APPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES IN CHRISTIAN PARENTING Sue ...

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  • North American Association of Christians in Social Work (NACSW) PO Box 121; Botsford, CT 06404 *** Phone/Fax (tollfree): 888.426.4712

    Email: info@nacsw.org *** Website: http://www.nacsw.org

    A Vital Christian Presence in Social Work

    APPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES IN CHRISTIAN PARENTING

    Sue Laney

    Presented at:

    NACSW Convention 2008 February, 2008

    Orlando, FL

  • By:SueLaney,DirectorBy:SueLaney,DirectorFamily Nurturing Center of GeorgiaFamily Nurturing Center of Georgia

    andandNurturing Resources, Inc.Nurturing Resources, Inc.

  • WhatdomostChristianparentsWhatdomostChristianparentswantfromtheirchildren?wantfromtheirchildren?

    ObedienceObedience LoveLove BecomeEffectiveBecomeEffectiveChristiansChristians

    OtherOther

  • LinesinthesandLinesinthesand

    BrickwallBrickwall

    DeepDeeprootedoaktreerootedoaktree

  • DefinitionofBoundariesDefinitionofBoundaries

    AstructurefromwhichtooperateAstructurefromwhichtooperatethatisgearedforprotectionandeffectivethatisgearedforprotectionandeffectivelivinglivingwhichencompassespositiveandnegativewhichencompassespositiveandnegativeconsequencesconsequencesforreinforcementofthatstructure.forreinforcementofthatstructure.

  • WhataresomeexamplesofGodWhataresomeexamplesofGodgivenboundaries?givenboundaries?

    Ten Commandments Ten Commandments (Exodus 20)(Exodus 20)

    Ephesians 5:1Ephesians 5:1--55 Ephesians 6:1Ephesians 6:1--44 Philippians 2:14Philippians 2:14--1616 Philippians 4:4Philippians 4:4--88

  • WhyisitimportantforchildrenofWhyisitimportantforchildrenofGodtohaveboundaries?Godtohaveboundaries?

    Deuteronomy 6:1Deuteronomy 6:1--33

    Deuteronomy 28:1Deuteronomy 28:1--1414

  • WhyisitimportantforallchildrenWhyisitimportantforallchildrentohaveboundaries?tohaveboundaries?

    ChaosChaos

    RoleofaGodlyParent

    RoleofaGodlyParent

  • HowdowestartsettingHowdowestartsettingboundariesforourselvesandforboundariesforourselvesandforourchildren?ourchildren? Isitallaboutme?Isitallaboutme? ororIsitallaboutHim?IsitallaboutHim?GodisourheavenlyFather/parentGodisourheavenlyFather/parentChristisourearthlyroleChristisourearthlyrolemodelformodelforbehaviorbehavior

    TheHolySpiritisourspiritualcounselorTheHolySpiritisourspiritualcounselorforourwisdomandcorrectionforourwisdomandcorrection

  • WhatdoWhatdoinappropriateinappropriate boundariesboundariesinChristianparentinglooklike?inChristianparentinglooklike? HarshHarsh

    ControllingControlling

    NeglectfulNeglectful

    GuiltGuiltriddenridden

  • WhatdoWhatdoappropriateappropriate boundariesinboundariesinChristianparentinglooklike?Christianparentinglooklike? Designedforteaching/nurturing/protectionDesignedforteaching/nurturing/protection SuitableforappropriateageandstageofchildSuitableforappropriateageandstageofchildssdevelopmentdevelopment

    PunishmentfitsthecrimePunishmentfitsthecrime PayattentiontothebehavioryouwanttoseePayattentiontothebehavioryouwanttosee Ifyouwantchildrentoobey,theyshouldtrustIfyouwantchildrentoobey,theyshouldtrustinin youyou

    DoesGodwantyoutoobeyoutoffearoroutofDoesGodwantyoutoobeyoutoffearoroutofrespect?respect?

  • WhenshouldparentsbeinflexibleWhenshouldparentsbeinflexibleinboundarymanagement?inboundarymanagement? NaturalandLogicalNaturalandLogicalConsequencesConsequences

    AllowingtheChildtoAllowingtheChildtoChoosetheChoosetheConsequenceConsequence

  • WhataresomeimportantstepsinWhataresomeimportantstepsinhelpingchildrentoavoidsteppinghelpingchildrentoavoidstepping

    overtheline/boundary?overtheline/boundary?

    1)SeektohonorGodinallaspectsofour1)SeektohonorGodinallaspectsofourparentingjourneyparentingjourney

    II stateyournamestateyourname pledgeallegiancetothepledgeallegiancetotheWordofGodandseektohonorGodinallWordofGodandseektohonorGodinallaspectsofmyparentingjourney.aspectsofmyparentingjourney.

    2)Fullyunderstandthedutiesofourroleasthe2)Fullyunderstandthedutiesofourroleastheparentandthedutiesofourchildparentandthedutiesofourchildsrolesrole

    3)Fullyunderstandtheagesandstagesof3)Fullyunderstandtheagesandstagesofdevelopmentaswellaspersonalitytraitsdevelopmentaswellaspersonalitytraits

  • ContinuedContinued

    4)EstablishandTeachBiblicalmoralsandvalues4)EstablishandTeachBiblicalmoralsandvalues5)UseFamilyRulestoreinforceteachingandbuilding5)UseFamilyRulestoreinforceteachingandbuildingtrusttrust

    6)Fullyunderstandthatourchildrenareagiftfrom6)FullyunderstandthatourchildrenareagiftfromGodthatHehasentrustedtousandwewillbeheldGodthatHehasentrustedtousandwewillbeheldaccountableforhowwemanagethisresponsibilityaccountableforhowwemanagethisresponsibility

    7)Fullyunderstandthatwearenotperfectandneither7)Fullyunderstandthatwearenotperfectandneitherareourchildren.WearegrowingintheSpiritandareourchildren.WearegrowingintheSpiritandlearningfromoneanothereveryday.Thoselearningfromoneanothereveryday.Thoseexperiencescanbefunexperiencescanbefun

  • WhatWhats in this for ME?s in this for ME? You Ask!You Ask!

    Within your own ministry:Within your own ministry: Parents become more reliable leaders / Parents become more reliable leaders /

    teachers within their hometeachers within their home Children can more readily concentrate on Children can more readily concentrate on

    the Biblical the Biblical lessonslessons you are teachingyou are teaching Your job is less stressful and more Your job is less stressful and more

    meaningfulmeaningful OthersOthers..

  • So How Do You Apply This to So How Do You Apply This to Your Ministry?Your Ministry? The Various Parenting Roles We HaveThe Various Parenting Roles We Have

    Getting Parents to BuyGetting Parents to Buy--InIn

    Using Effective Parents as Models for Using Effective Parents as Models for BehaviorBehavior

    OthersOthers

  • MayGodblessusallinourMayGodblessusallinourparentingjourney!!parentingjourney!!

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