Ithenrelatedtohimallthathadhappenedtome,andhe,inreturn,acquaintedmewithallhisadventures,andhowhehadbeensenttothecourtoftheKingofMorocco by a Christian prince,16 to conclude a treaty with that monarch; theresult of which granted him gunpowder, cannon, and ships to enable him todestroy the commerce of other Christian governments. “My mission isconcluded,”saidtheeunuch;“IamgoingtotakeshipatCeuta,andI’lltakeyoualongwithmetoItaly.‘Machesciagurad’esseresenzacoglioni!’”

Ithankedhimwithtearsofjoy;andinsteadoftakingmewithhimintoItaly,hecarriedme intoAlgiers,andsoldme to theDeyof thatprovince. Ihadnotbeen longa slave,when theplague,whichhadmade the tourofAfrica,Asia,and Europe, broke out at Algiers with redoubled fury. You have seen anearthquake;buttellme,miss,haveyouevertheplague?“Never,”answeredthe

youngbaroness.

Ifyoueverhad(continuedtheoldwoman)youwouldadmitthatanearthquakewasa trifle compared to it. It is very common inAfrica; Iwas seizedwith it.Imagine, if you will, the distressed situation of the daughter of a pope, onlyfifteen years old, and who in less than three months had felt the miseries ofpovertyandslavery;hadbeenravishedalmosteveryday;hadbeheldhermothercutintofourquarters;hadexperiencedthescourgesoffamineandwar,andwasnowdyingoftheplagueatAlgiers.Ididnot,however,dieofit;butmyeunuchandtheDey,aiandalmostthewholeseraglioofAlgiers,perished.

Assoonasthefirstfuryofthisdreadfulpestilencewasover,asalewasmadeof theDey’s slaves. Iwaspurchasedbyamerchant,whocarriedme toTunis.Thismansoldmetoanothermerchant,whosoldmeagaintoanotheratTripoli;fromTripoli I was sold toAlexandria, fromAlexandria to Smyrna, and fromSmyrna toConstantinople.Aftermanychanges, I endedup thepropertyof anagaofthejanissaries,ajwho,soonafterIcameintohispossession,wasorderedawaytothedefenceofAsoph,thenbesiegedbytheRussians.ak

Theaga,beingveryfondofwomen,tookhiswholeseraglio

with him, and lodged us in a small fort, with two black eunuchs and twentysoldierstoguardus.OurarmykilledahugenumberofRussians;buttheysoonreturnedus thecompliment.Asophwas takenbystorm,and theenemysparedneitheragenorsex,butputalltothesword,andlaidthecityinashes.Ourlittlefortaloneheldout;theyresolvedtoreduceusbyfamine.Thetwentyjanissarieswho were left to defend it, had sworn never to surrender the place. Beingreduced to the extremity of famine, they found themselves obliged to kill ourtwoeunuchs,andeatthem,ratherthanviolatetheiroath.Afterafewmoredays,theyresolvedtoeatthewomentoo.

Wehadaverypiousandhumaneimam,alwhodeliveredanexcellentsermononthisoccasion,persuadingthemnottokillusatonce;“Onlycutoffoneofthebuttocksofeachofthoseladies,”saidhe,“andyouwillfareextremelywell;ifyoustillneedmoreyoucancomebackinafewdaysandhavethesame.Heavenwillapproveofsocharitableanaction,andyouwillbesaved.”

Bytheforceofthiseloquenceheeasilypersuadedthem,andallunderwenttheoperation. The imam applied the same balsam as they do to children aftercircumcision.Wewereallatthepointofdeath.

The janissaries had scarcely time to finish the repast with which we hadsuppliedthem,whentheRussiansappearedinflat-bottomedboats;notasinglejanissaryescaped.TheRussianspaidnoregardtotheconditionwewerein;butasthereareFrenchsurgeonsinallpartsoftheworld,askillfuloperatortookusunderhiscare,andcuredus;andIwillneverforgetforaslongasIlive,thatassoon as my wounds were perfectly healed he made me certain proposals. Ingeneral,hedesiredusall tohaveagoodheart,assuringus that thesamethinghadhappenedinmanysiegesandthatitwasagreeabletothelawsofwar.

As soon asmy companions were in a condition to walk, they were sent toMoscow.Asforme,Ifell to thelotofaboyard,amwhoputmetoworkinhisgarden,andgavemetwentylashesaday.Butwhenthisnoblemanwasbrokenon the wheel after about two years, with about thirty others, for some courtintrigues,anItookadvantageoftheeventandmademyescape.ItravelledoveragreatpartofRussia.Iwasforalongtimeaninnkeeper’sservantatRiga,thenatRostock,Wismar,Leipsick,Cassel,Utrecht,Leyden,theHague,andRotterdam:Ihavegrownold inmiseryanddisgrace, livingwithonlyonebuttock, and inrememberingalwaysthatIwasapope’sdaughter.Ihavebeenahundredtimesonthepointofkillingmyself,butstillwasfondoflife.Thisridiculousweakness

isperhapsoneofourworstinstincts.Whatcanbemoreabsurdthanchoosingtocarryaburdenthatonereallywantstothrowtotheground?Todetest,andyettostrivetopreserveourexistence?Tocaresstheserpentthatdevoursus,andhughimclosetoourbosomstillhehasgnawedintoourhearts?

Inthedifferentcountriesinwhichithasbeenmyfatetowander,andthemanyinnswhereIhavebeenaservant,Ihaveobservedaprodigiousnumberofpeoplewhoheldtheirexistenceinabhorrence,andyetIneverknewmorethantwelvewho voluntarily put an end to their misery: namely, three negroes, fourEnglishmen, four Genoese, and a German professor named Robek.17 My lastplacewaswiththeJew,DonIssachar,whoattachedmetoyourservice,myfairlady;towhosedestiniesIhaveattachedmyself,andhavebeenmoreconcernedwithyourmisfortunes thanwithmyown. Iwouldneverhaveevenmentionedthemattertoyou,ifyouhadnotirkedmealittlebit;andifitwasnotcustomarytotellstoriesonboardashipinordertopassawaythetime.Inshort,mydearmiss, Ihaveagreatdealofknowledgeandexperience in theworld; therefore,takemyadvice—divertyourself,andaskeachpassengertotellhisstory,andifthereisoneofthemallwhohasnotcursedhisexistencemanytimes,andsaidtohimselfoverandoveragainthathewasthemostmiserableofmen,Igiveyoupermissiontothrowmehead-firstintothesea.

XIII

HowCandidewasobligedtoleavethefairCunégondeandtheOldWoman

The fair Cunégonde, having heard the history of the old woman’s life andadventures,paidheralltherespectandcivilityduetoapersonofherrankandmerit. She very readily accepted her proposal of engaging every one of thepassengerstorelatetheiradventuresintheirturns,andwasatlength,aswellasCandide, compelled to acknowledge that the old woman was right. “It is athousandpities,”saidCandide,“thatthesagePanglossshouldhavebeenhangedcontrary to the custom of an auto-da-fé, for he would have read us a mostadmirablelectureonthemoralandphysicalevilwhichcovertheearthandsea;and I think I might have courage enough to presume to offer, with all duerespect,somefewobjections.”

Whileeveryonewas recitinghisadventures, the shipcontinuedonherway,andatlengtharrivedatBuenosAyres,whereCunégonde,CaptainCandide,andthe old woman landed, and went to wait upon the Governor, Don Fernandod’Ibaraa y Figueora y Mascarenes y Lampourdos y Souza. This noblemancarriedhimselfwithahaughtinesssuitabletoapersonwhoboresomanynames.He spokewith themost noble disdain to every one, carried his nose so high,strainedhisvoicetosuchapitch,assumedsoimperiousanair,andstalkedwithsomuch loftinessandpride, thateveryonewhohad thehonourofconversingwith himwas violently tempted to kick his excellency.Hewas immoderatelyfondofwomen,andMissCunégondeappearedinhiseyesaparagonofbeauty.Thefirstthinghedidwastoaskherifshewasthecaptain’swife.Theairwithwhichhemade thisdemandalarmedCandide,whodidnotdare tosayhewasmarriedtoher,becauseindeedhewasnot;neitherdidhedaresayshewashissister, because she was not; and though a lie of this nature proved of greatservice to one of the ancients, ao andmight possibly be useful to some of themoderns,yet thepurityofhisheartwouldnotpermithim toviolate the truth.“MissCunégonde,”repliedhe,“istodomethehonourofmarryingme,andwehumblybeseechyourexcellencytoperformtheceremonyforus.”

Don Fernando d’Ibaraa y Figueora y Mascarenes y Lampourdos y Souza,twirling his mustachio, and putting on a sarcastic smile, ordered Captain

Candide to go and drill his company. The gentle Candide obeyed, and theGovernorwas leftwithMissCunégonde.Hemadeher a strongdeclarationoflove,protestingthathewouldmarryhertomorrowinthefaceoftheChurch,orotherwise, as should appearmost agreeable to a young lady of her prodigiousbeauty. Cunégonde asked to retire for a quarter of an hour to consult the oldwoman,anddeterminehowsheshouldproceed.

Theoldwomangaveherthefollowingcounsel:“Miss,youhaveseventy-twoquarteringsinyourarms,itistrue,butyoudonothaveapenny.ItisyourownfaultifyouarenotwifetooneofthegreatestnoblemaninSouthAmerica,withanexceedinglyfinemustachio.Areyougoingtoinsistonanabsolutefidelity?You have been ravished by aBulgarian soldier; a Jew and an Inquisitor haveboth tasted of your favours. People take advantage of misfortunes. I mustconfess,ifIwereinyourplaceIwouldwithouttheleastscruplegivemyhandtotheGovernor, andmake the fortuneof thebraveCaptainCandide.”While theold woman was thus haranguing, with all the prudence that old age andexperiencefurnish,asmallshipenteredtheharbour,bearinganalcaydeapandhisalguazils.aqAndhereiswhathappened:

Theoldwoman rightlyguessed that theCordelierwith the long sleeveswasthepersonwhohadtakenMissCunégonde’smoneyandjewels,whiletheyandCandidewereatBadajozintheirflightfromLisbon.Thissamefriarattemptedtosellsomeofthediamondstoajeweller,whorecognizedthemasbelongingtotheGrand Inquisitor, and stopped them.TheCordelier, before hewas hanged,acknowledged thathehadstolen them,anddescribed thepersonsand theroadtheyhadtaken.TheflightofCunégondeandCandidewasalreadyknown.TheyweretracedtoCadiz;andthevesselwhichhadbeenhastilydispatchedinpursuitofthemnowreachedtheportofBuenosAyres.Arumorspreadthatanalcaydewasgoing to land, and thathewas inpursuitof themurderersofmy lord theInquisitor. The sage oldwoman immediately sawwhatwas to be done. “Youcannotrunaway,”saidshetoCunégonde;“youhavenothingtofear.ItwasnotyouwhokilledmyLordInquisitor.Besides,astheGovernorisinlovewithyou,he will not allow you to be ill-treated. Therefore, stand your ground.” Thenhurryingaway toCandide, “Flee,” said she, “this instant,oryouwillbeburntalive!”Candidefoundtherewasnotimetobelost.ButhowcouldhepartfromCunégonde,andwheremusthegoforshelter?

XIV

HowCandideandCacambowerereceivedbytheJesuitsinParaguay

CandidehadbroughtwithhimfromCadizsucha footmanasoneoftenmeetswithonthecoastofSpainandintheColonies.Hewasone-quarterSpanish,theson of a half-breed and was born in Tucuman.ar He had been a singing boy,sexton,sailor,monk,pedlar,soldier,andlackey.HisnamewasCacambo.Hehada great affection for hismaster, because hismasterwas a very goodman.Heimmediatelysaddled the twoAndalusianhorses.“Come,mygoodmaster, let’sfollowtheoldwoman’sadvice,andhurrytoleavethisplacewithoutabackwardglance.”Candideburst intoa floodof tears: “Oh,mydearCunégonde,must Ileaveyoujustasthegovernorwasgoingtomarryus?Cunégonde,solonglostandfoundagain,whatwillnowbecomeofyou?”“Lord,”saidCacambo,“shemustdoaswellasshecan:womenareneverataloss.Godtakescareofthem,andsolet’sgetgoing.”“Butwherewillyoutakeme?Wherecanwego?WhatcanwedowithoutCunégonde?”cried thedisconsolateCandide.“ByStJamesofCompostella,”saidCacambo“youweregoing tofightagainst theJesuitsofParaguay;now let’sgoand fight for them. Iknow the roadperfectlywell; I’lltakeyoutotheirkingdom;theywillbedelightedwithacaptainthatunderstandstheBulgariandrill;youwillcertainlymakeaprodigious fortune. Ifwecannotfindouraccountinoneworld,we’llfinditinanother.Itisagreatpleasuretoseenewobjectsandperformnewexploits.”

“Then you have been to Paraguay,” said Candide. “Indeed I have,” repliedCacambo.“IwasacookintheCollegeoftheAssumption,andIknowthenewgovernmentofLosPadresasaswellasIknowthestreetsofCadiz.Oh,itisanadmirablegovernment,thatismostcertain!Thekingdomisatpresentmorethanthreehundredleaguesindiameter,anddividedintothirtyprovinces;LosPadresowneverythingthere,andthepeoplehavenomoneyatall.Thisyoumustallowisthemasterpieceofjusticeandreason.Formypart,IseenothingsodivineasLosPadres,whowagewarinthispartoftheworldagainstthetroopsofSpainand Portugal, and at the same time they hear the confessions of those veryprincesinEuropewhokillSpaniardsinAmerica,andinMadridtheysendthemtoheaven.Thispleasesmeexceedingly;but letusgetgoing;youaregoing to

seethehappiestandmostfortunateofallmortals.HowcharmedwillLosPadresbetohearthatacaptainwhounderstandstheBulgariandrilliscoming.”

Assoonastheyreachedthefirstbarrier,Cacambocalledtotheadvance-guard,andtoldthemthatacaptainwantedtospeaktomylordthegeneral.Noticewasgiven to the main-guard, and immediately a Paraguayan officer ran to throwhimselfatthefeetofthecommandant,toimpartthisnewstohim.CandideandCacambo were immediately disarmed, and their two Andalusian horses wereseized. The two strangers were placed between two files of soldiers. Thecommandantwas at the farther endwith a three-corneredcaponhishead,hisgown tuckedup, a swordbyhis side, and a half-pike in his hand.Hemade asign,andinstantlytwenty-foursoldierssurroundedthenew-comers.Asergeanttoldthemthattheymustwait,thecommandercouldnotspeaktothem;andthatthe reverend father provincial had forbidden any Spaniard to open his mouthexceptinhispresence,ortostaylongerthanthreehoursintheprovince.“Andwhereisthereverendfatherprovincial?”saidCacambo.“Hehasjustsaidmass,and is at theparade,” replied the sergeant, “and in about threehours timeyoumaypossiblyhavethehonourofkissinghisspurs.”“But,”saidCacambo,“thecaptain,whoaswellasmyselfisdyingofhunger,isnoSpaniardbutaGerman;can’twehavesomebreakfastwhilewaitingforhisreverence?”

The sergeant immediatelywentoff to report this speech to the commandant.“Godbepraised,”saidthereverendcommandant;“sinceheisaGermanIwillhearwhathehastosay;bringhimtomyarbour.”TheyimmediatelyledCandidetoabeautifulpavilionadornedwith a colonnadeofgreenmarble spottedwithyellow, andwith an inter-texture of vines,which served as a kind of cage forparrots, humming-birds, fly-birds,Guinea hens, and all other curious kinds ofbirds. An excellent breakfast was provided in vessels of gold, and while theParaguayanswere eating coarse Indian cornoutofwoodendishes in theopenair,andexposedtotheburningheatofthesun,thereverendfathercommandantretiredtohiscoolarbour.

Hewasaveryhandsomeyoungman,round-faced,fair,andfresh-coloured,hiseyebrowswerefinelyarched,hehadapiercingeye,thetipsofhisearswerered,hislipsvermilion,andhehadaboldandcommandingair;butsuchaboldnessasneitherresembledthatofaSpaniardnorofaJesuit.Theirconfiscatedweaponswere returned to Candide and Cacambo, together with their two Andalusianhorses. Cacambo gave the poor beasts some oats to eat close by the arbour,keepingastricteyeonthemallthewhileforfearofambush.

Candidefirstkissedthehemofthecommandant’srobe,thentheysatdownatthetable.“ItseemsyouareaGerman,”saystheJesuittohiminthatlanguage.“Yes,reverendfather,”answeredCandide.Astheypronouncedthesewordstheylooked at each otherwith great amazement, andwith an emotion that neithercouldconceal.“WhichpartofGermanyareyoufrom?”said theJesuit.“FromthedirtyprovinceofWestphalia,”answeredCandide.“IwasborninthecastleofThunder-ten-tronckh.” “Oh heavens! is it possible?” said the commandant.“Whatamiracle!”criedCandide.“Canitbeyou?”saidthecommandant.Atthistheybothfellbackafewsteps,thenrunningintoeachother’sarms,embraced,and let fall a shower of tears. “Is it you, then, reverend father? You are thebrotherofthefairMissCunégonde?youthatwereslainbytheBulgarians!youthebaron’sson!youaJesuitinParaguay!Imustconfessthisisastrangeworldwelivein.OPangloss!Pangloss!whatjoywouldthishavegivenyouifyouhadnotbeenhanged.”

The commandant dismissed the negro slaves and the Paraguayans, whopresentedthemwithliquorincrystalgoblets.HereturnedthankstoGodandStIgnatiusathousandtimes;heclaspedCandideinhisarms,andboththeirfaceswerebathed in tears.“Youwillbemoresurprised,moreaffected,morebesideyourself,” said Candide “when I tell you that Miss Cunégonde, your sister,whose body was supposed to have been ripped open, is in perfect health.”“Where?” “In your neighborhood, with the governor of Buenos Ayres; and Imyselfwasgoingtofightagainstyou.”Everywordtheyutteredduringthislongconversation added somenewmatterof astonishment.Their souls flutteredontheirtongues,listenedintheirearsandsparkledintheireyes.LiketrueGermans,they continued a longwhile at table, waiting for the reverend father, and thecommandantspoketohisdearCandideasfollows:

THERESCUEOFTHEBARON

XV

HowCandidekilledtheBrotherofhisdearCunégonde“NeverwhileIliveshallIlosetheremembranceofthathorribledayonwhichIsawmyfatherandbrotherbarbarouslybutcheredbeforemyeyes,andmysisterravished.When theBulgarians retiredwe searched in vain formy dear sister.Shewasnowheretobefound;butthebodiesofmyfather,motherandmyself,withtwomaid-servantsandthreelittleboys,allofwhomhadbeenmurderedbythe remorseless enemy, were thrown into a cart to be buried in a chapelbelonging to the Jesuits, within two leagues of our ancestral castle. A Jesuitsprinkleduswithsomeholywater,whichwashorriblysalty,andafewdropsofitwentintomyeyes.Thefatherperceivedthatmyeyelidsstirredalittle;heputhishanduponmybreast,andfeltmyheartbeat;IwasrescuedandattheendofthreeweeksIhadperfectlyrecovered.Youknow,mydearCandide,Iwasveryhandsome.Ibecamestillmoreso,andthereverendfatherCroust,atsuperiorofthathouse,tookagreatfancytome.Hegavemethehabitoftheorder,andsomeyears afterwards Iwas sent toRome.Ourgeneralneedednew recruitmentsofyoung German Jesuits. The sovereigns of Paraguay admit of as few SpanishJesuitsaspossible;theypreferthoseofothernations,whomtheybelievetobemoreobedienttocommand.Thereverendfather-generaljudgedmefit toworkin that vineyard. I set outwith a Pole and aTyrolese.Uponmy arrival Iwashonouredwithasub-deaconshipandalieutenancy.NowIamcolonelandpriest.WeshallgiveawarmreceptiontotheKingofSpain’stroops;Icanassureyoutheywillbewellexcommunicatedandbeaten.Providencehassentyouhithertoassistus.But is it true thatmydear sisterCunégonde is in theneighbourhoodwiththegovernorofBuenosAyres?”Candidesworethatnothingcouldbemoretrue;andthetearsbegantotrickledowntheircheeksagain.

ThebaronknewnoendofembracingCandide;hecalledhimhisbrother,hisdeliverer.“Perhaps,”saidhe,“mydearCandide,weshallbefortunateenoughtoenterthetownswordinhand,andrecovermysisterCunégonde.”“Ah!thatisallIdesire,”repliedCandide,“forIintendedtomarryher;andIhopeIshallstillbeableto.”“Insolentfellow!”repliedthebaron.“You!youhavetheimpudencetomarrymysister,whobearsseventy-twoquarterings!ReallyIthinkyouareverypresumptuoustodaresomuchastomentionsuchanaudaciousdesigntome.”Candide, thunderstruck at the oddness of this speech, answered: “Reverend

father,allthequarteringsintheworldareofnosignificance.IhaverescuedyoursisterfromaJewandanInquisitor;sheisundermanyobligationstome,andshewants tomarryme.MymasterPanglossalways toldme thatallpeoplearebynatureequal.Therefore, Iwillcertainlymarryyoursister.”“Wewillseeaboutthat, villain!” said the Jesuit baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh, and struck himacross the facewith the flat sideof his sword.Candide in an instant drewhisrapier, and plunged it up to the hilt in the Jesuit’s body; but in pulling it out,reeking hot, he burst into tears. “GoodGod,” cried he, “I have killedmy oldmaster,myfriend,mybrother-in-law.Iamthebestmanintheworld,andyetIhavealreadykilledthreemen;andofthesethreetwowerepriests.”

