5 Costly Mistakes to Avoid and How To Protect …...Surviving The ‘Sandwiched’ Years: 5 Costly Mistakes to Avoid and How To Protect Your Parent’s Assets, Honor Their Wishes &

Surviving The ‘Sandwiched’ Years:

5 Costly Mistakes to Avoid and How To Protect Your Parent’s Assets, Honor Their

Wishes & Provide Long-Term Care….Without Losing Your Money—Or Your Mind!

By R. Kellen Bryant, Elder Law Attorney

Surviving The ‘Sandwiched’ Years ……………………………………………………………………………………………………… 2

You don't get to choose how you're going to die, or when.

You can only decide how you're going to live. -- Joan Baez

No one ever said caring for aging parents would be easy….

….especially when you’re still providing

care and support to your own children

at home!

It’s no wonder why this unique group of

people caring for young kids and

aging parents is known as the

“Sandwich Generation,” as they are

continually pressed from all sides with

mounting emotional, physical and

financial demands.

Perhaps you find yourself among them

today.

This e-book is designed to help you

avoid common traps and mistakes that

can cost your family tremendous time,

money and aggravation during the

golden years.

It will also empower you to make great

decisions and secure important

resources for mom or dad during an

otherwise time of intense pressure and

stress.

It’s no secret that long-term care is

expensive (In Jacksonville, nursing

home care averages $204 per day and

assisted living averages $2,907 a

month*); however, with a little

guidance and advanced planning,

you can ensure mom and dad gets the

care they need without having to

“spend down” all of their assets or pay

for costs out of your own pocket.

You’ll also learn how to protect their

independence while still maintaining

legal oversight and control.

*2010 Prudential, Long Term Care Cost Study


If at any point you have questions about your situation, I encourage you to jump ahead to the end of this guide and use the

certificate entitling you to a free planning session with our office ($500 value).

During this session, we’ll sit down with you and your parents to create a comprehensive roadmap to ensure their assets are

protected, their wishes are honored and that you have the legal documents necessary to communicate with doctors, make critical

decisions and properly manage their affairs.

But for now, lets jump right to the most common traps Sandwich Generation Kids face—and how to avoid them!

R. Kellen Bryant

Most importantly, you’ll have the

peace of mind knowing that mom

and dad’s affairs are in order so

you focus on providing the best

care and enjoying every second

left with your parents.


Mistake # 1: Avoiding ‘Tough Conversations’ About Health

Care Wishes & Long-Term Care

Nursing homes, life-support, resuscitation, feeding tubes...

...these are all very personal and

awkward topics that no one likes to

discuss while they are in good health.

But realistically, accidents, illness and

disability can strike without warning

and that’s why it’s so important to talk

to your parents about these issues now

while they are still able to

communicate and make their own

legal decisions.

Otherwise, you may find yourself in a

crisis situation where you are unsure of

your parent’s healthcare wishes and

how to proceed with the next best

steps.

You may also find yourself at odds with

other family members, fighting over

what mom or dad “would have

wanted” in that situation.

Worse yet, you may learn of your

parent’s wishes during a crisis only to

discover that it’s “too late” to honor

them because their current mental or

medical condition is too far

progressed.

Especially in the case of dementia or

memory loss, mom or dad’s condition

can deteriorate so rapidly that you

simply won’t have time to get legal

control to pay their bills or make

medical decisions the easy way.

I say the “easy way” because once

mom or dad loses the mental capacity

to sign legal documents such as a

Power of Attorney or a Health Care

Directive, you’ll be forced to petition

the court for a guardianship, which is a

court process that is very expensive (fees and costs run at least $6,000),

entirely public and extremely time

consuming.

That’s why it’s so important to sit down

and have hard conversations with your

parents now to ensure everyone is on

the same page and that there’s

enough time to put a solid plan in

place.

Remember, even choosing a great

nursing home or assisted living facility

can seem almost impossible if you run

up against waitlists or financial hurdles

that prevent your parents from getting

great care.


To get the conversations rolling, here

are a few key issues to begin discussing

with your parents. Approach them gently with their continued

independence and best wishes in

mind:

What are your wishes for emergency or

end-of-life medical care (i.e. life

support, feeding tubes, blood

transfusions, organ donation)? Are

there any life-saving procedures you

would NEVER want?

