10 Things Happy Couples Do Differently
For the two of us, home isnt a place. It is a person.And we are finally home.
All intimate relationships are built on a foundation of honesty, trust, and attraction, but what dohappy couples do differently to keep their love thriving in the long run?
Its important to understand that love is not just about finding the right person, its aboutworking with them to create the right relationship. Marc and I have met and worked withcouples at all ends of the spectrum over the years, and weve found that the happiest couples, orthe unhappy couples who successfully turn things around, are able to create loving, lastingrelationships by doing the following:
1. They make plenty of time for each other.Neglect based on lack of attention damages relationships far more often than malicious abuse.Theres nothing more vital to the bond you share with someone than simply being there forthem. Too often we underestimate the power of a thoughtful question and a listening ear thatsfully present and focused. Although its a simple act, it may very well be the most powerful act ofcaring one which has the potential to turn a relationship around.
When we pay attention to each other we breathe new life into each other. With frequentattention and affection our relationships flourish, and we as individuals grow stronger. This isthe side effect of a good relationship we help heal each others wounds and support eachothers strengths.
Bottom line: Stay in close touch with whats going on in your partners life communicateopenly on a regular basis. Not because its convenient, but because they are worth the extraeffort.
2. They dont beat around the bush.No matter how sure you are of someones love, its always nice to be reminded of it. When youtruly love someone, be loving in words and deeds every single day. Dont beat around the bush.Be straightforward.If you appreciate someone today, tell them. If you adore someone today, show them. Hearts areoften confused and broken by thoughtful words left unspoken and loving deeds left undone.There might not be a tomorrow. Today is the day to express your love andadmiration. (Read 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)3. They meet in the middle and work together.The most important trip you will ever take in life is meeting your partner half way. You willachieve far more by working with them, rather than working alone or against them. Thats whathealthy relationships are all about teamwork. It really is a full circle. The strength of arelationship depends on the strength of its two members, and the strength of each member inthe long run depends on the quality of the relationship.
Anyone who helps you to make your half-hearted attempts more whole-hearted throughpassion, love and teamwork, is a precious friend and teacher, and thus makes a great partner.Take the lead and BE this partner. Make an effort to work closely with your significant other,and conquer the world together.
4. Their actions consistently backup their claims of love.Actions often speak much louder than words. When you love someone you have to actaccordingly. They will be able to tell how you feel about them simply by the way you treat themover the long-term.
You can say sorry a thousand times, or say I love you as much as you want, but if youre notgoing to prove that the things you say are true, they arent. If you cant show it, your words arenot sincere.
And remember, its not so much about how much you do for your loved ones as it is about thelove you put into what you do for them. Learn what matters most to them and make a habit ofit.
5. They respect each others humanness.All humans are imperfect. At times, the confident lose confidence, the patient misplace theirpatience, the generous act selfish, and the knowledgeable second guess what they know.
And guess what? Youre human and so is your partner. In fact, we all are. We make mistakes,we lose our tempers, and we get caught off guard. We stumble, we slip, and we spin out ofcontrol sometimes.
But thats the worst of it; we all have our moments. Most of the time were remarkable. Sostand beside the people you love through their trying times of imperfection, and offer yourselfthe same courtesy; if you arent willing to, you dont deserve to be around for the perfectmoments either. (Read The Mastery of Love.)6. They focus on what they like about each other.What you focus on grows stronger in your relationships. When you focus on a personswonderful qualities, you have a wonderful relationship with them. When you focus on apersons not so wonderful qualities, you have a not so wonderful relationship with them. Whenyou focus on benefits of a situation, you get to take advantage of them. When you focus on thedrawbacks, you gain nothing but a frown.
The bottom line is that you see only what you want to see, and what you see determines thehealth of your relationships. Your attitude is a little thing that makes a massive difference.Dont be the stubborn one who makes it a point to not see the good in your partner.
7. There is far more between them than physical attraction.Infatuating yourself with someone simply for what they look like on the outside is like choosingyour favorite food based on color instead of taste. It makes no sense. Its innate, invisible,
unquantifiable characteristics that create lasting attraction. There must be common ground inyour interests and outlooks on life.
Just as some people enjoy the smell of mint, while others prefer the scent of cinnamon, there isan undeniable, magnetic draw that attracts you to the qualities of certain people, places, andthings. Sometimes its even the scars your soul shares with them that reels you in and createsthe very hinges that hold you together in the long run.
8. They resolve conflicts through love, not retaliation.If youre disappointed with yourself or frustrated with your partner, the answer is not to take itout on the world around you. Retribution, whether its focused on yourself or others, brings zerovalue into your life. The way beyond the pain from the past is not with vengeance, mockery,bullying or retaliation, but with present love.
Forgive the past, forgive yourself, forgive your partner, and love the present moment for whatits worth. There are plenty of beautiful things to love right now; you just have to want to seethem. Loving is never easy, especially when times are tough, yet it is easily the most powerfuland positively enduring action possible.9. They open up to each other, especially in trying times.Let your partner in when youre in a dark place. Open up to them completely. Dont expectthem to solve your problems; just allow them to face your problems with you. Give thempermission to stand beside you. They wont necessarily be able to pull you out of the dark placeyoure in, but the light that spills in when they enter will at least show you which way the door is.
Above all, the important thing to remember is that you are not alone. No matter how bizarre orembarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, your partner is in your life and hasdealt with similar emotions and wants to help you. When you hear yourself say, I am alone,its just your insecurities trying to sell you a lie. (Read Daring Greatly.)10. They are committed to growing together.Its not about finding someone to lose yourself in, its about meeting someone to find yourselfin. When you connect with someone special, especially a lifelong partner, this person helps youfind the best in yourself. In this way, neither of you actually meet the best in each other; youboth grow into your best selves by spending time together and nurturing each others growth.
When you honestly think about what you and your partner add to each others lives, you willoften find that instead of giving or taking things from each other (advice, answers, material gifts,etc.), you two have chosen rather to share in each others joy and pain, and experience lifetogether through good times and bad. No matter what, you two are there for one another,growing and learning as one.AfterthoughtsThe best relationships are not just about the good times you share, theyre also about theobstacles you go through together, and the fact that you still say I love you in the end. Andloving someone isnt just about saying it every day, its showing it every day in every way.