BROOKE HAMROFFWriting Portfolio

December 2014

141 E 33rd St, Apt. 12C, New York, NY 10016

516.729.7957

 

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BROOKE HAMROFF

whatthegf LTDOversee social media, branding, creative contentand overall voice.

The bags under my eyes are prada. Late night nuggin’

#bitemeIf our #NUGGETS could talk, that’s what they’d say. Sinkyour pearly whites into our decadent, chocolate-coated,gluten free brownies and take a bite of sprinkled,cookie-licious goodness.

Gluten free, chocolatey, dipped, sprinkled and crumbled,#NUGGETS make the best of friends. Say hello to thebite-size dessert that will create and satisfy your sweettooth all at once. #NUGGETS never travel alone orwithout their choocolate jackets, so good luck poppin’just one of these cuties into your mouth.

I got diamonds on my neck, got a nug in my cuphttp://instagram.com/p/tioImLDTHP/

http://goo.gl/lLXzLC

http://instagram.com/p/tioImLDTHP/

http://goo.gl/n8J8l3

 

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Spoon UniversityContributing writer for college-based culinary website.

Author BioBrooke is a senior at WashU with Celiac Disease andleads a 100% gluten free (yet fabulous) lifestyle. Shefiends for chicken fingers, green m&m's and srirachamayo. Her pet peeves include watching people eatdairy, double dipping and sharing food - especiallywhen combined.

Sample 1Winter is upon us which means it’s time to bust outyour best friend, Swiss Miss, and snuggle in bed withyour significant other, Netflix. But doesn’t the sameroutine get boring? It’s time to spice up your classiccocoa with caramel, candy and even ice cream.Bye bye, boring Swiss Miss. Hello rich, decadent, tall,dark and handsome upgrade.

Sample 2Although the months of campfire s’mores are slippingaway, there’s no reason to say goodbye to warm, gooeymarshmallows. This simple cookie recipe is sure to winover all you gluten free skeptics with its chewymarshmallow bits, rich peanut butter chips andchocolate chunks. So gather ’round the campfire (oven)and enjoy a taste of summer… or two.

 

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Spoon University DormifyProduct descriptions & Spotify advertisement.

Hamsa PrintTalk to the hand. Flower power meets the Middle East in this intricately designed poster. Feel spiritual and stylish with a constant high five chillin’ on your wall encourage you to study hard, play harder and move forward every step of the way. This black and white print will obviously match your room, so what are you waiting for?

Sketch Butterflies PrintIs butter a carb? 10 years later we still don’t know. But what we do know is carb or carbless, if you throw some wings on churned dairy you get a beautifulprint like this one. Watch your room transform from a boring caterpillar to a big bold butterfly with this pretty poster.

Spotify AdTake a one-minute Beyonce break and fall drunk in love with Dormify.com - your one-stop spot to designingyour ultimate dorm room. Make-over your room with fashion-forward décor that will transform your college space. Go from drab to fab at Dormify.com – thetrendy girl’s secret.

 

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Dormify Washington U.Writing sample from Expository Writing course.

As a result of body image shifts, popular diet has changed as well. Kale. Tofu. Quinoa. Chia. Juiced vege-tables. Ginger root. Flax seed. What. These ancient foods are replacing the typical American diet staples like Twinkies, Wonder bread and fried chicken. A typical refrigerator at WashU, for example, would probably have a handle of vodka, coconut water, kale, Brussels sprouts, tofu and maybe beer. What’s happening to the world of college with fridges full of regular Budweiser, frozen chicken fingers and Hot Pockets? Like I said, times are changing. Marathons are becoming the new 5K and don’t even get me started on half marathons. Everyone who’s anyone has run the easy breezy 13.1 miles on a Sunday morning. I feel part of the American obesity -epidemic by not having run one.

Dormify

http://goo.gl/64V6EO

 

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Dormify  Freelance  Work  Spring  2014  

 POSTERS    1.  Sparkle  Print  Product  Description:  Shine  bright  like  a  diamond.  Rihanna,  Madonna  and  Kanye  know  the  power  of  this  precious  gemstone,  and  so  do  we.  Hang  this  poster  up  next  to  your  bed  and  live  the  glam  life  in  your  small  space.  Let  us  lux  up  your  dorm  with  this  sophisticated  print.    Why  We  Love  It:  Now  our  walls  can  drip  in  diamonds  just  like  the  celebs.  Now  we  can  feel  like  Kate  Hudson  and  “frost  ourselves”  without  losing  our  guy  in  10  days.  This  dresses  up  our  space  with  diamond  glam  without  the  debt.    Tweet:  Frost  yourself  and  your  walls  with  our  new  #sparkle  print.  Cue  @mcconaughey  and  @katehudson  #diamondsareforever    2.  Let  The  Adventure  Begin  Print  Product  Description:  Go  the  distance.  Take  some  advice  from  Hercules  and  begin  your  journey  today  with  this  Greek  inspired  poster.  Jumpstart  your  adventure  right  now  and  remind  yourself    to  go  further  every  single  day  with  this  poster  as  inspiration.    Why  We  Love  It:  It  reminds  us  to  live  every  day  as  an  adventure.  This  poster  helps  us  channel  our  inner  Greek  goddess  and  seize  the  day.  We  can  feel  girly  and  fierce  all  at  once.  Is  anyone  else  dreaming  of  Santorini  or  is  it  just  us?    Tweet:  #hercules  went  the  distance,  now  it’s  your  turn.  Go  from  zero  to  hero  with  our  new  Greco-­‐chic  poster  #adventure  #greekandchic        3.  C'est  La  Vie  Print  Product  Description:  Say  you  do,  say  you  don’t.  Remember  that  B*Witched  song  from  1998?  We  do.  Let  this  poster  bring  you  back  to  the  90’s  or  be  your  passport  to  Paris  (MK  &  Ashley  style)  with  its  chic  and  simplistic  design.  Feel  super  French  and  at  ease  living  by  this  mantra.    Why  We  Love  It:  This  print  subconsciously  makes  us  crave  French  fries…  