Cacambo,whowasstandingsentrynear thedoorof thearbour, instantly ranup. “We can do nothing,” said his master, “but sell our lives as dearly aspossible. They will undoubtedly look into the arbour; we must die sword inhand.” Cacambo, who had seen many of these kind of adventures, was notdiscouraged.HestrippedthebaronofhisJesuit’shabitandputituponCandide,then gave him the dead man’s three-cornered cap, and made him mount onhorse-back. All this was done in the wink of an eye. “Gallop, master,” criedCacambo; “everybodywill take you for a Jesuit going to give orders, andwewillhavepassedthefrontiersbeforetheycanovertakeus.”Heflewashespokethese words, crying out aloud in Spanish: “Make way! make way for thereverendfather-colonel!”

XVI

WhathappenedtoourtwoTravellerswithtwoGirls,twoMonkeys,andthesavagescalledOreillonsau

CandideandhisvalethadalreadypassedthefrontiersbeforeitwasknownthattheGermanJesuitwasdead.ThewaryCacambohadtakencaretofillhissatchelwithbread, chocolate, someham, some fruit, and a fewbottles ofwine.TheypushedtheirAndalusianhorsesforwardintoastrangecountry,wheretherewerenoroads.Atlength,abeautifulmeadow,dividedbyseveralstreams,openedtotheirview.Cacambosuggestedtohismaster that theyeat,andhepromptlysettheexample.“HowcanyouexpectmetofeastuponhamwhenIhavekilledthebaron’sson,andamdoomednevermoretoseethebeautifulCunégonde?Howwill it serveme toprolongawretched life thatmightbespent far fromher inremorseanddespair?AndthenwhatwillthejournalofTrevouxavsayaboutallthis?”

Whilehewasmakingthesereflectionshestillcontinuedeating.Thesunwasnowatthepointofsettingwhenourtwowanderersheardcrieswhichseemedtobe uttered by a female voice. They could not tellwhether thesewere cries ofgrief or joy; however, they instantly started up, full of that inquietude andapprehensionwhichastrangeplacenaturallyinspires.Thecriescamefromtwoyoung women who were tripping stark naked along the meadow while twomonkeysfollowedcloseattheirheels,bitingtheirbacks.Candidewasmovedtopity;hehadlearnedtoshootwhilehewasamongtheBulgarians,andhecouldhitanutoffabushwithouttouchingaleaf.Accordinglyhetookuphisdouble-barrel Spanish rifle, pulled the trigger, and killed the twomonkeys. “God bepraised,mydearCacambo, I have rescued twopoor creatures fromaperiloussituation.IfIhavecommittedasininkillinganInquisitorandaJesuit,Imadeampleamendsbysavingthelivesofthesetwodistressedgirls.Perhapstheyareyoungladiesofrank,andthisassistanceIhavebeensohappytogivethemmaygainusgreatadvantagesinthiscountry.”

Hewasabouttocontinuewhenhefelthimselfstruckspeechlessatseeingthetwo girls embracing the dead bodies of themonkeys in the tenderestmanner,weepingovertheirbodies,andfillingtheairwiththemostdolefullamentations.“Really,” he said to Cacambo, “I didn’t expect to see so much generosity of

spirit.”“Master,”repliedtheknowingvalet,“youhavemadeapreciouspieceofwork of it: you have killed the lovers of these two ladies.” “Their lovers,Cacambo!Youmustbejoking;itcannotbe;Icanneverbelieveit.”“Dearsir,”replied Cacambo, “you are surprised by everything; why do you think it sostrangethatinsomecountriesmonkeysobtainthegoodgracesofladies?Theyare one-quarter human, just as I am one-quarter Spanish.” “Alas!” repliedCandide,“IrememberhearingmymasterPanglosssaythatsuchthingsusedtohappeninformertimes;andthatfromthesemixturesarosecentaurs,fauns,andsatyrs;andthatmanyoftheancientshadseensuchmonsters;butItookallthatforfables.”“Nowyoushouldbeconvinced,”saidCacambo,“thatitisverytrue;and you seewhat is donewith those creatures by peoplewho have not had apropereducation.AllIamafraidofis,thatthesesameladieswillgetusinrealtrouble.”

These judicious reflections led Candide to leave themeadow and hide in athicket. There he and Cacambo ate; and after heartily cursing the GrandInquisitor,theGovernorofBuenosAyres,andthebaron,theyfellasleepontheground.Whentheyawoke,theyweresurprisedtofindthattheycouldnotmove.The reasonwas, that theOreillons,who inhabit thatcountry,and towhomtheladieshadgiveninformationofthesetwostrangers,hadboundthemwithcordsmade of tree bark. They saw themselves surrounded by fifty nakedOreillons,armedwithbowsandarrows,clubs,andhatchetsofflint;someweremakingafireunderalargecauldron;andotherswerepreparingspits,andallwerecryingout: “A Jesuit! a Jesuit!We shall be revenged!we shall have excellent cheer;let’seatthisJesuit;let’seathimup.”18

“I told you, master,” cried Cacambo mournfully, “that these two wencheswouldplayus a dirty trick.”Candide, seeing the cauldron and the spits, criedout: “I suppose they are going to either boil or roast us. Ah! what wouldPanglosssayifhecouldseehowastateofnatureisformed?Everythingisright.It may be so: but I must confess it seems harsh to have lost dear MissCunégonde, and to be spitted like a rabbit by these barbarous Oreillons.”Cacambo, who never lost his presence of mind in distress, said to thedisconsolateCandide:“Donotdespair.Iunderstandalittleofthejargonofthesepeople; Iwill speak to them.” “And be sure,” saidCandide, “youmake themawareofthehorridbarbarityofboilingandroastinghumancreatures,andhowun-Christiansuchapracticeis.”

“Gentlemen,”saidCacambo,“youthinkperhapsyouaregoingtofeastupona

Jesuit;ifso,excellentidea;nothingcanbemoreagreeabletojusticethantotreatyourenemiesso.Indeed,thelawofnatureteachesustokillourneighbour;andthat’swhywe find this practised all over theworld; and ifwedonot indulgeourselvesineatinghumanflesh,itisbecausewehavemuchbetterfood;butforyou,whodonothaveourresources, it iscertainlyagreedtobemuchbetter tofeastuponyourenemiesthantothrowtheirbodiestothecrowsoftheair,andthusloseallthefruitsofyourvictory.Butsurely,gentlemen,youwillnotchoosetoeatyourfriends.YouimagineyouaregoingtoroastaJesuit,butmymasterisyourfriend,yourdefender;andyouaregoingtospittheverymanwhohasbeendestroyingyourenemies.Astomyself,Iamyourcountryman;thisgentlemanismymaster;andfarfrombeingaJesuit,letmetellyouhehasjustkilledoneofthatorder,whoserobehenowwears,andthat’swhyyoudislikehim.ToprovethatI’mtellingthetruth,taketherobehehason,andcarryittothefirstbarrierof theJesuits’kingdom,andaskifmymasterdidnotkilloneof theirofficers.Therewillbe littleorno time lostby this,andyoumaystillkeepus toeat incaseyoufindthatIhavelied;but, ifyoufindthatI toldthetruth,youare toowellacquaintedwiththeprinciplesofthelawsofsociety,humanity,andjustice,nottoletusdepartunhurt.”

ThisspeechappearedveryreasonabletotheOreillons.Theysent

ANOREILLONRECEPTION

two of their people to inquire into the truth of this affair, who performed thetask like men of sense, and soon returned with good news for our distressedadventurers. Upon this theywere both freed, and thosewhowere so recentlygoing to roast and boil them, now showed them all sorts of civilities, offeredthem girls, gave them refreshments, and led them back to the border of theircountry,cryingalltheway,intokenofjoy:“HeisnoJesuit,heisnoJesuit.”

Candide could not help admiring the cause of his deliverance. “What men!whatmanners!”hecried;“ifIhadnothadthegoodlucktorunmysworduptothehilt inthebodyofMissCunégonde’sbrother,Iwoulddefinitelyhavebeeneatenalive.But,afterall,purenature isanexcellent thing;since thesepeople,insteadofeatingme,showedmeathousandcivilitiesassoonastheyknewIwasnotaJesuit.”

XVII

CandideandhisValetarriveintheCountryofElDorado.awWhattheysawthere

When they got to the frontier of the Oreillons, “You see,” said Cacambo toCandide,“thishemisphereisnotbetterthantheother;takemyadvice,andlet’sreturntoEuropebytheshortestpossibleway.”“Buthowcanwegetback,”saidCandide,“andwhereshallwego?Tomyowncountry?TheBulgariansandtheAbaresareslittingeveryone’sthroat;orshallwegotoPortugal?ThereIwillbeburnt;ifwestayhere,wearealwaysindangerofbeingspitted.ButhowcanIbringmyself to leave that part of the world wheremy dearMiss Cunégondelives?”

“Let’s go towardsCayenne,” saidCacambo; “therewewillmeetwith someFrenchmen;fortheygoallovertheworld;perhapstheywillhelpandGodwilltakepityonus.”

ItwasnotsoeasytogettoCayenne.Theyknewroughlywhichwaytogo;butthemountains, rivers, precipices, robbers, savages, were dreadful obstacles intheway.Theirhorsesdiedfromfatigue,andtheirfoodwasgone.Theysubsistedawholemonthonwild fruit, till at length they came to a little river borderedwithcocoa trees, thesightofwhichatonce revived theirdroopingspirits,andsuppliednourishmentfortheirenfeebledbodies.

Cacambo,whowasalwaysgivingasgoodadviceas theoldwomanherself,saidtoCandide:“Youseethereisnoholdingoutanylonger;wehavetravelledenoughonfoot.Iseeanemptycanoeneartheriver-side;let’sfillitwithcocoa-nuts,getintoitandfloatwiththecurrent:ariveralwaysleadstosomeinhabitedplace. If we do not meet with agreeable things, we shall at least meet withsomethingnew.”“Agreed,”criedCandide;”let’sletProvidenceguideus.”

Theyrowedafewleaguesdowntheriver,thebanksofwhichinsomeplaceswerecoveredwithflowers,inothersbarren;insomepartssmoothandlevel,andinotherssteepandrugged.Thestreamwidenedas theywent fartheron, tillatlengthitpassedunderoneofthefrightfulrockswhosesummitsseemedtoreachtheclouds.Hereourtwotravellershadthecouragetocommitthemselvestothestream,which,narrowingatthispoint,hurriedthemalongwithadreadfulnoise

and speed.At the end of twenty-four hours they sawdaylight again; but theircanoewas smashed topieces against the rocks.Theyhad to creepalong fromrocktorockforthelengthofoneleague,tillatlengthaspaciousplaincameintosight.Thisplacewasringedbyachainofinaccessiblemountains.Thecountryappearedcultivatedforpleasureaswellastoproducethenecessariesoflife.Theusefulwas joined to theagreeable.Theroadswerecovered,or ratheradorned,withcarriagesformedofglitteringmaterials,inwhichweremenandwomenofsurprising beauty, drawn with great speed by red sheep of a very large size,whichfarsurpassedthefinesthorsesofAndalusia,Tetuan,orMecquinez.

“Here is a country,” said Candide, “that’s better than Westphalia.” He andCacambo landed near the first village they saw, at the entrance ofwhich theynoticed some children, covered with tattered garments of the richest brocade,playingquoits.Ourtwoinhabitantsoftheotherhemisphereamusedthemselvesgreatlywithwhattheysaw.Thequoitswerelargeroundpieces,yellow,red,andgreen,whichcastamostgloriouslustre.Ourtravellerspickedsomeofthemup,and theyproved tobegold, emeralds, rubies anddiamonds the least ofwhichwouldhavebeenthegreatestornamenttothesuperbthroneoftheGreatMogul.“Withoutdoubt,”saidCacambo,“thosechildrenwhoareplayingquoitsmustbetheking’ssons.”Ashewasutteringthesewordstheschoolmasterofthevillageappeared,tocallthembacktoschool.“There,”saidCandide,“isthetutoroftheroyalfamily.”

Thelittleragamuffinsimmediatelydroppedtheirgame, leavingthequoitsonthegroundwithalltheirotherplaythings.Candidegatheredthemup,rantotheschoolmaster, and,with amost respectful bow, presented them to him, givinghimtounderstandbysigns, that theirroyalhighnesseshadforgottentheirgoldand precious stones. The schoolmaster, with a smile, flung them upon theground;thenexaminingCandidefromheadtofootwithanairofadmiration,heturnedhisbackandwentonhisway.

Our travellers took care, however, to gather up the gold, the rubies and theemeralds.“Wherearewe?”criedCandide:“Theking’schildreninthiscountrymusthaveanexcellenteducation,sincetheyaretaughttoshowsuchacontemptforgoldandpreciousstones.”Cacambowasasmuchsurprisedashismaster.Atlasttheycametothefirsthouseinthevillage,whichwasbuiltinthemannerofaEuropean palace. There was a crowd of people around the door, and a stillgreater number in the house. The sound of themost delightful instruments ofmusicwasheard,andadeliciousaromacamefromthekitchen.Cacambowent

uptothedoorandheardthosewithintalkinginPeruvian,whichwashismothertongue; for Cacambo was born in the village of Tucuman, where no otherlanguageisspoken.“Iwillbeyourinterpreterhere,”hesaidtoCandide“let’sgoin;thisisaneating-house.”

Immediately twowaiters and twoservant-girls,dressed inclothofgold, andwith theirhairbraidedwithribbons, invited themtositdownat the table.Thedinner consisted of four dishes of different soups, each garnished with twoyoungparakeets,alargedishofbouillethatweighedtwohundredpounds,tworoasted monkeys of a delicious flavour, three hundred humming-birds in onedish,andsixhundredfly-birdsinanother;someexcellentragouts,delicatetarts,andthewholethingservedupindishesofrock-crystal.Severalsortsofliquors,extractedfromsugar-cane,werehandedaboutbytheservantswhoattended.

Most of the company were merchants and waggoners, all extremely polite;they asked Cacambo a few questions with the utmost discretion andcircumspection;andrepliedtohiminamostobligingandsatisfactorymanner.

As soonasdinnerwasover, bothCandide andCacambo thought they couldpayveryhandsomelyfortheirentertainmentbylayingdowntwoofthoselargegoldpieceswhichtheyhadpickedofftheground;butthelandlordandlandladyburstintoafitoflaughingandheldtheirsidesforsometime.Whenthefitwasover: “Gentlemen,” said the landlord, “I clearly see thatyouare strangers.Wearenotaccustomedtomeetingforeigners;thereforepardonusforlaughingwhenyouofferedusthecommonpebblesofourhighwaysinpaymentforyourdinner.No doubt, you don’t have any of our currency; but there is no need for anymoney at all to dine in this house.All the inns,which are established for theconvenienceofthosewhocarryonthetradeofthisnation,aremaintainedbythegovernment.Youhavefoundbutverymeagerentertainmenthere,becausethisisonlyapoorvillage;butinalmosteveryotherofthesepublic-housesyouwillbegivena receptionworthyofyourmerit.”Cacamboexplained thewholeof thisspeechofthelandlordtoCandide,wholistenedtoitwiththesameastonishmentwithwhichhisfriendcommunicatedit.“Whatsortofacountryisthis,”saidtheonetotheother“thatisunknowntoalltheworld,andwherenatureitselfissodifferentfromourown?Possiblythisisthatpartoftheglobewhereeverythingis right, for theremust certainly be some such place. And for all thatMasterPangloss said on thematter, I often perceived that things went very badly inWestphalia.”

XVIII

WhattheysawintheCountryofElDoradoCacambo revealed all his curiosity to his host with a thousand differentquestions:thehonestmanansweredhimthus:“Iamveryignorant,sir,butIamcontentedwithmy ignorance; however,wehave in this neighbourhood anoldmanretiredfromCourt,whois themost learnedandcommunicativeperson inthe kingdom.”He then brought Cacambo to the oldman; Candide acted nowonly a secondary character, and attended his own valet. They entered a veryplain house, for the door was nothing but silver, and the ceiling was only ofbeatengold,butwroughtinsoelegantatasteastoviewiththerichest.Theante-chamber,indeed,wasonlydecoratedwithrubiesandemeralds;buttheorderinwhicheverythingwasarrangedmadeamendsforthisgreatsimplicity.

The old man received the strangers on his sofa, which was stuffed withhumming-birds’ feathers,andorderedhisservants topresent themwith liquorsingoldengoblets;afterwhichhesatisfiedtheircuriosityinthefollowingterms:

“Iamnowonehundredandseventy-twoyearsold;andIheardfrommylatefather,whowasliverymantotheking,theamazingrevolutionsofPeruwhichhehad seen. This kingdom is the ancient country of the Incas, who veryimprudently left it to conquer another part of the world, and were ultimatelyconqueredanddestroyedthemselvesbytheSpaniards.

“Those princes of their family who remained in their native country actedmorewisely.Theydecreed,withtheconsentoftheirwholenation,thatnoneoftheinhabitantsofourlittlekingdomshouldeverleaveit;andtothiswiseruleweowethepreservationofour innocenceandhappiness.TheSpaniardshadsomeconfusednotionofthiscountry,towhichtheygavethenameElDorado;andSirWalterRaleigh,axanEnglishman,actuallycameverynearitaboutthreehundredyears ago;but the inaccessible rocksandprecipiceswithwhichour country issurroundedonall sides,hasprotectedus so far from the rapacious furyof thepeopleofEurope,whohaveanunaccountablefondnessforthepebblesanddirtofourland,forthesakeofwhichtheywouldmurderusalltotheverylastman.”

The conversation lasted some time, and addressed the form of government,their manners, their women, their public diversions, and the arts. At length,Candide,whohadalwayshadatasteformetaphysics,askedwhetherthepeople

ofthatcountryhadanyreligion.

The oldman reddened a little at this question. “Can you doubt it?” he said.“Doyoutakeusforwretcheswhohavenosenseofgratitude?”CacamboaskedinarespectfulmannerabouttheestablishedreligionofElDorado.Theoldmanblushedagain,andsaid:“Cantherebetworeligionsthen?Ours,Isuppose,isthereligionofthewholeworld.WeworshipGodfrommorningtillnight.”“Doyouworship only one God?” said Cacambo, who still acted as interpreter ofCandide’sdoubts.“Certainly,”saidtheoldman;“therearenottwonorthreenorfour Gods. I must confess the people of your world ask very extraordinaryquestions.” However, Candide could not refrain from making many moreinquiries of the old man. He wanted to know how they prayed to God in ElDorado. “We do not pray to him at all,” said the reverend sage. “We havenothing to ask of him.He has given us allwewant, andwe give him thankscontinually.” Candide was interested in seeing some of their priests and hadCacambo ask the old man where they were; at which he, smiling, said: “Myfriends,we are all priests.The king and all the heads of families sing solemnhymns of thanksgiving every morning, accompanied by five or six thousandmusicians.”“What!”saysCacambo,“youhavenomonksamongyoutodispute,togovern, to intrigue, and toburnpeoplewho arenot of the sameopinion asthemselves?”“Doyoutakeusforfools?”saidtheoldman;“hereweareallofoneopinion,anddon’tknowwhatyou’reuptowithyourmonks.”Duringthiswhole discourse Candide was overjoyed, and he said to himself: ”What amassive difference there is between this place andWestphalia, and this houseandthebaron’scastle!Ah,MasterPangloss!ifyoucouldhaveseenElDoradoyouwouldnolongerhavemaintainedthatthecastleofThunder-ten-tronckhwasthefinestofallpossibleedifices.There isnothing likeseeing theworld, that’scertain.”

After this long conversation, the oldman ordered six sheep to be harnessedandput to thecoach,andsent twelveofhisservants toescort the travellers toCourt.“Excuseme,”hesaid,“fornotaccompanyingyou;myagedeprivesmeofthathonour.Thekingwill receiveyou insuchamanner thatyouwillhavenoreasontocomplain;anddoubtlessyouwillmakeallowancefor thecustomsofthecountryiftherehappentobeanythatdispleaseyou.”

CandideandCacambogotintothecoach,thesixsheepflew,andinlessthanaquarterofanhourtheyarrivedattheking’spalace,whichwassituatedatthefarend of the capital. At the entrancewas a portal two hundred and twenty feet

high, and one hundred wide; but it is impossible for words to describe thematerialsof theentryway.Thereadercan imaginehowmuchfiner itwas thanthepebblesandsandwhichwecallgoldandpreciousstones.

TwentybeautifulyoungvirginsinwaitingwelcomedCandideandCacamboasthey stepped from the coach, led them to the bath, and dressed them in robesmade of the down of humming-birds; afterwards theywere introduced by thegreat officers of the crown, both male and female, to the king’s apartment,between two files of musicians, each file consisting of a thousand, as iscustomary in thatcountry.When theydrewnear to the throne room,Cacamboasked one of the officers how theywere to pay their respects to hismajesty;whether itwas the custom to fall upon their knees, or to prostrate themselvesupontheground?whethertheyshouldputtheirhandsontheirheadsorbehindtheirbacks?whethertheyshouldlickthedustoffthefloor?inshort,whatwastheproperformforsuchoccasions?“Thecustom,”saidthegreatofficer,“istoembrace the king, and kiss himon each cheek.”Candide andCacambo threwtheir armsaroundhismajesty’sneck,who received them in themostgraciousmannerimaginable,andverypolitelyaskedthemtodinewithhim.

While supperwas being prepared, orderswere given to show them the city,where they saw public buildings that rose to the clouds; the market-placesdecorated with a thousand columns; fountains of spring water, and others ofrose-water, and of liquors drawn from sugar-cane, incessantly flowing in thegreat squares,whichwerepavedwithakindofprecious stone thatemittedanodourlikethatofclovesandcinnamon.CandideaskedtoseetheHighCourtofJustice, the Parliament; but was told that none existed in that country, thatlawsuits were unknown. He then asked if they had any prisons; they replied,none.Butwhat gave him the greatest surprise and pleasurewas thePalace ofSciences,wherehesawagallery,twothousandfeetlong,filledwiththevariousinstrumentsofmathematicsandnaturalphilosophy.

