BEST WISHES...A STEVE

FALCONE FAIRYTALE

ACT I SCENE 1

(A young lass in Medieval garb broods in her chamber before her vanity --- a male actor

done up as a mirror.)

CLARA

I‟m Clara, the practical one. Eldest, alas. (sings and dances) Never has any fun (dances)

Always gets the chores done. Toiling into the sun. Got the sheep on the run. (stops, picks up

broom) Baah. Enough of this silliness. This is no festival. This is a work day. (sweeps)

Every day‟s a work day in Cob. That‟s our fair city, Cob. Can you believe it?

GLASS

You bet.

CLARA

Pay Glass no mind. (she primps) Nobody does.

GLASS

Not a bit.

CLARA

It‟s the next best thing to being alone.

GLASS

Next best?

CLARA

A diary that glints and shimmers.

GLASS

I am shiny.

CLARA

A dull reflection of oneself.

WISHES/ 2

GLASS

Takes one to show one.

CLARA

A soft spot to pour every heartache and longing…those simpering urges silly girls get… so

I‟m told.

GLASS

Goofy geese.

CLARA

What have such soppy notions to do with a practical girl (sings) a tactical girl (dances) with

wool on the loom, dirt for her broom, little time to brood in her room, in her dungeon of

gloom, crying over milk not yet spilt in her pail? Alone in her own weepy jail?

GLASS

Who ran off with her tart?

CLARA

In this heart-to-heart, I do the moaning, mister.

GLASS

You always do, dear.

CLARA

And there‟s no more to hear, nothing to fear with an answer so clear before me. (picks up

broom sweeps, sings) Work, work, work! Never, ever do we shirk. There‟s nowhere to go

and nothing to say, we just DO day-by-day. (sweeps GLASS around the room) That‟s the

only way, sweep those doldrums away, yay, hey hey! (sweeps herself to exhaustion on a

stool, lowers head, weeps)

GLASS

Yay, hey, hey.

WISHES / 3

CLARA

That all you got to say?

GLASS

Pretty much. (freezes)

CLARA

How weepy can one evening get? Sobbing into a mirror just gets a girl wet. Hopeless tears

splashed back on oneself. And I‟m still on the shelf. (tosses herself on the bed) By myself. In

my room. All alone. One more night to myself to simper and cry. To sigh and ask why?

Why? Why? Why, why, why, why, why, why, why? Always the same. No reply to the pain.

No one answers, alas. Not a peep from the GLASS. Oh, how I wish…

(A puff of smoke reveals a little man in a long robe sitting on a stool.)

FARNEY

Whatta ya want?

CLARA

Oh, dear.

FARNEY

Let‟s get it straight, toots. I ain‟t no honey, no bunny, no pal, no pet. This is business.

CLARA

I don‟t…

FARNEY

Sure ya do. Ya made a wish. I deliver.

CLARA

But I don‟t...

WISHES / 4

FARNEY

Yeah, ya do. (pause) They all do.

CLARA

(sings) I do, I do, I do I do I do. (sighs) But I don‟t know what.

FARNEY

(to GLASS) See what I gotta deal with?

CLARA

Are you speaking to my mirror?

FARNEY

Sorta. (pause) Y‟know, guy stuff. Banter? Mano a mano. (punches GLASS on arm, GLASS

rubs it) Though we might be short a mano here.

GLASS

Hey!

FARNEY

He‟s gay, right?

GLASS

Am not.

FARNEY

Right.

CLARA

Who are you?

FARNEY

Name‟s Farney, Elf First Class, Union label all the way. (shows tag in robe)

WISHES / 5

CLARA

And you‟re here to see me?

FARNEY

Don‟t take this personal -- but this ain‟t personal -- if ya take my meaning.

CLARA

I wish I did.

FARNEY

Bingo.

GLASS

Shouldn‟t we see some ID?

(FARNEY fakes a punch & GLASS scampers away.)

CLARA

You‟ll make all my dreams come true!

FARNEY

More or less.

CLARA

Grant my every wish!

FARNEY

Just the one, toots.

CLARA

Don‟t you mean three?

FARNEY

Uno.

WISHES / 6

CLARA

Everybody gets three -- it‟s traditional.

FARNEY

Usta be.

CLARA

So?

FARNEY

We got us a situation here.

CLARA

Where?

FARNEY

There‟s three of youse, right? Ya got two sisters…

CLARA

Malicia…

GLASS

(dreamily) and Rose White.

CLARA

What have they got to do with this?

FARNEY

They made wishes, also.

CLARA

And?

WISHES / 7

FARNEY

Family Package, each sis gets a wish. It‟s our seasonal special.

CLARA

That‟s crazy!

FARNEY

Tell me about it. Hey, it‟s cheaper this way, a cost-cutter. Go figure.

CLARA

Can they do that?

GLASS

You‟ve some proof, I suppose.

FARNEY

Got the packing order right here; Kingdom of Cob, Practical Sister: one wish.

(FARNEY pulls a paper from his robe & GLASS looks it over.)

GLASS

Seems legit.

CLARA

One wish, one wish (sings) One wish to fill the dish, to make my life delish. A boy… a

ball…a fish? I don‟t know what to wish -- have you got a catalogue?

FARNEY

She always like this?

GLASS

Pretty much.

WISHES / 8

CLARA

(sits on bed) I simply must concentrate, clear my mind of fluff and focus. That‟s what Papa

always tells me. Course, Mama‟s much more useful at times like this. I get my practical

nature from her. She…

FARNEY

Much as I‟d love to chat, toots, (taps wristwatch) they got me on a tight schedule here. I got

other stops, if ya take my meaning.

CLARA

Malicia.

GLASS

(dreamily) Rose White.

FARNEY

Which kinda puts a time limit on your wish.

CLARA

What kind of time limit?

FARNEY

(checks watch) Five minutes.

CLARA

I wish I knew my own mind…that doesn‟t count, does it?

FARNEY

I can‟t make the wish for you.

CLARA

This isn‟t fair! I‟m the eldest sister, the practical one, unfit for lavish living, unused to

getting my way.

WISHES / 9

FARNEY

Yer a princess, ain‟t ya?

CLARA

I suppose so.

FARNEY

Yer old man the king?

CLARA

The dotty old dear does his best.

FARNEY

Yea or nay?

CLARA

Technically.

FARNEY

So yer royalty?

CLARA

After a fashion.

FARNEY

Bingo.

CLARA

You‟re trying to tell me something.

FARNEY

Just spitballin here.

WISHES/10

CLARA

(to GLASS) You speak his lingo?

GLASS & FARNEY

Hardly.

FARNEY

As a member of a royal household, yer entitled to a crown, am I right?

CLARA

By virtue…

FARNEY

Leave us not go there.

GLASS

Ouch!

FARNEY

(checks watch) Time‟s bout up.

CLARA

I‟ve never actually worn a crown. Ever.

FARNEY

There ya go.

GLASS

(begins to chant softly) Tiara, tiara, tiara.

CLARA

Would it have diamonds?

FARNEY

Bling‟s the thing these days.

WISHES / 11

GLASS

(chants) Tiara, tiara, tiara.

CLARA

Use my wish of a lifetime for jewelry?

FARNEY

Hey, it‟s all about the crown.

CLARA

Why not?

FARNEY

Deal. To make it official, repeat after me. (dull voice) I, Clara, the Practical One, daughter of

King Rupert and Queen Millicent of Cob, do hereby use my one and only wish to obtain a

stately crown.

GLASS

(chants) Tiara, tiara, tiara.

CLARA

It‟ll be a tiara, won‟t it?

FARNEY

If migraine machine over here pipes down.

(CLARA shoots GLASS a look. He stops chanting.)

CLARA

(sings & dances) I, Clara, the Practical One…

FARNEY

Close enough. (pulls crown from his robe) Knock yerself out.

WISHES / 12

(A puff of smoke & FARNEY‟S gone.)

CLARA

Was it a dream?

GLASS

Bout a thirty carat one.

CLARA

(puts on tiara, sings) A theme, a scheme, to make the whole world beam, a sparkling sight to

catch the light and wrap it in a dream.

(GLASS joins CLARA. They sing and dance.)

CLARA & GLASS

A theme to scheme and let the whole world beam, a sparkling sight to catch the light

and wrap it in a dream.

CLARA

(stops) Where?

GLASS

(stops) Where what?

CLARA

Where will I wear my „sparkling sight to catch the light‟? Here?

GLASS

„Here‟ here? What light might you catch in Drabsville?

CLARA

We don‟t even own a chandelier.

GLASS

Not here.

WISHES / 13

CLARA

Nowhere near.

GLASS

Oh, dear.

CLARA

I‟m all dressed up…

GLASS

...with no place to glow.

CLARA

No!

GLASS

No? No what? What no?

CLARA

No way I get a tiara and not a ball.

GLASS

Spoken like a princess.

CLARA

I need a scene to be seen.

GLASS

Somewhere fine to shine.

CLARA

Baby needs her glitter.

WISHES / 14

GLASS

Perfection‟s in the reflection.