 

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We  get  to  channel  our  inner  Coco  Chanel  with  this  French-­‐inspired  print.  We  can  taste  the  macarons  in  the  subtext  of  this  poster.    Tweet:  Bonjour,  bonjour,  bonjour,  #ohmygod.  #passporttoparis  with  our  new  #cestlavie  print  @immkolsen  @ashley_olsen  this  one’s  for  you    4.  Hamsa  Print  Product  Description:  Talk  to  the  hand.  Flower  power  meets  the  Middle  East  in  this  intricately  designed  poster.  Feel  spiritual  and  stylish  with  a  constant  high  five  chillin’  on  your  wall  encourage  you  to  study  hard,  play  harder  and  move  forward  every  step  of  the  way.  This  black  and  white  print  will  obviously  match  your  room,  so  what  are  you  waiting  for?    Why  We  Love  It:  It  matches  our  Hamsa  pillow,  duh.  We  can  feel  spiritual  and  groovy  simultaneously.  It  always  gives  us  a  friendly  and  chill  hello  as  we  enter  our  room.    Tweet:  Throw  your  #hamsa  in  the  air  if  youz  a  true  player  #hamsaprint  #peaceinthemiddleeast  #stopinthenameoflove    5.  Get  Started  Print  Product  Description:  Let’s  get  it  started  in  ha.  Fergalicious  yet  practical,  this  quote  will  do  wonders  for  your  dorm  room’s  feng  shui.  Stop  procrastinating  and  start  living  with  this  poster  above  your  desk  and  its  inspiration  running  through  your  veins.  Someone’s  making  Dean’s  List  this  semester!      Why  We  Love  It:  We  get  dad’s  quotes  without  his  lectures.  It  feels  like  a  handwritten  note  from  the  quote  maker  himself,  Mark  Twain.  Katniss  Everdeen  didn’t  become  the  girl  on  fire  overnight  –  she  had  to  start  somewhere!    Tweet:  Mark  Twain  uplifts  us  while  channeling  his  inner  trendy  boy  @trendyproblems  #uplifting  #gottahavethisprint  #huckleberryfinnhasit    6.  Je  T'aime  Print  Product  Description:  Oh  la  la.  Single,  taken,  or  somewhere  in  between,  no  one’s  immune  to  some  extra  luv.  This  poster  is  the  ultimate  heartthrob  with  its  soft  and  girly  design.  Send  some  love  to  yourself  and  your  dorm  room  with  this  print  beating  tenderness  through  your  space.    Why  We  Love  It:  Paired  with  our  amore  poster  it  makes  us  feel  girly,  giddy  and  oh  so  Euro.  

 

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We  teleport  ourselves  to  the  Eiffel  Tower  and  fall  in  love  at  first  sight  with  this  pink  poster.  Pink,  chic,  French,  elegant,  and  simple.  Yes,  please.    Tweet:  You  may  adore  dior  but  nous  aimons  this  poster.  #getyours  #jetaime  #frenchfriesplease      7.  Future  Self  Print  Product  Description:  Neon  should  always  be  on.  On  your  wall,  that  is.  Look  to  the  future  with  a  pop  of  color  and  sleek  design  while  brightening  up  your  room  and  inspiring  all  those  around  you.      Why  We  Love  It:  Lime  green  and  uplifting?  ‘Nuff  said.    The  neon  green  pumps  us  up  without  bringing  us  down.  This  reminds  us  that  Rome  wasn’t  built  in  a  day  –  and  if  you  work  hard  now,  you  too  can  perfect  the  ultimate  carbohydrate.    Tweet:  Channel  Marty  McFly  and  do  your  future  self  a  favor  by  getting  our  new  print  for  your  wall  before  time  runs  out  #timeless  #hindsightis2020      8.  Quit  That  Shit  Print  Product  Description:  Hit  it  and  quit  it.  Your  honey  bringing  you  down?  Abusing  your  meal  plan  and  paying  out  of  pocket?  Too.  Much.  Beer?  Time  to  buckle  down  and  pull  in  the  reins  with  this  self-­‐disciplining  poster.    Why  We  Love  It:  Sometimes  we  need  some  tough  love.  The  chalkboard  aspect  brings  us  back  to  Mrs.  Andrews’  tough  lovin’  5th  grade  classroom.  It  brings  our  middle  school  fantasies  to  life  –  cursing  in  cursive  on  the  chalkboard.    Tweet:  Hop  off  those  bad  habits  and  feel  rebellious  by  cursing  on  your  high  school  chalkboard.  #getthisprint  #quitdatshit  #hititandquitit    9.  New  York  Print  Product  Description:  What’s  black,  white,  and  (kinda)  red  all  over?  Not  the  NY  Times,  but  our  NY  print.  Channel  your  inner  Blair  Waldorf  or  Hannah  Horvath  and  bring  some  of  the  big  apple  right  to  your  college  dorm.  Hot  dogs  and  hot  pretzels  optional.      Why  We  Love  It:  The  combo  of  vintage  and  bright  color  makes  us  dream  of  yellow  taxis,  Central  Park  and  Bryan  Greenberg.  This  is  what  we  imagine  Lena  Dunham’s  NYC  to  look  like.  