Afterhavingspentthewholeafternoonseeingonlyone-thousandthofthecity,theywerebroughtbacktotheking’spalace.Candidesatdownatthetablewithhis majesty, his valet Cacambo, and several ladies of the court. Never wasentertainmentmoreelegant,norcouldanyonepossiblyshowmorewit thanhismajestydisplayedwhile theywereatsupper.Cacamboexplainedall theking’sbonmotstoCandide,andalthoughtheyweretranslated,theystillappearedtobebon mots. Of all the things that surprised Candide, this was not the leastastonishing. They spent awholemonth in this hospitable place, duringwhich

time Candide was continually saying to Cacambo, “I admit, my friend, oncemorethatthecastlewhereIwasbornisamerenothingincomparisonwiththeplacewherewenoware;butstillMissCunégondeisnothere,andyouyourselfprobablyhavesomefaironeinEuropeforwhomyousigh.Ifwestayherewewill be just like everyone else; but ifwe return toourownworldwithonly adozen El Dorado sheep loaded with the pebbles of this country, we shall bericherthanallthekingsinEurope;wewillnolongerneedtofeartheinquisitors;andwemayeasilyrecoverMissCunégonde.”

This speechwasperfectly agreeable toCacambo.A fondness for roving, formaking a name for themselves in their own country, and for boastingofwhatthey had seen in their travels, was so strong in our two wanderers, that theyresolvedtobenolongerhappy;anddemandedpermissionof thekingto leavethecountry.

“Youareabout todoa rashandsilly thing,” said theking.“Iknow thatmykingdom is an insignificant spot; but when people are tolerably at ease in aplace, I’d think itwould be to their interest to remain there.Most assuredly Ihave no right to detain you or any strangers against your wills: that sort oftyranny is repugnant toourmannersandour laws: allmenarebynature free;you have therefore the liberty to depart whenever you please, but you willencounter many great difficulties in crossing the frontiers. It is impossible totravelupthatrapidriverwhichrunsunderhighandvaultedrocks,andbywhichyou were conveyed here by a kind of miracle. The mountains by which mykingdomarehemmed inonall sides,are ten thousand feethigh,andperfectlyperpendicular;eachoneismorethantenleaguesacross,andtheonlywaydownis over precipices. However, since you are determined to leave us, I willimmediatelygiveorderstothesuperintendentofmycarriagestohaveonemadethat will carry you safely. When they have taken you to the back of themountains, nobodywill be able to go with you farther; formy subjects havemadeavownever to leave thekingdom,and theyare tooprudent tobreak it.Ask me whatever else you please.” “All we shall ask of your majesty,” saidCacambo,“isonlyafewsheep ladenwithprovisions,pebbles,and theclayofyourcountry.”Thekingsmiledattherequest,andsaid:“IcannotimaginewhatpleasureyouEuropeansfindinouryellowclay;buttakeawayasmuchofitasyouwill,andmayitdoyoumuchgood.”

Heimmediatelygaveorderstohisengineerstomakeamachinetohoistthesetwoextraordinarymenoutofthekingdom.Threethousandgoodmathematicians

wenttoworkandfinisheditinaboutfifteendays;anditdidnotcostmorethantwentymillions sterling of that country’smoney. Candide and Cacambowereplacedonthismachine,andtheytookwiththemtwolargeredsheep,bridledandsaddled,torideuponwhentheygotontheothersideofthemountains;twentyothers for carryingprovisions; thirty ladenwithpresentsof the raretiesof thatcountry; and fiftywith gold, diamonds and other precious stones.The king atpartingwithourtwoadventurers,embracedthemwiththegreatestcordiality.

Hemade a fine spectacle, themanner of their setting off, and the ingeniousmethodbywhichtheyandtheirsheepwerehoistedtothetopofthemountains.Themathematiciansandengineersleftthemassoonastheyhadconveyedthemto a place of safety; and Candide was wholly occupied with the thoughts ofpresentinghissheeptoMissCunégonde.“Now,”saidhe,“thankstoHeaven,wehave more than enough to pay the Governor of Buenos Ayres for MissCunégonde, if indeedapricecanbeplacedonher.Let’smake thebestofourwaytoCayenne,wherewewilltakeaship,andthenwemayatleisurethinkofwhatkingdomweshallpurchasewithourriches.”

XIX

WhathappenedtothematSurinam,ayandhowCandidegottoknowMartin

Our travellers’ firstday’s journeywasverypleasant; theywereelatedwith theprospectofpossessingmorerichesthanweretobefoundinEurope,Asia,andAfricatogether.Candide,inanamorousmood,cutthenameofMissCunégondeonalmostevery treehecameto.Thesecondday, twoof theirsheepsank inaswamp, and were swallowed up, with their loads; two more died of fatigue;some fewdays afterward sevenor eight perishedwithhunger in a desert; andothers, at different times, tumbleddownprecipices, orwere otherwise lost; sothat,after travellingaboutahundreddays, theyhadonly twosheep leftof thehundred and two they brought with them from El Dorado. Candide said toCacambo:“Yousee,mydear friend,howfleeting the richesof thisworldare;thereisnothingsolidbutvirtue.”“Verytrue,”saidCacambo;“butwestillhavetwosheepremaining,withmoretreasurethantheKingofSpainwilleverhave;andIseeatownatadistance,whichItaketobeSurinam,atownbelongingtothe Dutch. We are now at the end of our troubles, and at the beginning ofhappiness.”

Astheyapproachedthetown,theysawanegrostretchedonthegroundwithonlyhalfofhisoutfit,whichwasakindoflinenfrock,forthepoormanhadlosthis left legandhis righthand.“GoodGod,”saidCandide inDutch;“whatareyoudoinginthishorriblecondition?”“Iamwaitingformymaster,MynheerazVanderdendur, the famous trader,” answered the negro. “Was it MynheerVanderdendurwhousedyouinthiscruelmanner?”“Yes,sir,”saidthenegro;“itis the customhere.Theygiveus a linengarment twice ayear, and that is all.Whenweworkinthesugarfactory,andthemillhappenstosnatchoffafinger,theyinstantlychopoffourhand;andwhenweattempttorunawaytheycutoffaleg.baBoththesethingshavehappenedtome;anditisatthiscostthatyoueatsugarinEurope;bbandyetwhenmymothersoldmefortenPatagoniancrownsonthecoastofGuinea,shesaidtome:‘Mydearchild,blessourfetishes;adorethemforever;theywillmakeyouhappy;youhavethehonourtobeaslavetoourlordsthewhites,bywhichyouwillmakethefortuneofyourparents.Alas!Idon’tknowif Ihavemade their fortunes;but theyhavenotmademine.Dogs,

monkeys, and parrots are a thousand times less wretched than I. The DutchfetishistswhoconvertedmetellmeeverySundaythattheblacksandwhitesareallchildrenofonefather,whomtheycallAdam.I’mnogenealogist;butifwhatthesepreacherssayistrue,weareallsecondcousins;andyoumustadmitthatnoonecouldtreathisownrelationsinamorehorriblemanner.”

“O Pangloss!” cried out Candide, “such horrid doings never entered yourimagination. Here is an end of thematter; I findmyself, after all, obliged torenounceyouroptimism.”“Optimism,” saidCacambo,“what is that?”“Alas!”repliedCandide,“itistheobstinacyofmaintainingthateverythingisbestwhenitisworst”;andsosaying,heturnedhiseyestowardsthepoornegro,andshedafloodoftears;andinthisweepingmoodheenteredthetownofSurinam.

ImmediatelyupontheirarrivalourtravellersaskediftherewasanyshipintheharbourwhichcouldbesenttoBuenosAyres.ThepersontheyaskedhappenedtobethemasterofaSpanishboat,whoofferedtomakeafairbargainwiththemandarrangedforthemtomeetatacafé.CandideandhisfaithfulCacambowenttowaitforhimthere,takingwiththemtheirtwosheep.

Candide,whowas all frankness and sincerity, gave an ingenious retellingofhis adventures to the Spaniard, and he confessed that he wanted to recaptureMiss Cunégonde from the Governor of Buenos Ayres. “Oh, oh!” said theshipmaster,“if that is thecasegetsomeoneelsetocarryyoutoBuenosAyres;formypart,Iwashmyhandsoftheaffair.Iwouldbehangedandsowouldyou.The fair Cunégonde is the Governor’s favourite mistress.” These words werelikeaclapof thunder toCandide;heweptbitterly fora long time, and takingCacambo aside, he said: ”I’ll tell you,mydear friend,what youmust do.Weeachhave inourpockets fiveor sixmillions indiamonds;youare cleverer atthese matters than I; you must go to Buenos Ayres and bring back MissCunégonde. If theGovernorgivesyouanydifficulty,givehimamillion; ifheholdsout,givehimtwo;youhavenotkilledanInquisitor,noonewillsuspectyou:I’lloutfitanothershipandgotoVenice,whereIwillwaitforyou.Veniceisa free country, where we will have nothing to fear from Bulgarians, Abares,Jews, or Inquisitors.” Cacambo greatly applauded this wise plan. He was indespairat the thoughtofpartingwithsogoodamaster,who treatedhimmorelikeanintimatefriendthanaservant;butthepleasureofbeingabletodohimaservicesoongotthebetterofhissorrow.Theyembracedeachotheramidafloodof tears.Candideurgedhimnot toforget theoldwoman.Cacambosetout thesameday.ThisCacambowasaveryhonestfellow.

Candide continued some days longer at Surinam,waiting for any captain tocarry him and his two remaining sheep to Italy. He hired domestics, andpurchased many things necessary for the long voyage ; finally, MynheerVanderdendur, skipper of a large Dutch vessel, came and offered his service.“Whatwillyoucharge,”saidCandide,“tocarryme,myservants,mybaggage,andthesetwosheepyouseehere,directlytoVenice?”Theskipperaskedfortenthousandpiastres;andCandideagreedtohisdemandwithouthesitation.

“Ho, ho!” said the cunningVanderdendur to himself, “this strangermust bevery rich; he agrees to give me ten thousand piastres without hesitation.”Returningalittlewhilelater,hetoldCandidethat,uponsecondconsiderationhecouldnotundertake thevoyagefor less than twenty thousand.“Verywell,youshallhavethem,”saidCandide.

“Well!”said theskipper tohimself,“thismanagrees topay twenty thousandpiastreswithasmucheaseasten.”SohewentbackagaintosaythathewillnotcarryhimtoVeniceforlessthanthirtythousandpiastres.“Thenyoushallhavethirtythousand,”saidCandide.

“Ahha!” said theDutchmanoncemore tohimself, “thirty thousandpiastresmeannothingtothisman.Thosesheepmustcertainlybeladenwithanimmensetreasure. I’ll stophere and asknomore; butmakehimpayup front the thirtythousand piastres, and thenwe’ll see.”Candide sold two small diamonds, theleast of which was worth more than all the skipper asked. He paid him inadvance;thetwosheepwereputonboard,andCandidefollowedinasmallboattojointhevesselatitsanchorage.Theskippertookhisopportunity,hoistedsail,and put out to seawith a favourablewind.Candide, confounded and amazed,soon lost sight of the ship. “Alas!” said he, “this is a trickworthy of our oldworld!”He returnedback to the shoreoverwhelmedwithgrief; and indeedhehadlostwhatwouldhavemadethefortuneoftwentymonarchs.

ImmediatelyuponhislandingheappliedtotheDutchmagistrate.Becausehewasfeelingtroubled,hethunderedatthedoor,wentin,madehiscase,andtalkeda little louder than was necessary. The magistrate began by fining him tenthousandpiastres formaking sucha racket, and then listenedverypatiently towhathehadtosay;promisedtolookintotheaffairontheskipper’sreturn;andorderedhimtopaytenthousandpiastresmoreforthefeesofthecourt.

This treatment completed Candide’s despair. It is true he had sufferedmisfortunesathousandtimesmoregrievous;butthecoolinsolenceofthejudge

and the villainy of the skipper raised his anger and threw him into a deepmelancholy. The villainy of mankind presented itself to his mind in all itsdeformity, and his mind dwelt only on gloomy thoughts. After some time,hearingthatthecaptainofaFrenchshipwasreadytosetsailforBordeaux,ashehadnomoresheeploadedwithdiamondstoputonboard,hetookacabinatafair price; andmade it known in the town that hewould pay the passage andboard of any honest man who would keep him company during the voyage,besidesmakinghim a present of ten thousandpiastres, on condition that suchpersonmustbethemostdisgustedwithhisowncondition,andthemostunhappyinthewholeprovince.

This drew such a crowd of candidates that a large fleet could not havecontained them. Candide, willing to choose among those who appeared mostlikely to answer his intention, selected twenty, who seemed to him the mostcompanionable,andwhoallpretendedtobemoremiserablethanalltheothers.He invited themtohis inn,andpromised to treat themtosupper,onconditionthateverymanwouldsweartotellhisownhistory;declaringat thesametimethat he would select that person who appeared to him the most deserving ofcompassionandthemosttrulydissatisfiedwithhisconditionoflife,andthathewoulddistributevariousgiftsamongtherest.

This extraordinary assembly continued sitting till four in the morning.Candide,whilehewaslisteningtotheiradventures,recalledwhattheoldwomanhadsaidtohimduringtheirvoyagetoBuenosAyres,andthebetshehadmadethattherewasnotapersononboardtheshipwhohadnotmetwithsomegreatmisfortunes.EverystoryheheardmadehimthinkofPangloss.“Myoldmaster,”said he, “would be hard pressed to prove his system. If only he were here!Certainly, if everything is for thebest, it is inElDorado, andnot in theotherpartsoftheworld.”Finallyheselectedapoorscholar,whohadworkedtenyearsfor the booksellers at Amsterdam. He decided that no employment could bemoredetestable.

Thisscholar,whowasinfactaveryhonestman,hadbeenrobbedbyhiswife,beaten by his son, and forsaken by his daughter, who had run away with aPortuguese.Hehadalsobeenfiredfromthelittlejobonwhichheexisted,andhewaspersecutedbytheclergyofSurinam,whotookhimforaSocinian.19 Itmustbeacknowledgedthattheothercompetitorswereatleastaswretchedashe.But Candide hoped that the company of a man of letters would relieve thetediousnessofthevoyage.AlltheothercandidatescomplainedthatCandidehad

done them great injustice, but he pacified them with a present of a hundredpiastrestoeach.

XX

WhathappenedtoCandideandMartinatseaThe old philosopher, whose name was Martin, set sail with Candide forBordeaux.Theybothhadseenandsufferedagreatdeal;andeveniftheshiphadbeensailingfromSurinamtoJapanroundtheCapeofGoodHope,theywouldhave been able to keep themselves amused during the whole voyage withinstancesofmoralandnaturalevil.

Candide,however,hadoneadvantageoverMartin;hestillhopedtoseeMissCunégondeoncemore,whereas thepoorphilosopherhadnothing tohope for;besides,Candidehadmoneyandjewels,and thoughhehad lostahundredredsheep ladenwith the greatest treasure on earth, and though he still had in hisheartthememoryoftheDutchskipper’svillainy,yetwhenheconsideredwhathe had still left, and repeated the name of Cunégonde, especially after mealtimes,heleanedtowardPangloss’sdoctrine.

“And,”saidhetoMartin,“whatisyouropinionofthissystem?Whatisyourideaofmoralandnaturalevil?”“Sir,”repliedMartin,“ourpriestaccusedmeofbeingaSocinian:but the real truth is, I amaManichæan.”20“You’re joking,”saidCandide,“therearen’tanymoreManichaeansintheworld.”“AndyetIamone,”saidMartin;“but Icannothelp it; Icannot thinkotherwise.”“Surely thedevilmust be in you,” saidCandide. “He ismixed upwith somany,” repliedMartin,“oftheaffairsofthisworld,thatitisveryprobablehemaybeinmeaswellaseverywhereelse;butImustconfess,whenIcastmyeyeonthisglobe,orrather globule, I cannot help thinking thatGod has abandoned it to some evilbeing—allofitexceptElDorado.Ihavescarcelyseenacitythatdidnotwishthe destruction of its neighbouring city, nor a family that did not desire toexterminate some other family. The poor in all parts of the world bear aninveteratehatredagainsttherich,evenwhiletheycreepandcringetothem;andtherichtreatthepoorlikesheep,whosewoolandfleshtheybarterformoney:amillion regimented assassins roamEurope fromone end to theother, carryingoutmurderandrobberywithsuchdisciplineinordertoearntheirbreadbecausethereisnomorehonestprofessionforthem.Eveninthosecitieswhichseemtoenjoy the blessings of peace, and where the arts flourish, the inhabitants aredevoured by envy, cares and anxieties, which are greater plagues than anyexperienced in a town when it is under siege. Private griefs are still more

dreadfulthanpubliccalamities.Inaword,”concludedthephilosopher,“IhaveseenandsufferedsomuchthatIamaManichaean.”

“Andyetthereissomegoodintheworld,”repliedCandide.“Maybeso,”saidMartin;“butithasescapedmyknowledge.”

While they were deeply engaged in this dispute they heard the rumble ofcannon,whichgrewloudereverymoment.Eachtookouthisspy-glass,andtheysaw two ships fighting at the distance of about three miles away. The windbroughtthembothsoneartheFrenchshipthattheyhadthepleasureofseeingthefightwithgreatease.Afterseveralsmartbroadsides,theonegavetheotherashot so well aimed that it sank her outright. Then Candide andMartin couldeasilyseeahundredmenonthedeckofthevesselwhichwassinking,who,withhands raised to heaven, sent forth piercing cries and were in a momentswallowedupbythewaves.

“Well,” said Martin, “you now see how mankind treat each other.” “It iscertain,”saidCandide,“that there issomethingdiabolical in thisaffair.”Ashewas speaking,henoticed somethingofa shining redhue, floatingclose to thesunkenvessel.Theysentaboattoinvestigatewhatitmightbe,anditprovedtobe one of his sheep.Candide feltmore joy at the recovery of this one animalthan he did grief when he lost the other hundred, all laden with the largediamondsofElDorado.

The French captain quickly realized that the victorious ship belonged to thecrownofSpain;thattheotherwasaDutchpirateandtheverysamecaptainwhohad robbed Candide. The immense riches which this villain had stolen wereburiedwithhiminthesea,andonlythisonesheepwassaved.“Yousee,”saidCandide to Martin, “that vice is sometimes punished; this villain the Dutchskipperhasmetwith the fatehedeserves.” “Very true,” saidMartin“butwhyshouldthepassengersperishtoo?Godhaspunishedtheknave,andthedevilhasdrownedtherest.”

The French and Spanish ships continued on their journey, and Candide andMartincontinuedtheirconversation.Theydisputedforfifteendaysinarowandat theendof that timetheywere justasfaradvancedas thefirstmoment theybegan. However, they had the satisfaction of talking, of communicating theirideas,andofcomfortingeachother.Candideembracedhissheep:“SinceIhavefoundyouagain,”saidhe,“ImaypossiblyfindmyCunégondeoncemore.”

XXI

CandideandMartindrawneartothecoastofFrance.Theyreasonwitheachother

Theycould finally see thecoastofFrance,whenCandidesaid toMartin:“MrMartin, were you ever in France?” “Yes, sir,” said Martin, “I have been inseveral provinces of that kingdom. In some half of the people are fools andmadmen;insometheyaretoosly;instillotherstheyareingeneraleitherverygood-naturedor verybrutal;while in others they affect to bewitty; and in alltheirrulingpassionislove,thenextisslander,andthelastistotalknonsense.”“But,MrMartin,wereyoueverinParis?”“Yes,sir,Ihavebeeninthatcity,andit is a place that contains all species just described. It is a chaos, a confusedmultitude,whereeveryoneseekspleasurewithoutbeingabletofindit:atleast,asfarasIhaveobservedduringmyshortstayinthatcity.AtmyarrivalIwasrobbedofeverythingIhadbypickpocketsatthefairofSt.Germain.bcImyselfwastakenforarobber,andconfinedinprisonawholeweek,afterwhichItookajobasaproofreader,inordertogetenoughmoneytoreturnonfoottoHolland.Iknewthewhole tribeofscribblers,malcontentsandfanatics. It is said that thepeopleofthatcityareverypolite:Ibelievetheymaybeso.”

“I myself have no curiosity to see France,” said Candide. “You no doubtrealizethatafterspendingamonthatElDorado,IdesiretoseenothingbutMissCunégonde;IamgoingtowaitforheratVenice.IintendtopassthroughFranceonmyway to Italy; will you not accompanyme?” “With allmy heart,” saidMartin. “They say Venice is good only for noble Venetians, but that,nevertheless, strangersarewell treated therewhen theyhaveplentyofmoney.NowIhavenone,butyouhave;thereforeIwillfollowyouanywhere.”“Bytheway,”saidCandide,“doyouthinkthattheearthwasoriginallysea,aswereadinthatgreatbookbdwhichbelongstothecaptainoftheship?”“Idon’tbelieveanyofthat,”repliedMartin,“anymorethanIdoofthemanyotherchimeraswhichpeoplehavebeenpeddlingforsometimepast.”“Butthenwhy,”saidCandide,“was the world formed?” “To drive us mad,” said Martin. “Aren’t yousurprised,”continuedCandide,“atthelovewhichthetwogirlsinthecountryoftheOreillonshadforthosetwomonkeys?YouknowIhavetoldyouthestory.”“Surprised!” replied Martin, “not in the least; I see nothing strange in this

passion. I have seen so many extraordinary things that there is nothingextraordinarytomenow.”“Doyouthink,”saidCandide,“thatmankindalwaysmassacred each other as they do now?Were they always guilty of lies, fraud,treachery, ingratitude, inconstancy, envy, ambition, and cruelty? Were theyalways thieves, fools, cowards, gluttons, drunkards, misers, calumniators,debauchees, fanatics and hypocrites?” “Do you believe,” said Martin, “thathawkshavealwayseatenpigeonswhentheycouldgetthem?”“Ofcourse,”saidCandide. “Well, then,” replied Martin, “if hawks have always had the samenature,whydoyou suppose thatmankindhas changed?” “Oh!” saidCandide,“there is agreatdealofdifference;because freewill—”Anddisputing in thismannertheyarrivedatBordeaux.