CLARA

(sings) I shall go the source, the mouth of the horse.

GLASS

Of course, of course…who?

CLARA

Who loves me true, all the way, through and through? (points in mirror) Not you.

GLASS

Who me?

CLARA

Who you? Who me! (points at herself in mirror)

GLASS

I‟m a little bemused.

CLARA

Who loves me better than me?

GLASS

Confused.

CLARA

Better even than he or she?

GLASS

(sits) Okay, now I‟m woozy.

WISHES / 15

CLARA

Better than life?

GLASS

A husband? A wife?

CLARA

Close. The clue is in you.

GLASS

(head in hands) I may pass out.

CLARA

(grabs his hand) That is exactly what you‟re going to do.

GLASS

(pulls away) I‟ve never left the room.

CLARA

I‟ve never worn a crown. First time for everything.

GLASS

Tonight?

CLARA

A couple of dullards in search of the light. Mother and Father will make it right.

-- SCENE --

(Interlude music as CLARA and GLASS exit & move to royal chamber.)

WISHES / 16

ACT I SCENE 2

(Hand in hand, CLARA & GLASS enter the chamber of KING RUPERT & QUEEN

MILLICENT. The room is much like CLARA‟S, except there is a king-sized royal bed on

one side of the room, a throne on the other side. The QUEEN is on the throne knitting. The

king is in bed, snoozing.)

CLARA

(dragging GLASS) Mama! Mama! I‟ve wonderful news!

QUEEN MILLICENT

That‟s nice, dear.

CLARA

Where‟s father?

(On cue, a wondrous snore erupts from the royal person.)

QUEEN MILLICENT

Snoozing, of course, it‟s past his bedtime.

CLARA

(whispers) Beg pardon, Mama, I didn‟t realize.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Nonsense, my child, the hour is early. The nightingale‟s not yet sung. (looks sternly

offstage) I say, the nightingale‟s not yet sung.

(Sweet birdsong is heard offstage.)

QUEEN MILLICENT

And there‟s little need to whisper. Trumpets could not wake the man.

WISHES / 17

GLASS

Royal duties must be exhausting.

QUEEN MILLICENT

I dare say…have you brought your vanity, dear?

CLARA

A girl must always look her best.

QUEEN MILLICENT

I quite agree, child, we are pleased to see you taking care with your toilette.

GLASS

Did she call me a potty?

QUEEN MILLICENT

That tiara is new.

CLARA

It‟s my lifelong wish come true.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Don‟t believe I‟ve seen it before.

CLARA

Oh, mother, a little man -- well, elf, actually -- came to me in a puff of smoke and granted

me one wish (twirls) and here it is. Isn‟t it simply blinding?

QUEEN MILLICENT

Stunning, dear. Be sure to hide the bill from your father.

CLARA

Mu-ther! You‟re not listening.

WISHES / 18

QUEEN MILLICENT

Mother‟s always listening, love. Something about a little man…

CLARA

…an elf.

QUEEN MILLICENT

…in a plumed cloak…

CLARA

…a puff of smoke.

QUEEN MILLICENT

…granting your every wish.

CLARA

…just the one.

QUEEN MILLICENT

How lovely for you. There. (stands, holds up knitting) Come try this on, child.

CLARA

I want to have a ball, mother.

QUEEN MILLICENT

You don‟t know how it warms my heart to hear you speak that way. My practical one wants

to have fun. At last. What a simply charming idea! Slip into this frock and see what you

think.

(The dress is drab, a servant‟s garment, unfit for any ball. Reluctantly, CLARA styles it in

the mirror.)

GLASS

I won‟t be a party to this.

WISHES / 19

CLARA

Mu-ther, it just won‟t do.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Not as is, child, that much we knew. You don‟t have a figure that clothes simply drape upon.

Not like (CLARA & GLASS mouth it with her) Rose White. Yours is a…sturdy frame, a

hardy…

CLARA

One more word and I‟m back in my room.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Dearest, I‟ve never known you to be so sensitive.

CLARA

Oh yes. Let‟s send the practical one got back to her chores, while you and Rose White have

your ball. (flips tiara to GLASS)

QUEEN MILLICENT

(grabs tiara, puts it on CLARA‟S head) I am here for you in all ways, my child. If you do not

deem this frock suitable…

CLARA

It sucks.

QUEEN MILLICENT

I shall take that as a nay.

(GLASS turns thumbs down and gives raspberries.)

QUEEN MILLICENT

Clean your glass, dear, it‟s dripping. (CLARA does so) That‟s an end of the matter.

(QUEEN lowers her voice) You must have a new frock made for the ball. Simple as that.

WISHES / 20

(KING erupts in a ferocious snort and stirs.)

GLASS

You said trumpets couldn‟t wake him.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Money‟s another matter.

CLARA

There was no mention of money.

QUEEN MILLICENT

One sniff is all he needs. His spending sense is acute.

(RUPERT erupts again.)

GLASS

I take your word.

(KING RUPERT rises from his bed.)

KING RUPERT

Morning, love.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Tis evening, dear.

KING RUPERT

Are you sure?

(The nightingale is heard offstage.)

KING RUPERT

Right, as ever, love.

WISHES / 21

QUEEN MILLICENT

Did you sleep well?

KING RUPERT

I had a dream.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Oh dear.

KING RUPERT

A wonderful dream: I was hunting.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Now, dear.

KING RUPERT

Well, I was. A great goose came across the sky.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Goose is too fatty, you know that quite well.

KING RUPERT

Bow raised, I took aim in a state of great agitation. My hand shook, as did my quiver.

GLASS

Your quiver was aquiver, sire?

QUEEN MILLICENT

No more mead before bed, I‟m afraid.

KING RUPERT

I let fly…with a miss.

(Nightingale sound.)

WISHES / 22

GLASS

Bummer.

KING RUPERT

I lowered my bow in disappointment. Most disturbing.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Honestly, when will you learn? Warm goat‟s milk wards off such fancies.

KING RUPERT

A man likes to hunt, if only in his dreams.

CLARA

I‟m sorry to see you upset, father.

KING RUPERT

Clara, you look so…sparkly. (sniffs) Is something new?

CLARA

It‟s my tiara…

QUEEN MILLICENT

A gift! From an elf. Isn‟t it splendid?

KING RUPERT

Quite regal.

CLARA

Far too fancy for this old frock.

KING RUPERT

Lovely frock. (sniffs) Perfectly fine. (sniffs) What‟s wrong with it?

WISHES / 23

CLARA

Be serious, father, it‟s a rag -- not that mother doesn‟t do her best.

KING RUPERT

Indeed she does. (sniffs) Damned proud of mother‟s needlework.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Rupert!

KING RUPERT

Well, I am. She knit this nightshirt for me. (flashes his royal jammies with „KR‟ on the

chest)

GLASS

Jammin‟ jammies, majesty.

CLARA

They‟re, uh, lovely, father.

KING RUPERT

Course they are.

CLARA

But this (twirls) will never do for a ball.

KING RUPERT

(sniffs) Did she say a ball?

CLARA

(sings) A ball. A ball. A ball for one, and all. A big bouncy, swishy flouncy beautiful ball.

Which I‟ll be the belle of, having one helluva time in the hall.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Clara.

WISHES / 24

CLARA

Well, I will -- won‟t I, father?

KING RUPERT

(sniffing furiously) Now, dear, it‟s a lovely idea, I just don‟t know…

GLASS

His majesty dislikes balls?

QUEEN MILLICENT

Nonsense. A ball is a splendid idea. Just what the girls need to fetch some charming suitors

to the castle. High time, I‟d say.

KING RUPERT

For what?

QUEEN MILLICENT

To pull that sleepy head from the sand, my love. Your daughters are no longer little girls.

KING RUPERT

Course they are. (chucks CLARA‟S chin) Always be my clucky ducks.

CLARA

Daddy, your duckies are grown. (twirls, flaps arms) Ready to feather nests of their own. To

hatch a batch…

QUEEN MILLICENT

…that‟s enough bird droppings…for want of a better term.

(The nightingale chirps.)

QUEEN MILLICENT

Quite enough.

WISHES / 25

(The bird stops.)

CLARA

The ball isn‟t just for me, father.

QUEEN MILLICENT

It‟s for all of your daughters, dear.

KING RUPERT

All? (sniff)

CLARA

We each get a wish, a dream come true, one special something or other.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Courtesy of the elf, elves -- is it one elf or several, Clara?

CLARA

He said he was with the union.

KING RUPERT

Don‟t like the sound of that.

QUEEN MILLICENT

And each sister gets a splendid present…absolutely free!

KING RUPERT

Like the sound of that. The other girls gotten theirs yet?

QUEEN MILLICENT

I‟m sure I don‟t know, dear, but wouldn‟t they be here if they had?

CLARA

Parading in front of my mirror, showing off, as they do.

WISHES / 26

QUEEN MILLICENT

Clara, for shame, to speak of your sisters so.

CLARA

You know it‟s true, mother.

