A Conversation about Conversation: deepening relationship & engagement

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A Conversation about Conversation: deepening relationship & engagement. Welcome. WHY BOTHER?: The ‘Have to’ and ‘Want To’ of Relationships …& a word on ‘deepening’. To: s hare the four most transformational practices that I have ever come across in building great relationships - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

Text of A Conversation about Conversation: deepening relationship & engagement

A Conversation about Conversation: deepening relationship & engagement

A Conversation about Conversation: deepening relationship & engagementWelcomeWHY BOTHER?:The Have to and Want To of Relationships

& a word on deepeningIntentions and Content


share the four most transformational practices that I have ever come across in building great relationships

give you the five most powerful words you can use to shift any relationship

give you two improvements you can make immediately to the effectiveness of your conversations

Part 1

CHANGE YOUR WORLD ONE WORD AT A TIME How the Way You Speak Creates Your Life

A beautiful, poetic, forceful and, above all, useful book on the impact of words in shaping our futures. It argues for care in choosing the words (and the thoughts that precede them) so that we create what we would choose to create. I strongly recommend this book as a short but forceful course in living. PAUL BIRCH, VISIONJUICE, UK

Firth has split the atom with this small and explosive book about words and their huge creative leverage... read this, and all your communication will increase in power. STEVE CHANDLER, AUTHOR OF TIME WARRIOR

The Problem:

There are other Humans

Human 2.0 The Upgrade is AvailableThe Universal Human Paradigm:

we are disappointed in others and want them to be different

Part 2

Practice 1

Who will I be?Practice 2

Avoidance doesnt work!Relationship: the wordlate 14c., from Anglo-Fr. relacioun, O.Fr. relacion (14c.), from L. relationem (nom. relatio) a bringing back, restoring, from relatus (see relate)Only connect...and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer. ~ EM ForsterConversation: the wordconversationmid-14c., from O.Fr. conversation, from L. conversationem (nom. conversatio) "act of living with," prp. of conversari "to live with, keep company with," lit. "turn about with," from L. com- intens. prefix + vertare, freq. of vertere (see versus). Practice 3

I have a sayPractice 4

The two levels of every communication

Part 3


The five words:


TWO WAYS1. The invitation

I would like to have a conversation withyou about [this aspect of our relationship]...

because I want to try and change/fix/improve [the problem, issue, barrier youd both acknowledge exists]...Would you be willing to talk with me about that?

Authenticity vs pretending2. The envelopeTell them what you are committed to in terms of a shared result or goal. Those of you who are married committed to some parameters around a shared goal. eg in sickness and in health.

There is no way back into a relationship without articulating another shared goal or common aim. If you and I are going to change the world with our love, I might be prepared to listen to some of the difficult things you have to say about me right now. Without that shared context, why would I hear all those painful things?

Examples: I really want us to have a loving, intimate relationship again... I can promise you I want us to laugh again like we used to when we first started being together... If we get our working relationship back on track, this project is going to be phenomenal...

This stage of the conversation puts us in the place of creating a shared future rather than attempting to fix the past. The five words:


Beyond LeadershipColorado/Arizona June 2013 March 2014

Adding Consulting to your Coaching PracticePhoenix/Denver May October 2013

During this conversation, we will look at your current situation, your goals, your roadblocks and give you focused, strategic advice.

Create a sense of clarity about the business and/or life and/or relationship that you really want to have

Find out the essential building blocks for having your vision become a reality

Discover the #1 thing stopping you from having what you want

Identify the most powerful actions that will move towards the business, career, relationship or life you desire

Complete the consultation with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to create what you truly want

david@davidfirth.comMY GIFT: a free 45 minute coaching conversation with youI have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element.

It is my personal approach that creates the climate.

It is my daily mood that makes the weather.

I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous.

I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.

I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.

In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized.

If we treat people as they are, we make them worse.

If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.

Goethe, 1749-1832david@davidfirth.comFinal Thought