5. Understanding Others 3 Copyright ©2013 John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Understanding Others A central goal of understanding yourself is to develop a sense

5. Understanding Others

3Copyright ©2013 John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

Understanding Others

A central goal of understanding yourself is to develop a sense of awareness that can result in true community and common purpose with others.

Three central questions to ask yourself in any setting: How am I like no one else here? How am I like some others here? How am I like everyone here?


Chapter Overview

Explore various personal characteristics that illustrate how difference needs to be understood to be inclusive and empowering.

Explore various leadership processes that are influenced by diverse approaches.

Discuss communication skills that are useful in effectively working with others.


Individuality and Commonality

As humans, we are more alike than we are different.

Finding common purpose is the focus on which to center our perceptions of difference.

In group settings, we need to keep in mind how members are similar and different. To consider one but not the other is incomplete and can be a disservice.


Individuality and Commonality

The focus on the individual (I) needs to be deemphasized (i) to truly listen and engage with another (you) as equals, so that we all can move forward to become a community (we).

“I” “i” “we” “you”


Understanding Gender Diversity

How does my gender influence my attitudes and behaviors?

How does my experience as a man or woman shape my worldview and how might it shape the worldview of others?



Sex Roles: expectations resulting from biology, like pregnancy or muscle mass

Gender Roles: socially constructed expectations that get labeled masculine or feminine

Gender roles are often limiting and inaccurate when assigned to individual men and women. Example: Although, only women can bear

children, women are not the only sex to be nurturing of children.



“Both men and women are capable of making good decisions, leading effectively, being responsible group members and communicating with clarity, but they may go about doing those things differently than the other sex would.”


Understanding Cultural Diversity

Culture is:

An integrated pattern of human behavior that includes thoughts, communications, languages, practices, beliefs, values, customs, courtesies, rituals, manners of interacting and roles, relationships and expected behaviors of a racial, ethnic, religious or social group; and the ability to transmit the above to succeeding generations.

(National Center for Cultural Competence of Georgetown

University—http://www.nccccurricula.info/glossary.html)



Effective leaders need to develop an appreciation for multiculturalism to build inclusiveness, collaboration, and common purposes.

A prerequisite to developing a greater sense of multiculturalism is the conscious awareness of culturally informed assumptions.


Race

Race is a “somewhat suspect concept used to identify large groups of the human species who share a more or less distinctive combination of hereditary physical characteristics.”

Race has been used to marginalize whole groups of people, and students on campuses experience racism every day.


Relational Leadership Model

Emphasis on inclusion and empowerment, embraces the belief that the group, team, organization, community, nation, and world will be made better when all participants are heard, made visible and valued for their contributions.



Historically dominant culture has not had to examine its beliefs and practices because it is not disadvantaged by them.

Majority norms often become the standards used to judge others who are not in the majority.


White Privilege

Provisions that help White people travel through life more easily

Benefits of White privilege include: Shopping without being followed Being able to buy or rent housing of their choice Easily finding toys and pictures that look like

themselves


Privilege and Oppression

Think of the privileges afforded to any of us in a powerful “majority” and examine closely how unconsciously affirming the privileges associated with those characteristics may actually cause or influence the oppression of others, even if oppression is unintended.


Intercultural Competence

A few things we know about intercultural competence: Cultural knowledge does not necessarily lead to

competence. Cultural contact does not necessarily lead to

competence. Cultural contact may lead to reduction of

stereotypes. Language learning may not be sufficient for

culture learning.Bennett, M. J. (rev. 2011). A developmental model of Intercultural Sensitivity. Retrieved from IDR Institute website http://www.idrinstitute.org (pdf).


Intercultural Competence

What does lead to intercultural competence? Intentional and developmentally sequenced program

design. Balancing challenge and support; anxiety reduction. Facilitating learning before, during, and after

intercultural experiences. Depth of intercultural experiences, language

immersion. Intercultural competence training. Cultivating curiosity and cognitive flexibility.

Bennett, M. J. (rev. 2011). A developmental model of Intercultural Sensitivity. Retrieved from IDR Institute website http://www.idrinstitute.org (pdf).