QUEEN MILLICENT

I know you‟re of royal blood and meant to behave as such.

CLARA

But…

QUEEN MILLICENT

Regal in every way.

CLARA

Yes, mother.

KING RUPERT

Heed your mother‟s counsel, child. Be ruled by her gentle wisdom. (sniffs) Now, the

question of a ball…

QUEEN MILLICENT

…is settled. Ten days hence, on the Feast of Saint Hedwig, before winter begins to blow.

Word shall be sent throughout the land bidding our best and brightest…

CLARA

(twirls)…and dreamiest.

QUEEN MILLICENT

…and dreamiest lords and ladies to partake of our warmth within.

KING RUPERT

Glad that‟s settled. If there‟s no further business…

WISHES / 27

QUEEN MILLICENT

Get some rest, dear. Shall I warm the goat‟s milk?

KING RUPERT

NO…no. Not necessary. (yawns) I‟m halfway to dreamland already. (lies down)

GLASS

Happy hunting, sire.

QUEEN MILLICENT

To business. We shall have the royal seamstress in to fit Clara for a brand new ball gown.

CLARA

(sings & dances) A gown all my own will be sown for the eve of all eves, the night of my

life, when -- who knows? -- I may meet the knight of my life to take me to wife.

GLASS

That‟s some gown.

CLARA

(sings) Crushed royal velvet in a lush fold to the ground, with a sash of -- gold, I think --

circling me round, as I waltz cross the hall, with a flash of my crown…

GLASS

She means tiara, but it doesn‟t rhyme.

QUEEN MILLICENT

You‟ll be a regal vision, all my daughters will, parading in their best plumage.

CLARA

So long as my feathers are brightest.

WISHES / 28

QUEEN MILLICENT

Now, Clara.

CLARA

I mean it, mother. You know Malicia. Her frock must always be finest, far back as our cradle

days. Why, her dolls would only wear silk!

GLASS

Oh, it‟s true, it‟s true. She‟d sit in front of me by the hour with those precious little

princesses…you were so jealous. (CLARA gives GLASS a glare) You were.

QUEEN MILLICENT

(chuckles) She was always particular.

CLARA

She‟s a clothes horse!

(GLASS preens around the chamber, neighing.)

QUEEN MILLICENT

I don‟t care for that term.

CLARA

(sings) I don‟t care what I wear…so long as its glare captivates the room, pierces the party

gloom -- possibly the groom? My gown must be brightest, shimmering through this night of

all nightests.

GLASS

Now she‟s just reaching.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Your gown will be radiant, dear…now what for Rose White to wear?

WISHES / 29

GLASS

Any old thing will do.

(CLARA glares at GLASS)

GLASS

Well, it‟s true.

CLARA

(sings, dances) She‟s so pretty…it‟s so shitty… (glare from MILLICENT)…her porcelain

skin is clearly a sin the way that it stays so pure. So wholesome and more…the shiny…

QUEEN MILLICENT

Unblemished.

GLASS

Resplendent, really.

(CLARA glares)

QUEEN MILLICENT & GLASS

Well, it is.

CLARA

Have you heard of these new pocket mirrors, mother, a girl simply carries about with her?

QUEEN MILLICENT

Really?

CLARA

No longer a need for these clumsy upright glasses always in one‟s way.

WISHES / 30

QUEEN MILLICENT

Sounds amazing.

CLARA

And so handy, I would imagine. (mimes putting mirror in pocket) PLOP. In it goes. No

muss, no fuss -- and NO back talk.

QUEEN MILLICENT

What will they think of next?

GLASS

Peasants uprising against royalty? (both glare at GLASS) What‟s that, Malicia, you‟ve need

of me? Duty calls, and your faithful servant answers. Ta.

CLARA

You‟ve never been in Malicia‟s room.

GLASS

Her glass shattered last eve. (GLASS shivers) Overuse.

CLARA

Poor dear.

GLASS

(sighs) I‟ll most likely be fine.

CLARA

I was thinking of the broken glass.

GLASS

As was I. (bows) Farewell, Majesty. (EXITS)

-- SCENE --

(Interlude music as GLASS stumbles to MALICIA‟S chamber.)

WISHES / 31

ACT II

SCENE 1

(MALICIA‟S chamber, a room remarkably like CLARA‟S but for the clothes: frocks here,

ribbons there, hats and scarves and shoes, shoes, shoes…everywhere! MALICIA stands

before a shattered mirror holding a dress up and sighing.)

GLASS

Bad luck.

MALICIA

Oh, I hope not! Is my coloring wrong?

GLASS

YOU seem to be fine. Your glass, alas…

MALICIA

A tragedy, is it not?

(GLASS touches a shard and sighs audibly.)

GLASS

Nothing less, m‟lady.

MALICIA

Now where shall I see myself? (moves around trying to see her dress in the shattered mirror,

happens upon her reflection in GLASS) Yes, yes. That‟s good. (spins) That‟s very good. I

like this image. (sings) So full of myself. Like a shelf I‟ve been put on and taken down from.

Same face, same name, same little girl game, (spins) a dolly all dressed for party time. For

cheese and wine. (looks at dress in mirror, tosses it aside) Not quite.

WISHES / 32

GLASS

The royal seamstress hastens this way to stitch you into heavenly splendor.

MALICIA

Says who? Whom?

GLASS

One of those two.

MALICIA

(in the mirror‟s face) Where‟d you get your info, slick?

GLASS

I have eyes.

MALICIA

And a nose -- (she takes hold of it) but not for long if I don‟t find the source of your sniffing

this instant.

GLASS

The Queen commands.

(MALCIA releases GLASS‟ nose. He whimpers and rubs it.)

MALICIA

So she does. (sings) Mommy will make it right. I shall have my heart‟s delight, a gown that

is new, and so fair that it matches my hair and shoes, shimmering gold, flashing blue,

declaring a princess through and through…doesn‟t that sound delightful?

GLASS

(curtsies) Yes, m‟lady.

MALICIA

I think so, too.

WISHES / 33

GLASS

(aside) It‟s the shoes.

MALICIA

Say again?

GLASS

A tickle, m‟lady. (coughs) Caught in the throat.

MALICIA

(catches him by the throat) Like this?

GLASS

Remarkably.

MALICIA

(sings) In this place, we speak face to face, loud and clear, for all to hear. Man to man, my

dear. (GLASS starts to respond, MALICIA shakes him) But only when spoken to.

You‟ve got that, haven‟t you? (GLASS nods) Now. Say again your remark about my attire. I

grant thee leave to speak. (shakes him again) NOW, you geek!

(The puff of smoke clears to a little man in a stylish purple robe, a conical hat,

large black horn rim glasses, and an enormous pair of scissors.)

MR. SNIPS

He said it‟s zee shoes.

MALICIA

(releases GLASS) Who the devil are you?

MR. SNIPS

Be nice. (snips scissors at her) Sugar and spice…what has mama taught you?

WISHES / 34

MALICIA

To be a princess…

GLASS

…through and through. (coughs)

MR. SNIPS

(adjusts glasses) I see, I see.

MALICIA

(in his face) Do you?

MR. SNIPS

(snip) Is she always zis disagreeable?

(GLASS coughs, doesn‟t speak.)

MALICIA

You must be her assistant.

MR. SNIPS

Pardon?

MALICIA

The Royal Seamstress, you must be her cutter.

MR. SNIPS

YOU must be high. Zat bag of rags couldn‟t carry my scissors. Not now, not ever.

MALICIA

Where is she?

MR. SNIPS

Detained by zee fashion police?

WISHES / 35

(GLASS smothers his laugh in a cough.)

MR. SNIPS

Him I like.

MALICIA

Who, I repeat, are you?

MR. SNIPS

(courtly bow) Monsieur Ciseaux…Mister, how you say, Scissors in your tongue.

(MALICIA & GLASS gasp.)

MALICIA

Mister…

GLASS

…Snips.

MR. SNIPS

(snip) C‟est moi.

MALICIA

No way.

MR. SNIPS

Mais oui…way.

GLASS

You‟re a legend, a whisper across the salon, a hint of color, a dash of fabric, a click of your

scissors…and beauty is born!

MR.SNIPS

You are too kind.

WISHES / 36

MALICIA

Mr. Snips is a myth.

MR. SNIPS

Sharp tongues have wagged zat way before. Never more than once, you may be sure. (snips

at the sash of her gown) Before you‟re reduced to rags - and I may already be too late - we

have beezness to attend.

MALICIA

I don‟t…

MR. SNIPS

And wouldn‟t, were it within my power. I have a contract, alas -- and you a weesh to make.

C‟est la vie. (snip)

MALICIA

A wish?

MR. SNIPS

Oui.

MALICIA

My every heart‟s desire?

MR. SNIPS

Oui oui.

MALICIA

All the joys and toys my hope chest can hold?

MR. SNIPS

Non.

MALICIA

Non?

WISHES / 37

MR. SNIPS

Joy, you may have in endless measure. Toys, one to a customer. Je regret. Company policy.

MALICIA

This have something to do with my sisters?