XXII

WhathappenedtoCandideandMartininFranceCandidestayedatBordeauxonlylongenoughtosellafewofthepebbleshehadbroughtfromElDorado,andtoprovidehimselfwithacarriagefortwopersons,forhe couldno longerdowithouthisphilosopherMartin.Theonly thing thatupsethimwashaving topartwithhissheep,whichheentrusted to thecareoftheAcademyofSciencesatBordeaux,whoproposed,asathemeforthatyear’sprizecontest, toprovewhy thewoolof this sheepwas red; and theprizewasawardedtoanorthernsage,whodemonstratedbyAplusBminusC,dividedbyZ,whythesheepmustnecessarilybered,anddieofthemange.be

In themeantime,all the travellerswhomCandidemetwith in the innsorontheroadtoldhimthattheyweregoingtoParis.Thisgeneraleagernessgavehimlikewiseagreatdesiretoseethiscapital,anditwasnotmuchoutofhiswaytoVenice.

HeenteredthecitybythesuburbsofSt.Marceau,bfandthoughthewasinoneofthevilestvillagesinallWestphalia.

Candidehadnotbeenlongathisinnbeforehecamedownwithamildillnesscausedbyexhaustion.Asheworeadiamondofanenormoussizeonhisfinger,andpeoplehadnoticedamong the restofhis luggagea safe that seemedveryheavy,hesoonfoundhimselfbetweentwophysicianswhomhehadnotsentfor,anumberofintimatefriendswhomhehadneverseenandwhowouldnotleavehisbedside,andtwopiousladies,whowarmedhisbroth.

“Iremember,”saidMartintohim,“thatthefirsttimeIcametoParisIalsogotsick. I was very poor, and consequently I had neither friends, nurses, norphysicians,andyetIdidverywell.”

However, as a result of the purging and bleeding,bg Candide’s conditionbecame very serious. The priest of the parish came with all imaginablepolitenesstoaskforanotepayabletothebearerintheotherworld.bhCandiderefusedtocomplywithhisrequest,butthetwopiousladiesassuredhimthatitwasanewfashion.Candiderepliedthathewasnotonetofollowfashion.Martinwanted to throw the priest out of thewindow. The cleric swore that CandidewouldnothaveChristianburial.Martinsworeinhisturnthathewouldburythe

clericaliveifhecontinuedtobotherthemanylonger.Thedisputegrewheated;Martintookhimbytheshouldersandturnedhimoutoftheroom,whichcausedagreatscandalanddevelopedintoalegalcase.

Candiderecovered,andtillhewasinaconditiontogoabroad,hehadagreatdealofverygoodcompanytopasstheeveningswithhiminhischamber.Theyplayed cards. Candide was surprised to find he could never turn a trick, andMartinwasnotatallsurprised.

AmongthosewhodidhimthehonoursoftheplacewasalittlespruceAbbéofPerigord—oneofthoseinsinuating,busy,fawning,impudent,necessaryfellows,whowaylaypassingstrangers,tellthemallthescandalofthetown,andoffertosee to theirpleasuresatanyprice.ThismanconductedCandideandMartin tothe play-house : theywere performing a new tragedy. Candide found himselfseatednearaclusterofwits.This,however,didnotpreventhimfromsheddingtears at some scenes,whichweremost affecting andwell acted.One of thesetalkerssaidtohimbetweentheacts:“Youarequitemistakentoshedtears.Thatactressishorrible,andthemanwhoactswithherstillworse,andtheplayitselfismoreexecrablethantheactorsinit.TheauthordoesnotunderstandawordofArabic, andyethehas sethis scene inArabia; andwhat ismore,he is amanwho does not believe in innate ideas. To-morrow I will bring you a score ofpamphlets thathavebeenwrittenagainsthim.”“Tellme, sir,” saidCandide totheAbbé,“howmanyplaysarethereforperformanceinFrance?”“Fiveorsixthousand,”repliedtheother.“Indeed!thatisagreatnumber,”saidCandide;“buthowmanygoodonesarethere?”“Aboutfifteenorsixteen.”“Oh!thatisagreatnumber,”saidMartin.

Candidewasgreatly takenwithanactresswhoperformed thepartofQueenElizabethinaratherdulltragedy.bi“Thatactress,”hesaidtoMartin,“pleasesmegreatly. She has some resemblance toMiss Cunégonde. I would like to meether.”TheAbbéofPerigordoffered to introducehim toher at her ownhouse.Candide,whowasbroughtupinGermany,wantedtoknowhowonebehavedinFrancewithQueensofEngland.“Thereisanecessarydistinctiontobeobservedinthesematters,”said theAbbé.“Inacountry townwetakethemtoa tavern;hereinParistheyaretreatedwithgreatrespectduringtheirlifetime,whiletheyare attractive, and when they die we throw their bodies upon a dunghill.”21“How,”saidCandide,“throwaQueen’sbodyuponadunghill!”“Thegentlemanisquiteright,”saidMartin;“hetellsyounothingbutthetruth.IhappenedtobeinPariswhenMissMonimiamadeherexit, asonemaysay,outof thisworld

intoanother.Shewasrefusedwhattheycallheretheritesofsepulture;thatistosayshewasdeniedtheprivilegeofrottinginachurchyardbythesideofallthebeggarsintheparish.22TheyburiedheratthecornerofBurgundyStreet,whichmust certainly have shocked her, for she had very exalted notions of things.”“Thatwasveryrude,”saidCandide.“Lord!”saidMartin,“whatdoyouexpect?It is the way of these people. Imagine all the contradictions, all theinconsistencies possible, and youmaymeetwith them in the government, thecourtsofjustice,thechurches,andthepublicspectaclesofthisoddnation.”“Isit true,” said Candide, “that the people of Paris are always laughing?” “Yes,”replied the Abbé; “but it is with anger in their hearts. They express all theircomplaints by loud bursts of laughter, and commit themost detestable crimeswithasmileontheirfaces.”

“Whowasthatgreatovergrownbeast,”saidCandide,“whospokesonastilytomeabouttheplayoverwhichIwasweeping,andabouttheactorswhogavemesomuch pleasure? ” “A very good-for-nothing sort of aman, I assure you, ”answeredtheAbbé;”onewhogetshislivelihoodbyslanderingeverynewbookandplaythatiswrittenorperformed.Hehatestoseeanyonemeetwithsuccess,like eunuchs, who detest every one who possesses those powers they aredeprivedof.Heisoneofthosevipersinliteraturewhonourishthemselveswiththeir ownvenom; a pamphlet-monger.” “Apamphlet-monger? ” saidCandide;”what is that? ” “Why, a pamphlet-monger,” replied theAbbé, ”is awriter ofpamphlets,afool.”

THEILLNESSOFCANDIDEINPARIS

Candide,Martin,andtheAbbéofPerigordarguedonthestaircasewhiletheywatchedthecrowdleavingthetheater.“ThoughIaminagreathurrytoseeMissCunégonde again,” saidCandide, “I also have a great inclination to dinewithMissClairon,forIamreallymuchtakenwithher.”

The Abbé was not the person to approach this lady’s house, which wasfrequentedbynonebut thebest company. “She is engaged this evening,” saidhe; “but Iwill have the honour of introducing you to a lady of quality ofmyacquaintance,atwhosehouseyouwillseeasmuchofthemannersofParisasifyouhadlivedthereforfortyyears.”

Candide,whowasnaturallycurious,allowedhimselftobetakentothislady’shouse,whichwasinthesuburbsofStHonoré.bjThepeoplegatheredtherewereplayingagameofbasset;bktwelvemelancholygamblersheldeachinhishandasmallpackofcards,thecornersofwhich,turneddown,werethesummariesoftheirbad luck.Aprofoundsilence reigned through theassembly, thegamblerswere pallid and the banker was uneasy; and the lady of the house, who wasseatednexttohim,observedwithlynx’seyeseveryparoleblandbetatlongoddswhich the players signaled by folding the corners of the cards, and shemadethemunfoldtheircardswithasevereexactness,thoughmixedwithapoliteness,lestshefrightenawayhercustomers.ThisladyassumedthetideofMarchionessofParolignac.Herdaughter,agirlofaboutfifteenyearsofage,wasoneofthegamblers, and tipped off her mamma, by signs, when any one of the playersattemptedtoundotheirill-fortunebyalittleinnocentdeception.ThisishowthegroupwasoccupiedwhenCandide,Martin and theAbbémade their entrance.Notacreaturerosetosalutethem,orindeedtooktheleastnoticeofthem,beinginstead completely absorbed with their cards. “Ah!” said Candide, “My ladyBaronessofThunder-ten-tronckhwouldhavebehavedmorecivilly.”

However,theAbbéwhisperedintheearoftheMarchioness,who,halfraisingherselffromherseat,honouredCandidewithagracioussmile,andgaveMartinanodofherheadwithanairofinexpressibledignity.ShethengaveaseatanddealtsomecardstoCandide,wholostfiftythousandfrancsintworounds;afterthistheyateveryelegantly,andeveryonewassurprisedatseeingCandidelosesomuchmoneywithoutappearing tobeupsetover it.Theservants inwaitingsaidtoeachother,“ThisiscertainlysomeEnglishlord.”

Thesupperwas likemostothersof thiskindinParis.Atfirsteveryonewas

silent; then followed a few confusedmurmurs, and afterwards several insipidjokes,falsereports,falsereasonings,alittlepolitics,andagreatdealofscandal.Theconversationthenturneduponthenewproductionsinliterature.“Tellme,”saidtheAbbé,“haveyouseentheromancewrittenbytheSieurGauchat,doctorofdivinity?”bm“Yes,”answeredoneoftheguests,“butIdidn’thavepatiencetofinishit.Thetownispesteredwithaswarmofimpertinentpublications,butthisofDrGauchat’soutdoesthemall.Inshort,Iwassohorriblytiredofreadingthisvilestuff,thatIevendecidedtocomehere,andplaycards.”“Butwhatdoyouthink about theArchdeaconT—’sbnmiscellaneous collection?” said theAbbé.“Oh,myGod!”criedtheMarchionessofParolignac,“nevermentionthattediouscreature.Hetakessuchpainstotellyouwhateveryoneknows;andhowhetalksso learnedlyonmatters that arehardlyworth the slightest consideration!Howabsurdlyhemakesuseofotherpeople’swit!howmiserablyhemangleswhathehaspilferedfromthem!Themanmakesmequitesick.Afewpagesofthegoodarchdeaconareplenty.”

Therewasatthetableapersonoflearningandtaste,whosupportedwhattheMarchionesshadsaid.Theynextbegantotalkoftragedies.Theladywantedtoknowwhy therewere several tragedieswhich still continued to be performed,though theywere unreadable. Theman of taste explained very clearly, how aplaymighthaveacertaininterestwithouthavingagrainofmerit.Heshowed,inafewwords,thatitisnotenoughtothrowtogetherafewincidentsthatcanbefoundineverynovel,andthatdazzlethespectator;thethoughtsshouldbenewwithout being far-fetched; frequently sublime, but always natural; the authorshould have a thorough knowledge of the human heart, and make it speakproperly ;heshouldbeacompletepoet,withoutallowinganycharacter in theplaytosoundlikeapoet;heshouldbeaperfectmasterofhislanguage,speakitwithallitspurityandwiththeutmostharmony,andyetheshouldnotmakethesenseaslavetotherhyme.“Whoever,”headded,“neglectsanyoftheserules,thoughhemaywritetwoorthreetragedieswithtolerablesuccess,willneverbeconsidered among the number of good authors. There are very few goodtragedies; some are idylliums, in well written and harmonious dialogue; andothersachainofpoliticalreasoningsthatputonetosleep;orelsepompousandhigh-flown amplifications that disgust rather than please. Still others are theravingsofamadman,barbarousinstyle,incoherentinmeaning,orfulloflongspeechestothegodsbecausetheauthordoesn’tknowhowtoaddressmankind;inaword,acollectionoffalsemaximsanddullcommonplace.”

Candide listened to this discourse with great attention, and formed a highopinionofthepersonwhodeliveredit;andastheMarchionesshadtakencaretoplacehimnearherside,hetookthelibertytowhispertohersoftlyintheear,andaskwhothispersonwaswhospokesowell.“Heisamanofletters,”repliedherladyship,“whoneverplays,andwhomtheAbbébringstomyhousesometimestospendanevening.Heisagreatjudgeofwriting,especiallyintragedy:hehaswrittenonehimself,whichwaspanned,andhaswrittenabookthatwasneverseenoutofhisbookseller’sshop,exceptforonecopy,whichwasdedicatedtome.”“Oh,thegreatman!”criedCandide:“heisasecondPangloss.”

Thenturningtowardshim:“Sir,”saidhe,“youarenodoubtoftheopinionthateverythingisforthebestinthephysicalandmoralworld,andthatnothingcouldbeotherwisethanitis?”“I,sir!”repliedthemanofletters;“thinknosuchthing,Iassureyou;Ifindthateverythinggoeswronginourworld.Nooneknowshisplaceinsociety,hisduty,norwhathedoes,norwhatheshoulddo;andexceptforourevenings,whicharecheerfulenough,therestofourtimeisspentinidledisputesandquarrels:JansenistsagainstMolinists,23theParliamentagainsttheChurch, andonearmedbodyofmenagainst another; courtier against courtier,husband against wife, and relations against relations. In short, this world isnothingbutonecontinuoussceneofcivilwar.”

“Yes,” saidCandide, “and Ihave seenworse thanall that; andyet a learnedman, who had the misfortune to be hanged, taught me that everything wasmarvellouslywell, and that these evils you are speakingofwere only just theshadows in abeautiful picture.” “Yourhanged sage,” saidMartin, “laughed atyou.Theseshadows,asyoucall them,are themosthorribleblemishes.”“It ismenwhomaketheseblemishes,”saidCandide,“andtheycannotdootherwise.”“Thenitisnottheirfault,”addedMartin.Mostofthecardplayers,whodidnotunderstandasyllableofthisdiscourse,amusedthemselveswithdrinking,whileMartinreasonedwiththelearnedgentleman;andCandideentertainedtheladyofthehousewithapartofhisadventures.

AftersuppertheMarchionessconductedCandideintoherdressing-room,andmadehimsitdownunderacanopy.“Well,”shesaid,“areyoustillsomadlyinlove with Miss Cunégonde of Thunder-ten-tronckh?” “Yes, madam,” repliedCandide.TheMarchionesssaidtohim,withatendersmile,“Youanswermelikea young man born inWestphalia. A Frenchman would have said, ‘It is true,madam, Ihadbeen in lovewithMissCunegonde;but since Ihaveseenyou IfearIcannolongerloveherasIdid.’”“Alas!madam,”repliedCandide,“Iwill

answerinanywayyouwant.”“Youfellinlovewithher,Ifind,instoopingtopickupherhandkerchief,whichshehaddropped.Youshallpickupmygarter.”“Gladly,madam,” saidCandide; and he picked it up. “But youmust tie it onagain,” said the lady. “Look, young man,” said the Marchioness, “you are astranger.ImakesomeofmylovershereinParislanguishformefortwoweeks;butIsurrendertoyouthefirstnight,becauseIamwillingtodothehonoursofmycountry toayoungWestphalian.”The faironehavingcasthereyeon twoverylargediamondsthatwereontheyoungstranger’sfinger,praisedtheminsoearnestamannerthattheywereinaninstanttransferredfromhisfingertohers.

AsCandidewas going homewith theAbbé he felt some remorse at havingbeen unfaithful to Miss Cunégonde. The Abbé sympathized with him in hisuneasiness.HehadonlyasmallshareofthefiftythousandfrancswhichCandidehad lost at cards, and the twodiamondswhichhadbeen in amanner extortedfromhim;andthereforeverycunninglyschemedtomakethemostthathecouldofhisnewacquaintance.Hetalkedat lengthofMissCunégonde;andCandideassuredhimthathewouldbegforgivenessforhisinfidelityofthatfaironewhenhesawheratVenice.

TheAbbéoverflowedwithpoliteness,andseemedtointeresthimselfwarmlyineverythingthatCandidesaid,did,orseemedinclinedtodo.

“And so, sir, you have an engagement atVenice?” “Yes,Monsieur l’Abbé,”answered Candide, “I must absolutely wait for Miss Cunégonde;” and then,carriedawaybythepleasurehetookintalkingabouttheobjectofhislove,herecounted, as he often did, part of his adventures with that illustriousWestphalianbeauty.

“Isuppose,”saidtheAbbé,“MissCunégondehasagreatdealofwit,andthather letters must be very entertaining.” “I never received any from her,” saidCandide,“forasyoucanimagine,beingexpelledfromthecastleonheraccount,IcouldnotwritetoherespeciallybecausesoonaftermydepartureIheardthatshewasdead;but,thankGod,Ifoundoutafterwardsthatshewasliving.Ileftheragainafterthis,andnowIhavesentamessengertohernearlytwothousandleagues from here, and I amwaiting here for his returnwith an answer fromher.”

TheartfulAbbédidnotletawordofallthisescapehim,thoughheseemedtobemusinguponsomethingelse.Hesoontookhisleaveofthetwoadventurers,after having embraced them with the greatest cordiality. The next morning,

almostassoonashiseyeswereopen,Candidereceivedthefollowingletter:—

“MydearestLover,—Ihavebeenillinthiscityforeightdays.Ihaveheardofyourarrival,andwouldflytoyourarmsifwereIabletomove.IwastoldthatyoupassedthroughBordeauxonyourwayhere;thatwaswhereIleftthefaithfulCacambo and the old woman, who will soon follow me. The Governor ofBuenosAyreshastakeneverythingfrommebutyourheart,whichIstillretain.Come tome immediately.Yourpresencewilleithergivemenew lifeorcausemetodieofjoy.”

This unexpected letter filled Candide with utmost joy; though on the otherhand, the illnessofhisbelovedMissCunégondeoverwhelmedhimwithgrief.Tornbetweenthesetwofeelings,hetookhisgoldandhisdiamonds,andhiredapersontoconducthimandMartintothehousewhereMissCénogundelodged.Upon entering the roomhe felt his limbs tremble, his heart flutter, his tonguefalter.Heattempted toopen thecurtain, andasked for some light. “Lord, sir,”criedamaid-servant,whowaswaitingintheroom,“becareful;lightwillbethedeathofher.”Andsosaying,shepulledthecurtainsclosedagain.“Cunégonde!mydearCunégonde!”criedCandide,bathedintears,“howareyou?Ifyoucan’tseeme,atleastspeaktome.”“Alas!shecannotspeak,”saidthemaid.Thesickladythenputaplumphandoutofthebed,andCandidefirstbatheditwithhistears,thenfilleditwithdiamonds,leavingapurseofgolduponthechair.

Inthemidstofthisemotionalmomentanofficercameintotheroom,followedbytheAbbéandasquadofmusketeers.“There,”hesaid,“arethetwosuspectedforeigners.”Atthesametimeheorderedthemtobeseizedandcarriedtoprison.“Travellers are not treated in this manner in the country of El Dorado,” saidCandide.“IammoreofaManichaeannowthanever,”saidMartin.“But,goodsir,whereareyoutakingus,”saidCandide.“Toadungeon,mydearsir,”repliedtheofficer.

When Martin had recovered a little, so that he was able to form a cooljudgmentofwhathadhappened,herealizedthat thepersonwhohadactedthepart ofMiss Cunégonde was a cheat, that the Abbé of Perigord was anothercheat,whohadimposedonthehonestsimplicityofCandide,andthattheofficerwasstillanothercheat,whomtheymighteasilygetridof.

Candide, following the advice of his friend Martin, and burning withimpatiencetoseetherealMissCunégonde,ratherthanhavetoappearatacourtof justice, offered the officer three small diamonds, each of themworth three

thousand pistoles. “Ah, sir,” said thisman, “even if you had committed everycrimeimaginable,thiswouldrenderyouthemosthonestmaninmyeyes.Threediamondsworththreethousandpistoles!Why,mydearsir,ratherthantakeyoutojail,Iwoulddieforyou.Allforeignersgetarrestedhere,butletmemanagethings. IhaveabrotheratDieppe, inNormandy. Imyselfwill takeyou there,andifyouhaveadiamondlefttogivehim,hewilltakecareofyouasImyselfwould.”

“Butwhy,”saidCandide,“dotheyarrestallforeigners?”TheAbbéofPerigordspokeupandsaidthatitwasbecauseabeggarfromAtrebataboheardsomebodytellfoolishstories,andthisinducedhimtocommitaparricide;notliketheoneinthemonthofMay,1610,butliketheoneinthemonthofDecemberin1594,24andmuchontheorderofseveralthathadbeencommittedinothermonthsandyearsbyotherpoordevilswhohadheardfoolishstories.

Theofficerthenexplainedtothemwhatthatwasallabout.“Horridmonsters!”exclaimed Candide. “Is it possible that such scenes could happen among apeoplewho are perpetually singing and dancing ? Can I flee this abominablecountryimmediately,thisexecrablekingdom,wheremonkeysprovoketigers?Ihaveseenbearsinmycountry,butmenIhaveseennowherebutinElDorado.InthenameofGod,sir,”saidhetotheofficer,“getmetoVenice,whereImustwait forMissCunégonde.”“Really, sir,” replied theofficer,“IcannotpossiblytakeyoufartherthanLowerNormandy.”Sosaying,heorderedCandide’sironsto be struck off, acknowledged himself mistaken, and dismissed his squad offollowers;afterthishetookCandideandMartintoDieppe,andlefttheminthecareofhisbrother.TherehappenedjustthentobeasmallDutchshipatanchor.The Norman, whom the other three diamonds had converted into the mosthelpfulofmen,madesure thatCandideandhisattendantsgotsafelyonboardthisvessel,whichwasjustreadytosailforPortsmouthinEngland.Thiswasnotthenearestway toVenice indeed;butCandidefelt thathe’d justescapedfromhell,anddidnotdoubtthathewouldquicklyfindanopportunitytoresumehisvoyagetoVenice.