 

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Hipster  NYC  is  the  place  to  be.    Tweet:  “You  are  from  New  York,  therefore  you  are  just  naturally  interesting”  @girls_hbo.  Order  our  #newyork  print  and  become  more  interesting  #boom    10.  Let's  Dance  Print  Product  Description:  Let’s  have  a  kiki.  Econ  exam  stressing  you  out?  Eff  that.  Hang  up  this  print,  hit  the  lights,  turn  on  the  Dormify  Spotify  channel  and  start  movin’  and  groovin’  your  troubles  away.  Take  a  second  and  ask  yourself,  “What  would  Beyonce  do?”  Dance,  that’s  what.    Why  We  Love  It:  The  neon  dots  and  marker  print  make  us  feel  young,  flirty  and  hipster  all  at  once.  1986  makes  a  comeback  with  these  technicolor  dots  while  maintaining  that  Macklemore  edge.  Any  excuse  to  hang  up  the  f-­‐bomb  is  a  success  story  for  us.      Tweet:  Leave  your  worries  behind  -­‐  bust  a  move  and  get  jiggy  on  the  danceflo’  #fuckit  #letsdance  #newprint  #jumponit    11.  Amore  Print  Product  Description:  When  the  moon  hits  your  eye  like  a  big  pizza  pie…  That’s  amore.  Take  this  worldly  print,  grab  some  Sicilian  pizza  and  pop  in  Romeo  &  Juliet  starring  Leo  and  Carrie  Mathison  to  feel  super  boot-­‐a-­‐licious  (get  it,  like  the  country’s  shape…).  Take  Kate  Hudson’s  advice  from  that  underrated  film  Nine  and,  “Be  Italian,”  with  this  poster.      Why  We  Love  It:  Paired  with  our  je  t’aime  print  it  makes  us  feel  girly,  giddy  and  oh  so  Euro.  Who  can  refuse  Italian  love?  Michael  Corleone  would  def  approve.  So  would  Joey  Fatone…      Tweet:  Boil  some  pasta  and  pop  in  the  Godfather  because  shit’s  about  to  get  Italian  in  here  #amore  #newprint  #areyoutalkingtome    12.  Count  Me  In  Print  Product  Description:  Can  you  count  me  in?  No,  not  to  Colbie  Caillat’s  “Bubbly,”  but  to  whatever  you’re  doing  tonight.  Don’t  be  lame.  This  poster  will  motivate  you  to  get  out  of  bed,  brush  your  hair,  wear  anything  besides  yoga  pants  and  avoid  all  FOMO.  Be  social  and  count  yourself  in.  Your  tagged  pics  will  thank  you.      Why  We  Love  It:  

 

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This  poster  helps  us  avoid  severe  FOMO.  Its  black  and  white  simplicity  tells  us  how  it  is  and  rolls  us  outta  bed.  Our  social  life  has  greatly  improved  since  hanging  this  up.      Tweet:  Just  say  yes.  To  our  new  poster.  You’ll  thank  us.  So  will  your  friends.  #getitgirl  Count  yourself  in,  we’d  never  count  you  out  #newposter  #motivate      13.  Hell  Yes  Print  Product  Description:  Heck  yes,  he  did.  Napoleon  Dynamite  upgraded  from  heck  to  hell  in  our  new  print  and  everyone’s  talking  about  it.  Vote  for  Pedro?  Hell  yes.  Party  Saturday  night?  Hell  yes.  Cut  class?  Hell.  Yes.  Start  living  it  up  with  this  classic  mantra  and  pop  of  color  on  your  wall.    Why  We  Love  It:  The  white  background  and  contrasted  color  makes  us  focus  on  the  main  message  of  the  poster.  No  may  mean  no,  but  yes  most  definitely  means  HELL  YES!  Saying  yes  to  more  has  improved  everything  in  our  life,  including  our  wall’s  mood.    Tweet:  Heck  yes,  @napoleondynamite  did.  And  so  did  we.  #newprint  #hellyes  Hell  no  we  won’t  go,  but  hell  yes  this  print  will  stay  #hangitup  #sayyes  #startliving    14.  Sketch  Crown  Print  Product  Description:  Let  them  eat  cake.  We  may  never  be  royals  but  you  can  feel  like  Queen  Bee  with  this  simplistic  yet  classic  black  and  white  poster.  Unleash  your  inner  princess  and  rule  over  all  with  this  detailed  sketch  above  your  bed.  Bow  down,  bitches.      Why  We  Love  It:  It  makes  for  a  great  photo  op  when  we  pose  in  front  of  it.  We  can  relive  our  middle  school  Juicy  phase  without  wearing  our  bubblegum  pink  velour  jumpsuit.  We  wear  it  so  much  better  than  Kate  Middleton.      Tweet:  Call  me  Queen  Bey.  #punintended  #lorde  #beyonce  #thisprintthough  There’s  a  new  dorm  queen  in  town.  #letthemeatcake  #youcancallmequeenbee    15.  Sketch  Skull  Print  Product  Description:  Dead  men  tell  no  tales.  And  neither  do  blank  walls.  Dress  yours  up  with  this  edgy,  chic  and  fashion-­‐forward  skull.  Alexander  McQueen  would  totes  approve,  as  would  your  goth  roommate.  Everyone  wins.  