Who do you want to make medical

decisions and communicate with your

doctors if you are unable to speak for

yourself?

What are your thoughts on long-term

care? If you were unable to live alone,

would you prefer moving into an

assisted living facility or nursing home?

Or would you rather in-home

assistance?

If you needed nursing home or in-

home care, how would you want us to

pay for it? What if Medicaid is not an

option?

Do you have a will, trust or other estate

planning documents or place? Where

can we find them and are they up to

date?

Who have you named in your “legal

helper” roles (i.e. power of attorney,

health care proxy). Where can we find

the documentation we need to handle

your affairs in an emergency

You will find that knowing your parents

wishes in these different situations will

make your job as a caregiver much

easier, as you will be prepared to

make great decisions under pressure

and plan ahead to secure the right

resources so you are not paying out of

pocket for their desired care.

Mistake # 1: Avoiding ‘Tough Conversations’ About Health

Care Wishes & Long-Term Care


Mistake # 2: Assuming Medicare or Medicaid Will Pick Up the

Tab for Long-Term Care

When it comes to needing long-term care...

...including assisted living and in-home

assistance-- many seniors and their

families are shocked to learn that

Medicare and Medicaid won’t cover

their expenses. Your health insurance

will not cover it either.

You may be surprised to know that

Medicare, which is the insurance most

seniors have with their social security

benefits, only pays for the first 100 days

in a skilled nursing facility (if you have

the proper supplement). This is care

related to a medical need such as

rehab after a fall or a stroke. After 100

days is up, any care still required

becomes the responsibility of the

patient.

Furthermore, Medicare does not cover

custodial care, which is help with the

tasks of every day living such as

bathing, feeding, toileting, meal

preparation or medication

management. These services are

often necessary for aging parents, but

they are not covered under their

policy.

At this point, Medicaid coverage may

be available to cover the remaining

expenses for both skilled nursing and

custodial care, but you must be

hovering around poverty level to

qualify.

For many seniors who have small

pensions, modest bank accounts and

investment assets in their name, qualifying for Medicaid is not possible

until everything they’ve worked so hard

for (and planned to leave to their

family) is spent.

As you can imagine, this knowledge

can be devastating families, especially

if both parents are still alive and those

remaining resources are needed to

support the healthy spouse.

Fortunately, there are legal and financial tools available to help your

parents pay for care or qualify for

public benefits without losing

everything they own. Tools such as

living trusts with nursing home Medicaid

provisions or long-term care insurance,

can help shield your parent’s assets or

minimize out of pocket costs.

Many of these strategies must be

implemented in advance to avoid

strict penalties during look-back

periods or other hurdles due to your

parent’s medical condition, so don’t

wait to talk to an estate planning

attorney if you were relying on public

benefits to pay for your parent’s care.


Mistake # 3: Not Having Up-to-Date Documents To Mange

Mom or Dad’s Affairs and Stay In Control

It’s extremely common for parents to do an estate plan when their kids are...

young and fail to re-visit and update

this plan as circumstances change

through the years.

This often results in mom or dad having

outdated documents where the

person they named as power of

attorney or health care agent 25 years

ago is no longer alive, or lives across

the country or perhaps is no longer the

person they would want to manage

their end-of-life affairs.

Another concern is that their old estate

plan may fail to take into account the

new HIPAA laws in place, which could

make accessing medical information

extremely hard for their caregiver in an

emergency.

Finally, there’s a very good chance

that the will or trust they have in place

was not created with future long-term

care needs in mind, and it lacks nursing

home asset protection provisions

techniques.

Many times, parents create wills or

trusts when they are younger simply for

the peace of mind knowing their kids

would be raised by the people they

want and their assets would be

properly distributed after death.

Incapacity planning is typically not a

concern and is often left out of a

younger person’s estate plan.

Then as our parents age, they have a

false sense of security believing they

have the right estate planning

documents in place, when in reality,

the documents they have only deal

with death and taxes and not

protecting their assets and

independence during the remaining

years of life.

The plan is not current, it doesn’t have

the right tools built in and there’s a

good chance it simply will not work in

an emergency.

For example, over the course of your

parent’s life, property may have been

purchased or sold without updating

the trust. Unbeknownst to mom or

dad, if the new assets are not titled

properly and owned by the trust, they

may now be fair game to nursing

homes or other creditors.