THEARRESTOFCANDIDE

XXIII

CandideandMartintouchupontheEnglishCoast;whattheyseethere

“Ah, Pangloss! Pangloss!Ah,Martin!Martin!Ah,my dearMissCunégonde!Whatsortofaworldisthis?”exclaimedCandideassoonashehadboardedtheDutchship.“Somethingvery foolishandveryabominable,”saidMartin.“Youare acquainted with England,” said Candide; “are they as great fools in thatcountry as in France?” “Yes; but in a different way,” answeredMartin. “Youknow that these two nations are atwar about a few acres of barren land nearCanada, and that they have spentmuchmore on that struggle thanCanada isworth.25Tosayexactlyiftherearemorepeopleinonecountryortheotherwhoshouldbeinamadhouseexceedsthelimitsofmyreasoningabilities.Iknowingeneral that the people we are going to visit are of a very dark and gloomydisposition.”

AstheywerechattingthustogethertheyarrivedatPortsmouth.Theshoreoneach side the harbourwas linedwith amultitude of people,whose eyesweresteadfastlyfixedonabigmanwhowaskneelingdownonthedeckofoneofthemen-of-warwith something tiedoverhis eyes. In frontof thisman stood foursoldiers,eachofwhomshotthreebulletsintohisskullwithfullcomposure;andwhenitwasdonethecrowdswentawayperfectlywellsatisfied.26“Whatisallthisabout?”saidCandide;“andwhatdemon iseverywhereatwork?”He thenaskedwhowasthatbigmanwhohadjustbeenkilledwithsomuchceremony,whenhereceivedforanswerthatitwasanadmiral.“Andwhydoyouputyouradmiral to death?” “Because he did not put a sufficient number of people todeath.Youmustknow,hebattledagainstFrenchadmiral,andithasbeenprovedthat he was not near enough to his antagonist.” “But,” replied Candide, “theFrenchadmiralmusthavebeenas far fromtheEnglishadmiralas theEnglishadmiralwasfromtheFrench.”“Thereisnodoubtaboutthat;butinthiscountryitisnecessary.nowandthen,toputoneadmiraltodeathinordertoinspiretheotherstofight.”

Candidewassoshockedatwhathesawandheardthathewouldnotsetfootonshore,butmadeabargainwiththeDutchskipper(withoutevencaringifherobbedhimlikethecaptainofSurinam)totakehimdirectlytoVenice.

Theskipperwasreadyintwodays.TheysailedalongthecoastofFrance,andpassed within sight of Lisbon, at which Candide trembled. From there theyproceededtothestraits,enteredtheMediterranean,andatlengththeyarrivedatVenice. “God be praised,” said Candide, embracingMartin, “this is the placewhereIamtoseemybelovedCunégondeonceagain.I trustCacamboasIdomyself.Alliswell—allverywell;allaswellaspossible.”

XXIV

AboutPacquetteandFriarGirofléeUpon their arrival in Venice he went in search of Cacambo at every inn andcoffee-house,andamongalltheladiesofpleasure;buthefoundnotraceofhim.Everydayheinquiredaboutwhatshipshadcomein;stillnonewsofCacambo.“Itisstrange,”hesaidtoMartin,“verystrangethatIhavehadtimetosailfromSurinamtoBordeaux;totravelfromtheretoParis,toDieppe,toPortsmouth;tosailalongthecoastofPortugalandSpain,anduptheMediterraneantospendafew months in Venice; and that my lovely Cunégonde has not yet arrived.Insteadofher,IhaveonlymetwithaParisianimpostorandarascallyAbbéofPerigord.Cunégondeisactuallydead,andnothingremainsformetoobutdeath.Alas! how much better it would have been for me to have remained in theparadise of El Dorado, than to have returned to this wicked Europe! You areright,mydearMartin;youarecertainlyintheright:allismiseryanddeceit.”

Hefellintoadeepmelancholy,andneitherwenttothefashionableoperas,nortookpart inanyofthediversionsoftheCarnival:notasinglewomantemptedhimintheleastbit.Martinsaidtohim,“Ithinkyouareveryfoolishtoimaginethatarascallyvalet,withfiveorsixmillionsinhispocket,wouldgoinsearchofyourmistresstothefarendoftheworld,andbringhertoVenicetomeetyou.Ifhefindsher,hewilltakeherforhimself;ifhedoesnot,hewilltakeanother.Letme advise you to forget your valet Cacambo, and yourmistress Cunégonde.”Martin’s speech was not the most consolatory to the dejected Candide. Hismelancholyincreased,andMartinnevertiredofshowinghim,thatthereisverylittle virtue or happiness in this world—except, perhaps in El Dorado, wherehardlyanybodycango.

Whiletheyweredisputingonthisimportantsubject,andstillexpectingMissCunégonde,CandidenoticedayoungTheatinbpfriarinSt.Mark’splace,withagirlunderhis arm.TheTheatin looked fresh-colored,plumpandvigorous;hiseyessparkled;hisairandgaitwereboldandlofty.Thegirlwasverypretty,andwassingingasong;andeverynowandthengaveherTheatinanamorousogle,andwantonlypinchedhisruddycheeks.“Youwillatleastadmit,”saidCandidetoMartin,“thatthesetwoarehappy.SofarIhavemetwithnonebutunfortunatepeopleinthewholehabitableglobe,exceptinElDorado;butastothiscouple,Iwould venture to lay awager that they are happy.” “I bet they are not!” said

Martin.“Well,wejusthavetoaskthemtodinewithus,”saidCandide,“andyouwillseewhetherIammistakenornot.”

Heapproached them,andwithgreatpoliteness invited themtohis inn toeatsomemacaroni,withLombardpartridges and caviare, and to drink a bottle ofMontepulciano,LacrymaChristi,CyprusandSamoswine.Thegirlblushed;theTheatin accepted the invitation, and she followed him, eyeing Candide everynow and then with a mixture of surprise and confusion, while the tears stoledownhercheeks.Nosoonerdidsheenterhisapartmentthanshecriedout:“Mr.Candide, have you quite forgotten your Pacquette? Do you not recognize heragain?” Candide, who had not looked carefully at her before, being whollypreoccupiedwiththethoughtsofhisdearCunégonde.“Ah!isityou,child?WasityouthatreducedDoctorPanglosstothatfineconditionIsawhimin?”

“Alas, sir,” answeredPacquette, “itwas indeed. I see thatyoualreadyknoweverything;andIhavebeeninformedofallthemisfortunesthathappenedtothewhole family of my lady baroness and the fair Cunégonde. But I can safelysweartoyouthatmyfatewasnolessunhappy;Iwasinnocenceitselfwhenyousaw me last. A Cordelier, who was my confessor, easily misled me; theconsequencesprovedterrible.Iwasobligedto leavethecastlesometimeafterthebaronkickedyououtofthere;andifafamoussurgeonhadnottakenpityonme, Iwouldhavebeen a deadwoman.Gratitudeobligedme to livewithhimsometimeasacompanion.Hiswife,whowasjealoustoapointofrage,beatmemercilesslyeveryday.Oh! shewasaperfect fury.Thedoctorhimselfwas theugliestofallmortals,andIthemostwretchedcreatureexisting,tobecontinuallybeatenforamanIdidnotlove.Youknow,sir,howdangerousitwasforanill-naturedwoman to bemarried to a physician. Incensed at the behaviour of hiswife,onedayhegavehersopotenta remedyforaslightcoldshehadcaughtthatshediedinlessthantwohoursinmostdreadfulconvulsions.Herrelationsprosecutedthehusband,whohadtoflee,andIwassenttoprison.Myinnocencewouldnothavesavedme, ifIhadnotbeenratherattractive.Thejudgesetmefreeonconditionthatheshouldbecomethedoctor’ssuccessor.However,Iwassoonreplacedbyarival,dismissedwithoutafarthing,andobliged tocontinuetheabominabletradewhichyoumenthinksopleasing,butwhichtousunhappycreatures is the most dreadful of all sufferings. Finally I came to work thisbusiness inVenice.Ah!sir! ifyoucouldknowwhat it is like tobewitheveryman—witholdtradesmen,withcounsellors,withmonks,watermen,andabbés;tobeexposedtoalltheirinsolenceandabuse;tobereducedtoborrowingaskirt

onlyinorderforittobeliftedbysomedisgustingman;toberobbedbyonemanof what was gained from another; to be subject to the extortions of civilmagistrates; and to have for ever before one’s eyes the prospect of old age, ahospital,oradunghill,youwouldconcludethatIamoneofthemostunhappywretchesbreathing.”

Thus Pacquette unburdened herself to honest Candide in his room, in thepresenceofMartin,whotookoccasiontosaytohim,“Yousee,Ihavewonthewageralready.”

FriarGirofléewasallthistimeintheparlourrefreshinghimselfwithaglassortwoofwinetilldinnerwasready.“But,”saidCandidetoPacquette,“youlookedsohappyandcontentwhenImetyou,yousangandcaressedtheTheatinwithsomuchfondness,thatIabsolutelythoughtyouashappyasyousayyouarenowmiserable.” “Ah, dear sir,” said Pacquette, “this is one of the miseries of thetrade;yesterdayIwasstrippedandbeatenbyanofficer,yettodayImustappearingoodhumorinordertopleaseafriar.”

Candide was convinced, and acknowledged thatMartin was right. They satdowntodinnerwithPacquetteandtheTheatin;themealwasveryagreeable,andtowards the end they began to speak freely among themselves. “Father,” saidCandide to the friar, “you seem tome to enjoy a state of happiness that evenkingsmightenvy;joyandhealtharepaintedonyourcountenance.Youhaveabeautifulfriendtodivertyou;andyouseemtobeperfectlywellcontentedwithyourconditionasaTheatin.”

“Faith,sir,”saidFriarGiroflée,“IwishwithallmysoulthatalltheTheatinswereatthebottomofthesea.IhavebeentemptedathousandtimestosetfiretotheconventandgoandturnTurk.Myparentsforcedmeattheageoffifteentoput on this detestable robe, only to increase the fortune of an elder brother ofmine,mayGodconfoundhim!Jealousy,discordandfuryresideinourconvent.ItistrueIhaveoftenpreachedpaltrysermonswhichearnedmealittlemoney,partofwhichthepriorrobsmeof,andtheremainderhelpstobuymyjoys;butatnightwhenIgotomyconvent,Iamreadytodashmybrainsagainstthewallsofthedormitory;andthisisthecasewithalltherestofourfraternity.”

Martin, turning towards Candide with his usual coolness, said, “Well, whatthink you now?Have Iwon thewager entirely?”Candide gave two thousandpiastrestoPacquetteandathousandtoFriarGiroflée,saying,“Iwillanswerthatthis will make them happy.” “I don’t believe so,” said Martin; “perhaps this

moneywillonlymakethemwretched.”“Bethatasitmay,”saidCandide,“onething comforts me; I see that one often meets with those whom we neverexpected to see again; so that perhaps, as I have found my red sheep andPacquette,ImaybeluckyenoughtofindMissCunégondealso.”“Ihope,”saidMartin,“thatonedayshewillmakeyouhappy,butIdoubtitverymuch.”“Youareveryhardinyourbeliefs,”saidCandide.“Itisbecause,”saidMartin,“Ihaveseentheworld.”

“Observethosegondoliers,”saidCandide;“aren’ttheyalwayssinging?”“Youdonot see them,” answeredMartin, “at homewith theirwives and brats.Thedogebq hashis chagrin, gondoliers theirs.Nevertheless, ingeneral I lookuponthe gondolier’s life as preferable to that of the doge; but the difference is sotriflingthatitisnotworththetroubleoflookingintoit.”

“Ihaveheardalot,”saidCandide“oftheSenatorPococuranté,br

XXV

CandideandMartinpayavisittoSignorPococuranté,anobleVenetian

CandideandhisfriendMartinwentintoagondolaontheBrenta,andarrivedatthepalaceofthenoblePococuranté: thegardenswerelaidout ineleganttaste,and adorned with fine marble statues; his palace was one of beautifularchitecture.Themaster of thehouse,whowas amanof sixty, andvery rich,received our two travellerswith great politeness, butwithoutmuch eagerness,whichsomewhatdisconcertedCandide,butwasnotatalldispleasingtoMartin.

Assoonastheywereseated,twoveryprettygirls,neatlydressed,broughtinchocolate,whichwas extremelywell frothed.Candide couldnot helppraisingtheir beauty and grace. “They are pretty good creatures,” said the senator. “Imake them my companions, for I am tired of the ladies of the town, theircoquetry, their jealousy, their quarrels, their humours, their meannesses, theirpride,andtheirfolly.Iamwearyofmakingsonnets,orofpayingforsonnetstobemadeonthem;butafterall,thesetwogirlsarebeginningtoboreme.”

Afterlunch,Candidewalkedthroughalargegallery,wherehewasamazedbythebeautyofthepaintings.Candideaskedwhothepainterofthetwofinestwas.“TheyareRaphael’s,”bsansweredthesenator.“Ispentagreatdealofmoneyonthemsevenyearsago,purelyoutofcuriosityastheyweresaidtobethefinestpiecesinItaly;butIcannotsaytheypleaseme;thecolouringisdarkandheavy;the figures do not swell or come out enough; and the drapery is very bad. Inshort,regardlessofthepraiseslavisheduponthem,theyarenot,inmyopinion,atruerepresentationofnature.IapproveofnopaintingsexceptthosewhereIthinkIseeNatureherself;andthereareveryfew,ifany,ofthatkind.Ihavewhatiscalledafinecollection,butItakenomannerofdelightinthem.”

While dinner was getting ready Pococuranté ordered a concerto to beperformed. Candide found the music delightful. “This noise,” said the nobleVenetian,“mayamuseoneforalittlewhile,butifitwastolastmorethanhalf-an-hour, it would grow tiresome to everybody, though perhaps no one wouldcaretoadmitthat.Musichasbecomeonlytheartofperformingwhatisdifficult;andwhateverisdifficultcannotpleaseforlong.

“IbelieveImighttakemorepleasureinanopera,iftheyhadnotfoundwaystomakeitmonstrousandrevoltingtome;andIamamazedathowpeoplecanbear to see bad tragedies set tomusic; where the scenes are contrived for nootherreasonthantointroducethreeorfourridiculoussongs,togiveafavouriteactressanopportunityofshowingoffhervoice.LetwhowillorcanswoonwithpleasureatthetrillsofaeunuchquaveringthroughthemajesticpartofCæsarbt

orCato,buandstruttinginafoolishmanneruponthestage.Formypart,Ihavelong ago renounced these paltry entertainments, which constitute the glory ofmodernItaly,andaresodearlypurchasedbycrownedheads.”Candidedisputedthese sentiments; but he did it in a discreet manner. As for Martin, he wasentirelyoftheoldsenator’sopinion.

Dinner being served, they sat down to the table, and after a hearty meal,returnedtothelibrary.Candide,seeingacopyofHomerbv insplendidbinding,complimented the nobleVenetian’s taste. “This,” said he, “is a book thatwasonce the delight of the great Pangloss, the best philosopher in Germany.”“Homer is no favourite of mine,” answered Pococuranté very coolly. “I wasmade to believe once that I took a pleasure in reading him; but his continualrepetitionsofbattleswhichareallalike;hisgodsthatarealwaysinterfering,butneverdoinganythingdecisive;hisHelen,whois thecauseof thewar,andyethardly acts in thewholeperformance; hisTroy that holdsout so longwithoutbeingtaken;inshort,allthesethingstogethermakethepoemveryboringtome.I have asked some scholars if reading it bored them asmuch as it boredme.Thosewhospokesincerelyassuredme thathehadmade themfallasleep,andyetthattheycouldnotwellavoidgivinghimaplaceintheirlibraries;butthatismerelywhattheydowithanantique,likethoserustymedalswhicharekeptonlyforcuriosity,andareofnouseincommerce.”

“ButyourexcellencydoesnotholdthesameopinionofVirgil?”saidCandide.“Iconcede,”repliedPococuranté,“thatthesecond,third,fourth,andsixthbooksofhisAeneidareexcellent;butasforhispiousAeneas,hisstrongCloanthus,hisfriendlyAchates,hisboyAscanius,hissillykingLatinus,hisill-bredAmata,hisinsipid Lavinia, and some other characters much in the same strain, I don’tbelieve there was ever anything more flat and disagreeable. I must confess IpreferTassoandeventhatsleepytale-tellerAriosto.”27

“May I take the liberty to ask if youdonot get great pleasure from readingHorace?” saidCandide. “Therearemaxims there,” repliedPococuranté, “from

whichamanoftheworldmayreapsomebenefit;andtheshortmeasureoftheversemakes themmoreeasily remembered.But I seenothingextraordinary inhisjourneytoBrundusium,andhisdescriptionofhisbaddinner;norinhisdirtylowquarrelbetweenoneRupilius,whosewords,asheexpressesit,werefullofpoisonous filth; and another, whose language was dipped in vinegar. Hisindelicateversesagainstoldwomenandwitcheshavefrequentlygivenmegreatoffence;28norcanIseewhat’ssogreatabouthistellinghisfriendMaecenasbwthat,ifheisraisedbyhimtotheranksoflyricpoets,hisloftyheadshalltouchthestars.bxFodsadmireeverythinginanesteemedwriter.Ireadonlytopleasemyself.Ilikeonlywhatsuitsme.”Candide,whohadbeenraisednevertojudgeforhimself,wasastonishedatwhatheheard;butMartinfoundthattherewasagooddealofreasoninthesenator’sremarks.

“Oh,hereisacopyofCicero!by”saidCandide;“thisgreatman,Iassume,youare never tired of reading.” “Indeed, I never read him at all,” repliedPococuranté.“WhatdoIcarewhetherhepleadsforRabiriusorCluentius?Asajudge,Ihaveenoughtrials.Imightlikehisphilosophicalworksbetter;butwhenI realized that he had doubts about everything, I figured I knew as much ashimself,andhadnoneedofaguidetolearnignorance.”

“Ha!”criedMartin,“hereareeightyvolumesoftheMemoirsoftheAcademyof Sciences; perhaps there may be something curious and valuable in thiscollection.” “Yes,” answered Pococuranté. “so there might, if any one of theauthors of this rubbish had only invented the art of pin-making. But all thesevolumesarefilledwithemptysystems,withoutonesingleusefulthing.”

“I seea lotofplays,” saidCandide,“in Italian,SpanishandFrench.”“Yes,”replied theVenetian; “there are I think three thousand, andnot threedozenofthem good for anything. As to those huge volumes of divinity, and thoseenormouscollectionsofsermons,altogethertheyarenotworthonesinglepageofSeneca;bzandI’msureyouwillreadilybelievethatneithermyselfnoranyoneelseeveropensthem.”

Martin,seeingsomeshelvesfilledwithEnglishbooks,saidtothesenator:“Isuppose that a republicanmust be delightedwith themajority of those bookswritteninalandofliberty.”“Itisnobletowriteaswethink,”saidPococuranté;“itistheprivilegeofhumanity.ThroughoutItalywewriteonlywhatwedonotthink;andthepresentinhabitantsofthecountryoftheCaesarsandAntoninusescadarenotacquireasingleideawithoutthepermissionofaFatherDominican.cb

IwouldbeenamouredofthefreedominspiredbyEnglishgeniusifpassionandpartisanspiritdidnotcorruptallthatisestimableinthispreciousliberty.”

Candide, seeing an edition of a Milton,cc asked the senator if he did notconsider that author a great man. “Who?” said Pococuranté sharply. “Thatbarbarian,whowritesatediouscommentary,intenbooksoframblingverse,onthefirstchapterofGenesis!ThatslovenlyimitatoroftheGreeks,whodisfigurescreation by making the Messiah take a pair of compasses from Heaven’scupboardinordertoplantheworldwhileMosesrepresentstheDeityascreatingthe world with a word! You expect me to admire a writer who has spoiledTasso’s hell and devil;who transformsLucifer, sometimes into a toad, and atother times intoapigmy;whomakeshimsay the same thingahundred timesover;whomakeshimarguetheology:andwho,byanabsurdlyseriousimitationofAriosto’scomicinventionoffire-arms,hasthedevilsfiringcannoninheaven!Neither I,noranyother Italian,canpossibly takepleasure insuchmelancholyreveries.Butthemarriageofsinanddeath,andsnakesthatsingivesbirthto,areenough to make any person sick whose taste is at all refined. This obscene,whimsical, and disagreeable poemmetwith the disdain that it deserved at itsfirst publication; and I only treat the authornowashewas treated inhisowncountrybyhiscontemporaries.”

Candidewasgrievedat thisspeech,ashehadagreat respect forHomerandwasveryfondofMilton.“Alas!”saidheverysoftlytoMartin,“IamafraidthismanholdsourGermanpoetsingreatcontempt.”“Therewouldbenogreatharmin that,” saidMartin. “Oh, what a surprising man!” said Candide to himself;“whatagreatgeniusthisPococurantémustbe!Nothingcanpleasehim.”

Afterfinishingtheirsurveyofthelibrary,theywentdownintothegarden,andCandide praised its beauties. “I know nothing on earth laid out in such badtaste,”saidPococuranté,“everythingabout it ischildishandtrifling;but Iwillhaveanotherlaidouttomorrowonanoblerplan.”