MR. SNIPS

Oui.

MALICIA

Those nasty bit…

GLASS

…bits of bitterness shatter more sharply than shards of glass. (looks at himself in mirror)

Where‟d that come from?

MALICIA

Such depths from one so shallow.

MR. SNIPS

Tres interessant.

MALICIA

If it‟s not about me…(stares hard at GLASS)…it‟s not interesting.

GLASS

So they say.

MALICIA

Who?

GLASS

They. Them. The others…does it really matter?

WISHES / 38

MR. SNIPS

Not in the slightest to moi. (snips at MALICIA‟s gown) To beezness. Time is fabric. There‟s

little to spare. (snips again)

MALICIA

And less and less dress to wear. (spins away from MR. SNIPS‟ clips) Would you leave me

in rags, four-eyes?

MR. SNIPS

A fate I would spare you, ma chere. (snips)

GLASS

(hands over eyes, fingers open) I can‟t look.

MALICIA

(clutching frock) This better be good.

MR. SNIPS

Your life ees a rag-bag, girl. Have you ever worn a dress zat made you happy? I mean

ecstatic? A frock in which you felt beautiful? Radiant? Glorious? Prettier than your sister?

MALICIA

Which one?

MR. SNIPS

Oh, I think we know which one.

GLASS & MALICIA & MR. SNIPS

Rose Red.

MALICIA

(spins & sings as MR. SNIPS spins after) A shade that has haunted me, hounded my youth.

That shadow so bright, shining at night, her skin with its glow so rosy and flush. She‟s

perpetual blush. The eternal blot on my complexion. Ruby red lips I‟d like to…

WISHES / 39

GLASS

Kiss?

MALICIA

(smacks her fist & sings) Smack on her apple pie smile, (smack) pop in her pearly white

choppers, (tug) tug at her raven tresses til all of the messes she‟s ever made can‟t compare.

(jab combo) Teeth, lips, and hair tumbling down from that tower of loveliness (hands over

head like prize fighter) to a puddle of pug ugly all over the common ground.

GLASS

(counts „her‟ out, holds up MALICIA‟S hand) Rose Red is dead! All hail the new beauty,

Princess Malicia!

MR. SNIPS

Not yet, my pet. (snips) But soon.

MALICIA

How soon?

MR. SNIPS

As soon as you make zee weesh.

MALICIA

For a frock?

MR. SNIPS

I accept your cry for help, mais, where oh where, to begin?

(MALICIA goes to closet and starts tossing frocks on the bed.)

MR. SNIPS

Oh, zees is just sad. Rags! Rags! Rags! (sighs) Not a moment to lose.

WISHES / 40

MALICIA

How do we choose?

MR. SNIPS

From zis sad lot? Don‟t make me laugh.

(MR. SNIPS laughs, stops. GLASS laughs, stops.)

MR. SNIPS

Zis toilette belongs in zee toilet.

MALICIA

We get the point already, Snips. So, where do we go from here?

MR. SNIPS

You needn‟t fear. My vision is clear.

MALICIA

(in his face) Listen to me, you little q...

(MR. SNIPS snips off the rest of her sash.)

MR. SNIPS

From zees rubble of rags. (snips) zis mountain of fluff, (snips) we shall fashion a garment to

blind zee eyes,(snips) dumb the tongue, (snips) and stop zee heart.

GLASS

Is that good?

MR. SNIPS

(attacks the frocks on the bed) C‟est magnifique!

WISHES / 41

[AUTHOR‟S NOTE: „The Dance of the Fabric‟ -- a mad pas de trois about the stage

with fabric thrown everywhere, scissors snipping, GLASS whirling, midst a sea of color -- is

suggested here.]

MALICIA

(dancing & fleeing) This is how you create?

GLASS

Never question genius.

MALICIA

Not with sharp objects. Running with scissors -- is that professional?

GLASS

Is it safe?

MR. SNIPS

Eet‟s fun! (snips a piece of MALICIA‟S frock)

MALICIA

It‟s mad!

GLASS

She meant…whimsical.

(MALICIA dashes behind the Japanese screen.)

MALICIA

I meant crazed and dangerous like this four-eyed, under-sized loon!

GLASS

No need to stoop…

MR. SNIPS

Was zat a height crack?

WISHES / 42

GLASS

Was that a glass crack?

MALICIA

Call in the guards!

GLASS

They never come. You shout all the time. They don‟t listen to you.

(MALICIA peeks out, gives him a look.)

GLASS

It‟s true.

MR. SNIPS

Ze world eez awash in drama queens. You have a weesh and I a contract. Come now and

embrace a dream.

(MALICIA appears in a radiant gown that dazzles and catches the lights.)

MALICIA

I feel…

GLASS

Adorable.

MR. SNIPS

Chic.

GLASS

Pretty.

MR. SNIPS

Charmant.

WISHES / 43

MALICIA

(sings) …FREE! This is me. Cut loose from the noose of fashion. Not longer the one

running after a little more dash…shoes that don‟t match…a shade that won‟t clash…

All my time spent assembling a look I‟m too spent to face when party time comes. I‟m left

numb.

MR. SNIPS

C‟est vrai.

GLASS

Too true.

MR. SNIPS

A very sad story.

GLASS

Dumb one, too.

(MALICIA shots GLASS a glare.)

MALICIA

(sings) That ain‟t me no more.

MR. SNIPS

Quelle grammar.

GLASS

(whispers) I think she‟s dead.

MALICIA

I‟ve opened the door to absolute fun. Just me in the lights (spins) passing golden nights with

no care for foolish accessories…or even the bare necessities.

WISHES / 44

MR. SNIPS

Did that rhyme?

GLASS

At one time.

MALICIA

Waltzing the magical night away in the arms of my prince (hugs herself and sways) in this

skin I live in. Everafter.

MR. SNIPS

Zee belle of zee ball.

GLASS

Fairest of all.

MR. SNIPS

C‟est fini for me, mes enfants. Au revoir.

(A snip of scissors, a puff of smoke, and SNIPS is history.)

GLASS

(bats at the smoke) Second-hand smoke, anyone?

MALICIA

How can I see me if you don‟t stop squirming?

GLASS

That a rhetorical question?

MALICIA

I need shoes, and gloves, and of course a bag…I lied about the accessories.

WISHES / 45

GLASS

I know.

MALICIA

These stitches will knock those other bitches (jab) right down to ugly town. POW!

GLASS

(sighs) Our little girl is growing up.

MALICIA

Mother, look at my pretty dress!

(Interlude music as MALICIA dashes off, GLASS trailing, to the royal chamber.)

WISHES / 46

ACT II SCENE 2

(MALICIA dashes to the royal chamber to present herself - and finds her mother admiring

CLARA‟S crown, as KING RUPERT royally snoozes. GLASS trails behind, clutching a

handful of glass.)

MALICIA

(spins) What say thee, m‟lady?

QUEEN MILLICENT

Glass, where have you been? No matter. You‟re here. Come give Clara a better look…are

those shards? You‟ve not shattered yourself?

(GLASS empties his hand with a tinkle.)

GLASS

Alas, m‟lady, tis another.

QUEEN MILLICENT

That‟s a relief. Last thing we need is a prickly floor, what with dancing lessons this

afternoon.

GLASS

Then might we grind him from dust (sprinkle, tinkle) to dust.

CLARA

Do stop being morbid and catch my glimmer.

MALICIA

(spins) Watching me sparkle‟s a better reflection - wouldn‟t you say so, mother?

QUEEN MILLICENT

How‟s that, Mal? My mind‟s…

WISHES / 47

MALICIA

(stamps foot) LOOK AT ME WHEN I‟M PREENING!

QUEEN MILLICENT

Has a princess missed her nap?

(RUPERT snorts and stirs.)

CLARA

She‟s gone and awakened father.

QUEEN MILLICENT

That was an early salvo.

CLARA

He hasn‟t started sniffing.

MALICIA

Wait‟ll he gets a whiff of this. (fans her skirt and spins)

QUEEN MILLICENT

(knits) That‟s a lovely gown, child - you haven‟t changed frocks just for dancing class, have

you?

MALICIA

Mr. Snips made it for me.

QUEEN MILLICENT

That‟s a fashion myth, dear.

MALICIA

He was sitting right here!

WISHES / 48

GLASS

It was pretty clear.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Where is he, then?

MALICIA

Gone in a puff of smoke.

CLARA

A wee man?

MALICIA

In a long cloak?

CLARA

Wearing no hat?

MALICIA

A wizard‟s cap and big black glasses?

CLARA

Don‟t remember that.

MALICIA

Spoke a lot of French.

CLARA

He was Greek to me.

MALICIA & CLARA

Not the same guy.

WISHES / 49

GLASS

Perhaps the same union?

(Sisters begin to circle each other like wrestlers.)

MALICIA

Beautiful crown.

CLARA

Incredible dress.

MALICIA

It suits my eyes.

CLARA

It favors me best.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Ladies.

MALICIA

I need a tiara!

CLARA

I must have a gown!