Or the plan may be missing critical

tools to allow the family to transfer

assets and protect mom or dad’s

money in the event of sudden

incapacity. The family may still be

forced to set up a conservatorship,

even with a trust in place.


These mistakes and oversights are more

common than you would imagine,

which is why it’s recommended you

have your estate plan reviewed by

your lawyer every 3-5 years to ensure

it’s up-to-date and takes account for

your parent’s needs during all of life’s

transitions.

If it’s been awhile since your parents

had their plan reviewed or their

attorney never talked to them about

planning ahead and protecting their

assets in the event they need long-

term care, don’t wait to schedule an

appointment with your attorney and

have everything thoroughly reviewed.

Mistake # 3: Not Having Up-to-Date Documents To Mange

Mom or Dad’s Affairs and Stay In Control


Mistake # 4: Do-It Yourself (DIY) Estate Planning

Getting sound legal advice is critical...

...if your parents have assets they are

trying to protect while applying for

Medicaid or skilled medical care. We

often see families use DIY asset

protection strategies such as adding

someone else’s name to mom’s bank

account or even switching names on

assets, only to have them backfire

miserably when a crisis situation occurs.

For example, an adult child may be

added to the title of mom or dad’s

home believing the state or a nursing

home cannot come after something

“jointly owned”. However, if the deed

is not worded properly or other

mistakes are made, the home may still

be subject to a huge Medicaid lien

after mom or dad passes.

Or, a child may add themselves to

mom or dad’s bank accounts with the

goal managing their money without

formal legal documents in place. All

seems to be going well until the adult

child gets sick or is an accident (…or

even goes through a divorce!) and

now their creditors come after the

bank account they own jointly with

mom or dad.

In an instant, mom or dad’s entire life

savings can be gone because of a

situation that affected the joint-owner

of their account. There are better (and

safer ways!) to protect your parent’s

money and manage their affairs

without adding yourself to their bank

accounts. It’s worth the time to sit with

an attorney and discuss your options.

Online forms lack the sophistication to

help with this type of planning and

they will fail to accomplish asset

protection.

Finally, many older parents will attempt

to “gift” away their money to relatives

in order protect it from the reach of

nursing homes or the state. More times

than not, this strategy backfires as

there are strict “look-back periods” in

place that can not only cause your

transfer to be discovered, but will result

in penalties or ineligibility for Medicaid.

This could mean your parents (and in

cases of extremely bad DIY planning—

their CHIDLREN!) will be on the hook for

all of mom or dad’s long-term care

costs, which could run in excess of

$8,000 a month!

Before making a gift of any size with

the goal of protecting mom or dad’s

money from a nursing home, talk to an

elder attorney first about your safest

and most effective options.


Mistake # 5: Waiting Until The Last Minute To Gather

Emergency Information

As a Sandwich Generation Kid, your life may already feel pretty crazy, but...

...nothing is worse than the chaos and

frustration of facing a serious medical

emergency without the right

documents in place.

In a crisis situation, there is simply no

time to be hunting for insurance cards,

looking for important phone numbers

or gathering information you need to

make the very best decisions for mom

or dad.

That’s why it’s a good idea to sit down

with your parents now and begin to

compile all of the documentation you

could possibly need so that it’s

organized and easily accessible in a

medical emergency.

Such information would include:

Copies of the front and back of

cards, including your parent’s

drivers license, insurance cards,

prescription cards and military ID

cards.

The names and phone numbers of

their primary doctor, medical

specialists and care managers.

The contact information for their

bank, financial advisor, insurance

agents and attorneys.

The account numbers and

locations for any savings, checking

or investment accounts.

The location of any safe deposit

boxes and how to access them in

an emergency.

A detailed list of their prior medical

history, including any surgeries,

allergies and blood type.

A current list of their medication

and the doses they take.

Having this information handy and

organized will save you a tremendous

amount of time and headache if a

medical crisis strikes.

Once this information is compiled, be

sure to keep it in a central location so

your involved family members can

access it in a true emergency.


Give Your Parents the Gift of Aging Without Worry or Struggle

As we mentioned at the beginning of this e-book, planning ahead for your parent’s long-

term care is certainly not easy, but...

...by avoiding these 5 common

mistakes, you’ll be well positioned

when medical and financial needs

begin to present themselves.

There’s no greater peace of mind than

knowing your parent’s bills will be paid,

their assets protected and they will

receive the care they deserve during

their final years of life.