 

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   Why  We  Love  It:  The  sketch  feels  vintage  yet  modern  on  its  stark  white  background.  We  can  feel  Jack  Sparrow  in  our  room.  Yo  ho  yo  ho,  the  pirate’s  life’s  for  us.    Tweet:  All  aboard,  mateys.  #piratesofthecaribbean  #skullchic  #deadmentellnotales    16.  Sketch  Feather  Print  Product  Description:  Birds  of  a  feather…  look  great  on  this  print.  Feel  like  a  hippie,  Native  American  or  peacock  with  this  lone  feather  floating  on  your  wall.  Black,  white,  sketched  and  fab,  this  lone  feather  can  bring  loads  of  style  to  your  space.      Why  We  Love  It:  We  feel  kinda  highbrow  analyzing  the  deeper  meaning  of  this  piece  of  artwork.  #TheMet  Tiger  Lily  would  totes  approve  of  this.  When  we  threw  some  glitter  on  this  it  felt  super  Ke$ha-­‐esque…even  though  she  dropped  the  dollar  sign.      Tweet:  Go  ahead  shake  ya  tailfeather  #featherprint  @nelly_mo  @xtina  you  like?    17.  Sketch  Butterflies  Print  Product  Description:  Is  butter  a  carb?  10  years  later  we  still  don’t  know.  But  what  we  do  know  is  carb  or  carbless,  if  you  throw  some  wings  on  churned  dairy  you  get  a  beautiful  print  like  this  one.  Watch  your  room  transform  from  a  boring  caterpillar  to  a  big  bold  butterfly  with  this  pretty  poster.      Why  We  Love  It:  Crazy  Town’s  1990’s  hit  beats  through  our  walls  every  time  we  glance  at  this  simple  yet  sophisticated  print.  We  can  achieve  the  butterfly  effect  without  all  the  scary  consequences.  Cue  Ashton,  please.  The  lyrics  to  Kelly  Clarkson’s  “Breakaway”  come  to  mind.      Tweet:  Come  my  lady  come  come  my  lady,  you  ma  butterfly  #newprint  #checkitout  #flytomyroom    18.  With  Love  Print  Product  Description:  Xoxo,  Gossip  Girl.  Even  the  infamous  GG  signed  all  her  posts  with  hugs  and  kisses,  and  you  should  too.  Channel  that  affection  into  every  step  you  take  and  every  move  you  make.  Let  this  poster  inspire  acts  of  kindness  and  extra  lovingness  into  all  parts  of  your  day.    

 

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Why  We  Love  It:  The  hearts  in  the  background  are  absolutely  precious.  Sometimes  we  need  a  reminder  to  send  some  love  into  the  stratosphere.  We  were  taught  to  do  onto  others  as  others  would  do  onto  you,  and  obvs  we  love  some  extra  lovin’.  This  should  literally  be  a  Beatles  lyric.    Tweet:  All  my  lovin’.  Love,  love  me  do.  All  you  need  is  love.  Those  Brits  were  onto  something.  #soarewe    19.  Empire  State  Print  Product  Description:  Cue  Alicia  and  Jay-­Z.  Sleek,  chic  and  not  gender  specific.  this  poster  is  the  shit.  Watch  as  the  lines  mesmerize  your  eyes  and  your  soul,  putting  you  in  that  empire  state  of  mind.  Add  some  swag  to  your  poster  game  and  grab  this  before  it’s  gone.      Why  We  Love  It:  This  makes  the  perfect  gift  for  our  best  guy’s  wall.  Our  walls  drip  in  swag  and  effortless  NYC  style.  Any  excuse  for  Jay-­‐Z  to  hang  out  in  our  space  is  okay  by  us.    Tweet:  Concrete  jungle  where  dreams  are  made  of  can  now  hang  on  your  wall  #empirestateofmind  #theshit  #letshearitfornewyork    SPOTIFY  AD    Version  1:  You’re  on  Spotify  so  you’re  either  studying,  making-­‐out,  pregaming,  procrastinating  or  all  the  above.  Proactively  procrastinate  with  Dormify.com  –  your  one-­‐stop  spot  for  all  things  dorm  room  chic.  Style  your  space,  shop  the  trends,  and  be  the  talk  of  campus  with  Dormify.com  –  the  trendy  girl’s  secret.    Version  2:  Take  a  one-­‐minute  Beyonce  break  and  fall  drunk  in  love  with  Dormify.com  -­‐  your  one-­‐stop  spot  to  designing  your  ultimate  dorm  room.  Make-­‐over  your  room  with  fashion-­‐forward  décor  that  will  transform  your  college  space.  Go  from  drab  to  fab  at  Dormify.com  –  the  trendy  girl’s  secret.    120  Scrollable  Text:  Give  your  dorm  room  a  make-­‐over  and  create  a  window  to  the  wall  party  of  fashionable  decor.  Check  out  Dormify.com  –  the  trendy  girl’s  secret.  