QUEEN MIILICENT

The Royal Seamstress…

CLARA

That cow couldn‟t sew troll‟s eyes.

QUEEN MILLICENT

(stops knitting) There, now I‟ve dropped a stitch.

WISHES / 50

CLARA

She might make you a first-rate crown.

MALICIA

Already got my eye on one.

(They move toward each other.)

QUEEN MILLICENT

ENOUGH!

(With a snort, RUPERT‟S up.)

KING RUPERT

Evening, my dears.

MALICIA

Try again, father, tis afternoon when the meadowlark sings. (pause) I said TIS

AFTERNOON… (hands on hips, stares)…WHEN THE MEADOWLARK

SINGS.

(Nothing. MILLICENT looks up from her knitting and the LARK is heard twittering.)

QUEEN MILLICENT

It takes time, child.

KING RUPERT

Have I had a nap then?

QUEEN MILLICENT

Very nearly, dear.

KING RUPERT

(stretches) Still groggy from the hunt, I expect. (ladies all groan) This was big game and

very taxing.

WISHES / 51

MALICIA

Your subjects will be thrilled.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Don‟t tease your father when he‟s dreaming.

MALICIA

When is he not?

KING RUPERT

True for you, my child. Tis endless business this search for the perfect bird. (sighs)

Wearying to the noblest hunter.

GLASS

Was it a big bird, sire?

QUEEN MILLICENT

A partridge?

MALICIA

A pheasant?

CLARA

A peacock?

(KING RUPERT stretches his hand and CLARA walks over to get her chin chucked.)

KING RUPERT

Duckie, Papa would never shoot such a pretty bird -- though his one had beauty, fierce as it

was.

MALICIA

Were you scared?

WISHES / 52

KING RUPERT

Its wings beat above me like clouds across the sun, a dark shadow of itself, I pursued even as

it plunged, talons bared at my throat, deep screeches sounding through me, the beak looming

larger and larger…

(GLASS leaps behind KING‟S bed.)

GLASS

Mommy, I‟m scared!

KING RUPERT

Bit daunting, to be sure - but I plucked myself up and returned to the fray. Drawing a breath

with my bow, I let fly a brave arrow, straight and true.

MALICIA

Brought him down, did it?

KING RUPERT

Ate it up, feathers and all. Swallowed it in a gulp and kept coming.

CLARA

Oh, oh.

KING RUPERT

I sensed the grimness before me. Shaft after shaft I loosed…to no avail. It kept coming.

Closer and closer. Larger and larger. Twas upon me (grabs his own throat), as I seized its

gullet and we grappled and tumbled, round and round, (tumbles on bed), not knowing the

hunter from the prey, the dancer from the dance.

MILLICENT & CLARA & MALICIA

What happened?

KING RUPERT

I awoke with a dry tickling in my mouth.

WISHES / 53

(GLASS appears from behind the bed with a pillow of bursting feathers.)

GLASS

Behold the foul creature.

QUEEN MILLICENT

RUPERT! Not again.

MALICIA

I‟d say he put up a fierce fight.

(GLASS brings the pillow to MILLICENT.)

QUEEN MILLICENT

I imagine it might be rewoven. (sighs & sews)

KING RUPERT

(sniffs) That‟s a bright frock your mother has made you.

QUEEN MILLICENT

A fabulous gift from Malicia‟s elf.

KING RUPERT

(sniffs) Same fella that hands out crowns?

MALICIA

Mr. Snips himself has fashioned this creation.

KING RUPERT

Makes dresses and crowns, does he then? (sniffs) Some kind of tiny tinker?

MALICIA

I DO NOT SHARE AN ELF WITH MY SISTER!

WISHES / 54

QUEEN MILLICENT

Have we taught these children nothing?

KING RUPERT

How many of these elves are there? And what the deuce are they up to?

QUEEN MILLICENT

They grant wishes and bestow lovely gifts on deserving princesses.

KING RUPERT

(sniffs) What kind of commerce is that? No trade? No barter? No tit for tat. (sniffs) You

should pardon the expression. (sniffs) Goods must be paid for, one way or another. We are

not living in some fairytale. What do these people want in return, I wonder.

MALICIA & CLARA

Just to see us happy.

KING RUPERT

(sniffs) That doesn‟t make any sense.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Beg pardon?

KING RUPERT

(sniffs) It‟s just not a workable system. No profit for labor? No wage for the earner? (sniffs

furiously) Smells a lot like…

(MILLICENT tosses the sewn pillow at RUPERT.)

QUEEN MILLICENT

…goat‟s milk, your majesty?

KING RUPERT

(falls back on it) Eyelids are soooo heavy. (snores)

WISHES / 55

(GLASS picks a feather from RUPERT‟S nose.)

GLASS

The king is plucked clean, majesty.

(RUPERT snorts.)

QUEEN MILLICENT

Chose your words wisely, Glass.

CLARA

Is my tiara still shiny?

MALICIA

I can‟t see myself!

CLARA & MALICIA

We NEED a clear reflection!

GLASS

Don‟t look at me. (the girls drag him by the arms center stage, they preen)

QUEEN MILLICENT

My daughters are radiant, if I do say so. What prince would not swoon at such beauty. All

we lack for a ball is…

GLASS & MALICIA & CLARA

Rose White.

MALICIA

Do we really, mother?

CLARA

She needn‟t know.

WISHES / 56

MALICIA

I‟d never tell her.

CLARA

Some things are best unsaid.

QUEEN MILLICENT

I quite agree.

CLARA

(sings) I just need you.

MALICIA

(sings) You just need me…I mean, I need you, too.

MALICIA & CLARA

(sings) But two is all we need. Agreed? (shake)

CLARA

(sings) Your frock has got to be a hit. Can‟t miss on such a dainty miss.

MALICIA

(sings) Your crown will clearly knock them down. You wear it with such pride.

CLARA

(sings, strides, princess-fashion) The trick is that you glide.

MALICIA

(sings) And take it all in stride.

MALICIA & CLARA

(sing) Without a thing to hide. Side by side by side.

MALICIA

That may be one side too many.

WISHES / 57

QUEEN MILLICENT

All of my daughters at a ball. One and ALL. A mother‟s fondest wish. Won‟t that be

wonderful?

MALICIA & CLARA & GLASS

Yes, mother.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Scurry now, Glass. Rose White has need of thee. Her glass has shattered, as well. What can

be the cause of such breakage?

(MALICIA & CLARA preen before GLASS)

MALICIA & CLARA

I‟m sure I don‟t know, mama.

QUEEN MILLICENT

Craftsmanship, it‟s not what it was.

(MALICIA & CLARA elbowing each other aside.)

MALICIA & CLARA

Too true, mama, too true.

(KING RUPERT snores and sniffs.)

QUEEN MILLICENT

Away, fond reflection, to our youngest one. Bath her in softest light.

MALICIA & CLARA & GLASS

Like she needs it.

(Interlude music as GLASS enters ROSE WHITE‟S chamber.)

WISHES / 58

ACT III

SCENE 1

(GLASS enters ROSE WHITE‟S chamber, a match for her sisters‟, minus any sign of

female fashion: no dresses, scarves, sashes, or bows…no shoes! Her garment is simple as

she peers down at her shattered reflection.)

ROSE

Poor glass to be shattered so. (sings) It should have been me. You were but a reflection of

vanity. (grabs GLASS and dances, sings) Me, me, me…is that all we can see? So lost in

ourselves there‟s no other?

GLASS

(huffing) Is this rhetorical?

ROSE

(poking GLASS‟S midsection) Is there no room for family: my sisters, my father, my

mother?

GLASS

That tickles.

ROSE

It pains me to see myself standing and staring my whole life at no other. When did I get so

selfish?

(GLASS quits dancing, flops on bed.)

GLASS

Wait, it gets better.

WISHES / 59

ROSE

At times, you can be so opaque.

GLASS

Thank you.

ROSE

Won‟t you please speak to me?

(GLASS turns away)

GLASS

I‟m just a reflection.

ROSE

Dear Glass…

GLASS

Shards of oneself.

ROSE

Glass…

GLASS (turns, sighs)

Damn those blue eyes, softly beseeching. What element could resist?

ROSE

Speak.

GLASS (rote)

Three wishes are granted, one to each sister, the bounty displayed at a

royal ball come St. Hedwig‟s Day by decree of the queen. Clara claims a tiara,

Malicia a gown, your turn…

WISHES / 60

(A puff and FARNEY‟S back.)

FARNEY

Is next. (to GLASS) Not bad, kid. Yer getting pithier.

GLASS

Not touching that one.

FARNEY

Like I said.

ROSE

Beg pardon?

FARNEY

Same deal.

ROSE

Beg…

FARNEY

Beg all ya want, sister, the deal is the same. One wish to a sister. Union rules.

GLASS

Xnay on the oonionay. He sniffs it in his sleep.

FARNEY

Fer a minute there, you wuz making sense. (looks at his watch) Anyhoo…

GLASS

We know, we know. Five minute time limit.

ROSE

Any wish I wish?