As soon as our travellers had taken leave of his excellency, “Well,” saidCandide toMartin, “I hope you will own that this man is the happiest of allmortals,forheisaboveeverythinghepossesses.”“Butdon’tyousee,”answeredMartin,“thathedislikeseverythinghepossesses?Platosaidalongtimeagothatthe best stomachs are not thosewhich refuse all food.” “True,” saidCandide,“but still there must certainly be a pleasure in criticising everything, and inseeing faultswhere others think they see beauties.” “That is,” repliedMartin,

“there isapleasure inhavingnopleasure.”“Well,well,”saidCandide,“I findthatIwillbetheonlyhappymanatlast,whenIamblessedwiththesightofmydearCunégonde.”“Itisgoodtohope,”saidMartin.

In the meantime, days and weeks passed away, and no news of Cacambo.CandidewassooverwhelmedwithgriefthathedidnotnoticethatPacquetteandFriarGirofléehadneverreturnedandthankedhim.

XXVI

CandideandMartinsupwithsixstrangers;andwhotheywere

OneeveningwhenCandideandMartinweregoing tositdowntosupperwithsome foreignerswho lodged at the same innwhere theywere staying, aman,withafacethecolourofsoot,camebehindhim,andtakinghimbythearm,said“Be ready to leave with us; don’t miss this.” He turned around and sawCacambo. Nothing but the sight of Miss Cunégonde could have given himgreater joy and surprise. He was almost beside himself. After embracing thisdear friend,“Cunégonde!”hesaid,“Cunégondehascomewithyou,nodoubt!Where,whereisshe?TakemetoherthisinstantsothatImaydieofjoyinherpresence.” “Cunégonde is not here,” answered Cacambo, “she is atConstantinople.”“Goodheavens,atConstantinople!ButnomatterifshewereinChina,Iwouldflythere.Quick,quick,dearCacambo,let’sgo.”“Wewillleaveaftereating,”saidCacambo.“Icannotatpresentsayanythingmoretoyou.Iamaslave, andmymasterwaits forme: Imustgoandwaitonhimat table.Butmum!saynotaword;onlygetyoursupper,andbeready.”

Candide,dividedbetweenjoyandgrief,charmedtohavethusmethisfaithfulagentagain,andsurprisedtohearhewasaslave,hisheartpalpitating,hissensesconfused,butfullofthehopesofrecoveringhisdearCunégonde,satdowntoeatwithMartin,whowatched all these scenes cooly, andwith six strangers,whohadcometospendtheCarnivalatVenice.

Cacambo,whowaspouringadrinkforoneofthesestrangers,drewneartohismasterwhenthemealwasnearlyover,andwhispered tohimin theear,“Sire,yourmajestymaygowhenyouplease;theshipisready”;andsosaying,heleftthe room. The guests, surprised at what they had heard, looked at each otherwithout speaking aword,when another servant drawingnear tohismaster, inlikemannersaid,“Sire,yourmajesty’spost-chaise isatPadua,and thebark isready.”Themastermadeasignand theservant instantlywithdrew.Thedinersall stared at each other again, and the general astonishment was increased. Athirdservant thenapproachedanotherof the strangers,andsaid,“Sire,believeme,yourMajestyshouldnotstayhereanylonger;Iwillgoandgeteverythingready,”andinstantlydisappeared.

CandideandMartinhadnodoubtnowthatthiswassomeofthediversionsofthe Carnival, and that these were characters in masquerade. Then a fourthdomestic said to the fourth stranger, “Your majesty may set off when youplease”;sayingthis,hewentawayliketherest.Afifthvaletsaidthesametoafifthmaster.But the sixthdomestic spoke in adifferent style to thepersononwhomhewaited,andwhosatnear toCandide.“Myword, sir,” saidhe,“theywillgivenomorecredittoyourmajestyortome,andwecouldbothwindupinjailthisverynight;andthereforeI’vegottotakecareofmyself,andsoadieu.”Withtheservantsallgone,thesixstrangers,withCandideandMartin,remainedinaprofoundsilence.FinallyCandidebrokeitbysaying,“Gentlemen,thisisaverysingularjoke,uponmyword;why,howcameyoualltobekings?FormypartIassureyouthatneithermyfriendMartinherenormyselfhaveanyclaimtoroyalty.”

Cacambo’smasterthenbegan,withgreatgravity,tospeakinItalian:“Iamnotjoking in the least. My name is Achmet III.cd I was grand seignor for manyyears; Idethronedmybrother,mynephewdethronedme,myviziers lost theirheads,andIamcondemnedtoendmydaysintheoldseraglio.Mynephew,theGrandSultanMahomet,givesmepermissiontotravelsometimesformyhealth,andIamheretospendtheCarnivalatVenice.”

AyoungmanwhosatbyAchmetspokenext,andsaid:“MynameisIvan.ceIwasonceEmperorofalltheRussias,butwasdethronedwhilestillinmycradle.My parents were locked up, and I was brought up in a prison; yet I amsometimesallowed to travel, thoughalwayswithpersons tokeepaguardoverme,andIamheretospendtheCarnivalatVenice.”

Thethirdsaid:“IamCharles-Edward,KingofEngland;cfmyfathercededhisroyalrightstome.Ihavefoughtindefenceofmyrights,andnearathousandofmyfriendshavehadtheirheartstakenoutoftheirbodiesalive,andthrownintotheirfaces.Ihavemyselfbeenconfinedinaprison.IamgoingtoRometovisitthekingmyfather,whowasdethronedaswellasmyselfandmygrandfather;andIamheretospendtheCarnivalatVenice.”

The fourth spoke thus: “I am the King of Poland;cg the fortune of war hasstripped me of my hereditary dominions. My father experienced the samevicissitudesoffate.IresignmyselftothewillofProvidence,inthesamemanneras Sultan Achmet, the Emperor Ivan, and King Charles Edward, to whom, Ihope,Godgiveslonglives;andIamheretospendtheCarnivalatVenice.”

Thefifthsaid:“IamKingofPolandalso.chIhavetwicelostmykingdom;butProvidencehasgivenmeotherdominions,whereIhavedonemoregoodthanalltheSarmatiankingsputtogetherevermanagedtodoonthebanksoftheVistula.I resignmyself likewise to Providence; and am here to spend theCarnival atVenice.”

Itnowcametothesixthmonarch’sturntospeak.“Gentlemen,”saidhe,“Iamnotsogreataprinceastherestofyou,itistrue,butIam,however,acrownedhead.IamTheodore,electedkingofCorsica.ci Ihavehad the titleofmajesty,andamnowbarelytreatedwithcommoncivility.Ihavecoinedmoneyandamnotnowworthasingleducat.Ihavehadtwosecretaries,andamnowwithoutavalet. Iwasonce seatedon a throne, and since thenhave lain upon a truss ofstraw inacommon jail inLondon,and Iverymuch fear I shallmeetwith thesamefatehereinVenice,whereI’vecome,likeyourmajesties,todivertmyselfattheCarnival.”

Theotherfivekingslistenedtothisspeechwithgreatattention;itexcitedtheircompassion; each of them made the unhappy Theodore a present of twentysequins,andCandidegavehimadiamondworthjustahundredtimesthatsum.“Whocanthisprivatepersonbe?”saidthefiveprincestooneanother,“whoisabletogive,andhasactuallygiven,anhundredtimesasmuchasanyofus?”

Justastheyrosefromthetable,incamefourserenehighnesses,whohadalsobeen strippedof their territories by the fortunesofwar, andwhohad come tospendtheremainderoftheCarnivalatVenice.Candidetooknomannerofnoticeof them; hewas concerned onlywith his voyage toConstantinople,where heintendedtogoinsearchofhislovelyMissCunégonde.

XXVII

Candide’sVoyagetoConstantinopleThe trusty Cacambo had already made arrangements with the captain of theTurkish ship thatwas to carry SultanAchmet back toConstantinople, to takeCandideandMartinonboard.Accordingly,theybothboardedship,afterpayingtheirrespectstohismiserablehighness.Astheyweregoingonboard,CandidesaidtoMartin:“Youseeweateincompanywithsixdethronedkings,andtooneof them I gave charity. Perhaps theremay be a greatmany other princes stillmoreunfortunate.Formypart, Ihave lostonlyahundredsheep,andamnowgoing to fly to the armsofmy charmingMissCunégonde.MydearMartin, Imust insiston it thatPanglosswasright.All is for thebest.”“Ihopeso,”saidMartin. “But thiswas an odd adventure thatwemetwith inVenice. I do notthink therehas everbeforebeenan instanceof sixdethronedmonarchseatingtogether at a public inn.” “This is notmore extraordinary,” saidMartin, “thanmost of what has happened to us. It is a very common thing for kings to bedethroned;andasforourhavingthehonourtoeatwithsixofthem,itisamereaccidentwhichdoesn’tdeserveourattention.”

AssoonasCandidesetfootonboardthevesselheflewtohisoldfriendandvalet,Cacambo;andthrowinghisarmsaroundhisneck,embracedhimwithjoy.“Well,” said he, “what news of Miss Cunégonde? Is she still the paragon ofbeauty?Does she loveme still?How is she?You have no doubt purchased asuperbpalaceforheratConstantinople?”

“Mydearmaster,” repliedCacambo,“MissCunégondewashesdisheson thebanksofthePropontis,cjinthehouseofaprincewhohasveryfewtowash.Sheis at present a slave in the family of an ancient sovereign namedRagotsky,29whomthegrandTurkallowsthreecrownsadaytomaintainhiminhisexile;butthe most melancholy circumstance of all this is that she has turned horriblyugly.””Uglyorhandsome,”saidCandide,”Iamamanofhonour;and,assuch,amobligedtoloveherstill.ButhowcouldshehavepossiblybeenreducedtosoabjectaconditionwhenIsentfiveorsixmillionstoherbyyou?”“Well,”saidCacambo, ”wasn’t I obliged to give two millions to Seignor Don Fernandod’Ibaraa y Fagueora y Mascarenes y Lampourdos y Souza, the Governor ofBuenosAyres,forhispermissiontotakeMissCunégondeawaywithme?And

thendidn’t apirateverygallantly stripusof all the rest?And thendidn’t thissamepiratecarryuswithhimtoCapeMatapan,toMilo,toNicaria,toSamos,toPetra,totheDardanelles,toMarmora,toScutari?MissCunégondeandtheoldwomanarenowservantstotheprinceIhavetoldyouof,andImyselfamslaveto the dethroned Sultan.” “What a chain of shocking accidents!” exclaimedCandide.”But,afterall,Istillhavesomediamondsleft,withwhichIcaneasilybuyMissCunégonde’sliberty.Itisapity,though,sheisgrownsoveryugly.”

Then turning toMartin, he asked, “What do you think?Whose condition ismost to be pitied, the Emperor Achmet‘s, the Emperor Ivan’s, King CharlesEdward’s,ormine?”“Idon’tknowatall,”saidMartin.“Iwouldneedtoentertheheartofeachmantoknow.”“Ah!”criedCandide,“werePanglossherenow,hewouldhaveknownand satisfiedmeat once.” “I don’t know,” saidMartin,“whatscalesyourPanglosswouldusetoweighthemisfortunesofmankind,andset avalueon their sufferings.All that Ipretend toknowof thematter is thatthere are millions of men on the earth whose conditions are a hundred timesmorepitiable than thoseofKingCharlesEdward, theEmperor Ivan,orSultanAchmet.”“Youmayverywellberight,”answeredCandide.

Ina fewdays theyreached theBosphorous.Candidebeganbyre-purchasingCacamboataveryhighprice;then,withoutlosingtime,heandhiscompanionswentonboardagalleyinordertosearchforhisCunégondeonthebanksofthePropontis,howeveruglyshemayhavegrown.

Thereweretwoslavesamongthecrewofthegalley,whorowedverypoorly,andtowhosebarebacksthemasterofthevesselfrequentlyappliedafewlasheswithabullwhip.Candidenaturally lookedat these twoslavesmoreattentivelythanatanyoftherest,andoutofpitymovedclosertothem.CertainfeaturesoftheirdisfiguredfacesappearedtohimtobeararesemblancetothoseofPanglossand the unhappy Baron Jesuit,Miss Cunégonde’s brother. This notionmovedandsaddenedhim.Heexaminedthemmoreattentively thanbefore.“In truth,”saidhetoCacambo,“ifIhadnotseenmymasterPanglosshanged,andhadnotmyself been unlucky enough to kill the Baron, I should absolutely think thatthosetworowerswerethemen.”

NosoonerhadCandideutteredthenamesoftheBaronandPanglossthanthetwo slaves gave a great cry, ceased rowing, and dropped their oars from theirhands.Themasterof thevessel seeing this, ranup to them,andredoubled thedisciplineofthebullwhip.“Stop,stop,”criedCandide,“Iwillgiveyouasmuch

money as you want.” “Good heavens! it is Candide,” said one of the men.“Candide!”criedtheother.“DoIdream?”saidCandide,“oramIawake?AmIactuallyonboardthisgalley?IsthismyLordBaronwhomIkilled?andthatmyMasterPangloss,whomIsawhanged?”

“It is I! it is I!” they both cried together. “What, is this your greatphilosopher?”saidMartin.“Sir,”saidCandidetothecaptainoftheship,“howmuchdoyouwantfortheransomoftheBaronofThunder-ten-tronckh,whoisone of the first barons of the empire, and Mr. Pangloss, the most profoundmetaphysician in Germany ?” “Why, then, Christian cur,” replied the Turkishcaptain, “since these two dogs of Christian slaves are barons and meta-physicians,whoarenodoubtofhighrankintheirowncountry,youwillgivemefiftythousandsequins.”

“You will have them, sir; take me back as quickly as possible toConstantinople,andyouwillreceivethemoneyimmediately.Or,no!takemetoMiss Cunégonde.” The captain, at Candide’s first word, had turned his shiparound, and he made the crew ply their oars so quickly that the vessel flewthroughthewaterquickerthanabirdcleavestheair.

CandideembracedtheBaronandPanglossahundredtimes.“Andso,then,mydearBaron,Ididnotkillyou?Andyou,mydearPangloss,howcanyoubealiveafteryourhanging?AndwhyareyouslavesonboardaTurkishgalley?”“Isittruethatmydearsisterisinthiscountry?”saidtheBaron.“Yes,”saidCacambo.“AnddoIonceagainseemydearCandide?”saidPangloss.CandidepresentedMartinandCacambotothem.Theyembracedeachother,andallspoketogether.Thegalleyflew,andalreadytheywerebackinport.CandideinstantlysentforaJew, and for fifty thousand sequins sold him a diamond worth one hundredthousand, thoughthebuyersworetohimbyFatherAbrahamthathegavehimthemosthecouldpossiblyafford.CandideimmediatelyransomedtheBaronandPangloss. The latter flung himself at the feet of his deliverer, and bathed himwith his tears. The former thanked himwith a gracious nod, and promised toreturnthemoneyatthefirstopportunity.“Butisitpossible?”saidhe,“thatmysisterisinTurkey?”“Nothingismorepossible,”answeredCacambo,“sincesheisthedishwasherinthehouseofaTransylvanianprince.”CandidesentfortwoJews,andsoldmorediamondstothem.Andthenhesetoutwithhiscompanionsinanothergalley,tofreeMissCunégondefromslavery.

XXVIII

WhathappenedtoCandide,Cunégonde,Pangloss,Martin,etc.

“Pardonme,”saidCandide to theBaron;“oncemore letmebegyourpardon,reverendfather,forhavingrunyouthroughthebodywithmysword.”“Saynomoreaboutit,”repliedtheBaron;“Iwasalittletoohasty,Iadmit.ButasyouseemtowanttoknowhowIcametobeaslaveonboardthegalleywhereyousawme,Iwilltellyou.AfterIhadbeencuredofthewoundyougavemebythecollegeapothecary,IwasattackedandcarriedoffbyapartyofSpanishtroops,whoputme inprison inBuenosAyres,at thevery timemysisterwas leavingthere. Iaskedpermission to return toRome, fromthegeneralofmyorder.HeinsteadappointedmechaplaintotheFrenchambassadoratConstantinople.IhadnotbeenaweekinmynewofficewhenIhappenedtomeetoneeveningayoungIcoglan,ckwhowasextremelyhandsomeandwellmade.Theweatherwasveryhot;theyoungmanwantedtoswim.Itooktheopportunitytoswimwithhim.IdidnotknowitwasacrimeforaChristiantobefoundnakedwithayoungTurk.Acadisentencedmetoreceiveahundredblowsonthesolesofmyfeet,andsentme to the galleys. I do not believe there was ever an act of more flagrantinjustice.ButIwouldliketoknowhowmysistercametobeakitchenmaidtoaTransylvanianprincewhohadtakenrefugeamongtheTurks.”

“Butyou,mydearPangloss,”saidCandide.“HowisitpossiblethatIseeyouagain?”“It is true,”answeredPangloss,“yousawmehanged, thoughI shouldhavebeenburnt;butyoumayrememberthatitrainedextremelyhardwhentheyweregoingtoroastme.Thestormwassoviolentthattheyfounditimpossibletolight the fire, so they hangedme because they could do no better. A surgeonpurchasedmybody,carried ithome,andprepared todissectme.Hebeganbymakingacrucialincisionfrommynaveltotheclavicle.Itisimpossibleforanyone tohavebeenmore lamelyhanged thanIhadbeen.Theexecutionerof theholyInquisitionwasasubdeacon,andknewhowtoburnpeopleverywell;butasforhanging,hewasanovice;theropewaswetandnotslippingproperly,andthenoosedidnot join.Inshort,Iwasstillbreathing; thecrucial incisionmademe scream to such a degree that my surgeon fell flat upon his back; andimaginingthatitwasthedevilhewasdissecting,heranaway,andinhisfrighttumbleddownstairs.Hiswife,hearingthenoise,raninfromthenextroom,and

seeingmestretcheduponthetablewithmycrucialincision,wasmoreterrifiedthan her husband, fled and fell over him.When they had recovered a little, Iheard her say to her husband, ‘My dear, how could you think of dissecting aheretic?Don’tyouknowthatthedevilisalwaysinthem?I’llgodirectlytogetapriest to come and drive the evil spirit out.’ I trembled from head to foot athearinghertalkinthismanner,andIexertedwhatlittlestrengthIhadlefttocryout,‘Havemercyonme!’AtlengththePortuguesebarbercltookcourage,sewedupmywound,andhiswifenursedme:andIwasbackonmyfeetintwoweek’stime.ThebarbergotmeajobasalackeytoaKnightofMalta,cmwhowasgoingtoVenice;butfindingmymasterhadnomoneytopaymemywages,IenteredintotheserviceofaVenetianmerchant,andwentwithhimtoConstantinople.

“OnedayIhappenedtoenteramosque,whereIsawnoonebutanoldimamcn

and a very pretty young female worshipper, whowas saying her prayers; herneckwasquitebare,andbetweenhertwobreastsshehadabeautifulbouquetoftulips,roses,anemones,ranunculuses,hyacinths,andauriculas;shedroppedherbouquet. Ipicked itupandpresented it toherwith themost respectfulbow. Iwas so long in putting it back in place that the imam began to be angry, andseeing that IwasaChristian,hecriedout forhelp; theycarriedmebefore theCadi,whoorderedmetoreceiveonehundredblowsonthesolesofmyfeetandsentme to the galleys. Iwas chained in the very galley and to the very samebenchwith the Baron.On board this galley therewere four youngmen fromMarseilles, fiveNeapolitan priests, and twomonks ofCorfu,who told us thatthesekindsofadventureshappenedeveryday.TheBaronclaimed thathehadsuffered a greater injustice than I; and insisted that therewas far less harm inpickingupabouquetandputtingitintoayoungwoman’sbosom,thaninbeingfound stark naked with a young Icoglan. We were continually whipped, andreceived twenty lashesadaywithabullwhip,whenthechainofeventswithinthisuniversebroughtyouonboardourgalleytoransomusfromslavery.”

THECRUCIALINCISION

“Well, my dear Pangloss,” Candide said to them, “when you were hanged,dissected, whipped, and tugging at the oar, did you continue to think thateverythinginthisworldhappensforthebest?”“Ihavealwaysabidedbymyfirstopinion,”answeredPangloss;“for,afterall,Iamaphilosopher,anditwouldnotbecome me to retract my sentiments, especially since Leibniz could not bewrong,andbesidespre-establishedharmonyis thefinest thingin theworld,aswellasaplenumandthemateriasubtilis.”30

XXIX

InwhatmannerCandidefoundMissCunégondeandtheOldWomanagain

WhileCandide, theBaron,Pangloss,Martin, andCacambowere relating theiradventures, and reasoning on the contingent or non-contingent events of thisworld,31 on causes and effects, on moral and physical evil, on free-will andnecessity,andon theconsolationavailable toaslaveonaTurkishgalley, theyarrivedatthehouseoftheTransylvanianprinceonthecoastsofthePropontis.ThefirstobjectstheysawtherewereMissCunégondeandtheoldwoman,whowerehangingoutsometable-clothsonalinetodry.

TheBaronturnedpaleatthesight.EventhetenderCandide,thataffectionatelover, upon seeing his fair Cunégonde all sun-burnt, with bloodshot eyes, awitheredneck,herfacewrinkled,andherarmsredandscaly,startedbackwithhorror;but recoveringhimself,headvanced towardsheroutofgoodmanners.She embraced Candide and her brother; they embraced the old woman, andCandideransomedthemboth.

TherewasasmallfarmintheneighbourhoodwhichtheoldwomansuggestedtoCandide as accommodation till the company shouldmeetwith some betterfate. Cunégonde, not knowing that she had become ugly, because no one hadinformedherof it, remindedCandideofhispromise inso firma tone that thegood Candide did not dare to refuse her. He then told the Baron that hewasgoing to marry his sister. “I will never put up with,” said the Baron, “suchbasenessonherpartandsuchinsolenceonyours;no,Ineverwillbereproachedforsuch infamy:why,mysister’schildrenwouldnotevenqualify for the firstecclesiasticaldignitiesinGermany;conorshallasisterofmineeverbethewifeofanypersonbelowtherankofabaronoftheempire.”Cunégondeflungherselfat her brother’s feet, and bathed them in her tears, but he stillwas inflexible.”You foolish man,” said Candide, ”I freed you from the galleys, paid yourransomandyoursister’s,too,whowaswashingdishesandisveryugly,andyetI condescend to marry her; and will you presume to oppose the match? If IfollowedtheimpulsesofmyangerIwouldkillyouagain.”“Youmayestkillmeagain,”saidtheBaron,”butyouwillnotmarrymysisterwhileIamliving.”