 

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SHOWER  CURTAINS    Bloom  Shower  Curtain  Lucy  in  the  sky  with…  flowers!  These  psychedelic  daisies  will  start  your  day  off  right  and  bring  extra  color  to  your  shower  space.  Keep  water  out  but  good  vibes  in  with  this  eco-­‐friendly  waterproof  curtain.  12  rust  proof  grommets  included.  No  liner  required.    Why  We  Love  It:  The  bright  colors  wake  us  up  and  start  off  our  day  with  only  good  vibes.  If  we  look  in  the  mirror  it  looks  like  we’re  wearing  a  dress  full  of  flowers.  Floral  goes  edgy  but  fun  and  dresses  up  the  newest  apartment  hotspot:  our  shower.    Tweet:  Imagine  yourself  in  a  boat  on  a  river,  with  tangerine  trees  and  this  shower  curtain  #psychedelic  #showercurtain  #floralfab    Enzo  Shower  Curtain  All  aboard.  Hop  on  in  and  transform  your  shower  into  a  nautical  fantasy  with  this  water-­‐resistant  shower  curtain.  This  mesmerizing  pattern  will  take  you  away  to  dream  of  the  sea  and  gorgeous  navy  men  while  adding  some  horizontal  lines  to  your  bathroom.  Its  easy  care  and  12  rust  proof  grommets  will  flair  up  your  space  without  the  hassle.  Kick  up  the  style  even  more  by  pairing  it  with  our  navy  memory  foam  bath  mat.  Liner  suggested.    Why  We  Love  It:  We  get  lost  in  this  pattern  while  relaxing  in  our  bubble  bath.  We  sure  know  how  to  read  between  these  lines:  #naughtical  The  simplicity  of  this  curtain  dresses  up  our  shower  without  trying  too  hard.    Tweet:  Get  lost  in  this  new  shower  curtain  without  getting  lost  at  sea  #castaway  #whereswilson    Maxwell  Shower  Curtain  Take  your  top  off.  This  curtain  sure  did,  leaving  its  horizontal  print  only  the  bottom.  Its  100%  eco-­‐friendly  and  waterproof  design  will  put  a  nice  little  skirt  on  your  shower  while  leaving  its  top  frosted  yet  classy.  No  liner  required.    Why  We  Love  It:  Our  shower  can  go  topless  without  revealing  too  much.  It  maintains  a  pure  vibe  with  just  a  pop  of  contrast  in  our  bathroom.  A  little  red,  a  little  silver,  a  little  black  and  white  –  perfection.    Tweet:  Channel  your  inner  @alfredhitchock  and  let  your  bathroom  go  #vertigo  up  in  here  #showercurtain      

 

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Damask  Shower  Curtain  Da-­mask  the  bore.  Mask  up  your  boring  white  shower  with  this  royal,  chic  and  French-­‐inspired  damask  curtain.  The  durable,  soft,  woven  fabric  keeps  your  bathroom  luxurious  and  serene  with  12  rust  proof  grommets  and  machine  washable  care.  Although  we  suggest  a  liner,  one  is  not  required  to  fully  water-­‐proof  your  newly  fashionable  bathroom.  Liner  suggested.    Why  We  Love  It:  We  heard  Louis  XIV  had  the  same  curtain  in  his  shower  at  Versailles.  It’s  the  perfect  match  of  royal  and  modern.  This  print  seriously  upgrades  our  shower  from  gross  dorm  room  to  French  and  fabulous.    Tweet:  @louisxiv  thanks  for  this  damask  shower  curtain  suggestion  #butseriously  #versailles  #royalty    Trellis  Shower  Curtain  Whimsify  me,  cap’n.  Transport  yourself  from  stinky  dorm  shower  to  an  open,  sunny  field.  This  subtle  color  and  whimsical  print  will  make  you  feel  relaxed  and  zen  in  your  shower  space.  Machine  washable,  durable,  and  calming,  this  curtain  comes  with  12  reinforced  button  holes  for  easy  assembly.  Check  out  our  Bird  Bath  Shower  Rings  to  complete  this  earthy  look.  Liner  suggested.    Why  We  Love  It:  We  can  get  lost  in  the  intricate  print.  This  helps  us  relax  after  a  long  day  of  hangovers  and  homework.  We  turn  up  the  bubbles  and  chill  out  with  this  chill  print.    Tweet:  X’s  mark  the  spot  of  our  new  earthy  shower  curtain  #whimsy  #chill    Medallion  Shower  Curtain  Medallions  for  days.  This  tribal-­‐inspired  printed  curtain  encompasses  a  simple  color  scheme  yet  complex  design  to  funk  up  your  shower  space.  Pop  our  Rollerz  Shower  Curtain  Hooks  through  its  12  reinforced  button  holes  and  watch  your  bathroom  go  from  drab  to  fab.  Liner  suggested.      Why  We  Love  It:  We  love  its  intricate  print  paired  with  simple  colors.  It  feels  tribal  yet  nautical  at  the  same  time.    These  medallions  award  our  shower  first  place  in  the  dorm  race.    Tweet:  Where’s  @richardparker  because  we  definitely  are  lost  at  sea  #showercurtain  #lifeofpi  #printed    

