Why NOT To Do a Startup

Dave McClure500startups.com

Master of 500 Hats

Startup Day - Seattle, Sept 2010

@DaveMcClure

#1: You’re a WANTrepreneur.

You’re in this for all the Wrong reasons: Because it’s Cool. You want to make Money. You have Teh Awesome Technology Solution. “They Can Never Take Away My Freeeeedom!”

The Right Reasons: You Live in Fear. You Can’t Get Laid. Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.

YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER]

PROBLEM

#2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB

You’ve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.

You Drive a Nice Car & It’s Paid For.

You Live in a Big House.

You Don’t Worry About Paying Bills.

You Want to Kiss The Kids Goodnight.

You Your Spouse > Your Startup.

#3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,But No Product and No Customers.

See: “Startup Metrics for Pirates”

#4: Your Idea SUCKS(and even your Mom thinks so)

You Don’t Have a Working Prototype.

Or Worse: You Do, But No One is Using It.

It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition

See: “Lean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)”

#5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTION…to a PROBLEM that does not exist.

See: “Your Solution Is Not My Problem”

#6: You’re a LOSER, not a LEADER.

You Procrastinate.

You’re not Charismatic.

You Get Beaten Up

Your Vision is usually Wrong.

You’re Scared of Change.

When Other People Tell You You’re Wrong, You Believe Them.

Watch: “Kick-Ass” or “Glee”

#7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Won’t Raise Money

(or SuperAngels Collude to Screw You Over)

50 slide deck

Technical Jargon

Demo FAIL

Clueless Investors

EVIL Investors

See: “How To Pitch a VC”

#8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).

No Technical Founders / Coders

No Design / UX / Usability Exp

No Internet Mktg (Search, Social)

No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev

#9: Yr CoFounders & Employees = Whiners.

You WILL miss a payroll.

Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.

There WILL be Politics.

People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options.

Someone WILL sue you: Sexual Harassment Wrongful Termination Unhappy Customer Jealous Competitor

#10: You Can’t Sell or Market Shit.

You Don’t Know Marketing.

You Think Marketing = PR.

You Don’t Know what SEO stands for.

You Think SEM = SEO.

You Don’t Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).

You’ve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game.

You’ve never sent an email campaign.

You’ve never done affiliate marketing.

See: “Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)”

#11: You’d Rather Change the Channel Than Change The World

Wouldn’t you rather be watching GLEE or MNF?

Sure you would.

Fuck. That.

Noise.