XXX

ConclusionCandidehad in truthnorealdesire tomarryMissCunégonde;but theBaron’sextreme impertinence persuaded him to conclude the match; and Cunégondepressed him so eagerly that he could not back out. He consulted Pangloss,Martin,andthefaithfulCacambo.Panglosscomposedafinetreatise,bywhichhe proved that the baron had no right over his sister; and that she might,according to all the laws of the empire, marry Candide with the left hand.cpMartinthoughttheyshouldthrowtheBaronintothesea;CacambodecidedthathemustbedeliveredtotheTurkishcaptainandsenttothegalleys,andthentheyshould send him by the first ship to the Father-General inRome. This adviceseemedtobeverygood:theoldwomanapprovedofit,andnothingwassaidtohissister.Thebusinesswasexecutedatasmallprice;andtheyhadthepleasureoftrickingaJesuitandpunishingtheprideofaGermanbaron.

Itwas altogether natural to suppose that after undergoing somanydisasters,Candide, who was married to his mistress, and living with the philosopherPangloss,thephilosopherMartin,theprudentCacambo,andtheoldwoman,andwhohadalsobroughthomesomanydiamondsfromthecountryoftheancientIncas, would lead the most agreeable life in the world. But he had been socheatedbytheJews32 thathehadnothingelseleftbuthislittlefarm;hiswife,everydaygrowingmoreandmoreugly,becameheadstrongandinsupportable;the old woman was infirm, and more ill-natured even than Cunégonde.Cacambo, who worked in the garden, and carried the produce of it to sell atConstantinople,wasworndownbythislabour,andcursedhisfate.Panglosswasin despair at being unable tomake a name for himself in any of theGermanuniversities.Andas toMartin,hewasfirmlypersuadedthat thingsareequallybad everywhere; he endured with patience. Candide, Martin, and Panglossdisputedsometimesaboutmetaphysicsandmorality.From thewindowsof thefarm theyoftensawboatspassingbycarryingeffendis,bashaws,andcadis, cqinto exile onLemnos,Mytilene, andErzeroum; andother cadis, bashaws, andeffendiswere seencomingback to take theplaceof the exiles, andwere thenexiledinturn.Theysawseveralheadsverycuriouslyimpaleduponpoles,whichweregoingtobepresentedattheSublimePorte.crSuchsightsgaverisetomorediscussions:andwhentheywerenotarguing,theboredomwassoexcessivethat

theoldwomanventuredonedaytotellthem,“Iwouldbegladtoknowwhichisworse:toberapedahundredtimesbynegropirates,tohaveonebuttockcutoff,torunthegauntletamongtheBulgarians,tobewhippedandhangedatanauto-da-fé, to be dissected, to be chained to an oar in a galley; and, in short, toexperience all the miseries through which every one of us has passed, or toremainheredoingnothing?”“This,”saidCandide,“isagrandquestion.”

This discourse gave birth to new reflections, and Martin in particularconcludedthatmanwasborntoliveeitherintheconvulsionsofmisery,orinthelethargy of boredom.Candide did not agree, but he did not provide any otheropinion.Panglossassertedthathehadundergonedreadfulsufferings;buthavingoncestatedthateverythingwentonaswellaspossible,hestillmaintainedit,andatthesametimedidn’tbelieveitall.

OnethingmorethaneverconfirmedMartininhisdetestableprinciples,madeCandidehesitate,andembarrassedPangloss.ItwasthearrivalofPacquetteandBrother Giroflée one day at their farm. This couple had been in the utmostdistress;theyhadquicklyspenttheirthreethousandpiastres;theyhadsplitup,been reconciled; quarrelled again, been thrown into prison; had made theirescape, and at last Brother Giroflée turned Turk. Pacquette still continued tofollowhertradewherevershewent;butshemadelittleornomoneyatit.“Itoldyou,” saidMartin to Candide, “that your presentswould soon be squandered,and would only make them more miserable. You and Cacambo have spentmillionsofpiastres,andyetyouarenotanyhappierthanBrotherGirofléeandPacquette.”“Ah!”saidPanglosstoPacquette,“Itisheavenwhohasbroughtyouhereamongus,mypoorchild!Doyouknowthatyouhavecostmethetipofmynose,oneeyeandoneear?Andlookatyounow!Eh!Whataworld!”Thisnewadventurebroughtthemmoredeeplythaneverintophilosophicaldebates.

Intheneighbourhoodlivedaveryfamousdervishwhowasthoughttobethebestphilosopher inTurkey; theywent toconsulthim.Pangloss,whowas theirspokesman,addressedhim:“Master,we’vecome tobegyou to telluswhysostrangeananimalasmanhasbeencreated.”

“Whydoyoutroubleyourheadaboutit?”saidthedervish;“isitanybusinessofyours?”“Butmyreverendfather,”saidCandide,“there isahorribledealofevilontheearth.”“Whatdoesitmatter,”saysthedervish“whetherthereisevilorgood?WhenhishighnesssendsashiptoEgypt,doesheworrywhether therats in the vessel are at their ease or not?” “What must be done then?” says

Pangloss.“Bequiet,”answersthedervish.“Ihadhoped,”repliedPangloss,“toreasonalittlewithyouonthecausesandeffects,onthebestofpossibleworlds,the origin of evil, the nature of the soul, and a pre-established harmony.” Atthesewordsthedervishshutthedoorintheirfaces.

During this conversation newswas spreading aboard that two viziers of thebench and themufti had just been strangled atConstantinople, and several oftheir friends impaled. The catastrophe caused a great stir for some hours.Pangloss,Candide,andMartin,astheywerereturningtothelittlefarm,metwithagood-lookingoldman,whowasenjoyingsomefreshairathisdoorwayunderanalcoveformedoftheboughsoforangetrees.Pangloss,whowasasinquisitiveas hewas argumentative, askedhim thenameof themuftiwhohad just beenstrangled.“Idon’tknowanythingaboutit,”answeredthegoodoldman;“Ineverknew the nameof anymufti or vizier breathing. I am entirely ignorant of theeventyouspeakof;Ipresumethatingeneralsomewhomeddleinpublicaffairssometimesmeetamiserableend,andtheydeserveit;butIneverinquireaboutwhatishappeninginConstantinople.Iamsatisfiedwithsendingtheproduceofmygardenthere.”Aftersayingthesewords,heinvitedthestrangerstocomeintohis house. His two daughters and two sons presented them with all sorts ofsherbetwhich theyhadmade; aswell as caymacheightenedwith thepeels ofcandiedcitrons,oranges,lemons,pine-apples,pistachio-nuts,andMochacoffeeuntaintedwith thebadcoffeeofBataviaor theAmerican islands.Afterwhichthe two daughters of this good Muslim perfumed the beards of Candide,PanglossandMartin.

“Youmustcertainlyhaveavastestate,”saidCandidetotheTurk,whoreplied,“I have nomore than twenty acres of ground, thewhole ofwhich I cultivatemyselfwith thehelpofmychildren,andour labourkeepsus fromthreegreatevils—boredom,vice,andwant.”

Candide as hewas returning homemade profound reflections on the Turk’sdiscourse.“Thisgoodoldman,”saidMartin,“appearstometohavechosenforhimselfafatemuchmorepreferabletothatofthesixkingswithwhomwehadthehonourtodine.”“Humangrandeur,”saidPangloss,“isverydangerous,ifwebelieve the testimonies of almost all philosophers; forwe find Eglon, king ofMoab,wasassassinatedbyAod;Absalomwashungbythehairofhishead,andpierced with three darts; King Nadab, son of Jeroboam, was slain by Baaza;KingElabyZimri;AhaziahbyJehu;AthaliabyJehoiada;thekingsJehoiakim,Jeconiah, and Zedekiah were enslaved. You know of the deaths of Crœsus,

Astyages,Darius,DionysiusofSyracuse,Pyrrhus,Perseus,Hannibal,Jugurtha,Ariovistus, Caesar, Pompey, Nero, Otho, Vitellius, Domitian, Richard II ofEngland, Edward II, Henry IV, Richard III, Mary Stuart, Charles I, the threeHenrysofFrance, and theEmperorHenry IV.”cs “I alsoknow,” saidCandide,“thatwemust cultivate our garden.” “You are right,” said Pangloss; forwhenmanwas put into theGarden ofEden, hewas put therewith the idea that heshouldworktheland;andthisprovesthatmanwasnotborntobeidle.”“Let’swork, then, without disputing,” saysMartin. “It is the only way tomake lifebearable.”

The little society, one and all, entered into this laudable scheme, and eachbegantoexercisehistalents.Thelittlepieceofgroundyieldedaplentifulcrop.Cunégonde indeed was very ugly, but she became excellent at pastry-work.Pacquetteembroidered,theoldwomantookcareofthelinen.Everyone,downtoBrotherGiroflée,didsomeservice.Hewasaverygoodcarpenter,andbecamean honest man. Pangloss sometimes would say to Candide: “All events arelinkedtogetherinthebestofallpossibleworlds;for,afterall,hadyounotbeenkickedoutofafinecastleforyourloveofMissCunégonde,hadyounotbeenputintotheInquisition,hadyounottravelledacrossAmericaonfoot,hadyounot stabbed the Baron with your sword, and had you not lost all your sheepwhichyoubroughtfromthegoodcountryofElDorado, thenyouwouldn’tbehere eating preserved citrons and pistachio-nuts.” “Excellently observed,”answeredCandide;“butwemustcultivateourgarden.”

ENDNOTES1(p.12)“everythingisbest”:ThroughoutCandide,VoltaireridiculesLeibniz’sphilosophy; caricaturing and oversimplifying Leibniz’s optimism andterminologyandpresentingobviouslycomical,trivial,andgrotesqueexamples.Voltairescoffsat thedoctrinethateverythinginthisworldexistsforaspecificandexcellentreason.

2 (p. 14) the Bulgarians: The Bulgarians represent the Prussian troops ofFrederick the Great in the Seven Years War (1756-1763). Voltaire wishes toinsinuate that both the soldiers and their leader are homosexuals ; the Frenchwordbougre,liketheEnglishbugger,derivesfromthewordBulgarian,becauseof the associationofBulgariawith themedieval sect theBogomils,whowereaccusedofsodomy.

3 (p. 16) the Abares: The name refers allegorically to the French, who werealignedwiththeAustriansandRussiansagainstthePrussiansandBritishintheSevenYearsWar.Actually,“Abares”designatesatribeofScythians,wholivedin the steppesnear theBlackSea andwhomight thereforebe atwarwith theBulgars.

4 (p. 23) “the lawwhich seizes on the effects of bankrupts, only to cheat thecreditors”:Voltairehadrecentlysustainedasignificantfinanciallossthroughthebankruptcyproceedingsagainstoneofhisbrokers.

5 (p. 26) they felt the earth tremble under their feet, and . . . thirty thousandinhabitants...wereburiedbeneaththeruins:TheLisbonearthquakeandfireofNovember 1, 1755, had an enormous impact on Voltaire and was one of thecontemporary tragedies that caused him to question Leibniz’s philosophicaloptimism, as especially evident in his eloquentPoem on the Lisbon Disaster(1756)and,ofcourse,inCandide.

6(p.26)“I...havetrampledfourtimesuponthecrucifixinasmanyvoyagestoJapan”: Itwas reported thatEuropeanswereallowed to trade in Japanonly ifthey first demonstrated their repudiation of Christianity by trampling on thecrucifix.

7(p.27)familiarsoftheInquisition:“Familiars”wereundercoveragentsoftheInquisitionwhohadthepowertoarrestsuspects.EstablishedintheMiddleAgestosuppressheresy,theInquisitionwasstillactiveintheeighteenthcentury.

8 (p. 27) “you do not believe in free-will”: Free will versus determinism iswidely debated in philosophical and theological circles. Blindly faithful toLeibnizinthisrespect,asinsomanyothers,Panglossfeeblytriestoexplainthephilosopher’s attempt to reconcile metaphysical necessity with his belief infreedom.

9(p.28)anauto-da-fé:Thename—Portuguesefor“actof faith”—ofachurchceremonyconsistingofaprocession,mass,andburningatthestakeofhereticscondemnedbytheInquisition.Anauto-da-fé tookplace inLisbononJune20,1756.

10(p.28)roundedupaBiscaynerformarryinghisgodmother:Suchamarriagewascondemnedas incest, since theCatholicChurchviewedagodmotherasarelative.

11(p.28)whowhileeatingachickenhadsetasideapieceofbaconused forseasoning:The twoPortuguesemenwho removed thebacon thereby revealedthemselvesasconvertswhostillsecretlypracticedtheJewishreligion.

12(p.28)Themitreandsan-benitowornbyCandidewerepaintedwithupside-downflames...butDr.Pangloss’s...wereupright:Theinvertedflamesonthesan-benito andmitrewornbyCandide signify that hehad repented,while theupright flames on Pangloss’s outfit indicate an unrepentant heretic. Pangloss,whowastheoutspokenoneintheconversationwiththeagentoftheInquisition,was probably considered guiltier thanCandide,who, aswas his habit,merelylistenedwithapparentapproval.

13(p.32)seemedtodevourherwithhiseyesallthetimeshewasspeaking:Thiswhole chapter is a parody of a popular novelistic formula of the period fordepicting the happiness of lovers reunited after being separated by tragiccircumstances.

14(p.40)accusedofhavingexcitedoneoftheIndiantribes...torevoltagainstthe kings of Spain and Portugal: An uprising by the natives against theirEuropeanmasters took place in 1755 and 1756, and Jesuit missionaries wereaccusedofincitingit.Spainsenttroopstoputdowntherebellion,andCandideisrecruitedforthismission.

15 (p. 41 ) “I am the daughter of Pope Urban X and of the Princess ofPalestrina”:AmongVoltaire’smanuscriptsfoundafterhisdeathisthefollowingironical comment on this passage: “Observe the author’s extreme discretion.

There has never been until now a Pope namedUrbanX. The author avoidedattributing a bastard daughter to a known Pope. What circumspection! Whatdelicacyofconscience!”

16(p.46)hehadbeensenttothecourtoftheKingofMoroccobyaChristianprince:PortugalallieditselfwithMoroccoinordertoobtaintradingprivileges,andtheeunuchwassentasanemissarytoconcludeatreaty.

17 (p. 50) Robeck: In 1736 Johann Robeck (1672-1739) published a treatiseadvocatingsuicideandsoonthereafterdrownedhimself.Thecontroversialtopicofsuicidewaswidelydiscussedintheeighteenthcentury.

18 (p. 63) “let’s eat this Jesuit”: The French phrase “Mangeons du jésuite”caughtthepopularfancyatatimeofrisinghostilitytotheJesuits,culminatingintheirexpulsionfromFrancein1764.

19 (p. 80) Socinian: The Socinians were a heretical sect organized in thesixteenth century by Lelio Sozzini, or Laelius Socinus (1525—1562), and hisnephew, Fausto Sozzini, or Faustus Socinus (1539-1604). The latter settled inPoland after leaving the Roman Catholic Church. Socinianism attempts toreconcile Christianity and humanism by stressing the importance of rationalconscienceandminimizingthedoctrinesoftheTrinityandthedivinityofChrist.

20 (p. 81)aManichœan: A believer in two coequal spirits of Good and Evilstruggling togain theupperhand in theUniverse.Mani, orManicheus,was aPersian philosopher of the third century B.C. who posited a primal strugglebetweenthesetwoopposingandequalforcesorprinciples,oneoflightandtheother of darkness. Manichaeism, which is fundamentally pessimistic, wasfrequently confused with Socinianism in the eighteenth century, probablybecausebothwereheretical.HenceMartin’sironicalremark.

21 (p. 88) “when they die we throw their bodies upon a dunghill”: This is areference to the automatic excommunication of actors and actresses by theCatholicChurchandtotheresultantrefusaltoburytheminconsecratedground.OneofVoltaire’scauseswastogiveactorsanhonorablestatusinsocietyandtherighttobeburiedinChristiancemeteries.

22(p.88)“MissMonimiamadeherexit...intheparish”:MissMonimiareferstoAdrienneLecouvreur(1692-1730),agreatactressof theComédieFrançaisemuch admired byVoltaire; shemade her debut in the role ofMonine in JeanRacine’stragedyMithridate (1673);afterherdeathshewasdeniedecclesiastic

burial.

23(p.93)“JansenistsagainstMolinists”:JansenistsweremembersofaCatholicsect thatsoughtreligiousreformandfollowedthedoctrinesofCornelisJansen(1585-1638),aDutchtheologianwholimitedfreewillinfavorofpredestinationanddivinegrace.Hisbest-knownfollowerwasFrenchscientistandphilosopherBlaisePascal(1623-1662).Theywerecondemnedashereticalandwerefiercelyopposed by the Jesuits, orMolinists—from theSpanish JesuitLuis deMolina(1535-1600), who emphasized free will. The quarrel between the two sectscontinuedwellintotheeighteenthcentury.

24(p. 96)not like the one in themonth ofMay, 1610,but like the one in themonthofDecemberin1594:FrançoisRavaillacsucceededinkillingHenryIVin1610,whereasJeanChâtelhadfailedinhisattempttokillHenryIVin1594.

25(p.99)Canadaisworth:ThisisareferencetothestruggleforCanadaduringthe Seven YearsWar (1756-1763). The wars of the French and English overCanada persisted throughout the eighteenth century until the Peace of Paris(1763) confirmed England’s conquest. Voltaire failed to appreciate theimportanceofCanada.

26(p.99) In frontof thisman stood four soldiers . . . perfectlywell satisfied:CandidewitnessesherethehistoricalexecutionofAdmiralJohnByng(1704—1757),whowas executed by a firing squad, by verdict of a court-martial, forallegedly having neglected his duties and thereby having significantlycontributedtothehumiliatingdefeatoftheEnglishbytheFrenchfleetunderLaGalissonnière in the battle of Minorca (1756) during the Seven Years War.VoltairehadmetByngduringhisyearsofexileinEngland,consideredhimaninnocentvictimofnationalpride,andunsuccessfullyintervenedinhisbehalf.

27(p.108)“ButyourexcellencydoesnotholdthesameopinionofVirgil?”...“IpreferTassoandeventhatsleepytale-tellerAriosto:TheRomanpoetVirgil(70-19B.C.)wrotetheepicpoemtheAenied;untilthenineteenthcentury,manyrankedhimaboveHomer; theItalianpoetTorquatoTasso(1544—1595)wroteJerusalem Delivered; the Italian poet Ludovico Ariosto (1474-1533) wroteOrlandoFurioso.

28(p.108)”MayItakethelibertytoaskifyoudonotgetgreatpleasurefromreading Horace?” . . . . ”I see nothing extraordinary in his journey toBrundusium...languagewasdippedinvinegar.Hisindelicateverses...greatoffence:QuintusHoratiusFlaccus (65—8B.C.),knownasHorace,wasoneof

the greatestLatin poets.The ancient cityBrundusium, themodernBrindisi, islocated on the heel of the boot of Italy. The phrase “dipped in vinegar” is areference to a phrase in Horace’s Satires (satire 1, book 7). “His indelicateverses”isareferencetoHorace’sEpodes5,8,and12.

29(p.117)Ragotsky:FerencIIRákóczi(1676—1735)wasaHungarianprincewho,with the support ofLouisXIV, led a rebellion against theAustrians andbecame prince of Transylvania (1707-1711); after several defeats, he fled toPoland,thentoFrance,andeventuallytoTurkey.

30(p.123)“everything in thisworldhappens for thebest . . . pre-establishedharmony is the finest thing in theworld, aswell as aplenumand themateriasubtilis”: These are all terms of Leibnizian philosophy. The plenum and themateriasubtiliswerealsotheoriesofRenéDescartes(1596-1650)toexplainthattherewasnovacuumandthatlightrayscouldpassthroughthis“subtlematter.”Voltaire was intent on ridiculing these outdated theories in favor of themoreadvanced views of Englishmathematician and physicist Isaac Newton (1642-1727).

31(p. 124) the contingent or non-contingent events of thisworld:Yet anotherexample of Voltaire’s use of Leibnizian terminology in order to make fun ofLeibniz’sphilosophy.

32(p.126)hehadbeensocheatedby theJews:Thisamounts toa settlingofscores, for Voltaire had incurred significant financial losses as a result ofdisputeswithandbankruptciesofJewishfinanciersandbankers.

INSPIREDBYCANDIDE

GeorgeBernardShaw’sCandidaThe nameCandide has come tomean a naive personwho is optimistic to thepointof stupidity.However, the title characterofGeorgeBernardShaw’splayCandida (1893) is not at all naive. Shaw speaks of Candida in his stagedirections:“Herwaysarethoseofawomanwhohasfoundthatshecanalwaysmanage people by engaging their affection, and who does so frankly andinstinctively without the smallest scruple. So far, she is like any other prettywomanwhoisjustcleverenoughtomakethemostofhersexualattractionsfortriviallyselfishends:butCandida’sserenebrow,courageouseyes,andwellsetmouthandchinsignifylargenessofmindanddignityofcharactertoennoblehercunningintheaffections.”

AtCandida’s center is a love triangle: Candida; her husband,Morell ; andEugene Marchbanks, a poet of eighteen who plays the role of the naïf.Marchbanks’smetaphysicalpoetryechoestheoptimistictheoriesofLeibnizandPopethatVoltairehad lambasted.Shaw,whosebestofallpossibleworldswasnodoubtasocialistone,constructedadramaeverybitassubversiveandcriticalofhuman folly asVoltaire’sCandide.ButbygivingCandida the twingiftsofreasonandpower,Shawlocatedwisdominthefeminine.

