6/24/2011

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www.PathfinderCommunication.com

OK OK –– So What Do I So What Do I SAYSAY????

–– Techniques For Great CommunicationTechniques For Great Communication

Gregg Oliver

gregg@PFComm.com

858-245-9802

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V1.0

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It’s Hard SometimesIt’s Hard Sometimes

Approaches to Problem Solving Approaches to Problem Solving (Garvin & Roberto)(Garvin & Roberto)

Characteristic Advocacy Inquiry

Concept of Decision Making

A contest Collaborative problem solving

Purpose of discussion Persuasion and lobbying Testing and evaluating

Participant’s role Spokespeople Critical thinkers

Patterns of behavior •Strive to persuade others

•Defend your position

•Downplay weaknesses

•Present balanced arguments

•Remain open to alternatives

•Accept constructive criticism

Minority Views Discouraged or dismissed Cultivated and valued

Outcome Winners and losers Collective ownership

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Behaviors Demonstrate Unexpressed FeelingsBehaviors Demonstrate Unexpressed Feelings

Pass

ive

AggressiveIdeal

Silence Violence

Range of Feelings

Why Risk It?Why Risk It?We React to the Risk Exposure to criticism (see: ridicule) Damage to relationship Changing our beliefs

Why Have the Conversation? Outcome Matters Willing Assent Engagement and Cooperation

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Communication FactorsCommunication Factors

Behavior◦ Character Beliefs◦ Environment

Skills◦ Training (for most of us, little practical training)

◦ Learning

ExchangesExchanges

Current and Proposed State of Things Beliefs, Emotions, and Behaviors Meta-Exchanges

Understand Their Side Explain Your Side Resolve the Differences

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Groundwork for a ConversationGroundwork for a Conversation•Tentative•Humble•Empathy

•Simple & Sincere•Curious•Openness•Respect•Engagement

•Identify the most pressing issue•Clarify the issue with as much detail•Determine the current impact in detail•Determine the consequences if nothing changes•Examine the contribution system for the issue•Imagine the ideal outcome

•What Do We Both Want to Accomplish?•What Do We Both Want to Gain?

Before we initiate anything…Before we initiate anything…

◦ Is the relationship bad, neutral, or good? Impact – how much does this person influence my life? Interface – how easy and effective are our exchanges? Intensity – how frequently and deeply do we interact? Imposition – how much am I willing to sacrifice for this person? Interests – does this person have my best interests at heart?

◦ Relationships are either “bad” or “not bad” Any behavior we accept is, by definition, acceptable behavior We contribute to bad relationships in that we are complicit We control boundaries

◦ The only time we shouldn’t be actively cultivating “not bad” relationships is when we are in a critical discussion.

◦ Cultivate bad relationships when you feel like it

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Credibility Credibility

◦ Competence Background and Training Good track record

◦ Trustworthiness Good Will Eyewitness Access to Information

◦ Dynamism Active, Accessible, Engaged

RelationshipsRelationshipsYou Have to Know The ScoreYou Have to Know The Score

TentativenessHumilityEmpathy

Simplicity & SincerityCuriosityOpennessRespectEngagement

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Addressing Addressing Controversial ContentControversial Content

Activity Conveying

Asking Questions Interest in reasoning; Respect

Evidence Mindfulness; Diligence; Rigor

Inference Expertise; Credibility

Addressing Unexpressed EmotionsActivity ConveyingListening Interest; Engagement

Prefacing Acknowledging Difficulty; Commitment

Clarifying Explicitness; Simplicity

Benefit of the Doubt Trust; Respect

Commitment Engagement; Mutuality

Sincerity Candor; Genuineness

Asking for Guidance Trust; Respect

Apologizing Respect; Mutuality

Impact and Consequence Mutuality; Importance; Realism

Connection to Self / Personalizing

Importance; Validity

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SummarySummary

Start with your Credibility and Behavior Navigate the Risk with Improved Skills Agree on the Mutual Purpose and Objectives Agree on the Nature of the Impacts Practice all the Time

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