It’s equally reassuring to know that

there are ways to plan ahead to make

your job as a caregiver easier and

minimize the chance that you’ll have

to pay more for legal help or elder

care services during a health care

crisis.

Not to mention, it’s every parent’s

greatest fear to become a burden to

their children, and long-term care

planning can give your parents the

confidence knowing that they can

age with dignity and leave a legacy

for their family that has nothing to do

with debt or hardship.

But, having this peace of mind starts

with sitting down with an elder care

attorney to review your parent’s

current situation and discuss all of their

options for preserving their

independence, protecting their assets

and making it easier for their adult

children to manage their affairs.


Give Your Parents the Gift of Aging Without Worry or Struggle

You may be nervous to take this next step because meeting with an attorney must be

expensive, right?

Well, not necessarily.

Because you’ve taken the time to read

this e-book and learn some of the best

ways to help your parents plan for the

future, we want to reward you with a certificate to come in for a

comprehensive planning session with

our office at no-charge ($500 value).

During this meeting, we’ll sit down with

you and your parents to review their

current situation and any documents

they have in place. We’ll check to

make sure they have stayed up to

date as their life (and the law) has

changed through the years, and we’ll

also let you know exactly where your

parents would stand if incapacity or a

medical crisis occurred tomorrow.

If we determine your parents have

everything in order and no further

planning needs to be done, you’ll

leave with the peace of mind knowing

that you are well prepared for the

future.

On the other hand, if you are not

satisfied with your current state of

affairs and the position your family

would be in should your parents

become incapacitated or require long

-term care, we’ll determine your best

options and help you create a plan

that honors your parent’s wishes and

adequately takes into account their

long-term care needs.

If you choose to move forward,

planning fees can run between $200 —

$6,000 depending on your wants and

needs. There’s no pressure, no hassles

and no obligation to sign up for legal

services during the initial meeting.

Caring for young kids and aging

parents is hard enough, and our goal is

to simply help you make life easier and

steer you clear of any legal or financial

nightmares that may present

themselves down the road.

To reserve your planning session, simply

call our office at 904-399-2829 and ask

to redeem your certificate from the

Sandwich Generation e-book.

We hope you found this information

helpful and encourage you to share

this eBook with anyone you know that

may be struggling to help their parents

plan for the future. Just send them to

www.eldercarelawjacksonville.com/

sandwich-generation-guide to request

a free copy.

Remember, time is your greatest asset

when it comes to planning for long-

term care, so don't wait to use your

certificate to sit down with an attorney

and make sure you are taking

advantage of every tool, benefit and

opportunity to give your family the

CERTIFICATE for Free Vision Meeting ($300 value)

Schedule your Vision Meeting

by calling (904) 399-2829

2033 Flesher Avenue

Jacksonville, Florida 32207

www.kellenbryantlaw.com

Guaranteed

Guaranteed

Peace of Mind

Peace of Mind

Meet Kellen Bryant

Jacksonville, Florida Elder Law and Estate Planning Attorney

Professional Associations

and Memberships

Kellen is passionate about practicing law

and constantly enhancing his practice for

his clients. Kellen is a member of national

estate planning and elder law collaborative

organizations such as WealthCounsel,

Lawyers with Purpose, Academy of VA

Pension Planners (AVAPP), and the

National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys

(NAELA). Locally, Kellen is a member of

the Jacksonville Bar Association and the

Elder Law Section of the Florida Bar.

Kellen is also a VA accredited attorney,

licensed to apply for VA aid and

attendance benefits and practice law in

front of the Veteran’s Administration.

Education & Achievements

Kellen graduated cum laude with a

bachelor of arts at Florida State University

(2003), and cum laude with a juris

doctorate at Stetson University College of

Law (2007). While at Stetson Law, Kellen

earned the highest grade in Property Law,

which sparked his passion and interest in

estate and elder care planning. Kellen was

also hired as a summer associate at a highly

regarded Florida law firm, Gray Robinson.

During his time at Stetson Law, Kellen

interned for the Honorable Judge Scriven at

the Middle District of Florida, Federal

Court, and for the Honorable Judge LaRose

at the Second District Court of Appeal, a

Florida appellate court. The judges’

mentoring of Kellen helped develop his

professionalism, legal analysis and writing.