WISHES / 61

FARNEY

Geez…

GLASS

(jumps around) You said, you said! I heard you say it twice!

FARNEY

He on somethin?

ROSE

(whispers) Had a shattering experience.

FARNEY

Might wanta dial back his dosage.

GLASS

There is only one wish (prancing) but it‟s any wish you wish!

ROSE

Oh my.

GLASS

It‟s all you. Make it come true.

ROSE

I just don‟t know. Can it be so?

GLASS

Oh, it be so and so. (glares at FARNEY) Show us the packing order.

FARNEY

(sighs) Look…

WISHES / 62

GLASS

We‟d very much like to. The receipt, if you please.

FARNEY

Listen…

GLASS

Toss in a „Stop‟, and we got the cautions covered. The packing order, if you please.

(FARNEY pulls out packing order, hands it to GLASS.)

GLASS

(reads) Kingdom of Cob, Beautiful Sister: one wish. Right there, pen and parchment,

clear as day.

ROSE

Anything? (sings) However large (spins) or small?

FARNEY

Here we go.

GLASS

(spins) You can have it all!

FARNEY

Why not order up yer own castle?

GLASS

We can do that?

FARNEY

Got the whole room to yourself.

WISHES / 63

ROSE

(stops) All alone?

GLASS

On a throne?

FARNEY

The hell with them other schmucks!

GLASS

No one to bow down?

ROSE

Not a soul around?

FARNEY

Fairest of them all, guaranteed.

GLASS

If Clare won‟t be there, guess you get the crown.

FARNEY

Least he stopped saying tiara.

GLASS

And the gown (spins) will flow about you in soft radiance.

FARNEY

Lotsa room to dance.

GLASS

(in full flight) Without Malicia, you might get the chance.

ROSE

What‟s a ball without a prince?

WISHES / 64

FARNEY

See yerself from every angle. (points to GLASS) No shadows in the way.

GLASS

We try to avoid the glare.

FARNEY

There ya go.

ROSE

Dancing in an empty hall?

FARNEY

Now yer getting the picture.

ROSE

(spins, sings) All alone at the ball?

GLASS

(spins with her) I‟m with you every step of the way!

FARNEY

Don‟t get no better.

ROSE

(stops) It better.

GLASS

(stops, curtsies) M‟lady.

ROSE

Up!

WISHES / 65

(GLASS looks up.)

ROSE

Rise!

(GLASS stands.)

ROSE

Enough!

FARNEY

No such thing.

ROSE

Beg…what do you mean?

FARNEY

Enough is never enough fer you people.

ROSE

We people? Which people would that be?

FARNEY

Royals.

GLASS

(bows) The regal ‟we‟.

ROSE

There is no „we” in all alone.

FARNEY

Nobody to „nudge‟ off the throne.

WISHES / 66

(GLASS gives hip bump)

ROSE

I just want to have a ball.

FARNEY

Don‟t we all?

ROSE

(sings) A bright, shiny room full of love.

FARNEY

I don‟t follow.

(ROSE circles FARNEY as she sings.)

ROSE

A call from the heart. A place where we warm to each other.

FARNEY

Ya want a giant hearth?

ROSE

If we look to each other (dances up to GLASS) instead of ourselves for a change, perhaps we can

change, not just see strangers in the glass.(dances away)

FARNEY

(to GLASS) You gettin this?

GLASS

Not a bit. (dances joyfully)

WISHES / 67

ROSE

I want to hold hands and dance with my sisters!

FARNEY

She one a your tribe?

ROSE

Perhaps a prince or two.

FARNEY

And a buckle for your shiny shoe?

ROSE

No shoes, no hose…no more talk of clothes!

FARNEY

Ya got something else in mind?

ROSE

A room full of melodious tones as we dance hand in hand (grabs GLASS by the hands) round and

round til the sound overwhelms us with joy!

FARNEY

Ya want a big band.

ROSE

Lovely tunes, to be sure, (dances) but good spirits to move us across the floor!

FARNEY

I don‟t dispense spirits, nor stimulants of any kind. Union rules.

ROSE

(stops) Are you obtuse…or just thick?

WISHES / 68

GLASS

Could be a trick.

FARNEY

(shakes head) Ya lost me.

ROSE

I require no material gift, no manifestation of power or wealth. (sings) No crowns or gowns, no

bows or hose, no shiny outfit of any kind. I just want my sisters and I to love one another. I wish, I

wish, you don‟t know how much, for us all to be perfect princesses, thoughtful in all of our deeds.

Caring for each sister‟s needs. Loving in every way for the rest of our days!

FARNEY

You don‟t want much.

ROSE

Tis my fondest wish.

FARNEY

You wish.

ROSE

(spins) I do, I do I do!

GLASS

Catchy phrase.

FARNEY

Can‟t do it.

ROSE

(stops) Why not?

WISHES / 69

FARNEY

What you want I ain‟t got.

GLASS

Oh no!

ROSE

How so?

FARNEY

Lissen, sister, I think yer terrific, I truly do. (stops) I‟m talkin like you.

ROSE

I‟m listening.

FARNEY

Yer wish can‟t be made in no factory.

GLASS

I disagree. (both look at him) Keeping time with the rhyme.

ROSE

You said any wish that I wish.

FARNEY

Wish I could fulfill yer wish. (sighs) Never said that before.

(GLASS pulls out packing order.)

FARNEY

Ya kin stuff that right back where it was.

GLASS

This is a broken contract.

WISHES / 70

FARNEY

Sue me. (smiles) Said that before. Ask for a castle, a kingdom, a dragon, you got it! We pride

ourselves on our versatility. You want something we can‟t give. Nobody else can. (touches chest)

Comes from within. You already got what you wish for: love of yer fellow man and woman.

(glance at GLASS) OR anything in between.

ROSE

I got my wish?

FARNEY

Had it all along.

GLASS

(skips) We got it, we got it, we…had it? Wait a shyster second. (pulls out packing order)

ROSE

I see what he means. (sings) With love in my heart, this world is a most welcome place. A smile

upon every face that I face. Truly a beautiful realm.

GLASS

(pouts) Thought we were gonna make an entrance.

ROSE

(sings) The most radiant you‟ve ever seen. (spins around GLASS) All those frowns turned upside

down. Think of the sheen!

GLASS

Still say he owes us a wish.

ROSE

TISH.

WISHES / 71

GLASS

A term I‟m unfamiliar with.

ROSE

I‟ve gotten the greatest gift of all, a sense of who I am, and what to do. Tis I owe you.

FARNEY

Nah.

ROSE

I truly do. Because of you, I‟m bursting with love and ready to spread it all over the ball!

GLASS

Sounds messy.

FARNEY

Sister, yer one of a kind. Yer kind. Been a pleasure meetin you. (sticks hand out) Fact is, I‟d like to

shake yer hand…(pulls back)…but I can‟t.

GLASS & ROSE

Union rules.

FARNEY

But Elf First Class Farney‟ll always be at yer service.

(ROSE rushes to him, kisses his cheek)

FARNEY

At‟ll cost me back at the factory. (smiles) What the hell.

(A puff of smoke and FARNEY‟S gone.)

WISHES / 72

GLASS

I thought he‟d never leave.

(Trumpets sound.)

ROSE

Can the ball have already begun?

GLASS

Without us? They won‟t have fun.

ROSE

They‟ll rip each other to shiny shreds…(grabs GLASS‟S hand)…run, lazybones, run!

(Interlude music as ROSE & GLASS dash toward the royal chamber.)

WISHES / 73

ACT III

SCENE 2

(A waltz swells in the dark for a few strains, then lights up to CLARA and MALICIA dancing

with each other in the grand ballroom. They have the floor to themselves. Lights glint everywhere

and MILLICENT and RUPERT bestride their thrones, as the king nods and emits half-snorts.)

(MILLCENT coughs and RUPERT starts.)

MILLICENT

Really, Rupert, you might try giving your daughters a bit of attention.

RUPERT

Fully alert, my dear, wouldn‟t miss a moment of the festivities. Precious memories. (he nods)

(CLARA & MALICIA, radiant in tiara and gown, dance toward king and queen and

stop, as does the music.)

MALICIA

Where have all the princes gone?

CLARA

Gone? There‟s been no hint of a prince in our hall all eve.

MILLICENT

You needn‟t fret. The hour is early. The nightingale has yet to chirp her evensong.

(NIGHTINGALE begins to chirp…strangling sound…LARK twitters.)

WISHES/ 74

MALICIA

The hour may be early, but the men are all late.

(RUPERT snorts.)

CLARA

Save for Papa who‟s already come and gone.

MILLICENT

The less he sees, the better. So much finery upsets his system.

MALICIA

What about my system, mu-ther? Parading round plumed like a hen‟s not half the fun without a

cock to admire me.

(NIGHTINGALE starts…strangled sound.)

CLARA

To say nothing of waltzing one‟s sister round the great hall.

MALICIA

Both of us trying to lead.

CLARA

Not a pretty sight at all.

MALICIA

Somebody has to take charge.

