WRFY Crucial Mentoring Conversations

Crucial Mentoring ConversationsPresented by Niël Steinmann

10 November 2017:

Cape Town

- The power of conversations

- Coaching and mentoring- The world of mentoring- CMC explained- Guiding and leading CMC- Pouring yourself into others

The power of conversations

CRUCIAL MENTORING CONVERSATIONS

A single conversation across the

table with a wise man is worth a

month’s study of books -Chinese Proverb

“”

Remember Niël, the reason why you should write is so

that your memories may live forever. You have an

opportunity to tell your story that will challenge the

way people think about mentoring.“”CRUCIAL MENTORING CONVERSATIONS

ASTD Conference Washington DC -2004

As we explore the expanding role and value of

mentoring, Niel Steinmann’s book is a splendid

resource not to be missed. His lioness metaphor

provides a heart tugging and thought engendering

touch. Read, learn and enjoy. - Dr Ken Blanchard

“”CRUCIAL MENTORING CONVERSATIONS

ASTD Conference Dallas -2006

Coaching&

Mentoring

tLeverage the fields of coaching-mentoring

Know

nothing

Enhance

aware-

ness

Ask

instead

of tell

GUIDE & ASK - NON-DIRECTIVE

Share

experience

Influence

and

advise

Know

a lot

LEAD & TELL - DIRECTIVE

COACHING

MENTORING

Guide and Lead…

“Guide”• Subtle process of questioning and listening

• The aim is to create awareness, to reflect and to influence thinking.

“Lead”• More intentional practice

• Direct, steer and point often from a place of expertise, of knowing and understanding.


The world of

mentoring

Reverse mentoringWhat millennials wantGroup and peer mentoringStructured/ formal mentoring


Intentional mentoring

• How formal or structured?

• Less formality yet enough intent and structure

• Be more deliberate to expose, grow and

challenge

• What is in your briefcase?

• Who to leverage your life lessons?



Crucial Mentoring

Conversations

What is a CMC?

“a discussion between a mentor and mentee that will assist both parties to break trough to new levels of understanding and insight on specific topics”

• Greater clarity

• Provides different views and and perspectives

• More confidence to act


The purpose of a CMC for a Mentor


Broadens

the value-

add of the

mentoring

experience

Greater

appreciation

understanding

of the mentee

and their

challenges

Clarity on

issues and

challenges

the

mentee

faces

Deepens the

relationship

with the

mentee

Sharing own

experiences,

stories and

insight

1 2 3 4 5

The purpose of a CMC for a Mentee


Big picture

thinking

- Actioning

specific

outcomes

Allow greater

insight

- A deeper

understanding

of cause and

effect

Gain

advantage

from-

hindsight

-learning

from mistakes

Opportunity

to acquire

foresight

- To be able

to anticipate

Ability to

interpret and

respond in

the present

moment

1 2 3 4 5

Ingredients for a successful CMC

• Turn down the noise – power of reflection

• Authentic trust

• Reciprocal contributions from both parties

• Actioning possible outcomes/assignments


Everything that happens to you is

your teacher. The secret is to learn

to step back from your own life

and to then learn from it -Polly Berends


“

”

“”

CRUCIAL MENTORING CONVERSATIONS | Niël Steinmann

Authentic trust

trust is the glue of life. It is the most essential ingredient in effective communication and relationships. It is in fact the foundational principle that holds all relationships.

-Steven Covey


What promotes trust?

•Competence

•Character

•Care


TR

UST

The power of storytelling


Stories connect people in a profound way:

storytelling is a natural form of

communication and needs very little

explanation. Stories strengthen cultures,

enhance beliefs and pass on wisdom from

one generation to the next -Niël Steinmann

“

”

Why stories?


Guidingand leading

Crucial Mentoring

Conversations

Each conversations will cover

• Focus of the conversation

• Questions to clarify and guide

• Value offering

• A relevant story

• Possible outcomes or assignments


The human mind works best in the presence of a question, and the best questions help us to think brilliantly …


“”


PURPOSE

CAREERMOMENTUM

PERFORMANCE

FITNESS

STRENGTHS

RELATIONSHIPS

NETWORKS

CLASSIFIED

PURPOSE



Vision is what you aspire to.

- “where am I going?”

Purposeguides what

you are doing with your life -“why do I exist?”

Missiondrives you

to achieve, -“what am I

doing?”

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances,

but only by lack ofmeaning and purpose –Victor Frankl


“”

PURPOSEPersonal purpose statements

Find answers to these questions to guide your

writing:

• Who am I?

• What do I do?

• Why do I do what I do?

• Who do I do it for?


“

”

PURPOSEPersonal purpose statement

CRUCIAL MENTORING CONVERSATIONS | Niël Steinmann

To be a teacher. And to be known for inspiring

my students to be more than they thought they

could be. -Oprah Winfrey

To have fun in [my] journey through life and

learn from [my] mistakes. -Sir Richard Brandson

PURPOSEVision

What do I aspire to?

Where am I going?

What excites me about my future?


PURPOSEValues

Reflect on what values are the most

important to you personally.

Think of a time that you were happiest,

proud and most fulfilled.

Possibly a time when you made good

choices.


PURPOSECreating a personal, life timeline


CAREER MOMENTUM


CAREER MOMENTUMA career conversation going wrong?

Manager “Where do you see yourself in 2

years”


Stephan “Well that largely depends on you,

the opportunities you allow me, the support

you give me and how much you believe in

me. If I can’t get that from you, I most

definitely see myself elsewhere”

CAREER MOMENTUMThe Empty Raincoat - Charles Handy

“We are in fact all mercenaries now on

sale to the highest bidder and only

employable for as long as we have

knowledge and skills that companies can

benefit from”

Lifetime employment traded for lifetime

employability


CAREER MOMENTUMEmployability vs Marketability

Marketability, is the relative ease at which

a commodity can be sold or marketed.