LeonardBernstein’sCandideTheevolutionofthecomicoperettaCandideisastoryofprolongedadaptationand revision. LeonardBernstein beganwork on amusical based onVoltaire’sCandide in1954,withhelpfromplaywrightLillianHellmanandeventualpoetlaureate Richard Wilbur. Before the work’s 1956 premiere, Bernstein said ofHellman’sbook:“Shehas takenVoltaireanddonemuchmorethanadapthim:she has added, deleted, rewritten, replotted, composed brand new sequences,provided a real ending, and, I feel,made it infinitelymore significant for ourcountryandourtime.”ToWilbur’sverseswereaddedlyricsbyJohnLaTouche,DorothyParker,andBernsteinhimself.Bernsteincomposedthescore,arguablyoneofthemostcomplexinmusicaltheater,aroundthesametimethathewrotetheboldandsumptuousWestSideStory(1957).WhenitopenedinBostonand

hada relatively short runonBroadway (1956-1957), the two-actCandidewasnot considered a success; rather than comic, the libretto struck audiences asangryinitstargetingofMcCarthyismasthemoderncorollaryoftheInquisition.

In1959,thebicentennialofthepublicationofVoltaire’sCandide,Bernstein’smusical opened in London with some new songs. This production did notsucceedeither,nordidthosebasedonsubsequentrevisionsin1966,1967,1968,and1971.In1973Hellman’sbookwasabandonedcompletelyinfavorofanewone byHughWheeler, and Steven Sondheim contributed new lyrics.DirectorHaroldPrincetookonthetaskoftamingBernstein’sscore,squeezingitintooneactandparingdown theorchestra to thirteenmembers.Thisversion,executedwithout significant input from Bernstein, was the first to have any success.However, though rollickingly funny from curtain to curtain, the 1973 versionhadlostmuchofthephilosophyoftheoriginal.

ThedirectoroftheScottishOpera,JohnMauceri,beganworkonhisversionofthemusicalin1982.Mauceriexpandedthe1973versionbackintotwoactsandrestorednearly all ofBernstein’smusic.Fiveyears later, hebroughtBernsteinback into the process, and the two collaborated on a 1988 production inGlasgow.AfterthedeathofHughWheeler,thejobofexpandingthebookfelltoJohnWells.HisrevisionsreinsertedseveralincidentsfromVoltaire’soriginal.In1989MauceriandBernsteinmountedaproductioninLondonthat,forthefirsttime,Bernsteinconductedhimself;itincludedallthefavoritesfromtheoriginal1956 production aswell as songs added later, including “Best ofAll PossibleWorlds,”withthecombinedlyricsofRichardWilburandStevenSondheim,and“Glitter andBeGay.”Candide:FinalRevisedVersion, 1989 is nowconsidereddefinitive.HaroldPrincerevivedCandidefortheNewYorkCityOperain1994and1997.

COMMENTS&QUESTIONSInthissection,weaimtoprovidethereaderwithanarrayofperspectivesonthetext,aswellasquestionsthatchallengethoseperspectives.Thecommentaryhasbeenculledfromsourcesasdiverseasreviewscontemporaneouswiththework,letters written by the author, literary criticism of later generations, andappreciationswrittenthroughouthistory.Followingthecommentary,aseriesofquestions seeks to filterVoltaire’sCandide througha variety of points of viewandbringaboutaricherunderstandingofthisenduringwork.

CommentaryFRANCISESPINASSE

The civilized world was horrified by the news of the terrible earthquake ofLisbon (November 1, 1755). Strictly considered, this frightful catastrophewasonly,ona largescale,what,onasmaller,was,andis,happeningeveryday.Avessel founders at sea, a house or theatre is on fire: the just and unjust alike,parentsandinnocentchildren,perishinthewavesorintheflames,andthereisweeping and wailing in many a home. But the colossal magnitude of theappallingdisasteratLisbonmadetranscendentlymoreintensethatfeelingoftheproblematic in human destiny, which is aroused more or less, in susceptiveminds,bythevicissitudesofdailylife.Goethe,thenaboyofsix,wasasmuchperplexed as the sexagenarian Voltaire how to reconcile the goodness of theDeitywiththeseeminglyaimlesscrueltyofwhathehadpermitted,orordained,to happen at Lisbon. The “whatever is is right,” the “all partial evil universalgood,” of Pope’s famous essay, so much admired by Voltaire, who translatedthemintothepithyformula:“Alliswell”(toutestbien),werenowpronouncedbyhimunsatisfactory.HehadopposedasortofoptimismofhisowntoPascal’spessimism,andin“LeMondain”hadsungofthepleasuresenjoyedbycultivatedand civilizedman. But he now struck his lyre to a very different tune in his“Poem on the Disaster at Lisbon; or, an Examination of the Axiom, All isWell”—towhichheopposedagloomycatalogueofalltheillsthatfleshisheirto....Thoughnotprinteduntilsomeyearslater,[Candide]wasbegunsoonaftertheLisbonearthquake.

—fromLifeofVoltaire(1892)

LYTTONSTRACHEY

The doctrine which [Voltaire] preached—that life should be ruled, not by thedictatesof tyrannyandsuperstition,butbythoseofreasonandhumanity—canneverbeobliteratedfromthemindsofmen.

—fromTheNewRepublic(August6,1919)

HENRYMORLEY

Voltaire inCandide, as Johnson inRasselas, expressed thedespair of the timeovertheproblemofman’slifeonearth.VoltairemockedandJohnsonmournedover the notion that this is the best possibleworld. Each taught the vanity ofhumanwishes....Allevilsoflife,wittilyheapedtogetherinCandide,whentheyarisefromman’sfraudandwrong-doingareconquerableinlongcourseoftime;andconquestofthemmeansthatadvanceofcivilizationtowardswhichwehavebegun to labour in this century, withmore definite aims than heretofore. ThestruggleoftheFrenchRevolutiontoliftmenatonceabovethosegrosserillsoflifewhichpressedupon them in the eighteenthcentury, andwrung from themsuch books as Candide and Rasselas, failed only in its immediate aim. Itshighest hope is with us still, quickened though sobered by the failure ofimmediateattainment.AStatecanbenobetter than thecitizensofwhich it iscomposed.OurlabournowisnottomouldStatesbutmakecitizens.

—fromMorley’sintroductiontoCandide(1922)

E.M.FORSTER

[Voltaire]wrote enormously:plays (now forgotten); short stories, and someofthemstillread—especiallythatmasterpiece,Candide.Hewasajournalist,andapamphleteer, he dabbled in science and philosophy, he was a good popularhistorian,hecompiledadictionary,andhewrotehundredsofletterstopeoplealloverEurope.Hehadcorrespondentseverywhere,andhewassowitty,soup-to-date, so on the spot that kings and emperors were proud to get a letter fromVoltaireandhurriedtoansweritwiththeirownhand.Heisnotagreatcreative

artist.Butheisagreatmanwithapowerfulintellectandawarmheart,enlistedin the service of humanity. That is why I rank him with Shakespeare as aspiritual spokesman forEurope.Twohundredyearsbefore theNaziscame,hewasthecompleteanti-Nazi.

—fromTwoCheersforDemocracy(1951)

QuestionsBecause God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-benevolent, any world Hecreated would have to be the best possible. It is true that there are murders,rapists,thieves,andbloody-mindeddictators,butfreewillissoimportantagoodthatevildoersmustbeallowedtochoosetodoevil.Similarly,fortheretobethemaximumamountoforder,beauty,andvarietyinnature,therealsohastobethepossibility of droughts, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and the like. Such,greatlysimplified,arethekindsofideasagainstwhichVoltairedirectshissatire.

1.DoesCandiderefutesuchideassuccessfully?

2.CoulditbethatVoltaire’ssatireisnotsomuchdirectedagainsttheseideasas against people who use them as a pretext for a heartless and self-righteouscomplacency?

3.WhatdoyouunderstandCandidetomeanwhenhesaysthatfromnowonhewill“tendhisgarden”?Refrainfrompubliclife?Acceptthingsastheyare?Trytoexpandthisphraseintoaprogramforliving.

4.What is your own answer to the violence andmisery of human life asVoltairedepictsit?

FORFURTHERREADING

BiographicalandGeneralStudiesAyer,A.J.Voltaire.NewYork:RandomHouse,1986.

Barber, William H. Leibniz in France from Amault to Voltaire. Oxford:ClarendonPress,1955.Reprint:NewYork:Garland,1985.

—.Voltaire.London:Arnold,1960.

Besterman,Theodore.Voltaire.NewYork:Harcourt,BraceandWorld,1969.

Bird, Stephen. Reinventing Voltaire: The Politics of Commemoration inNineteenth-centuryFrance.Oxford:VoltaireFoundation,2000.

Bottiglia,WilliamF., ed.Voltaire:ACollectionofCriticalEssays. EnglewoodCliffs,NJ:Prentice-Hall,1968.

Gay, Peter. Voltaire’s Politics: The Poet as Realist. Princeton, NJ: PrincetonUniversityPress,1959.Secondedition:NewHaven,CT:YaleUniversityPress,1988.

Lanson,Gustave.Voltaire.1906.TranslatedbyRobertA.Wagoner;introductionbyPeterGay.NewYork:JohnWileyandSons,1966.

Mitford,Nancy.Voltaire inLove.NewYork:Harper, 1957.Paperback edition:NewYork:CarrollandGraf,1999.

Sareil, Jean. “Voltaire.” In European Writers: The Age of Reason and theEnlightenment, edited by George Stade. New York: Charles Scribner’s Sons,1984,pp.367-392.

Torrey,Norman.TheSpiritofVoltaire.NewYork:ColumbiaUniversityPress,1938.Reprint:NewYork:RussellandRussell,1968.

Wade, Ira Owen. The Intellectual Development of Voltaire. Princeton, NJ:PrincetonUniversityPress,1969.

CriticalStudiesofCandideBarber,WilliamH.Voltaire:“Candide.”London:Arnold,1960.

Bottiglia, William F., ed. Voltaire’s Candide: Analysis of a Classic. Geneva:InstitutetMuséeVoltaire,1959,1964.

Havens,GeorgeR.,ed.Candide.NewYork:HenryHolt,1934.

Mason, Haydn. “Candide”: Optimism Demolished. New York: TwaynePublishers,1992.

Wade,IraOwen.Voltaireand“Candide”:AStudyintheFusionofHistory,Art,andPhilosophy.Princeton,NJ:PrincetonUniversityPress,1959.Reprint:PortWashington,NY:KennikatPress,1972.

Waldinger,Renée, ed.Approaches to Teaching Voltaire’s Candide. NewYork:ModernLanguageAssociationofAmerica,1987.

Williams,David.Voltaire,Candide.London:GrantandCutler,1997.

a

Province in western Germany. tGenealogical divisions on a coat of armsindicatingdegreesofnobility.ǂAlltongue(Greek).

b

“Cosmolo”indicates“cosmology,”aterminventedbyChristianWolff,discipleofLeibniz;“nigo”callstomind“nincompoop”inFrench.

c

FredericktheGreat’srecruitingofficersworeblueuniforms.

d

GreekphysicianofthefirstcenturyA.DwhotraveledwiththeRomanarmyasasurgeonandwroteatreatiseonmedicalremedies.

e

Phrase employed to ridicule the Leibnizian terminology of deterministicoptimism. ƗSatirical reference to the custom of warring nations to invoke theblessingoftheAlmightyandtoaskHimforvictory.

f

WhatfollowsmakesclearthatthisisaProtestantministerwhoisfanaticalinhishatredoftheCatholicreligion.

g

Christiansectthatopposedinfantbaptisminfavorofbaptismonconfessionoffaith; in Holland, the Anabaptists were granted religious tolerance and refugeagainstpersecution.

h

ReferstoAristotle’sdefinitionofmanasafeatherlessbiped.

i

Syphilis.

j

Scarletdyemadefromthedriedbodiesoffemalecochineal(small,red,cactus-

feeding)insects;importedfromMexicoandPeru.

k

Mercenaries;professionalsoldiershiredtoserveinforeignarmies.

l

Argumentbasedontheoryratherthanexperience(Latin);VoltaireconsidereditcharacteristicofLeibnizianreasoningandphilosophy.

m

TherehadalsorecentlybeenagreatearthquakeinLima,Peru.

n

Widespreadtheoryregardingthecauseofearthquakes.

o

Referencetoyetanothercurrenttheoryregardingearthquakes.

p

ReferencetotheBible,Genesis3.

q

Ironicaldescriptionofprisoncells.

r

YellowrobewornbyhereticswhomtheInquisitioncondemnedtobeburnedatthestake.

s

Cone-shapedcapmeanttoresembleabishop’sceremonialheaddress.

t

Therewasindeedasecondearthquake,onDecember21,1755.

u

ShrineinMadrid.

v

PatronsaintofPortugalandPadua.

w

According to tradition, he preached in Spain; his shrine at Santiago deCompostellabecamearenownedplaceofpilgrimage.

x

Psalm51oftheBible;hymnofpenitenceinvokingGod’smercy.

y

JerusalemwascapturedbyNebuchadnezzar,kingofBabylon,in597B.C.

z

PowerfulreligiousorderinSpainwithapoliceforceforpursuingcriminals.

aa

Possible allusion to Jean-JacquesRousseau’sDiscourse on theOrigin and theFoundations of InequalityAmongMankind (1754);Voltaire disagreedwith itsegalitarianthesis.

ab

Meaning “not a cent.” having excited one of the Indian tribes in theneighbourhoodofthetownoftheHolySacramenttorevoltagainstthekingsofSpain andPortugal.14Candide, having been in theBulgarian army, performedthe Bulgarianmilitary exercises before the general of this little armywith sointrepidanair,andwithsuchagilityandexpedition,thathegavehimaninfantrycompany to command. Being now made a captain, he sailed with MissCunégonde, the oldwoman, two valets, and the twoAndalusian horseswhichhadbelongedtotheGrandInquisitorofPortugal.

ac

ApproximatelyhalfwaybetweenRomeandNaples.

ad

Aroverisapirateship;Sale,onthecoastofMorocco,wasacenterofpiracyintheeighteenthcentury.

ae

Atthepointofdeath(Latin).

af

SultanofMoroccowholivedfrom1646to1727andreignedforfiftyyears;civilwarandbloodystrifefollowedhisdeath.

ag

“Oh,whatamisfortunetobewithoutballs!”(Italian).Themanwhouttersthesewords is a castrato, a singer emasculated as a boy to preserve the soprano orcontraltorangeofhisvoice.

ah

AllusiontothefamousItaliancastratoCarloBroschi,knownasFarinelli(1705-1782).

ai

FormertitleofthegovernorofAlgiers.

aj

An aga is an important Turkish official; the janisserieswere an elite corps ofTurkishtroops.

ak

Reference toAsov,near themouthof theDon;besiegedbyPeter theGreat in1695and1696.

al

Muslimreligiousleader(Arabic).

am

MemberofthearistocracyinczaristRussia.

an

ReferencetoanunsuccessfulconspiracyagainstPetertheGreatandhisterriblereprisals,whichtookplacein1698.

ao

Ironical reference to the Bible, Genesis 12:12-13, where Abraham lies to theEgyptians,tellingthemthatSarahwashissisterandnothiswife.

ap

Municipaljudgeorofficer(Spanish).

aq

Policeofficers(Spanish).

ar

Inotherwords,hewaspartSouthAmericanIndianandpartEuropean;TucumanisaprovinceinnorthernArgentina.

as

TheJesuitfathers.

at

Father Antoine Kroust, rector at Colmar from 1753 to 1763, was hostile toVoltaireandthephilosophes;Voltairequarreledwithhimduringhisstayinthatcityin1754.

au

From the Spanish orejones, meaning “big ears,” a term used because thesenativesadornedtheirearswithhugehangingearrings.

av

The Journal de Trévoux, founded in 1701, was a Jesuit periodical hostile toVoltaire,thephilosophes,andtheEnlightenment.

aw

Literally,“goldencountry”(Spanish);amythicalutopiansociety,withoriginsintravelaccountsoftheNewWorld,thathadgreatappealforEuropeans.

ax

Englishsoldierandexplorer(1554?-1618).

ay

DutchcolonyinSouthAmerica.

az

“Mymaster”or“Sir”(Dutch).

ba

Thisdescriptionofthecruelmistreatmentofslavesisbasedonhistoricalfact.

bb

Scathingreferencetoacolonialsystemthatplacedprofitabovehumanevalues.

bc

Street fairheldon the leftbankof theSeine, inaquarterofParisnear theoldchurchofSaint-Germain-des-Prés.

bd

TheBible.

be

Contagiousdiseaseofdomesticandwildanimals;alsoknownasredmangeandsheeppox.

bf

Poor,populous,andunattractivequarterofParis,ontheleftbankoftheSeine.

bg

Ironical reference to medical remedies that had become old-fashioned by themiddleoftheeighteenthcentury.

bh

Beginningin1750billetsdeconfessionswererequiredofdyingpatientsonpainofrefusalofthesacramentsandabsolution.

bi

Reference toLeComte d’Essex, a tragedy by Thomas Corneille (1625-1709),brotherofthemoresuccessfulPierreCorneille(1606-1684),whoisconsideredamasterofFrenchtragedy.

bj

FashionablequarterofParisontherightbankoftheSeine.

bk

Better known as faro; a card game, playedwith fifty-two cards, inwhich theplayersbetonthecardstobeturnedupfromthetopofthedealer’spack.

bl

Anindicationthattherewascheating;a“paroli”isanillegaldoublingofone’sbet.

bm

Gabriel Gauchat, a contemporary critic hostile to Voltaire and theEncyclopedists.

bn

Nicholas-Charles-Joseph Trublet, editor of the Journal Chrétien, and anotherenemyofVoltaire.

bo

LatinnamefortheFrenchprovinceofArtois;Robert-FrançoisDamiens,whoin1757failedinhisattempttoassassinateLouisXV,camefromArtois.

bp

TheTheatinswere aCatholic order founded in 1524 to combat theProtestantReformation.

bq

ChiefmagistrateofVenice.

br

Based on Italianwords; signifies “who could not care less.”who lives in thatfine house at the Brenta, where they say he entertains foreigners in themostpolitemanner.Theyclaimthismanhasneverknownamomentofsorrow.”“Iwouldliketoseesoextraordinaryabeing,”saidMartin.CandidepromptlysentamessengertoSignorPococuranté,askingpermissiontoseehimthenextday.

bs

Raphael Sanzio (1483-1529), one of the greatest painters of the ItalianRenaissance.

bt

JuliusCaesar(100—44B.C.),Romanstatesmanandgeneral.

bu

CatotheYounger,alsoknownasCatoofUtica(95-46B.C.),RomanstatesmanandenemyofJuliusCaesar.

bv

GreatfigureofancientGreekliteratureandpresumedauthoroftheIliadandtheOdyssey, epic poems ranked among the supreme literary achievements ofWesternliterature.

bw

WealthyRoman(c.70-8B.C.);friendandpatronofVirgilandHorace.

bx

ReferencetoHorace’sOdes(book1,ode1,lines35-36):Sublimiferiamsideravertice,Latinfor“Ishallstrikethestarswithmyforehead.”

by

MarcusTulliusCicero,Romansenatorandorator(106-43B.C.).

bz

LuciusAnnaeusSeneca(c.4B.C.-A.D.65),Romanphilosopher,dramatist,andstatesman.

ca

References to twoRoman statesmenand soldiers: JuliusCaesar (100-44B.C.)andMarcAntony(c.82-30B.C.).

cb

TheOrderoftheDominicanswasinstrumentalinorganizingtheInquisition.

cc

JohnMilton(1608-1674),oneofthegreatEnglishpoets.TheparagraphreferstoMilton’sParadiseLost; theepicpoemappeared in tenbooks in1667andwasexpandedtotwelvein1674.

cd

Ottomansultan(1673-1736),deposedin1730.“Viziers”wereministersofstateinMuslimcountries.

ce

IvanVI(1740-1764);asaninfant,proclaimedczar;deposedin1741,afterwhichhewasimprisonedfortherestofhislife;executedin1764.

cf

Reference to Charles-Edward-Stuart (1720-1788), known as Bonnie PrinceCharlieandtheYoungPretender.

cg

Reference toAugustus III (1696-1763),electorofSaxonyandkingofPoland;lostSaxony;dethronedbyFredericktheGreatin1756.

ch

Reference toStanislaw ILeszczynski (1677-1766), father-in-lawofLouisXV,drivenoffthethroneofPolandin1736andsubsequentlymadedukeofLorraine.

ci

BaronTheodorvonNeuhof(1694-1756),WestphalianadventurerelectedkingofCorsicain1736;ruledforabouteightmonths;triedunsuccessfullytoregainthethrone;livedinpovertyinEnglandafter1749.

cj

TheSeaofMarmora,betweentheBosphorusandtheDardanelles.

ck

PageoftheSultan.

cl

Barber-surgeon;barberswereoriginallyalsosurgeons.

cm

ReligiousandmilitaryorderofMaltathatoriginatedwiththeCrusades.

cn

Muslimpriest.

co

In the eighteenth century, certain ecclesiastical orders inGermany and Francewereopenonlytonobles.

cp

Amorganaticmarriage;thatis,onethatgrantsnoequalityofrightsorprivilegestothespouseoflowersocialrankorhisorheroffspring.

cq

Turkish titles:Aneffendi is a priest or a scholar, abashaw amilitary chief orgovernorofaprovince,acadiaminorMuslimmagistrateorjudge.

cr

OriginallythegatetotheSultan’spalacewherejusticewasadministered.

cs

Alltherulersmentionedinthislonglistmetaterribledeath.