 

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Brooke  Hamroff  Exposition  -­‐  Pippin  Essay  2:  Artifact  Due:  3/6/14    

Kale  

Kale.  What  the  fuck  is  kale.  It’s  some  sort  of  “superfood”  bull  shit  that  some  random  

person  decided  to  market  as  the  food  to  eat.  First  it  was  heirloom  tomatoes,  then  Brussels  

sprouts,  eventually  quinoa,  and  now  kale.  I  don’t  know  what  it  is  about  this  food  that  has  

the  whole  world  buzzing.  It  doesn’t  taste  good.  Oh,  you  like  kale?  You’re  full  of  shit.  Liking  

what  Wikipedia  says  kale  does  for  you  and  actually  liking  what  kale  tastes  like  are  two  

completely  different  things.  Kale  is  not  delicious.  

There  has  been  this  obnoxious  shift  towards  this  ambiguous  food  group  popularly  

named  “superfood.”  No  one  knows  what  it  means.  The  Aztecs  or  Mayans  have  been  eating  

this  crap  for  years  –  okay  cool.  Why  do  I  have  to?  There  is  nothing  appealing  to  me  about  

kale.  It’s  a  green,  leafy  vegetable  –  my  two  least  favorite  attributes  in  food.  I  usually  go  for  

processed  and  beige  –  clearly  full  of  chemicals  rather  than  nutrients.  So  what’s  up  with  the  

pressure  these  days  to  munch  on  foods  high  in  omega-­‐3s  and  vitamins?  I  feel  like  a  

complete  outcast  when  I  voice  my  opinion  on  foods  –  such  as  tofu  and  kale  –  to  the  point  

that  I  have  to  lie  about  it.  I  actually  texted  out  a  picture  of  a  quinoa,  tofu  and  kale  stir  fry  I  

forced  myself  to  make  one  day.  The  result?  “OMG  that  looks  amazing!,”  “i  want  ur  leftovers  

thx,”  “#healthy,”  along  with  a  few  other  similarly  vague  messages.  

What  does  kale  represent  in  2014?  So  much.  First  off,  if  you’re  trying  to  be  skinny  and  

look  good  on  social  media,  kale  should  definitely  be  in  your  diet.  Like,  how  do  you  think  those  

celebrities  look  thin  on  the  red  carpet?  Kale,  obviously.  Because  what  else  would  help  you  shed  

those  pounds?  Disgusting  leaves  from  the  earth  in  their  rarest  form.  Duh.  It’s  truly  absurd  to  

 

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me.  I  think  the  only  way  kale  would  be  somewhat  appealing  is  if  it  was  deep  fried  four  

times  and  smothered  in  buffalo  sauce.  Now  that’s  a  superfood.  

Kale  represents  our  culture’s  obsession  with  staying  in  shape.  I’ve  personally  

noticed  a  shift  in  our  society  from  an  emphasis  on  being  thin  to  an  emphasis  on  being  

healthy.  Healthy  meaning  in  shape  through  exercise,  healthful  foods  –  that  are  also  gourmet  

–  and  treating  your  body  like  a  temple  (aka  yoga  and  shit).  In  middle  school  I  remember  

flipping  through  magazines  and  seeing  almost  skeletal  humans  smiling  back  at  me  from  the  

glossy  pages.  I  wanted  to  be  just  like  these  women.  I’m  not  sure  if  it’s  due  to  puberty  and  an  

overall  sense  of  self-­‐consciousness  or  an  indication  of  the  times,  but  it  directly  conflicts  

today’s  representation  in  the  media.    