CLARA

Who else could that be but you?

WISHES/ 75

MALICIA

I see we agree.

CLARA

Would you truly could see, sister mine…

(MILLICENT claps hands.)

MILLICENT

Girls, girls, girls. May I remind you that you are hosting a royal ball?

MALICIA

Well may you remind us…(looks around)…with few other signs of life to be found.

CLARA

(preens) Not even a faithful GLASS wherein we might admire ourselves (spins) and keep our

spirits aloft.

MALICIA

Where is our GLASS, come to that?

MALICIA & CLARA

Filling himself with ROSE WHITE‟S reflection?

MALICIA

(sings)While the princes all drool and flirt?

CLARA

(sings) Yapping like lap dogs around the girl‟s skirt.

MALICIA

(sings & dances) Yap, yap yap!

WISHES / 76

CLARA

Yip, yip, yip!

(MALICIA & CLARA circle.)

CLARA

Yip!

MALICIA

Yap!

CLARA

Yap!

MALICIA

Yip!

MALICIA & CLARA

Yippity, yappity, yip!

RUPERT

(snorts awake) Did I hear yapping while I was napping?

MILLICENT

Your daughters were playing, sire.

RUPERT

My little duckies acting like puppies?

CLARA

As a lark, father, to keep ourselves amused.

MALICIA

With little to charm or cheer us.

WISHES / 77

RUPERT

Dashing princes not yet arrived?

CLARA

Nary a one has dashed.

MALICIA

Let alone set foot in our hall.

CLARA

When the orchestra stops, one can hear the wind blow. A mournful wail like pain…

(Wind blows, RUPERT shivers.)

CLARA

…or death.

(A trumpet sounds, as does the ROYAL CRIER from offstage.)

ROYAL CRIER

From the warm west, Prince Lucas of Burk.

(A handsome young man in bright tights strides into the hall, flinging his

ermine robe over his shoulder as he comes.)

PRINCE LUCAS

Am I fashionably early? Or late? I seldom know the difference.

MILLICENT

Most timely, majesty. And most warmly welcome!

WISHES / 78

(The princesses curtsy.)

LUCAS

The warmth is in question. My majesty‟s yet to be determined. An older sibling stands the path.

Male, of course, a warrior to his roots. Laying siege to rich lands, as we speak. An errant arrow

could settle the question of lineage in a shot. Twould be a tragedy, of course. The price the brave

man so often pays. Alas, that has not been my curse. (laughs, eyes CLARA) Softer pursuits have

always stirred me.

RUPERT

And how is your father, good King…

MILLICENT

Lorenzo.

RUPERT

Every inch a king in might and manner. Age never seems to touch him.

LUCAS

He lies at death‟s door.

MILLICENT

(gasps) Your poor mother.

RUPERT

Queen…

MILLICENT

Connie.

RUPERT

Can that be right?

WISHES / 79

MILLICENT

She must be devastated! How‟s the poor dear bearing up?

LUCAS

Thrown herself into redoing the castle. Flutes and minarets everywhere. Reminds me of a sojourn

to Turkey…

(A nodding RUPERT revives.)

RUPERT

Turkey?

MILLICENT

The country, dear, not the bird.

RUPERT

Ah.

LUCAS

She‟s taking dance lessons. Seems rather besotted with the whole business.

MILLICENT

Marvelous! One is never too old to start.

LUCAS

A matter of opinion, majesty.

RUPERT

Indeed.

(MILLICENT glares at RUPERT who nods and snorts.)

WISHES / 80

LUCAS

She‟s got the whole kingdom gyrating to the…is it the La La? The Na Na?

(orchestra breaks into a Cha Cha.)

CLARA

(dances) Cha Cha, your highness. Tis all the rage…(hip grind)…in some parts.

LUCAS

Some sort of Latin thrusting and bumping.

MALICIA

(dances) Easily learned…(thrust and bump)…and thoroughly enjoyed, cha cha cha!

(music stops.)

LUCAS

Most unseemly, it seems, for regal affairs…speaking of which…

MILLICENT

Prince Lucas!

LUCAS

I only meant to imply that much of mother‟s „joy of dance‟ stems from Enrique, her teacher. Saucy

fellow, if you ask me.

MILLICENT

We didn‟t, actually, dear.

LUCAS

Quite, though one can tell at a glance this kingdom is in the hands of progressive rule. Nothing

stuffy or old-fashioned here.

WISHES / 81

RUPERT

Glance again.

LUCAS

Pardon?

RUPERT

Well may you ask. Not so quickly bestowed.

LUCAS

Not sure I follow.

RUPERT

Might try it a while - while you learn how to lead.

MILLICENT

Boys, boys!

RUPERT

Man and a boy, I‟d say, my dear. Think we know which is which.

MILLICENT

A most handsome and charming young man, I‟d say, who has come to dance with our daughters!

(MILLICENT claps hands and Cha Cha begins again as both princesses swirl about.)

LUCAS

How does a man dance to that?

MALICIA

(dances by) In the arms of an enchantress?

WISHES / 82

CLARA

(dances by) A charmer?

MALICIA

A siren?

CLARA

A goddess?

LUCAS

Take all of that and more to entice me into such back-breaking spasms.

MILLICENT

Perhaps if we had more suitable music.

LUCAS

Or partners.

(MILLICENT claps and the orchestra changes to the waltz, as ROSE WHITE enters,

dancing with GLASS.)

LUCAS

And who…or whom...might this creature be?

ROSE

The last princess arrived to the ball.

LUCAS

NOW I‟m enchanted.

(ROSE curtsies and LUCAS sweeps her into the waltz.)

WISHES / 83

MILLICENT

(frostily) This is our youngest, Rose White.

LUCAS

Saved the best for last, I should say.

(MALICIA claps and the orchestra switches back to the Cha Cha. LUCAS & ROSE stumble to

keep up, as MALICIA sweeps LUCAS away.)

MALICIA

Mere child‟s play.

LUCAS

(tripping) Quite.

MALICIA

The dance teaches itself.

LUCAS

Might explain why neither of us can lead.

MILLICENT

Really, child, the prince knows his own mind.

RUPERT

Would the rest of us did.

(MILLICENT claps and the orchestra reverts to the waltz, as LUCAS slips MALICIA and snatches

ROSE.)

MILLICENT

There‟s a man after my own heart.

WISHES / 84

MALICIA

I don‟t think so, mother.

MILLICENT

Old-fashioned and not ashamed of it.

LUCAS

Your parents are charming in their way.

ROSE

Which way would that be?

LUCAS

You know what I mean.

ROSE

Indeed I do not.

LUCAS

Come, come, pretty princess, tis all very well to play the maiden. Tis expected, becoming, but you

and I know both know better. This is the sticks, the backwoods, the boonies, where yokels rise and

fall with the chickens, a life circumscribed by a poultry alarm.

(ROOSTER crow starts, MILLICENT murderous glare, cock strangled.)

ROSE

An honest life, for all that.

LUCAS

Honestly, you don‟t yearn for something more?

ROSE

I once did…(spins away)…but no more.

WISHES / 85

LUCAS

(sings) The woman I take to wife shall know a much fuller life…bright lights, dazzling sights,

highest heights…a cosmopolitan kingdom!

ROSE

Sounds glitzy.

LUCAS

(grabbing her back) I knew you‟d be thrilled.

ROSE

(pulls away) Not the word I‟d have chosen.

LUCAS

(grabs her back) Never a fear in the future, dear. As Queen of Burk you need only smile and nod as

your sire does the talking.

ROSE

(pulls away) The only sire who speaks for me sits there nodding away, a finer man than you‟ve

ever dreamt of being.

LUCAS

Dreaming being the operative word. We set a slightly faster pace out west.

(CLARA cues the orchestra to Cha Cha and swings into LUCAS‟ arms.)

CLARA

I adore a fast pace, handsome prince, cha cha cha!

LUCAS

Which one are you?

CLARA

The girl of your dreams?

WISHES / 86

(MALICIA pushes CLARA aside and sweeps into LUCAS‟ arms.)

MALICIA

Dream on.

(CLARA recaptures the prince.)

CLARA

And on and on. Nothing stands in the way of our love.

(MALICIA takes the prince.)

MALICIA

I do.

(CLARA reclaims LUCAS)

CLARA

Guess we know what that makes you.

(CLARA & MALICIA get into a tug-of-prince to an ever more furious Cha Cha.)

MALICIA

He‟s mine!

CLARA

Mine!

MALICIA

Mine, mine!

WISHES / 87

CLARA

Mine, mine!

MALICIA

MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE!

(QUEEN CONNIE ENTERS to a Cha-Cha beat, swinging ENRIQUE before her, the ROYAL

CRIER huffing to keep up.)

CONNIE

Mine, alas, ladies. Though clearly not fully grown.

LUCAS

Mu-ther!

CONNIE

Nice to know I‟m remembered, the way you‟ve ignored my messages.

LUCAS

Been so busy. Haven‟t had a moment.

CONNIE

So it would seem.