Developmental Model of Intercultural Sensitivity

Stage One―Denial of Difference Stage Two―Defense against Difference Stage Three―Minimization of Difference Stage Four―Acceptance of Difference Stage Five―Adaptation to Difference Stage Six―Integration of Difference

Bennett, M. J. (rev. 2011). A developmental model of Intercultural Sensitivity. Retrieved from IDR Institute website http://www.idrinstitute.org (pdf).


Negative Levels of Attitudes

Repulsion Views people who are different as strange, sick, crazy, and aversive. Views anything that will change them to be more “normal” or part of the mainstream as justifiable.

Pity Views people who are different as somehow born that way and feels that that is pitiful. Sees being different as definitely immature and less preferred, so to help those poor individuals one should reinforce normal behaviors.

Tolerance Sees being different as just a phase of development that most people “grow out” of. Thus one should protect and tolerate those who are different as one does a child who is still learning.

Acceptance Implies that one needs to make accommodations for another’s differences; does not acknowledge that the other’s identity may be of the same value as one’s own.

The Riddle Scale: Attitudes Towards Differences


Positive Levels of Attitudes

Support Works to safeguard the rights of those who are different. One may be uncomfortable oneself but one is aware of the climate and the irrational unfairness in our society.

Admiration Acknowledges that being different in our society takes strength. One is willing to truly look at oneself and work on one’s own personal biases.

Appreciation Values the diversity of people and is willing to confront insensitive attitudes.

Nurturance Assumes the differences in people are indispensable in society. Views differences with genuine affection and delight and is willing to be an advocate of those differences.

Source: Adapted from Leppo and Lustgraaf (1987). Copyright by John Leppo. Adapted with permission from Dorothy Riddle, “Scale for Homophobia,” unpublished document.

The Riddle Scale: Attitudes Towards Differences


Microaggressions

Defined as “brief, everyday exchanges that send denigrating messages to certain individuals because of their group membership.”

Microinsults (often unconscious)― “Communications that convey rudeness and insensitivity and demean a person’s racial heritage.”

Microassaults (often conscious)― “Explicit racial derogations characterized primarily by a violent verbal, nonverbal or environmental attack meant to hurt the intended victim through name-calling, avoidant behavior, or purposeful discriminatory actions.”


Conflict Resolution and Decision Making

Relational leadership requires communication skills that help each person seek to understand others, not just persuade them.

Questions to ask: How do my perspectives and preferences shade

my view? In what ways could I be understood more

correctly and understand with greater insight?


Empathic Communication

Empathic communication is difficult. Think of the complexity in this verbal process:

What I meant to say What I actually said What you heard me say What you think I mean What you mean to say What you actually say What I hear you say What I think you mean


Illustrations of Communication

The Question: “ Could you substitute for me at the event tonight? I have had something come up and cannot go after all.”

Unassertive Response

Even though you have several plans, you reply almost meekly. You deny your own rights and are intimidated into compliance. You may feel trapped or afraid to say no. You are fairly passive.

“OK, sure I guess I can.”



The Question: “ Could you substitute for me at the event tonight? I have had something come up and cannot go after all.”

Assertive Response

This response acknowledges that the other person had every right to ask and you have a right to make your own decision. Being assertive means you can say no without feeling guilty or without apologizing

“No, I have other plans and cannot do it.”Depending on your style, you might say, “I am sorry I cannot substitute. You might ask me again sometime when I would have a little more time to change my plans, but thanks for thinking of me.”



The Question: “Could you substitute for me at the event tonight? I have had something come up and cannot go after all.”

Aggressive Response

This response denies the other person had any right even to ask for your help and is rarely appropriate

“How dare you ask me to do this? You always slack off on your responsibilities and I won’t stand for it.”


Relational Empathy

Relational empathy goes beyond merely understanding another and seeks shared meaning.

Relational empathy recognizes the importance of context. This may mean creating a new “third culture” that synthesizes the positions from the two individual perspectives, culture and context and builds a new culture, an environment of empathy and insight.


Third Culture

Develops its “own jargon, definitions, visions and understandings.” The culture says: People are good, honest, and trustworthy. People are purposeful. Each individual has a unique contribution to

make. Complex problems require local solutions. Me and you versus me or you.

Documents

5. Understanding Others 3 Copyright ©2013 John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Understanding Others A central goal of understanding yourself is to develop a sense