Popular  bodies  in  the  media  have  gone  from  six  foot  whatever  and  105  pounds  to  

five  foot  average  and  at  least  125  pounds.  Growing  up  I  never  would  have  seen  a  Kim  

Kardashian-­‐esque  body  on  the  cover  of  any  magazine,  and  now  she’s  the  body  that  men  

find  sexy  and  women  find  inspirational.  She  has  big  boobs,  a  huge  ass,  and  curves.  She’s  

sexy.  Compare  her  to  Twiggy  in  the  1960’s  –  rail  thin  and  flat  with  a  boyish-­‐like  figure.  It’s  

considered  sexy  to  have  a  bubble  butt  –  there  are  even  songs  about  it.  It’s  nice  to  have  

boobs.  Hips  and  curves  are  desirable.  Women  want  these  bodies  –  they’re  sick  of  starving  in  

hopes  of  fitting  into  a  double-­‐zero  dress  size.  Time’s  they  are  a-­‐changin’.  

As  a  result  of  body  image  shifts,  popular  diet  has  changed  as  well.  Kale.  Tofu.  Quinoa.  

Chia.  Juiced  vegetables.  Ginger  root.  Flax  seed.  What.  These  ancient  foods  are  replacing  the  

typical  American  diet  staples  like  Twinkies,  Wonder  bread  and  fried  chicken.  A  typical  

refrigerator  at  WashU,  for  example,  would  probably  have  a  handle  of  vodka,  coconut  water,  

kale,  Brussels  sprouts,  tofu  and  maybe  beer.  What’s  happening  to  the  world  of  college  with  

 

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fridges  full  of  regular  Budweiser,  frozen  chicken  fingers  and  Hot  Pockets?  Like  I  said,  times  

are  changing.  Marathons  are  becoming  the  new  5K  and  don’t  even  get  me  started  on  half  

marathons.  Everyone  who’s  anyone  has  run  the  easy  breezy  13.1  miles  on  a  Sunday  

morning.  I  feel  part  of  the  American  obesity  epidemic  by  not  having  run  one.    

Athletic  gear  has  become  part  of  the  usual  wardrobe  –  leggings,  yoga  pants,  quarter  

zips  with  thumbholes,  sneakers.  I  can’t  walk  around  campus  without  spotting  someone  in  

gym  clothes.  It’s  acceptable  to  walk  around  in  sweaty  or  soon-­‐to-­‐be-­‐sweaty  apparel,  

something  that  my  grandparents  still  can’t  understand.  

But  these  habits  all  stem  from  this  evolving  American  diet.  These  ancient  foods  that  

are  resurfacing  as  trendy,  healthy,  “it”  foods  are  part  of  this  move  towards  gourmet,  chic,  

good-­‐for-­‐you  meals.  Take  a  scroll  through  your  Instagram  feed.  You’ll  see  quinoa  and  kale  

mac  and  cheese,  broiled  Brussels  sprouts,  ginger  spinach  carrot  juice,  flax  seed  sugar  free  

brownies,  etc.  Take  a  glance  at  how  popular  these  photos  are.  A  hell  of  a  lot  more  than  the  

image  of  your  cute  baby  niece,  your  friends  at  a  bar  or  your  new  manicure.  Everyone  liking  

these  images  only  fuels  the  fire  for  the  healthy  food  fad.  How?  I  see  someone  with  76  likes  on  

an  image  of  cauliflower  crust  pizza.  Okay,  now  I’m  going  to  one-­up  them  with  my  chia  

pudding  decorated  by  fresh  cut  berries  and  organic  honey.  84  likes.  Hell  yeah.    

But  what  is  this  competition?  What  is  this  desire  to  like  images  of  food?  Are  we  a  

culture  of  food-­‐obsessed  people?  Do  we  actually  have  a  body  image  issue?  Do  we  all  have  

eating  disorders  that  culminate  through  society’s  acceptance  and  promotion  of  low-­‐calorie  

pure  food?  Hmm.  

There’s  an  entire  industry  devoted  to  promoting  gourmet  food  –  whether  it  be  low-­‐

cal,  high-­‐cal  or  medium-­‐cal.  Food  blogs  and  Instagram  accounts  pop  up  more  frequently  

 

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than  froyo  shops.  They  each  promote  different  restaurants,  delicacies,  food  groups,  etc.,  and  

people  are  eating  (in  more  ways  than  one)  this  stuff  up.  Food  blogs  seem  to  be  replacing  

fashion  and  lifestyle  blogs.  The  newest  trend  isn’t  pastel  colors  or  trench  coats,  but  rather  a  

newly  discovered  food  or  diet.  

Growing  up  I  learned  in  health  class  that  people  with  eating  disorders  had  an  

unhealthy  relationship  with  food.  I  can  vividly  remember  Ms.  Mueller  in  ninth  grade  health  

showing  us  a  video  about  an  anorexic  ballerina  who  had  an  obsession  with  talking  about  

food,  preparing  food,  engaging  with  food  –  but  never  eating  it.  Is  that  what  our  society  is  

coming  to?  We  stare  at  it  on  the  internet,  read  about  it,  talk  about  it,  share  it,  like  it,  try  to  

prepare  it  –  but  are  we  ever  actually  eating  it?  Are  we  a  society  of  anorexics?  Or  are  we  

binge  eaters?  