It is also an individual’s attractiveness to

potential employers.

Employability, is determined by a set of

achievements, an individual’s track record

and personal attributes that make him

more likely to be successful in a chosen

career.


CAREER MOMENTUMWhy do people get promoted?

Two dangerous assumptions:

1. The best performer will also be the best

manager

“what got you here wont get you there”

2. Future opportunities equals promotion and if

we don’t promote people they will leave


CAREER MOMENTUMQuestions

• Does your current contribution promote

your purpose, vision and values

• What value do you think you are adding?

• What do you miss in you current role?

• What are your career anchors?


PERFORMANCE


Why this conversation?

The focus of this conversation is

• To have a greater understanding of the

current level of the performance and

contribution

• Focus is also on facilitating areas of

both positive and helpful feedback.

It answers the basic question

• How is my mentee doing / performing?


PERFORMANCE

Challenging your Performance Management paradigm

PM, as practiced by most organisations, has

become a rule-based, bureaucratic process

existing as an end in itself rather than a tool

to shape performance. The process holds staff

accountable for past behavior at the expense

of improving current performance

Forced ranking would imply that 60% of your

staff are average contributors


PERFORMANCEChallenging your Performance Management paradigm

“The greatest contributor to high performance

does not lie in the application of the formal

aspects of the performance management

system, but in the quality of relationships and

trust.”

“More regular critical reflections and

conversations will allow feedback to closely

follow the natural cycle of work.”


PERFORMANCEFeedback

• “Feedback” the word says it all

• Change your language Helpful vs negative

feedback

• Do it early. The power of the spoken word

• Speak to the person’s interests

• Practice authentic compliments

• Think “feedforward”CRUCIAL MENTORING CONVERSATIONS

FITNESS




• Have a broader understanding of the

workplace skills required for a specific

opportunity

• A forward check to see how ready your

mentee is and what he aspires to develop


• How ready (adaptable and committed) is my

mentee for the challenges and and

opportunities that are lying ahead?CRUCIAL MENTORING CONVERSATIONS

FITNESS Conversation outcomes

• Identify what targeted development

activities to accelerate readiness

• Evaluate the competencies and job

specific requirements for a next level job

– assess readiness

• Ask your mentee to list the extraordinary

achievements he has accomplished


STRENGTHS




• Assist mentors to recognise the talents of

their mentees

• Fit with their different roles

• Further explore the convergence of these

talents and personal passions.


• What is my mentee’s competitive advantage?

• What is he capable of being and doing with

with his / her life?CRUCIAL MENTORING CONVERSATIONS

STRENGTHS2 flawed assumptions

Each person can learn to be competent in

almost anything

Each person’s greatest room for growth is in

his areas of greatest weakness


STRENGTHSFocussing on strengths …

Is an accelerator

Your mentee will grow faster and develop

more in the areas of his strengths…

Is a multiplier

Your mentee will be more innovative and

creative in the areas of his strengths…


STRENGTHSFocussing on strengths …

Is a booster

Your mentee will be more inclined to bounce

back from failure in the areas of his strengths

Is a confidence builder

Confidence comes from competence.

Weaknesses erode confidence and self

assurance


RELATIONSHIPS


RELATIONSHIPS


HOME WORK

OTHER PUBLIC

Partner

Children

Parents

Siblings

Other Family

Workers

Boss / Coach

Colleagues / Team Members

Customers

Suppliers / Vendors

Supporters

Competitors

God

Self

Community

City

Society

Country

People in Authority

Public Servants

Neighbours

Sales People

Doctors

The Poor

OPEN BLIND

HIDDEN UNKNOWN

JOHARI WINDOW


Known

to Other

Not Known

to Other

Known

to Self

Not Known

to Self

RELATIONSHIPSJohari Window relates to EQ

It embraces two aspects of intelligence

• Understanding yourself, your goals,

intentions, responses and behavior

• Understanding others, their views

and their feelings

• EQ leads to…

• More productive and profitable

relationships, reduced stress,

moderated conflict and improved

relationships and understandingCRUCIAL MENTORING CONVERSATIONS

RELATIONSHIPS

• Don’t expect to be loved by everyone Never

respond in a moment of anger

• Look for positives from the conflict Stand

up for what you stand for and stand by it

• Resolve conflict hastily

• Care to look through other’s lenses


Taking the sting out of conflict

NETWORKS




• Explore the diverse relationships that

your mentee should manage and

leverage.


• With whom should my mentee

network and build alliances?


CLASSIFIED




• Create a platform and a safe place to

talk about specific realities,

opportunities and challenges


• Are there any matters that my mentee

would like to discuss off the record?


Pouring yourself into someone

Specific challenges

• Mentoring high performers• Dealing with over ambition

• Dealing with over confidence

• Dealing with high expectations

• Challenging comfort zones with the best

intentions


Dysfunctions of mentoring

• Lack of commitment

• Lack of challenge

• Lack of measure

• Lack of improvement

• Fear of change

• Settling for mediocrity


Common mistakes

• Low expectations for your mentee

• Mentors acting as guides

• Underestimating the effort

• Hiding your mistakes

• Not managing expectations


Crucial mentoring Conversations

Allow managers/ leaders to be “multipliers”who hold deeper more honest conversationsthat create new levels of self-awareness andchallenge, inspire and enable mentees tolearn about themselves and their world


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