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12 secrets To become a super

Communicator

"The single biggest problem in

communication is the illusion that

it has taken place."

George Bernard Shaw

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“The biggest communication

problem is we do not listen to

understand.

We listen to reply.”

Unknow author

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1. Listen, Really Listen

Finally, going hand-in-

hand with most of the

points above, the best

thing you can do to

improve your

communication skills

is to learn to really

listen-to pay attention

and let the other

person talk without

interrupting.

How

to?

It‟s hard work, we know, but

“A good conversation is a

bunch of words elegantly

connected with listening.”

Then, even if your

communication styles don‟t

match, at least you‟re both

working off the same page.

And hopefully the other

person will be attentively

listening to you too.

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Everything people say and

do expresses an

underlying need, longing or

value. We can learn to

identify and „hear‟ these

needs, even when they are

not expressed explicitly.

Because all human beings

share these needs, they

are our magic key to

unlocking mutual

understanding

For example, if someone

says, “You are so selfish, you

never do anything to help at

home,” they are indirectly

expressing a longing for

consideration and support,

but it is coming out as blame

and judgment. If we can

empathise rather than react,

we will connect and the

person will feel understood.

2. Understand needs, wishes and values.

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3. Be willing to hear “No”.

1 2 3

Even with these

guidelines, our

carefully

expressed

requests might

still elicit a “No”

from the other

person. Why

would this upset

us?

4

Why would this

upset us? Is it

that our request

was actually a

demand that we

expect the other

person to fullfil?

We have a

choice in how

we hear that

“No”.

It could be that

something else

is important to

the other

person; that

they had a

different need

or value alive

in that

moment.

Maybe the

“No” is their

request for

something else

to happen. And

then we are

into the dance

of giving and

bending! “No”

is not as

threatening as

we might

imagine.

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4. Mind your body language

Intentionally or not, how you

comport your body

communicates a lot. For

instance, do you appear

closed off with your arms

folded, or actively engaged,

say by talking with your

hands? It‟s worth

considering, lest you send

the wrong message with

your posture or facial

expression.

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This is a festive title Maybe as a colleague concludes a

presentation and looks around the room,

you seem to glower—not because the

presentation was bad, but because

you‟re lost in thought. In moments like

this, it‟s sometimes worthwhile to explain

yourself: “That wasn‟t bad at all, I just

need a moment to process. Let‟s circle

back in a moment.”

4. Mind your body language (con…)

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5. Great communication comes from focusing more on the other person than on your-self.

“Focusing on the other person”

when you‟re speaking involves

sacrificing the illusion of

perfection for the reality of

transparency, which means being

honest about mistakes (like when

you forget an idea) or mishaps

(like a technology glitch).

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This shows your listeners that you‟re much more

interested in them getting the information than in

your “performance,” or whether you‟re presenting

perfectly. So, I‟m a big advocate for transparency

and I think it‟s probably one of the most

underutilized tools because we get up there and

we feel this pressure to be perfect. Instead I would

advise aiming for flexibility, not flawlessness.

5. Great communication comes from focusing more on the other person than on your-self (con...)

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6. Patience is a must

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1 Many-a-times, a

great deal of

patience is

required just to

understand the

problem, let

alone offer a

solution.

But, in the end,

being patient will

make you a

winner. Be

patient and

capture the finer

details; keep in

mind that great

service is better

than fast service.

A customer reaches

out to you when they

are unsure, confused

or have a grievance.

He may, sometimes,

be angry because of

miscommunication or

because he feels that

he has been treated

unfairly.

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7. Wait for the other person to finish

We all know someone who

likes to talk without listening;

who seems to think that

what they have to say is as

fascinating to everyone else

around them; who doesn‟t

seem to understand that

listening is an important part

of communicating and

connecting with others.

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7. Wait for the other person to finish (con…)

The best communicators know

that there is a kind of give and

take between talking and

listening, listening is the keya

sharing of who is speaker and

who is listener based on mutual

respect and caring about each

other‟s feelings. Some people talk

about themselves because they

genuinely think they‟re more

interesting than anyone else they

know. But many people are

overwhelmed by their own

feelings and push them away.

Either way, monologs send the

wrong message to your listener,

while a two-way conversation

brings people closer. JobGuide247.info 14

8. Summarize the highlights

It‟s not unheard of for people

to meet for an hour, raise a

series of worthwhile

questions, ponder potential

answers, resolve nothing,

and then realize it‟s time to

leave for another meeting.

This is where follow-up notes

can help ensure whatever

headway you might‟ve been

making doesn‟t just vanish

out the door.

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8. Summarize the highlights (con…)

If you can avoid sending

lengthy emails to long

strings of recipients, it‟s

probably for the better. But if

you must, you might also

include a tl;dr (“too long;

didn‟t read”) that briefly

encapsulates the highlights.

Put it at the top so that guy

in logistics who only seems

to skim will at least lay eyes

on the essentials.

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9. Consider the situation before taking any action

Our emotions tempt us to make

quick decisions based upon

superficial evidence which may

not reflect the true nature of the

problem. The manager

assumed that the poor

appearance of the store was

due to the employees‟ lack of

effort or attention. He failed to

consider that several store

employees had been

terminated due to the financial

situation, while the store‟s

workload remained the same.

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9. Consider the situation before taking any action

Furthermore, each

assistant had been required

to take a pay reduction due

to the loss of the large

customer, and each was

concerned that the

customer loss would slow

their own promotion to

store manager. Though not

intended, their effort

probably suffered due to

their own worries.

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10. Gather and confirm information before making a decision

We have a tendency to confuse

symptoms with disease, and

consequently treat the symptom

rather than the underlying illness.

Technology enables us to capture

massive amounts of data and slice

and dice it to make it appear any

way we want. But data is a

representation of the problem, not

the problem itself. Observing the

work of the assistants and talking

and listening to them about the

aspects of their job might have led

to a different conclusion than the

one the manager reached. JobGuide247.info 19

11. Focus on problems, not personalities

The manager‟s memo

attacked the character of

each assistant by implying

they were lazy, derelict, or

had betrayed him. The

implications intensified the

emotional context of the

memo, overshadowing its

factual content and purpose.

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11. Focus on problems, not personalities

The assistants, in response,

reacted with emotion without

stopping to consider the validity

of the facts or attempting to give

the manager any explanations.

Whenever dealing with any issue

that might have emotional

content, the “24-Hour Rule”

should be in effect: Don‟t send

any email, message, letter,

memo, or report to others until

you‟ve had a day to reflect upon

its content and are sure it

communicates the facts and the

tone you wish.

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12. Learn From Your Mistakes

Whatever the stage of

your career, you can and

should continue to learn.

Over your working life,

you‟ll work for and with

superiors of varying

capabilities and talents.

Some you will remember

because of their great

leadership, while others

you‟ll remember because

they were such poor

managers. Even the latter

can teach you something.

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12. Learn From Your Mistakes

In this case, my friend

learned how he felt when

unjustly accused of poor

performance. Hopefully, he

will remember his feelings

before he makes the same

mistakes with the people

who report to him currently

or in the future. Sometimes,

the bad examples are more

effective than the good.

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