Think  about  that  100-­‐pound  girl  who  uploaded  a  picture  of  a  greasy,  cheesy  

hamburger  topped  with  a  fried  egg  and  sriracha.  Or  the  foodie  guy  who  instagrams  pictures  

of  his  chorizo  taco  smothered  in  cheese,  sour  cream  and  guacamole?  It’s  not  as  black  and  

white  as  I’m  making  it  out  to  be.  People  are  uploading  images  of  their  homemade  kale  chips  

on  the  side  of  their  dark,  leafy  salad,  but  also  people  are  thinking,  “Fuck  it,”  and  uploading  

their  parmesan  truffle  fries  on  the  side  of  a  slab  of  ribs.    

Is  this  other  end  of  the  spectrum  –  fattening,  yet  gourmet1,  foods  –  an  indication  of  

our  society,  or  just  an  opposition  to  those  obnoxious,  wannabe-­‐skinny  bitches  bragging  

about  their  200-­‐calorie  dinner?  It’s  unclear.  These  absurdly  caloric  meals  with  captions  

such  as  “there  goes  my  diet,”  “work  hard  play  hard,”  and,  “#fat”  raise  some  questions.  Are  

these  people  making  fun  of  those  health  aware  kale-­‐lovers  or  do  they  just  not  give  a  shit  

                                                                                                               1  Gourmet  meaning  fresh  ingredients  and  beautiful  plating.    

 

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and  are  eating  whatever  they  want?  Maybe  these  people  are  totally  comfortable  with  their  

bodies  and  represent  a  new  sector  of  society  –  positive  body  image  and  embrace  their  

curves  and  imperfections,  striving  to  have  that  voluptuous  Kimmy  K  figure.  But  then  again,  

are  they  just  showing  their  band  of  followers  their  deep  fried  butter-­‐smothered  meal  as  a  

way  to  cover  up  their  insecurities?    

Is  my  skepticism  of  their  positive  body  image  an  indicator  of  the  type  of  culture  we  

live  in?  One  that  wouldn’t  allow  someone  to  actually  love  him  or  herself?  Not  find  faults  in  

their  love  handles  or  cellulite?  Maybe  I’m  just  a  victim  of  society’s  pressure  to  have  an  

unhealthy  relationship  with  food.  I  don’t  know.  

Then  there  are  those  people  who  purposely  dismiss  these  new  healthy  food  trends,  

but  why?  Do  they  not  believe  in  healthy  eating?  Do  they  not  care  about  their  bodies?  Are  

they  naturally  fit?  Is  it  a  way  to  seem  cool?  There  are  a  large  number  of  people  who  say,  for  

example,  kale  is  gross  –  me  being  one  of  them  –  but  why?  Do  they  actually  think  it’s  gross  or  

are  they  just  doing  it  to  seem  cool?  Am  I  just  writing  about  this  as  a  way  to  seem  above  the  

healthy  food  trend?  So  people  think  I’m  naturally  small?  It’s  like  the  SATs  or  studying  for  an  

exam  –  people  always  underplayed  how  long  they  prepared  for  or  how  well  they  did.  I  don’t  

understand  why,  but  people  did  and  still  do.  

Maybe  people  want  to  underplay  how  hard  they  work  on  being  healthy.  I  always  

hated  those  Victoria’s  Secret  models  that  claimed  they  have  to  cut  out  fries  the  day  before  

the  Victoria’s  Secret  Fashion  Show.  Like,  no.  You  went  from  eating  four  raisins  a  day  to  one.  

You  are  not  a  normal  person  –  you  cannot  look  like  that  and  eat  anywhere  over  400  

calories  every  24  hours.  And  I  think  the  media,  such  as  Victoria’s  Secret  Angels,  contribute  

to  America’s  unhealthy  relationship  with  food  and  body  image.  Everyone  has  his  or  her  

 

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own  opinion  on  this  food  trend  –  for  it,  against  it,  secretly  part  of  it,  secretly  angry  about  it  –  

but  what  I’ve  realized  is  America’s  body  image  is  messed  up.  And  it  has  to  do  with  kale.  

I  might  be  making  absurd,  almost  unrealistic,  ties  between  kale,  food,  society  and  

our  culture.  I  have  completely  ignored  the  fact  that  these  organic  superfoods  are  pretty  

expensive  from  places  like  Whole  Foods  and  specialty  shops.  My  experience  with  social  

media  and  food  seems  to  limit  itself  to  the  middle  and  upper  class  who  can  afford  these  

gourmet  meals,  Whole  Foods  shopping  trips,  and  meals  at  expensive  restaurants.  This  link  

between  kale  and  body  image  that  I  argue  completely  ignores  people  in  our  society  who  are  

pleased  with  a  dollar  menu  meal  at  McDonald’s  or  any  food  that  someone  will  give  them  on  

the  street.  America  has  an  obesity  issue  and  a  hunger  issue,  but  do  we  also  have  a  body  

image  issue?  The  answer  is  unclear,  but  after  this  entire  paper,  I  think  I’d  rather  skip  the  

#whitegirlproblems  and  kale,  forget  the  bullshit  and  try  to  see  the  bigger  picture.