ROYLA CRIER

Her Royal Majesty, Queen of…

CONNIE

Yes, yes. We all see that I‟m here. And everyone knows who I am. Surely.

ROYAL CRIER

(huffing) I tried…she blew...(tries to blow trumpet, hits flat note.)

WISHES / 88

(MILLICENT waves CRIER off, goes to CONNIE, hugs and kisses her warmly.)

MILLICENT

Of course we know you, dear. Ever in our thoughts and hearts. And looking radiant, may I say,

under the circumstances. How do you manage so wonderfully?

CONNIE

Renzo‟s dead.

(Group gasp!)

CONNIE

A matter of time. That time has come.

MILLICENT

Oh, my darling, what can I say?

CONNIE

Little to nothing is best in such circumstances. He was a good man. He is no more. Life‟s for the

living. We must go on.

(Cha Cha beat starts up, ENRIQUE begins to wriggle. CONNIE silences all with a wave.)

RUPERT

(rises) A better friend and truer ally had I never, nor do I think ever lived.

CONNIE

He felt the same about you, Rupee.

(General tittering among the young.)

MILLICENT

The girls never heard their Papa‟s nickname.

RUPERT

How did the good man go?

WISHES / 89

CONNIE

With a smile on his face. Freshly wakened from a pleasant dream.

RUPERT

(shaky) A dream?

CONNIE

Of hunting.

RUPERT

(even shakier) Of…hunting?

CONNIE

Renzo finally felled that dark bird of prey haunting his dreams. Died beaming in his jammies!

RUPERT

(major gulp!) That‟s…wonderful.

MILLICENT

So it is, to die with a smile on one‟s face.

CONNIE

And, so, to business.

RUPERT

May we offer our chapel for the ceremony?

MILLICENT

(sighs) Lest a burial on your soil be too heavy a burden.

CONNIE

Renzo will be laid to rest under the spreading chestnut where he so often napped, after riding to

hunt -- or instead of it. Many thanks, true friends, for the offer.

WISHES / 90

RUPERT

I look forward to it.

MILLICENT

He means we shall be there, of course.

(ENRIQUIE snaps his fingers, the Cha Cha begins, as he wriggles.)

ENRIQUE

And now, majesty, we dance!

(He spins toward her, as CONNIE holds up a hand. He stops.)

CONNIE

No, Rique.

ENRIQUE

No?

CONNIE

The ball is over and we must get to the daunting task of (grabs LUCAS by the ear) training this pup

to the throne. Heaven help us!

LUCAS

(writhing) What about Stefan?

CONNIE

(tugging harder) Your older brother is dead, as if you didn‟t know.

LUCAS

(pulling away) How would I know?

WISHES / 91

CONNIE

Much like his father, he, too, met with the end he so often sought, taken down in battle.

MILLICENT

(sniffles) Oh, Connie, how awful!

RUPERT

Was he hit from behind?

CONNIE

Crossbow arrow flush through the heart, as he charged outrageous odds. (to LUCAS) And you said

he had no heart!

LUCAS

You said that!

CONNIE

I knew one of us did. In any event, the line of succession is clear to you, an unsettling thought, if

ever there was one.

LUCAS

Mu-ther!

CONNIE

Must work on vocabulary. That much is clear.

LUCAS

I am perfectly capable of expressing myself.

CONNIE

Yes yes, we see how your words charm the birds from the trees.

(NIGHTINGGALE sings. CONNIE points. Bird is silent.)

WISHES / 92

ENRIQUE

Majesty, eef you like, I would be „appy to asseest to making an hombre of thees nino.

LUCAS

Steady there, Pancho. Don‟t get your silk drawers in a rumble.

ENRIQUE

So, You theenk you are a man? (double-clicks his heels) Perhaps you would care to test your

manhood in the dance.(double-click) Last man standing is El Hombre!

(Cha Cha beat begins, as RENRIGUE flies about -- until CONNIE grabs his ear, then LUCAS‟.

Music stops.)

CONNIE

Clearly I‟ve got my hands full here, surrounded by overgrown boys as I am. (sighs) Would that I

could leave them in Rupert‟s capable tutelage.

(RUPERT shakily rises, as MILLICENT bolts up.)

MILLICENT

Oh, Connie…I mean, if you…

CONNIE

Relax, Milly. (again, the girls chuckle) Just yankin the old goat‟s chain. Not that he ain‟t more man

than I ever hope to get outta this pair.

ENRIQUE

Senora…

CONNIE

Silencio!

LUCAS

Really, mu-ther…

WISHES / 93

CONNIE

(the hand) Same goes for you, nino.

LUCAS

I am king -- and shall speak as I please. You may kiss my hand.

CONNIE

You may kiss my…

MILLICENT

Lucas, that‟s still your mother you‟re talking to.

RUPERT

Queen Mother, to be exact.

CONNIE

Still in charge of the royal coffers, by royal decree. (pulls a parchment from her bosom)

LUCAS

Surely, with father‟s death…

(CONNIE snaps. ROYAL CRIER scurries on. CONNIE hands him the parchment.)

ROYAL CRIER

(softly, shakily) Hear ye…

CONNIE

Louder, if we‟re to hear ye!

ROYAL CRIER

(louder): “Hear ye, hear ye! By proclamation of His Majesty, Lorenzo the Magnificent…”

WISHES / 94

CONNIE

He was (sigh) at times.

(ROYAL CRIER looks to queen, she waves him on.)

ROYAL CRIER

“Ruler of all beyond the Clouded Mountains, I hereby attest that, upon occasion of my death, all

lands, chattel, and royal treasury holdings shall transfer to the safe keeping of my queen, and

eternal love…”

(CONNIE snorts. ROYAL CRIER stops. CONNIE waves. He goes on.)

ROYAL CRIER

“Until such time as Queen Constance shall deem my male successor, whomsoever he be, of proper

sense and might to rule justly, the queen shall hold the throne until she says nay. I do deem it so, on

my oath and seal.”

(ROYAL CRIER holds up parchment to show the seal. RUPERT stirs, as CONNIE waves the

CRIER away.)

MILLICENT

A wonderful idea!

RUPERT

Yes, yes. Quite sensible of Renzo, as ever.

CONNIE

(eyes LUCAS, sulking) Come, come. This is no way to win mother‟s favor. Quit slouching, for

heaven sake. Assume a regal bearing.

(RUPERT unconsciously straightens up.)

CONNIE

(tousles his hair) Cheer up. You still get that handsome expense packet your father lavished upon

you. (tugs hair) Only now you shall earn it! (sees ENRIQUE sulking) And we shall continue

(winks) lessons, (spins) ole!

WISHES / 95

ENRIQUE

Muchas gracias, senora. (begins kissing her hand)

CONNIE

Senorita! (pulls hand away) Time now to take our leave. (snaps. Nothing. Louder.) I said time now

to take our leave.

ROYAL CRIER

(flat trumpet note) Hear ye, Hear ye, Queen Mother Constance and King…

CONNIE

King-in-Waiting.

ROYAL CRIER

King-in-Waiting Lucas take now their leave to the airs of our Royal Band!

CONNIE

No band.

ROYAL CRIER

No band.

(Following the men out, CONNIE stops at the princesses.)

CONNIE

Perhaps I‟ll have a suitable suitor for these pretty faces, next time I see them.

MALICIA

You think Enrique‟s young enough for us? (all laugh)

CONNIE

(pinching her cheek) This one I like.

MILLICENT

Girls, show our gentlemen out, whilst I share a parting word with the Queen Mother.

WISHES / 96

(The party EXITS to sounds of good humor.)

CONNIE

„Queen Mother‟. Makes me sounds a thousand years old.

MILLICENT

You don‟t look it.

CONNIE

Thanks. What was that word you wished to have with me?

MILLICENT

True?

CONNIE

Or?

MILLICENT

False?

CONNIE

Isn‟t this a game we used to play, Milly?

MILLICENT

I‟d say we‟re still playing it.

CONNIE

So we are.

MILLICENT

So? (CONNIE looks to RUPERT) Off hunting.

CONNIE

You‟ll keep that proclamation in a safe place for me, like a dear?

WISHES / 97

MILLICENT

(nudges her) You rascal. I knew it!

CONNIE

(sticks out her tongue) Takes one to know one!

MILLICENT

(hugs her) It does indeed. It does indeed.

CONNIE

Well, it‟s what „Renzo would have done, if he‟d thought of it. Course, when do these men ever

think?

MILLICENT

There you have got me, lady.

CONNIE

I‟m kinda serious here, Milly. That parchment could cost me my head.

MILLICENT

I‟ll not have a hair of that pretty pate harmed. (kisses her head) I know places no one else has

dreamed of.

CONNIE

You always knew how to stash stuff. Best hidey-holer in the group.

MILLICENT

We all have our talents.

CONNIE

Might think about a proclamation for yourself.

MILLICENT

Connie!

WISHES / 97

CONNIE

Men don‟t live forever…though we might, you and I.

MILLICENT

Let‟s plan on it! (hugging)

-- END OF PLAY --